Hello lovelies,

a Happy New Year to you all! :)

As I have been slightly disappointed with the way they handled KC in TVD100 - and that's putting it very diplomatically - I grabbed my laptop and wrote the aftermath of the forest scene the way I would have loved for it to happen. Disclaimer: I only watched the KC scenes on Youtube, I didn't really see what happened before or after, so I apologize for anything that may not be quite accurate. And as always - I do not own TVD/TO.

A big thank you to DiabolicalBowlerHat for being the guinea pig, as usual! Poor you! ;)

Please enjoy, dearies, and I hope some of you might like it! :)

XXX

What the fuck have I done?

The light breeze that floated over her naked body was a tad too cool for comfort, as was the hard, not-quite frozen forest ground covered in fallen leaves that bore all colours of an impressionist painter's palette. She felt leaves on her back and her shoulders, a few tiny twigs beneath her legs, twigs that they had broken off the tree in their crazed hurry. Caroline dared not move a finger for fear that her uncomfortable little bubble of perfection would burst only a second too early. And burst it would. It had to, she had imposed that condition herself. But that had been two hours ago - and in those one hundred and twenty minutes from freaking heaven, her world had turned from an ordinary supernatural existence with its regular moments of chaos into a sparkling globe of fire, colour, beauty, and... Klaus.

She had slept with Klaus. With the one guy that made Damon Salvatore look like a prepubescent boyscout. And it had been fantastic beyond her wildest, dirtiest dreams.

After the first time, when her shaking legs had still been wrapped around his waist and his face had been buried in her shoulder, she had thought that this was it. She had finally rid herself of him, of the nagging, aching desire that sprang to life whenever she clapped eyes on the Original. She could not have been more mistaken. When he lifted his head to look at her, an expression of wild satisfaction blending into the glowing happiness and an underlying streak of sadness in his eyes, she had just whispered one word. Again. And he had immediately complied. That second time, he had made her scream. The third time... oh God, the third time. She squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her lips together, as if wanting to crush the bubbling emotions into a little pile of dust. Klaus had never taken his eyes off hers, and when she wanted to close them, to escape this burning gaze that seemed to speak to her in a thousand different languages, he had shaken his head. 'I wanted to you to confess, Caroline, but I know you would deeply regret the words the second you speak them. So I shall not make you. But I want you to allow your eyes to say it for you.' And from that moment on, their heated encounter had turned into something else. Her eyes had confessed. With every touch, every kiss, every sighed little moan, she had told him what he made her feel. His response had almost made her cry, and the beauty of it all had been so unexpected!

That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight losing my religion.

Thanks, R.E.M. She could never have expressed her feelings this accurately herself. Caroline Forbes had just lost her religion, her every belief in who she thought she was, and in who she had been so sure Klaus would never stop being. How had she berated Elena for choosing Damon, thinking herself above the weakness of giving in to the allure of darkness, as Klaus himself had once put it. She had always felt that temptation, acknowledged it, and yet she had so firmly believed that she was strong enough to withstand until such a time that the damn allure miraculously evaporated. Ugh, it would take her a while to come to terms with what she had allowed to happen - sex and... confession. Her perfect feathers had not been ruffled today, they had been torn out and burned beyond recognition, and it had taught her that she was far from truly knowing who she was and what she wanted. Thinking about the journey of self-discovery that lay ahead of her made her both wary and exhilarated, although she quietly wished that it wouldn't always be Klaus who nudged her in a new direction and showed her an unfolding path.

Klaus.

Her eyes still closed, she soaked up the bliss of his protective arms around her, one hand on her back, one on the nape of her neck, his fingers lazily stroking her skin, in turn sending electric shocks through her system and soothing her every anxiety. This was how she had always imagined, hoped, to feel after sex, the way they described it in the novels - wonderfully spent, elated and thousands of miles from cheap. Why did it again have to be Klaus who gave her this particular, addictive sensation? Who made her feel like the incarnation of womanhood, like a precious, revered treasure? Caroline had always seen fleeting glimpses of human Klaus, of the man hidden beneath layers and layers of cruelty, blood and violence, but right here, right now, he had shed every piece of armour and allowed her to see someone she had thought existed only in tiny fragments. Once more, she had been mistaken. The man who had so passionately made love to her today was someone who was as filled with hopes, dreams and the need to give as she was herself. And it was this discovery, more than anything else, that made her lose her religion. Bad was bad, good was good, correct? Klaus qualified as bad, he was not permitted to be the way he had been over the past couple of hours! He was not allowed to make her want to see more of that warmhearted, playful and overwhelmingly loving man whose acquaintance she had just made! She must never even think of the possibility that Big Bad Klaus could conquer more space in her heart than he was, as she had grudgingly admitted today, already occupying. He was not for her, she was not for him. Full stop. And the longer she stayed wrapped in his warm, perfect embrace and listened to that heart she knew was right now beating for no-one but her, the more her determination wavered.

