Dean was sitting on the hood of an old, beat-up car, reminiscing things he didn't want to remember. Closing his eyes, he remembered how all the chaos tearing the world to pieces started because of him. All this weight on his shoulders he'd never even asked for. He didn't want to live like this. He wanted the white picket fence life, to have a family..

A silent tear traced his cheek. Dean didn't want the burdens he had. He was raised into it; it couldn't have been his fault he had to live this life. The media made it seem stylish, but in reality it was living hell.

"Cas, I don't know where you are, why you aren't answering me, but I need you right now." Dean didn't expect an answer. Cas hadn't answered his prayers in a long time. Dean was losing hope, slipping in a world of dark hopelessness.

"Cas, please I'm begging you. I need you here more than I need anything else in the damn world right now. I need to find you, find where you are, and tell you exactly what I've been meaning to tell you all these years." Another tear traced Dean's cheek as he spilled his heart and soul, not caring who heard.

"Please. I love you more than I love life itself. I know you're a bigshot in heaven, but dammit, it's life or death here. I'm sorry for whatever stupid-ass thing I did to upset you, I'm really sorry. I need you. Cas…. please."

"Dean." Cas was standing a ways away from Dean, expression solemn. "What do you need?"

"Cas." Dean breathed a sigh of relief. "I thought you were in danger, you damn near scared me to death."

"If you don't need anything, I will leave."

"Don't leave me, Cas. Not again." Dean brushed away his tears as he spoke. "I've needed you for the longest time. Why show up now?"

"I'm not needed at the moment. I will be needed shortly. Tell me what you need." Cas's expression stayed the same, unfazed.

"You, Cas. I need you."

Cas was suddenly at Dean's throat, throwing him against the car, ignoring the shattering glass behind Dean's head or Dean's wince of pain.

"You called me down here saying it was life or death to give me a sob story? My troops are dying as we speak, Dean. I don't have time for your bitter selfishness or objectification. I have a war to fight. I'm needed up there. If you'd mind not bothering me while I'm on the battlefield, that would be helpful to us both."

Suddenly, Cas was gone. The only one Dean had ever spilled his heart out to was gone with a gust of wind.

"I'm sorry." Dean's voice was broken, tears welling up in his eyes. "I thought you cared."

{ 2 weeks later }

Sam had tracked the GPS on Dean's phone, having not heard from him for weeks. "The lot at Bobby's….." he muttered.

Upon arriving, Sam weaved through the cars, shouting Dean's name. "Dean, you're scaring me, this isn't funny!" he called. Suddenly, his foot hit something.

Dean.

Dean was on the ground, looking like he'd been there for weeks. His gun was in his hand, and he lay completely still.

"No, no, no…." Sam crept along to the other side of the car to see his brother completely.

Dean was dead. He had taken his own life without a second thought.

Tears welling up in his eyes, Sam gathered Dean into his arms. "Why, Dean? I know you didn't have the life you wanted, but it never seemed like you would do this…" He buried his face in his brother's neck. "Dean, come back to me."

Empty silence.