Disclaimer: I do not own the Naruto characters. I just love them.

Stomp.

Stomp.

Stomp. Stomp. Stomp.

There he goes.

Slam.

There goes my bedroom door.

StompstompstompstompstompstompSTOMPSTOMPSTOMP.

BAM!

Looks like I'll need a new front door too.

Bang. Bang! BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG!

And. . . . He's down the stairs.

Crash.

Oh, shit. The landlord'll want me to pay for the front door too.

Genma sighed. This was not how he wanted the evening to go. He wandered over to his window, where he watched Iruka stomping away from his apartment building. Sensing Genma watching him, Iruka spun around and flipped him off, then continued his stomp across the road to his own apartment building.

Iruka made it all the way to his apartment before he completely lost it. Sure, he'd stomped all the way here. And yeah, he had flipped Genma off, but hey! With his temper he was just proud of himself for not screaming at that insufferable, arrogant, conceited, intolerable, obnoxious, annoying, abrasive, prick of a son of a – "ARGHHH!"

Behind the closed door of his apartment, Iruka finally let the frustration go in several satisfying shouts. "ARRGGGGHHHHH!"

How dare he! I mean, I mean- How could he? The hell! Did he seriously. . . . Does he seriously think. . . . Seriously? Why would he say, why would he. . . . Oh, I'll show him! I'll show him all right! Damnit, I'LL SHOW HIM!

At exactly 12:43 am, on an ordinary Saturday, in the shinobi housing district of Konoha, something unthinkable happened. Umino Iruka, a supposedly reformed prankster, came up with A PLAN. His face broke into the most gleeful, vindictive and unsettling smile as he sorted out details in his head. Genma would sooo not know what hit him.

Three hours earlier. . . .

Even after a year and a half of dating, it never ceased to amaze Iruka just how long it took Genma to get ready. Sitting on the couch in Genma's living room, he almost dozed off on more than one occasion. It had been a long day and every year, it seemed to take more and more of his energy to keep up with his little ankle-biters.

Finally, after what seemed like hours of waiting, Genma sauntered into the room and poked Iruka to attention.

"Get up, sleepy head, the party is heeere! Come on, look at mee! You don't wanna miss this!" He rolled his body suggestively and pulled Iruka up from the couch.

"You know, I really don't understand how it can take you this long to get ready."

"Seriously? Iruka, come on! It takes concentration and time to make someone look this hot!"

"So, if it takes that long, how come I can always manage to get ready on time?"

"Well, Ru, sweetie, I mean, come on, look at me! And, well, look at you."

"Yeah, and?" Iruka narrowed his eyes.

"Yeah, and I'm super hot! And I mean, Ru, you're cute, but. . . . There's no contest, sweetie, really. You're wearing old blue jeans and a t-shirt. . . . That's just, that's just. . . . It's not sexy!"

Iruka narrowed his eyes even more dangerously. "Genma, I have been sitting on your couch waiting for you for the last half hour and I've already spent eight hours at the Academy and two hours at the missions desk on top of that. You can either shut up or I'm going home."

Now, Genma may be an ass, but he's not an idiot. Needless to say, he kept his mouth shut and hoped he might still get lucky tonight.

Dinner went remarkably well, considering the rocky start. Iruka felt better with a full stomach and started to loosen up after his first few shots. Genma had a good feeling about his odds of getting laid tonight. He was so confident, in fact, that after letting Iruka back into his apartment and preparing them some tea, he thought that he'd show Iruka just how sexy he really was.

Placing his teacup on the side table, he inched closer to Iruka and placed his arm casually around Iruka's shoulders.

"Now, sweetie," he began, "about our earlier discussion."

Iruka turned confused eyes on the tokubetsu jounin and moved his own teacup farther down the low table, turning out of Genma's embrace facing him. "Genma, we've been talking for the last two and a half hours. At the restaurant, on the walk home, now! Which discussion do you mean?"

"Well, Ru, come with me and I'll show you!" Genma pulled Iruka up by the hand and yanked him flush up against his own body. He trailed his free hand down Iruka's back and settled it in the small of his back, pressing their bodies even closer together.

Iruka, still a little tipsy from the alcohol at dinner, didn't protest. Genma leaned in and ran his nose from the tip of Iruka's chin and up his jaw, resting it in the crook of his neck just below his ear. Taking a deep breath of the scent that was so uniquely Iruka, he slipped his tongue out to dampen his lips and then ran it along part of Iruka's jaw and behind his ear. He lowered his voice to a husky whisper as he nibbled Iruka's lobe, "Shall we?"

Iruka just nodded as Genma swept his hand towards the bedroom and he allowed himself to be led there. Genma dropped his senbon on the hall table on the way and started to unbutton his shirt. Oh, I am sooo getting laid tonight!

As he toed the door closed behind them, he grinned lasciviously at Iruka. I know him so well. He may be bad-tempered, but get him a little tipsy and he's putty in my hands. Not as hot as I am, but hey, I can't screw myself, now can I?

"See, Ru? I am sooo hot. It didn't even take me ten minutes to get you to the bedroom! And we're just getting started . . .. " he trailed off with another lecherous smile.

Iruka, meanwhile, snapped his head up at Genma's words and tried to shake the alcohol from his brain. "Excuse me?"

"I said," Genma began, as he moved towards Iruka, shirt hitting the floor with a quiet shuffle as he reached out and ran his hands up Iruka's sides, "we're just getting started."

"Hold on," Iruka pushed his hands away as he backed up, legs hitting the edge of the bed, "You mean you're still on about the whole s-s-sexy thing?"

"'Course I am, sweetie, don't you know how lucky you are to have me? I could have chosen anyone, but I've been with you all this time. And I'm right; see, because you even stutter over the word sexy. You can't even say it, so how could you be it?"

At this, Iruka firmly planted his feet and the slightly drunken demeanour vanished instantly. Unfortunately for Genma, he didn't notice right away. Iruka planted his hands on Genma's chest and pushed backwards forcefully. He grabbed Genma's wrists and wrenched his hands from under his t-shirt. They stood there for a minute, as Genma finally realized something was wrong.

"First of all, I didn't stutter over the word sexy, Genma, you were tickling me with your damn wandering hands. Second of all, if you could have anyone, why is it that YOU spent all that time flirting with ME? And finally, who the hell are you to tell me I'm not sexy? I could get anyone you could!"

Iruka's voice continued to rise as he ranted and Genma just smiled. "No, you couldn't."

"Says you!"

"Yeah, says me! You don't have a seductive bone in your body! You teach brats all day and love them and you're nice to everyone! You're like a nun and you're lucky to have me!"

"Nuns are women, you asshole!"

Genma just shook his head. "Why don't you just admit it, Iruka? You're cute, but if I hadn't picked you, you'd still be alone because you can't seduce anyone. I wish you could, sweetie, because that would be hot, but you just can't. So, let's not fight, okay?"

Genma reached for Iruka's hand, but Iruka just batted him away. "Like HELL, Genma." With that, he stomped out of the room and left for his own apartment. It just wasn't Genma's night.

TBC. . . .