In a blur, she was out of his arms and on her feet, gathering her torn, scattered clothes and dressing hurriedly. When she turned to face him one last time, she found Klaus leaning against a tree, the tree, wearing only his denims. His arms were folded over his chest, his ankles crossed. He looked the picture of carefree casualness, but Caroline was not fooled. His eyes were filled with dread, hurt and wariness.

"You promised," she merely said, trying to somehow arrange her torn blouse beneath her jacket, and even more desperately trying not to care about the look on his face.

"I did indeed. You are free, free to do whatever it is you want to do with your life." He paused, pushing himself away from the tree and walking towards her in a measured pace. It took Caroline some effort to keep her eyes from wandering to his bare chest and her mind from retrieving the memories of how soft his skin had felt under her touch, of how he had sighed with pleasure when she had run her fingers over his chest and abs. Of how he had whispered her name when her lips had followed the trail of her hands. "And I fully intend to keep my word. I will not only relieve you from my presence, my beautiful Miss Forbes. I, too, do not wish to cross your path again."

Dead silence followed his words. Caroline was unable to speak as the pain sliced through her like a giant war axe splitting a small plank of wood. He didn't want to see her again? Her thoughts whirled around, running amok, tugging and pulling at her, whispering and shouting until she felt like covering her ears and scream at them to stop.

He didn't like it.

Now that he's finally got what he wanted, it's out of his system.

I'm a failure in bed, ah, in the woods.

I'm a failure in everything.

I'm good for nothing.

Nobody wants me.

I'm not good enough.

I'm... a waste of space.

Before she could say another word, she saw his eyes soften infinitesimally, and he took another step towards her. "Caroline, whatever it is you may believe of me, I am not a machine. I feel, I desire, I covet. I suffer. And suffer I will after we go our separate ways in a few more moments, knowing that you do not want me, that you do not want this," he gestured between the two of them, "to be a part of your life. I accept it, but it pains me more than you shall ever be capable of understanding. The taste you have just given me of what could be is sweet enough to tear me open and leave me bleeding beyond repair, and the only way of carrying on with a life that does not include you, or the hope for you to eventually be mine, is never to lay eyes on you again. Just as you do not want to be reminded of what you perceive as your greatest moment of weakness, I do not ever again wish to be exposed to that blatant display of contempt you use to protect yourself from me. And I shall not delude myself into believing that what happened between us today has changed how you will treat me in the future." There was another pause, and Caroline screamed at her inner voice to shut up while it kept yelling at Klaus that today had changed everything. And nothing. His voice lowered further, and there was a slight strain to it as he went on. "As today is the day of confessions, let me say something to you. If I could, I would have someone compel me to forget the past few hours."

"What?" she almost shouted before she could stop herself. "I thought you wanted this. I mean..." She was lost. Something at the fringes of her brain caught his meaning, but she was too wound up, too confused to put her thoughts in order.

His smile was sad. "Yes, my love, I wanted this. Badly. And earlier, when you made me give you my word never to bother you again and started to kiss me, everything was perfectly clear to me. I would take what I could get, and move on. There is no shortage of problems and... distractions in New Orleans to keep my mind occupied, so I thought, accept what she is offering, Niklaus, be done with it and return home. Only that things are never quite as easy as they initially present themselves."

Tell me about it. Oh, and say 'my love' again.

"Caroline, it is not often that I have truly made love to someone, and I certainly did not intend to today. But you overturned everything. The way you looked at me, the way you touched me, kissed me and so beautifully unravelled under my hands was quite honestly not what I expected, and I could not help but react to it. I said that what happened did not change anything between us, and that is the truth, but it changed everything for me. Knowing that, and knowing you will never be able to overcome what stands between you and me, I wish I had not been my opportunistic self, instead contenting myself with a kiss and the fact that I was right about those darkest desires of yours. The memory of what you gave me, and of what you made me give you, will haunt me forever. That is why I would prefer to forget what happened, and that is why I never want to lay eyes on you again."

