Hello...well this is my first fan fic, probably real shitty so hate on me if you like. The characters are really out of character in this one, I know.

Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own Twilight, if I did I wouldn't have let it get turned into a crappy movie that does no justice to Stephanie Meyer's genius!

Enjoy the story I guess?

Chapter One: And I Cut Myself to Feel

"And I cut myself so I could feel something I know is not a lie." -Marianas Trench, Say Anything.

Bella POV

I gripped the side of the bathtub with one hand, my other hand dripping blood onto the floor of the tub. I normally didn't cut in the mornings; the close proximity to the beginning of school made it harder to face everyone with my usual feigned indifference.

But now I was awake and alert, no longer submerged in the numbness that I had slowly grown to hate in myself. As I lost pieces of my life bit by bit, the cutting became the only thing I could feel, the only thing that told me that I was alive. That any of this was real.

Not that I didn't feel it. The beatings. The whispered rumors and taunting. Missing my mother. Long story short, I hate my life, my life hates me, and I don't have the guts to end all the shit.

I clean up the blood and pull on some clothes, then head downstairs. To my relief, Charlie was not in the kitchen, which enabled me to head out the back door. The thing about Charlie was that if he wasn't drunk, angry, pissed, or all of the above, it was possible to avoid his wrath by staying well out of his way.

That meant out of the house if possible.

It was raining again, but that was typical Forks weather to you. I liked Arizona better, but when my mother, a cocaine addict, committed suicide, I was sent to Forks to live with Charlie. Sometimes I wanted to hate, or at least blame my mother and her many problems for condemning me to life in a rainy, miserable hell, but I knew enough of her despair to be able to forgive her.

The murmuring began the second I stepped into the parking lot. I bowed my head slightly, letting my brown hair fall to hide my face.

There goes the emo whore.

Skinny ass cunt.

Didn't your brother see her hanging around the trashier parts of town last weekend?

I don't say anything at all, but when I reach the main corridor I head straight for the nearest washroom. It was a shitty idea to cut this morning. It was an even shittier idea to come to school at all this morning.

I am such an idiot. Such a stupid idiot.

Trying to silence the voices in my head, I break into a run down an empty hall. Just as I turn a corner, I run straight into a short black haired girl and fall against the floor, dropping my bag.

"Damnit! Oh, shoot, I'm so sorry.." I scramble back onto my feet, ignoring the old injuries that scream at the impact. Fuck, it was like running into a concrete wall!

As I straighten up, I suddenly become aware of two things. One, that I fell on my arm. Two, my arm is now bleeding.

Oh..Fuck.

Thats the first chapter! *whew* gosh that was hard to write seriously if anyone tells you its easy to write this stuff it ISN'T they are probably some sort of literary cyborg and should not be trusted.

I hope to get the next chapter up soon, it would be really nice if you could rate and review on what I could improve on or how you want to see the story play out!

-Kandice