Warning: This fan-fiction contains copious amounts of Vector, venting, Barians, and OOC. Please consult your physician before reading if you consider yourself to be sane, as sane people may be at greater risk of side effects.

Heeyyy, Vector here! This dashingly handsome Barian is reporting to you live from deep undercover, among a group of people that could barely be described as sentient, floating around on the farthest fringes of civilization! I call this herd of pin-headed, gullible primates "Yuma and his friends." Let me tell you, pretending to be just as stupid as they are is really hard work… but that's another story for another time, I guess.

I've had a lot of time on my hands recently, so I've been going through all my old Records of Villainy, and whaddaya know, I found this list! Oh man, this is so nostalgic; I feel like it's been forever since I finished this thing.

Oh? Did you say something?

..."What list?!" Are you kidding? Whaddaya mean, "what list?!" It's my Million Points list! TA-DAA!

...

...okay, I'll explain. Y'see, I knew, from the instant I laid eyes on him, that I hated Nasch. You know, Mr. Purple Tentacle-Head. Everything about him screamed "enormous pain in the buttocks," so I just had to kill him. But that on its own wouldn't be much fun, amirite? So I decided on a point system, a little game, if you will.

The Million Point System worked thusly: anything Nasch did that annoyed me earned him a point. And when my count finally reached a million... well, you can guess what happened then ~ .

Since you seem so interested, I suppose I'll let you read my list. It's actually quite amusing looking back, but there were some times when I got SOOO frustrated! Oh, and there were a lot of really hilarious moments, and some embarrassing incidents... and of course, what would Barian World be without a little drama? Maybe even a budding romance? The gang's all here: Durbe, Misael, Alito, Gilag, Merag, and, of course, Nasch. Kya ha ha, I should use this as blackmail sometime!

Anyhoo, here it is, Vector's Million Point List! It all started on Day One, circa 550 BC...

The Million Point List

- - Being a Detailed Record of Wrongs to Which Nasch Will One Day be Held Accountable - -

1. Nasch

I think it's only fair that we make the first point Nasch's very existence. Granted, I've only just met him, but the fact that a purple tentacle-headed man was even born into this world has to be some sort of travesty. I can take the big green one's mohawk. I can even tolerate the one with the neon-red bush. But Nasch's hair is essentially an octopus that was stuffed into a waffle iron and then glued to his purple head. He also has a cape that is apparently connected to his body somehow. I mean, seriously. What kind of weird mutated thing has a red cape growing out of its shoulders? His existence is practically a crime.

2. Nasch's Ego

Okay, so I was just born into Barian World today; apparently, I'm the last of the Emperors to get here. Nothing wrong with that, though. I'm just fashionably late. What I do have a problem with is the fact that these jerk-wads went ahead and made this Nasch guy their leader before I even got here. And you know what, I would have been okay with that. Really. But as soon as I arrived, instead of some heartwarming welcome, I get him. Standing at the top of a really tall staircase, yelling at me about his superiority.

"I am the leader of the Barian Emperors! Follow my arbitrary rules! And stay the h*** away from my sister or I'll throat-punch you!"

Can you believe this guy?! If I didn't like being an evil Emperor so much, I think I'd straight-up quit. Hop on over to that Astral World place or whatever the heck it's called.

And that's not even the worst of it. When I entered the throne room for the first time, Nasch tried to make me BOW to him! Just who does that guy think he is?! We're all kings here! Just because he's the so-called "leader" does NOT make me some sort of peasant!

Well, of course I didn't bow. Nasch got pretty steamed, but ultimately did nothing about it, so maybe the bowing thing really wasn't as important to him as he made it sound. The other Emperors kept shooting me nasty looks, like "oh my goodness I cannot believe you just did that." The yellow dragon guy actually looked scandalized, which was amusing.

Still, I have a pretty formidable ego myself, so this incident was particularly infuriating. I can't believe I'm supposed to play second-fiddle to this tentacle-head... of course, I have no intention of doing what I'm supposed to ~ .

3. Favoritism

So far, I've only been here for one day, but I've already noticed something: the leadership around here is corrupt. Nash is obviously playing favorites. You know how I know? I witnessed it firsthand, and I gotta tell you, it makes me sick.