He took her hand, raised it to his lips and pressed a tender, open-mouthed kiss on it that sent her into a new spiral of confusion. Not to mention the heat that rose inside her again. When he lifted his head, his dark blue eyes were a blizzard of emotions, sending out lightnings that seemed to strike her soul over and over until she shook her head in despair.

"Please. Just go."

Without another word, he bent down to collect his shirt and jacket, shrugging into the garments before looking at her again. "There has always been an inexplicable, flaming desire inside me to protect you from everything, at times even from me. Not so today. Today, you shall have a taste of my famed cruelty, Caroline, as I have no intention of suffering alone." In a violent move, he yanked her towards him, and his mouth was on hers. A moment of fear had flashed through her at his words, but what happened now was much worse than violence. Klaus' hands cupped her face, each and every one of his fingers in motion, caressing her skin, feeling her, touching her. His lips turned into silk, velvet, honey, as they worshipped hers. His tongue gently invaded her mouth, playing with her, pulling her deeper into this kiss than she had ever drowned before, making her surrender everything and everyone. Something sweet, glowing, sparkling blossomed in her soul, bringing her to life in a way that made her want to conquer the Earth, fly to the other end of space and sing at the top of her lungs. Everything inside her screamed and laughed and cried and danced, and she opened herself up to let it all in, to let him in. Some complete idiot who could definitely not be her felt like falling to her knees and beg him never to leave her again. It was so glorious, so all-consuming that at first, she did not even realize that he had released her and stepped back, his breathing accelerated, his eyes on fire. The first coherent thought that flashed through her head was that he was about to compel her, but he took another two steps away from her before he spoke, his voice almost vicious.

"This is it for you, Caroline Forbes. Mark my words. From this day forward, every single time that your lips touch another man's, you will remember this moment, this very moment when I almost made you cry merely from the beauty of a kiss. And you will know, until the day you die, that there is only one man in the entirety of the world who can make you feel this way. Only one man whose love for you is exactly what you have always wanted love to be, and more. Just as I will never cease to be in pain over not having you in my life, you will be in agony over knowing that no-one's love but mine will ever again suffice."

Stunned into speechlessness, she stared at him as he confined her to memory, desperate and determined. Neither of them moved, neither spoke. There were no sights, no sounds, no smells as the world ceased to exist for three, maybe four heartbeats.

And without a warning, Klaus was gone.

Her eyes still glued to the spot where he had been standing only a nanosecond ago, Caroline sagged against the tree and slowly sank to the ground. Pulling up her legs and wrapping her arms around them, she rested her forehead on her knees and started to sob.

She was crying over what she had done.

She was crying over how unspeakably lovely it had been.

She was crying over no longer knowing who she was.

She was crying because he was right.

Caroline's face was moist when she awoke in her bed the next morning. With the defiance of a sulking toddler, she rubbed her cheeks, attempting in vain to ignore the tear stains on her pillow. After she had returned to the Salvatore's last night, she had made some lame excuse about having gotten lost in the woods, and she had not stayed long, leaving for home as quickly as she could, evading her mother's questions about why she looked like she had made a quick dash to hell and back. In the isolation of her room, she had just shed her shredded clothes and hurried under the shower. She didn't want any reminders of his hands on her body, his tongue on her breasts, moving further south... Like a madwoman, she had scrubbed herself from head to toe, but it had not helped to chase away the glow that did not seem to leave her body - just as the dull ache did not want to leave her heart. After crying herself into a fitful sleep, she had been besieged by dreams of his face, of the deliriously happy smile after their first kiss, of the way he held her. And of his last words.

No-one's love but mine will ever again suffice.

In no more than a few sentences, he had managed to stab her heart more brutally than anything or anyone ever before, and now that she thought about it in the light of a new day, what he had done to her was just as brutal. By giving himself to her so openly, with his full heart and everything he had so carefully hidden for centuries, he had turned their existing connection into something rock-solid that she could no longer ignore, no matter how hard she tried. Plain old Caroline Forbes had the power to break through all of Klaus' defenses and bring out what no-one but maybe Elijah knew was still buried underneath all the crap. In turn, Klaus was the only one who saw all sides of her and still did not cease to consider them facets of a diamond, each sparkling in itself when the light fell on it, and each contributing to make her a priceless gem in his eyes. The fact that he had planted the knowledge in her head that there would never be another man who was capable of seeing her like this, and of loving every single facet of the diamond with equal passion, was so mean that it all but stifled her. Fresh tears sprang to her eyes, and she was just about to indulge in another crying jag when a knock interrupted her self-pity party.

