My darling night, my little one, teeming with villains.

Alejandra Pizarnik, from

Uncollected Poems.

The moment I woke up, I knew I was dreaming.

It had been a long time since I had a dream, but I recognised the feeling instantly. The weightlessness of it - the flow; the unnatural lighting. I recognised the apartment I was in, but I was not waking up in bed, instead I was standing in the living room. I knew that I had taken a while to get here.

"Eleanor?" I whispered to the apartment, despite the sun coming in through the windows the apartment felt dark and empty. My stomach turned with an old feeling. The feeling of a nice dream that was turning into a nightmare.

Sure enough, I turned around and Eleanor's body was lying on the island in the kitchen. The sight of it knocked the wind from my chest. Something gripped onto my heart and wouldn't let go.

"Eleanor?" I said again, waiting for her to come out of her room. I could not piece together a coherent thought. All I could feel was a vague sense of dread. I had a thousand nightmares about something happening to her, when all along the worst possible thing had already happened. It seemed a cruel trick to have played on you. To think that the one you loved was safe in the next room when really they were years dead.

I could not look at the body for a second longer. I backed away from her, frantically, running into furniture until I was on the balcony. Then I was looking down at the New York street. I climbed the railing and was stood on the ledge. I'd always wondered, if you died in a dream does it count?

Just as I was about to let go, Eleanor's frantic voice cut through me. "Leighton? What are you doing? Get out from there!"

I looked back and she was no longer dead on the counter but standing in the doorway holding a cup of coffee. She looked like she was about 16 years old and I couldn't believe that I hadn't noticed that she hadn't aged a bit in all this time.

"This isn't real," I whispered to myself and to her. I could not stop crying. It hurt to look at her. I had not mourned her at all. Did she know that? Did she hate me for it? Did she know that I had come back to her every night, living in a world I had created just for us?

"What are you on? Of course its real." She snapped, angry at me, her usual impatient self. She never had any time for my weaknesses.

Then I wondered if she was right. Maybe I had finally gone completely mad.

There was one way to find out for sure.

I let go.

Nothing.

#

I sat up in bed, gasping for air.

"Leighton?" Bella was with me in a second. We were lying in her bed together. I couldn't speak when we got back, and she didn't push me when I immediately demanded to go to sleep. She was curious, but I knew that she would not push me.

She held me while I sobbed into her shoulder. I was suddenly aware that I had memories that I didn't have before. Strange memories of forgotten languages and strange rituals. I had glimpses of a mother, a different one to what I thought I had. I had a feeling of being loved, it was new to me, and heartbreaking.

"They're all dead," I gasped, and it was true. I was completely alone. It was easy to deal with, when it was all a dream, now it was not.

Bella said nothing, just held me while I cried.

After a long while, when my sobs had dissipated to mere hiccups, and the sky had begun to tinge with grey, we headed downstairs for a cup of tea. Christmas was tomorrow, and someone, I suspected Alice, had snuck in to the house while we were sleeping and vomited Christmas decorations all over the place. Charlie would be furious.

"Leighton, why didn't you ever tell me?" Bella asked, finally.

I looked over my cup of tea at her. She was just curious.

"I honestly thought this was all a dream. I was made to think this was a dream. I thought you would all think I was crazy."

"Crazy!" Bella laughed softly. "My husband is a vampire, you were dating a shapeshifter and I couldn't go two months without some supernatural creature trying to kill me... things were already crazy. "

I shrugged, "Maybe I thought if I told you I was dreaming, you would all suddenly disappear. My other life was always grey in comparison, dulled somehow, I didn't want to lose this."

I now realised that my other life was vague for a reason, nobody could create a full life, with all its complexities, colour and feelings.

Bella was thoughtful for a moment, "And you're a witch too. Do you feel, witchy?" She scrunched her nose.

I considered for a moment. I didn't know if I felt witchy. I didn't know how I felt. I felt hollow, raw and confused. But there was something else too, if I carefully felt inside myself I new something was there. A stillness of sorts, something in the hollows that was living and breathing. I did not want to look at it too closely.

