Part Three: Confidence

The first time he went back out in the field after the Beacons was unexpected and unplanned. Tosh and Owen were already out on a retrieval, and Gwen was out with Rhys. Usually Jack would steal her away from her date anyway, but for some reason he had tossed Ianto his coat and called him out after some Weevils.

And damn if Ianto wasn't determined to prove himself at least ten times over. He'd been working hard enough, and now was his opportunity to make up for the Beacons, to learn for him himself whether he was strong enough for this job or a continued liability in the field.

Jack liked to run, so it was a good thing Ianto had started running again, because he could keep up easily. Jack also liked to tag team while Weevil hunting, so they split up to circle around the beasts and herd them together before stunning and cuffing them. Unfortunately, there were more than the two Weevils they thought they were chasing, and without warning, one came up behind Ianto, knocking him to the ground. Instinct took over, and he twisted, grappling with it before managing to stun it in the chest, flip it and cuff it, just like he was supposed to do, even if he'd never done it before.

Yes, he was a badass field agent now. Brilliant. He grinned to himself as he caught his breath.

Then he heard Jack shout, and he left his unconscious Weevil in the grass and started running toward the sounds of fighting—of yelling and snarling and a sharp grunt of pain. Jack had already taken down one Weevil, but another was on top of him. He looked stunned, his reflexes slow, the front of his shirt covered with blood. As if seeing it all in slow motion and with perfect clarity, Ianto calmly pulled out his handgun and shot the Weevil clean through the head without a second thought for hitting Jack, because he knew instinctively that he wouldn't. He thought about blowing on the end of the barrel for show, but instead ran over to Jack, adrenaline pumping like mad through his veins: they needed more Weevils, stat.

Jack was staring at him in shock. Maybe he had hit his head too hard? Ianto pulled the dead Weevil off him and frowned at the mess.

"Sorry about that, sir," he said. "I know you'd prefer we cuff them, but I thought it'd be better to shoot first and explain later." He held out a hand to Jack, who took it and pulled himself up, rubbing the back of his head. There was blood on his shirt and collar, but Ianto couldn't see any injuries; it reminded him of the first time he'd met the man, out in the woods chasing Weevils alone. Glancing around, he frowned. Come to think of it, this was the same park, wasn't it?

"Nothing to explain," Jack finally said, apparently having found his voice. "Thanks."

"No problem," said Ianto with a shrug. He tried not to feel embarrassed, but the way Jack was looking at him was making him…well, it was making him something, that was for sure. "Toss them in the back of the SUV then?"

Jack nodded, but didn't move. Maybe he was still woozy. "So apparently all that target practice paid off."

"Apparently, sir," Ianto replied dryly, not surprised that Jack knew he'd been going down to the firing range so often. "That is why people tend to practice, to get it right when it matters."

Jack crossed his arms over his chest. "Is that why you've been spending so much time down there? You're almost as good a shot as Owen now, and way the hell better than Gwen."

Ianto rolled his eyes as he fished out the keys from his suit coat and started walking away. "Well, Owen would rather have a pint or ten than practice, and Gwen would rather talk first and shoot later."

"An accurate assessment, I think." Jack laughed, following Ianto toward the SUV. Better to pull it up than to drag three dead and unconscious aliens across the park. "But you've really worked hard—target practice, running, fighting, the bit with the handcuffs and ropes." He punctuated that last with a wink that Ianto returned with a grin.

"I appreciate your help with that last," he said.

"The pleasure was all mine," Jack said, wagging his eyebrows. "And although I had a pretty good idea why, now I'm going to ask: why?"

"Why what?" asked Ianto, climbing into the driver's seat and starting the car. Jack jumped in beside him.

"Why this sudden obsession with it all? You used to be content to work in the archives for hours on end—"

"I still am," said Ianto, driving somewhat recklessly through the grass and hoping Jack dropped whatever he was getting at.

"But now you come up and go to the punching bag, or the firing range, and did I see you with a rapier last week?"

Ianto inclined his head. "Possibly. Just trying something new."