"Honey, are you awake? Matt's here to see you, and I have to go to work."

Steadying her voice, she cleared her throat. "Could you tell Matt I'll be right down? Five minutes."

"Will do. See you later."

"Yeah, see you, Mum."

Wiping her face on the pillow - it was already ruined, so what difference did a dozen more tears make? - she hopped out of bed and dashed into the bathroom, beyond grateful for the distraction.

Five minutes later, she found Matt in the kitchen, a coffee mug in his hand, leaning over the counter and staring out of the window. "Is there any coffee left?" she asked lightly, nodding towards his cup.

"I think so," he said, watching her as she made her way to the coffee machine and found some leftovers she poured into a mug of her own. "You're sleeping in today?"

"Supernatural life is draining," Caroline muttered, knowing how feeble she sounded. "So, what are you doing here at this ungodly hour?"

Matt snorted. "It's eleven!" Then he hesitated. "Look, Care, I wanted to talk to you about something. I spoke to Rebekah for a while after she saved me yesterday. It looks like Klaus was here, too, by the way. Have you seen him?"

"Only for a moment," she said evasively, and it was not even a lie. It seemed that their hours in the woods had been over in a second. "Why?"

He hesitated. "I was wondering... did he tell you?"

Caroline didn't like the strange tone in Matt's voice, and a strong sense of foreboding flooded her body. Whatever this was, she was pretty sure it would not be good news. "Tell me what?" she demanded, hoping that he had not heard the tremor in her words.

"I couldn't believe it at first, I thought Rebekah was making it all up, but it turns out that she wasn't kidding. She explained that it was some sort of loophole of nature, as she put it, and that no-one knew something like that could actually happen. Apparently, all of New Orleans is in an uproar over it, witches, werewolves and vampires alike, and Klaus has really warmed to the idea, she said. I can imagine that..."

"Matt," she snapped, her fear growing, "what the heck are you talking about?"

"Hayley is pregnant, Care. With Klaus' baby."

It was like a giant hole had opened up underneath her feet, and an unknown gravity pulled her into it only to spit her out on the other side. Impossible. The word appeared in front of her inner eye and began to multiply until she saw nothing else. Impossible. Impossible. Impossible. Klaus was a vampire, and none of them could procreate! It must be a trick, a hoax, a ruse that slutty bitch of a werewolf had come up with to extort something from him! Her thoughts danced through her head, but it was not a happy dance. Caroline felt sick to her stomach, and she couldn't even say what was worst about all this. That he had slept with that cheap whore in the first place? That they would have a child and be bound to each other for all eternity? That they could have a child together? That they were now living happily in New Orleans? That someday, they would all have to deal with father and son - or daughter - Mikaelson? Or that he had not bothered to say a word to her during their encounter in the woods and slept with her despite expecting a child with another woman? Whatever it was, she wished she could just throw up here and now.

Her voice was no more than a whisper as she tried to joke, "Brilliant. Meet the Munsters. Herman, Lily and little Eddie. Thank God they've moved to another suburb."

Matt's eyes narrowed as he examined her face. After a brief moment of silence, he cocked his head. "What's going on, Care?"

Plastering a neutral smile to her face, she took a sip of her coffee. It tasted like acid. "Hey, you've just told me that the Dark Lord and Bellatrix Lestrange are going to spawn a little demon. Do you expect me to do cartwheels at the news that there will be another Mikaelson to deal with?"

He shook his head. "I know you. That's not it." He covered her hand with his and looked at her more closely, his face open and gentle. "Whatever it is, Care, you can't shock me. Those times are long gone. Hey, I spent an entire summer travelling the world with his crazy-but-somehow-charming sister, so do you seriously believe I would think less of you, whatever it is you did, Care?"

It was the kindness and the understanding in his voice that made the dam burst. She let her head sink onto the counter they were sitting at and started to cry in earnest. A moment later, Matt had pulled her into his arms, patting her back and muttering how she should cry herself out, and not worry about a thing, as somehow, everything would work itself out. Meaningless, stupid little words that were so comforting.