"I don't know. Maybe, a little bitchy." I gave Bella a small smile.

She rolled her eyes. "So, business as usual then."

#

When Charlie woke up it was very clear that something magical had happened to him to make him forget the murders and supplant them with a vague story about the boy and Bridgette's death's being accidents. But I could see it wasn't working that well on Charlie. He would pick up a picture of the crime scene, that happened to be lying around, and would look at it for a long while, his brows knotted together with confusion.

"Bella, have you ever thought about telling Charlie the truth?" I asked her, as we sat on the back deck bundled in blankets watching the snow fall on the tops of the pine trees.

"Sure I have," she said, looking around. I was sure we were being watched by one or some of the Cullen's and maybe even a wolf. Was Jake out there? Would he ever forgive me? "I wanted to wait to tell him until after I was like Edward. I think he would try to talk me out of it otherwise."

I had never considered this before, but once Bella said it I could see Charlie's already clear disapproval of Edward growing. How could he approve of someone who would turn his daughter into the living dead?

"I think that he'd understand. Maybe at the same time I'll tell him I'm a witch and he'll have so much to think about he'll just not be able to function."

"His head would explode," Bella agreed.

Just as things were beginning to feel normal, or at least that I might be able to forget for a moment, Quill stepped out from the pine forest that bordered the back yard. I was surprised to see him, but then again, maybe I wasn't. Who else would Jacob send to deliver the message that he never wanted to see me again?

"I think I can hear Charlie roaring at the TV," Bella said, not so subtlety. I rolled my eyes but I wanted her to go. I didn't want anyone witnessing the shame I knew was about to come.

"Hey Leighton. How are you feeling?" Quill asked. His gait was casual as he walked barefoot through the snow, but his face was troubled. Quill always looked too serious for his age, but this was something more. We'd always gotten along well, it was always the four of us together. Now they were only two. That must have been lonely for him.

"I'm a little shaken up," I said honestly, my throat was more raw than I was expecting. "How is...everyone else?"

Quill sat down on the seat that Bella had just vacated and looked out at the forest. "We're okay. We're worried about you. Sam doesn't trust your aunt. He wanted me to tell you that."

My head spun a little at the thought of Selena. I remembered her now. It was strange but overnight I had begun to remember things that weren't there before. It wasn't like I was hit with an onslaught of visions of my past, but instead Charlie's kitchen bench reminded me of a house I had lived in before. The pine trees reminded me of a camping trip that I couldn't clearly recall. I thought of Selena and could remember watching her sit at the kitchen table with my mother and other aunt, heads pressed together, whispering. I could see Eleanor, young, sitting with me in the backseat of a car, looking out the window with a smile on her lips. It felt like my life, full of colour, so bright it hurt my eyes.

"And Jake? Is he okay?"

A muscle in Quill's jaw tensed and he looked pained for a moment. I thought that he might not talk about it with me. "He's somewhere on the Canadian border, running it off. You two are similar like that, run away, only stop to make some bad decisions and then keep running."

I turned my head to disagree, but I could see a small smile on Quill's lips, he was kidding, sort of. He was right, anyway. He was always right about these things.

"Maybe that was why we didn't work out, too similar?" I suggested.

Quill laughed at this.

"No, that wasn't it." I mused. That question would take more than one morning to think of the answer, plus I had other things on my mind.

"It must have been hard for you. Keeping everything to yourself for so long." Quill said after a moment.

I felt a hard lump form in my throat. I wanted anger. I wanted screaming and hurt, those things I could handle, not sympathy and understanding.

"It was... lonely." I said finally. "I know who Jacob imprints on. That's why it was always so hard for me."

I saw the surprise on Quill's face but didn't have time to talk any further. Someone cleared their throat and Quill and I both jumped. Quill was never great at the wolf thing. I wanted to pointedly remind him that people shouldn't be able to sneak up on him but the sight of Jacob and Selena together rendered me thoughtless.

"I hope I'm not interrupting," Selena said, looking unimpressed. "I wanted to speak with you. I didn't realise that there would be a cue."