Today, all the Barian Emperors were finally brought together for the first time, so the girl decided to throw some sort of fancy soirée in honor of the occasion. There was a red crystal sculpture garden, a red crystal ballroom, and a buffet of tiny gourmet energy-sandwiches. The whole thing struck me as kinda ridiculous, but I played along; honestly, I was tired, since it was my first day on the planet and all, so I just didn't feel up to making people hate me. I half-heartedly complimented the girl's dress, pretended to listen to the dragon guy brag about his dragons, and even helped the red one fish the green one out of the energy-punch bowl.

As I was walking around, I spotted Nasch and the grey one that looks like a cat hanging out by the buffet. Now, I kinda wanted a sandwich, 'cause those things were freakin' small and I'd only had five. But when I approached the table, I noticed that there was only one left. Suddenly gripped by a strange desperation and a growling in my stomach, I lunged forward and stretched out my arm, sinking my claws into the crackling triangle of plasma. However, I felt another pair of fingers jam into mine and looked up in surprise; the grey one had grabbed the sandwich at the exact same time that I did.

He seems like a pretty polite guy, so he apologized instantly... however, he must've been just as hungry as I was, because he didn't let go of the sandwich. Obviously, he thought he had some kind of prior claim, but I got to that sandwich first. It should have been mine!

But do you know what happened next? Nasch butted in and told me to give the sandwich to the one that looks like a cat! There was no legitimate reason for him to choose the cat over me; I was there first! And I haven't even voiced my hatred for him yet. Obviously, Nasch has no qualms about unfairly resolving conflicts in favor of his friends. And everyone seems to think he's some kind of saint...

Oh, and apparently the grey cat one's name is Durbe. I haven't been keeping much track of names, but I feel weird calling him "the grey one" since I am also grey… meh. I guess I'll have to learn all their names eventually.

4. Chair Privileges

One of the strange things about Barian World is that there apparently is no furniture. None whatsoever. I was talking to the red one - wait, no, his name is Alito. Anyway, Alito told me at the party that he's been experimenting with using the dark red crystals to chisel the light red crystals into chair-like shapes, but his prototypes… well, let's just say if I actually sat down on one, my butt would be so full of puncture wounds it'd look like moldy swiss cheese. And that has never been attractive by anyone's standards ever.

So obviously, this is a problem. There's literally nowhere to sit down, since the ground outside the throne room is covered in giant spikes. Oh, but wait… there is ONE piece of furniture! Yes, there is a chair! And it is darn comfortable, too. I discovered it while strolling absentmindedly through the throne room, and of course as soon as I saw it, I was all over it. I lounged around in that chair like nobody's business.

Until, that is, I heard this raspy yelling from behind me. I turned around, and lo and behold, there stood Nasch. He had his hands on his hips and was yelling at me like I killed his firstborn or something. "Hey! What do you think you're doing?! Get off of my throne!"

And that's when the agonizing unfairness of it all crashed over me like a wave of cement. The ONE CHAIR in the ENTIRE WORLD just so happens to be Nasch's freaking THRONE. I felt like a man who'd been wandering through the desert, dying of thirst, and then suddenly happened upon a beautiful oasis, only to discover that it belonged to the son of his evil mother-in-law and was being used as a swimming pool. So I thought, f*** all 'a dat, I'm breaking out my bendy-straw and gorging myself on this sweet, sweet metaphorical water no matter what you say. My bum stayed right where it was.

Nasch yelled at me again, repeating that I was sitting in his throne, so I asked him if it had his name on it (it didn't). Naturally, he didn't like that, and I was forcibly booted off the chair.

And as if that weren't enough, I came into the throne room the next day and discovered that...

5. Nasch Carved His Name Onto the Back of the Throne

That hasn't prevented me from sitting in it, though ~ .

Author's Note: You may be asking yourself, "what is this?" "What the heck did I just read?" Well, I'm not exactly sure, either, so don't feel bad.

I'm pretty much just writing this because I need a happiness/humor break from writing The Mad Prince. It's gonna be really short and really random, so don't say I didn't warn you.

However, I am not that creative, so PLEASE GIVE ME "POINTS" SUGGESTIONS. PLEASE. I am begging you. Vector can only take so much stupid from me.