Caroline cried for what seemed a lifetime before the urge finally subsided. Matt patted her back again before he returned to his stool while Caroline reached for a kleenex, drying her face and dabbing at her eyes. Taking another swig of the now-cold coffee, she looked up to find him gazing at her expectantly.

"Matt, I'm sorry, but I can't."

"He means something to you, doesn't he? Klaus?"

"Of course not!" she exclaimed, hoping that she sounded indignant enough for Matt to believe her. "He's ruined everyone's lives, basically, so he can go to hell for all I care."

And you do care if he goes to hell or not, don't you? You still do. Even after this.

An image appeared in her head, a vision of Klaus and Hayley, naked, sweating. Of Klaus doing all those unbelievable things to Hayley he had only yesterday done to her. Another wave of nausea gripped her, and it was all she could do to keep herself from bursting into more tears. She had told him to go and never to return. Before that, when he had terrorized Mystic Falls, she had insulted him, screamed at him, pushed him away, tried to kill him and treated him with all the disdain she was capable of. And now, she had freely and voluntarily had sex with him, knowing that they would both move on with their lives and never see each other again, so she had no right to be upset over whatever he did, had done and would do with other women. But it hurt. She had always secretly assumed, hoped, that he was spending his days pining over her - when he was not busy being Vlad the Impaler - and that he did not even look in other women's direction. Naive, childish, yes, but he had a thing for her, so what had he been doing sleeping with other women?

Trying to call herself to order, she glanced at Matt who had not taken his eyes off her. She knew that he would not probe or try to coerce her into speaking when she didn't want to, and much as she longed to share the burden of her little secret, she couldn't. He was Tyler's best friend, and he would never understand - as would none of her friends. She didn't understand it herself, just as she didn't understand the pain that seemed to fill her and leave no space for anything else.

"Matt," she said, her eyes pleading, "can we just forget about this conversation? I haven't slept too well, I have a lot of things on my mind, and everything that's been going on lately has made me a bit emotional. I think I just overreacted at the thought of a vampire having a child, knowing that I can never have one myself."

His face softened, and he nodded. "I think I understand that. Okay, let's just forget about it. I'm on my way to The Grill, wanna join in?"

"No thanks, I have a couple of errands to run before returning to Whitmore tomorrow. You go ahead, I'll meet you guys at the Salvatore's later."

With a nod, Matt slid off the stool and walked towards the door. When he had almost reached it, he turned and looked at her for a long moment. "I'm Tyler's friend, that's true. But I'm also yours, Care, and I just want you to know that I'm here if there's anything you want to talk about."

She gave him as warm a smile as she was currently capable of. "I know. Thanks, Matt."

The moment he had left, Caroline flashed up to her room and snatched her phone from the nightstand. She knew that what she was about to do was all shades of wrong, but if she did not let it out, she would explode, and there was no-one who would be able to piece her back together.

Congratulations. Blue or pink for the baby shower, you lying bastard?

Not ten seconds later, her phone buzzed. She stared at his name on the display, on and on until the cell finally stopped ringing.

Then she crushed the phone in her hand, and after a minute, there was nothing left but an unrecognizable clot of metal. In a daze, she opened her window and tossed the amorphous ball out into the crisp air with all her might. Staring unseeingly into the void, Caroline slowly closed the window and returned to her bed like a ghost, pulling off her shoes and dropping onto the mattress. She hid underneath the blanket, curling into a ball, and remained there, unmoving, until her mother returned from work ten hours later.

Two weeks later, Caroline stepped into the dorm room she shared with Elena, letting her books clatter onto the desk and dumping her bag on a chair. Today's lecture had been incredibly dull, and boredom was something she could not bear. It allowed her thoughts to wander, and they invariably wandered to an off-limits area they had no business to be. She had had the fidgets all day, and it was not from lack of sleep after last night's party. Elena had gone back to Mystic Falls last Friday, and ever since then, Caroline had not allowed herself a moment's peace. She had either studied, partied, drunk or even - heaven forbid - worked out. Every hour of her day was filled with activity, and the nights she was unable to find a party, she flashed all over town in desperate search of distraction. In spite of being a vampire, the full-throttle lifestyle exhausted her mentally, but it was preferable to the alternative. Preferable to facing the truth.

The truth was that she could not stop thinking about him.