Quill and I looked from Jacob to Selena with mirrored looks of shock. I rubbed my temples.

"I honestly don't think I can take another talk right now, Selena." I said.

"Leighton, you must be practical. There is much to discuss and urgently. Things are in motion that we need to work to correct."

"How could I help? I can't do anything."

Selena looked from Jacob to Quill. "I'd like to speak to you in private."

Jacob looked affronted.

"You can talk in front of them." I said.

Selena looked unhappy. "I'll come back tonight when you are free."

I sighed. Selena was right in a way, things were happening here whether I liked it or not. My breakdown would have to wait.

"I don't know about witch, but she certainly has bitch down pat," Quill said after moment, and just like that the tension cracked. Jacob snorted a laugh and I felt a smile pull at the corner of my lips. Then, when our giggles had subsided. "Anyway, I should head back to the reservation."

He gave Jacob a clap on the back as he walked past. Then it was just the two of us. I didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry for last night. I didn't mean to scare you," he said. I tried to figure out what he was feeling. He didn't seem mad or betrayed or sad. He looked calm and collected, as devastatingly handsome as usual in his cutoff jeans. I let my eyes linger on the golden skin of his bare chest.

"You don't scare me Jacob. I know you wouldn't hurt me. I'm the one always hurting you." This is real. This has always been real. The thought was rattling around in my head like a pinball machine. I'd made a lot of mistakes. "I'm sorry for that."

Jacob's face was so open and honest that I felt worse. "Yeah, you've done a number on me. That's for sure. The thing I just don't get is why didn't you tell me? Had I ever betrayed you?"

"No, never." I said quickly. It was the only thing I was certain about. "You didn't deserve the way I treated you."

Jacob looked at me carefully. I was sure those brown eyes were assessing every part of me, body and soul. "Let me help you Leighton. It's all I've ever wanted."

I held very still. "I don't think I can be helped,"

He took a step closer, "When I saw you for the first time I thought you were the most magnificent thing I'd ever seen. You seemed so free, energetic... happy. Where did that girl go?"

Something alive was caught in the back of my throat. Jacob's eyes locked with mine and froze me in place. I was speechless, shocked, touched. My mouth moved like a fish out of water, gasping for air.

"That girl thought she was in a dream. " I said finally.

He laughed, "A really good dream?"

I blushed, but didn't break eye contact. "It was a very good dream."

Was it just me or was there a soft rumble from the back of Jacob's throat? I felt the heat rise in my chest.

"Yell at me, Jacob, hate me, be mad. God knows I deserve it."

Jacob scoffed. "God is a vengeful guy. I'm not."

Now I was blushing. I crossed my arms and pinched myself slightly. This must be some kind of horrible dream. If this was my life, it had taught me one thing: fate was a cruel mistress. You could not destroy the one love you had ever had and be rewarded with only openness. Though the Jacob I knew, and loved, didn't have a single hateful bone in his body. Even the bones that were made for breaking vampires were surprisingly lenient.

He took a step closer, now we were face to face, almost touching, easily within kissing distance. I could feel his warmth. It took all my strength to hold back from leaning into him.

"Jacob, be serious."

"I am serious Leighton," he sighed. "I did hate you. After you left, I was so mad at you I was on hair-trigger. I exploded at the milk being out of date. I had this whole speech I was going to give you when I saw you again. After a year or two I thought I had it pretty much perfect and it wasn't pretty. It was hateful and mean. Then three years past, then four, and you didn't come back. You didn't even call. I started to think that I might never see you again. I have to tell you Leighton, that thought killed me most of all."

Jacob looked out at the trees with a distant expression. He was remembering something painful and I had to look away from him, unable to watch the fall out from my rash decisions.

"After that when I walked around town I just started to see all things I had done wrong,"

"No, Jake." I started to interrupt.

"Leighton, let me finish. Please."

I nodded and held my tongue.