She hated herself for it, and she hated her stupid, traitorous, idiotic heart for what it was doing to her. She was still outraged about the whole baby issue, although it no longer was what bothered her the most - Bonnie had now also heard it from some a witch she knew in New Orleans, who had given her some more details. Apparently, what had happened between Klaus and Hayley had been some sort of drunken one night stand, and although Klaus had - after initially flipping out completely - begun to accept the idea of the child and protect its mother against everything and everyone, they did not seem to be romantically involved. Rumour had it that something was going on between Hayley and Elijah, though, and that Klaus was more interested in some human barkeeper who, according to Bonnie, looked like the spitting image of Caroline. They had all laughed at that, although Caroline had thought that her own laugh had never sounded so artificial. She didn't find anything amusing about it, even though it was none of her business.

Your choice, girl. You could have made it your business, so stop moaning.

With an exasperated huff, she flipped on the desk light and was on her way to the fridge when something caught her attention out of the corner of her eye. On her pillow sat a thick, cream-coloured envelope. Her name was written on it in Klaus' beautiful hand.

Caroline's heart began to stutter. For a moment, she was seriously tempted to take the envelope and tear it into a million snippets before burning it and scattering the ashes all over campus. But she couldn't. It was screaming at her to open it, and she could almost hear his lovely, deep voice. 'Please, Caroline.'

Her fingers were shaking when she pulled a chair to the window and sat, staring down at the ancient copperplate until another realization hit home. He had been here, in her room, to leave the envelope. That was why she had been so twitchy all day, and that was why there had been a couple of moments when she had felt that someone was breathing down her neck. Her eyes wandered over to her bed, and for a fleeting moment, she asked herself whether he had ran his hand over her pillow. Then she berated herself for being such a jerk, and even more for how the knowledge that he had been near made her breathe more freely. Setting her jaw, she tore the envelope open.

The first sheet she pulled out was a coal drawing, incredibly detailed and skillfully done. It showed a tree, no, the trunk of tree and the bottom branches with its scattered leaves. On the ground, right at the foot of the tree, more leaves and some small, broken-off twigs were covering the earth in wild disarray, some grass peaking out between the foliage. To the tree's right, where the drawing ended, a small pile of what looked like fabric was almost hidden underneath the leaves, and Caroline's breath caught when she understood what it was. It was her blouse, the blouse he had torn in his desperate need to touch her bare skin. Underneath it, two words were written.

Paradise Lost.

"My God," she whispered, biting her lip so hard she was sure it would bleed, unable to tear her eyes from the words that soon began to become blurry. Shaking her head in an attempt to clear her mind, she placed the drawing next to her on the windowsill and pulled the next sheet from the envelope. It was a letter, handwritten on the same thick, precious paper, and her blood began to race as she started reading.

My Love,

for many days and nights, I have racked my brains over what to say to you, and how. Judging from the fact that you changed your phone number, I am positive that neither a phone call nor my visit would be welcome at this time, so I have decided on the old-fashioned way, hoping with every fiber of my being that you will not respond in the old-fashioned way - by tearing this letter to shreds and burning me in effigy. Well, hope dies last, as the saying goes, and I wish that you will let me say a few things to you.

Caroline, I did not speak of my impending fatherhood when we met in the woods, and I am sorry. On that day, something happened I had dreamed of for a very long time, and yes, I was being utterly egoistic. I could not bear the thought of allowing anything to interfere with my few perfect hours, the only time with you I was ever going to be granted. It should come as no surprise that I have desired you from the very moment I laid eyes on you, and I had lost all hope that you were ever going to return my feelings. When miracles happen, you do not question them, and you do not spoil them, for they are much too rare and far too precious. Our lovemaking was such a miracle to me.

It is true that I slept with Hayley, once, after an evening of excessive drinking, and that for some arcane reason, she is now expecting my child. The encounter between us meant nothing to either me or her. I most certainly do not love her, and to be perfectly honest, I have not decided whether I even like her. But I will do everything in my power, Caroline, to protect my unborn child. This child is another miracle, no matter under what circumstances it was sired. It is and will always be a part of my life.

So will you.

You said that you have a life to build for yourself, that I have no part in said life, and that you never want to see me again, which I accepted. And you may believe me when I say it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Right after making love to you, I was briefly tempted to forsake my promise and use every means to persuade you to join me here in New Orleans. I have no doubt that I would have succeeded. But that is not what I want, not how I want you. As previously stated, I am not a machine, and I am perfectly well aware of how what happened between us changed your perception of yourself. I have seen it in your eyes that day. And I have purposefully added to your pain. I was hurting, and that is what Klaus Mikaelson does when someone causes him pain - he reciprocates. Can I ever ask you to forgive me, my beautiful Caroline? I certainly do hope so, as something else came to pass that day. When I was on my way home, and my obnoxious sister had finally ceased to gush about that quarterback, I suddenly saw something very clearly.

I am not ready for you, as you are not ready for me, my love. But someday, we will be.

Caroline, much as I dread the thought, I want you to stay in Whitmore. Finish your college education, choose a profession, find a life. Find yourself. I know who you are and what you want, but you need to discover it on your own, as I am certain you will in no time at all. I told you once that you are beautiful, strong and full of light, and those words are truer than ever. Just as you have to embark on a journey to the woman you will soon be, I have to embark on a voyage back to the man I once was. You met him in the woods that day, for a few short hours, and I had a feeling that you liked him. He will be hard to find, and even harder will it be to persuade Klaus to hand the reins to Niklaus from time to time, but I will learn to handle it. To handle myself.

For you.

I want you more than ever, but I understand that I have to earn your trust, your forgiveness, and your acceptance, and that it may take a long while to do so.

I do love you, Caroline. You are the woman who owns me. In all the supernatural chaos, in your everyday life, in your dreams - never doubt that, never forget it. Take the time you require, the time you feel you need for yourself. And when you feel you are ready, come to me. I will be waiting.

Always and forever yours,

Niklaus

P.S.: There is one more apology I need to make. It is unforgivable how I failed to tell you that making love to you was beyond compare, and how it has been filling my dreams ever since. I have never seen a sight more breathtaking than the ecstasy on your face, my love.

Through a veil of tears she didn't even notice, Caroline stared at the letter. Her mind was numb, and if she had been confused before, she was a complete mess now. She knew that he loved her, she had known for a long time. Although he had not said it with so many words during their lovemaking, his eyes and his entire body had all but screamed it at her, and she remembered how for one second, she had wished she could say it to him, to bring more of that incredible happiness into his eyes. Cursing herself for it right after, of course.

But seeing it written now, in his lovely hand, together with everything else his letter said - and didn't say - was almost too much for her heart to handle. He was giving her all the time in the world, time she sorely needed. Her throat constricted when she reread the passage about how he knew who she was. This man, this evil, lost, damaged, incredible man did know her, however much she had always struggled against admitting it, and instead of being smug about it and pushing her in the direction he wanted, he just let her go to find out on her own. He had no guarantees that she would ever return to him, that she would not fall for someone else or continue to nourish the loathing that she had shown him for so long. But he took the risk, and what was even more unbelievable was his plan to earn her love.

Wiping a tear from her cheek, Caroline accidentally dropped the envelope. When she bent down to collect it from underneath the chair, she saw something protruding from it and frowned. Another drawing? Picking up the envelope and examining her finding more closely, she finally gathered what she was looking at.

It was a dried leaf.

She ran a gentle finger over the little, pale green leaf, and before she knew what she was doing, she lifted it to her lips and kissed it, her eyes closed and her heart beating in her throat.

Rising from the chair, she took the drawing, the letter and the little leaf and carefully stowed them back in the envelope which she then placed under her pillow, knowing that she would spend the better part of the night reading and rereading it. And that she would carry it with her wherever she went from now on. Walking over to her bag, she fished her new phone from the side pocket and typed in the number that may have been thrown out of her window in Mystic Falls but had never left her memory. Her text message was short, and after a second of hesitation, she hit send.

Paradise is not lost.

Stepping back to the window, she let her eyes wander over the campus lawns and towards a cluster of birches at the very end of the compound. There was a faint movement underneath one of the trees, but it was too far even for her vampire sight to discern more than a hazy shape. Then again, she needed no eyesight to know what it was. Who it was. Her phone buzzed, just once, and without moving her head, she lifted it in front of her face.

Let me know when you want to go find it. I happen to know where it is.

That made her chuckle, and she returned her eyes to the shadow in the distance - only to find it gone. There was a quick jab of pain in her heart, but then her gaze darted to her pillow.

With a smile, Caroline sensed everything inside her click into place, the way it only ever did when one knew the path taken was the right one. And when there was no doubt whatsoever of being deeply loved, and of always having a place to go. She cast another look outside and calmly returned to her desk, sorting her books and sitting down to prepare for tomorrow's lectures.

Tonight, she needed no party, no drink and no distraction.

Tonight, she needed nothing but herself.

And the future that waited underneath her pillow.