"I swear I walked through every moment we ever spent together and I could see how much of an idiot I was. I was selfish. I never thought once about what sort of life you wanted to have. I didn't listen to what you were telling me. I wanted you to be happy in Forks and I didn't want to hear you when you said you weren't. I didn't know why you wanted to work when you didn't have to. I wanted you to make your whole life about me and our relationship. I didn't want to imprint because it forces you to change your whole life to be with someone, and then I expected you to do that for me. I suffocated you. I didn't support you and I made you feel so unhappy with your life that you had to run away from it. Shame isn't a strong enough word for how I feel."

When he finally finished speaking I was left reeling. Jacob, not angry but sorry. This couldn't have gone worse.

"Jake, I didn't leave because I was unhappy. I left because I was too happy." I took a deep breath. "Jake - in this vision I had of Bella's future. You're a part of it. A big part of it. You imprint on her daughter."

Jacob took a step back as he processed what I said. He let out a slow breath. I soldiered on, intently staring at my feet. "And I always tried to not love you too much. I thought I could just keep you company before she arrived, you know, but then I just couldn't do it anymore. I knew that if I didn't leave at right that second then I never would and I would just be this sad, pathetic ex-girlfriend who made thanksgiving and Christmas really awkward by getting drunk and trying to grope you and then crying in the bathroom. So I made it seem like I was unhappy, but, you didn't do anything wrong. So, please don't think you did anything wrong."

Jacob was quiet and for some reason I couldn't look up from my feet. I didn't want to see the realisation on his face that I was right - how could we be together when someone else would be his imprint.

"Bella is going to leave Cullen?"

My head snapped up, "What? No. Why would you think that?"

Jacob was looking at me. When he had gotten so impossible to read? Usually his emotions were always written all over his face - now he was an impenetrable fortress of indifference. "How else would she have a baby?"

I paused. I shouldn't tell him this part. It would be a bad idea. He would hate it and Bella would hate him knowing. I felt my stomach twist with anxiety.

I began to speak but Jacob cut me off, "- No, wait, I have an idea. Tell me about it over dinner."

"What?" I still couldn't get a read on what he was feeling. This man who was also Jacob was a whole new beast.

"Will you have dinner with me? Tonight?" Now he smiled, that cheeky lopsided grin as he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

"Are you asking me out?" I asked, the conversation was getting weirder. Maybe I was still dreaming.

"I am. Is that a yes?"

"Yes."

He grinned. I grinned back. My stomach did a few turns.

"Lets go inside. You must be freezing."

I gathered my blankets and headed back in the house. I didn't miss Jacob doing a quick survey of the tree line before following me.

Charlie was sitting on the couch and jumped up as Jacob walked in like he owned the place.

"Jake!" He exclaimed, not bothering to hide his look of excitement. He glanced with unabashed, gleeful, happiness from where Jacob was taking up all the doorway to where I moved to sit down on the sofa.

"Hey Charlie. Was someone just here?" Jacob asked.

I paused at Jacob's feigned casualness. Something was up.

"Oh yeah. Some weird kid just dropped of a package for Bella. Said it was a gift. Really strange looking...pale." My blood ran cold as Charlie seemed to fail to find a word to describe the visitor. Pale.

I looked at Jacob as he carefully moved around the living room - putting himself between Charlie, me and the window and door.

"Charlie - what was the gift?" I asked, as Jacob pulled out his cell phone.

"I didn't open it. The box is right there." He jerked his head towards a small, black box on the coffee table.

I didn't notice it before, but I reached out for it. It was lite, fitting in the palm of my hand. It was a ring box.

"Leighton, don't touch it." Jake said, his phone was to his ear. "Get here now." He said to the person on the other end of the call.

I couldn't help myself. The box was pulling at something deep inside myself. It was calling to me and that deep lake hidden somewhere in my chest was stirring with an answer.

"Leighton," Jacob said again, his voice barely more than a low growl.

I opened it.

Nothing happened. The lake inside me disappeared, or became so still I couldn't find it.

"What is that?" Charlie asked, looking over my shoulder.

I looked down at the small vial cushioned between folds of black velvet. "It's venom."