Jack was silent as they pulled up next to Ianto's Weevil first. "You're compensating."

"For what?" Ianto asked as causally as he could. Together he and Jack tossed the first beast into the boot. The other two were not too far away, and they starting walking through the dark park to drag them over. Jack stopped him in the shadows of a large tree first.

"You're compensating for what happened in Brynblaidd," he said matter-of-factly. "For what they did to you. You want to make sure it never happens again, don't you?"

"It won't," said Ianto, but his heart was racing as Jack hit so close to the truth. Damn him for crossing the line. Everything about their relationship—even the handcuffs—was professional. Talking about coping and compensating was personal, and Ianto didn't do personal, not with Jack Harkness. They did distance and flirting and nothing else.

Jack was silent, as if contemplating how to continue after Ianto's curt answer. They threw the last two Weevils in the boot and slammed the door. Jack was just about to open his mouth and say something, when instead his eyes widened as he shouted, "Ianto! Look out!"

A fourth Weevil came charging out of the trees, plowing into Ianto like a boulder mowing down a small tree. Ianto felt the beast immediately going for his jugular, just like the other, only this one was much larger and much stronger. He twisted and turned and pummeled at it, unable to get at his stun gun. Then suddenly, within seconds, it toppled over with a grunt, and Ianto jumped to his feet, furious.

"What the hell did you do that for?" he demanded. Jack had put away his weapon and was already cuffing the fourth Weevil. He glanced over his shoulder with an amused look on his face.

"Just trying to help with the Weevil problem," he replied, far too glib for Ianto at that moment.

"It wasn't a problem, and I didn't need help," Ianto growled. Jack tossed the Weevil into the car with the others, then turned toward Ianto.

"So that's what this is about."

Ianto stared at him before stalking toward the drivers seat. "Fuck you, Jack," he said. "And get in the car."

To his surprise and annoyance, Jack followed him instead of going around to the other side. "Let me drive," he said, reaching for the keys. Ianto pulled them out of his reach.

"No way," he said, offended. "I'm fine."

"You're injured," said Jack, which was when Ianto noticed that there was blood dripping down the side of his face.

"I've had worse," he snapped. He wiped the blood from his cheek, glanced at his hand, and cleaned it on his trousers, not caring that it would likely ruin them.

"Yes, I know you have," Jack said slowly, watching him warily. "And it doesn't look that bad, but if you let me drive, you can stop the bleeding and clean up a bit while we talk."

"I can drive, Jack," Ianto said. "And I'm not talking." For some reason, he was determined to do this, to prove himself even with this small thing. It didn't even occur to him that he already had, because once again Jack had come swanning in with a gun to save him. Fucking hell, it had all been for nothing. He climbed into the driver's seat and swore as he slammed his hands against the steering wheel and let his head fall to his chest.

"Ianto?" asked Jack, finally climbing in to sit next to him. "Will you tell me what this is really about?"

He glared at Jack, wiped at the blood on his face again, then got of the car and started pacing because now he was too upset to drive. Jack joined him, leaning against the hood.

"You're angry at me," Jack started. "For stunning that Weevil."

Ianto simply nodded and kept pacing. Of course he was mad. He hadn't spent weeks running and training and targeting just to be saved from another imminent death by Jack bloody Harkness again. God. As if every other time hadn't been enough.

"You know, you could look at it as returning the favor," Jack pointed out. "Since you did shoot one off me first."

"That was different," Ianto said, still pacing in agitation

"How?" asked Jack.

"I could have handled it," Ianto hissed, pointing a finger at his chest to emphasize his words.

Jack threw back his head and laughed. "And I couldn't?"

"You were already dazed and bleeding," Ianto retorted. "I was just trying to…" He trailed off. "Help with the Weevil problem," he finished, echoing Jack's earlier words and laughing bitterly.

"Exactly. Because that's what we do," Jack said. Ianto stared at him, hating that Jack had actually made a valid point. "We're a team, Ianto. We have each other's backs. There's nothing wrong with needing or even wanting assistance when there is a Weevil chewing on your necktie."

Ianto managed a weak grin. "Right. Still." He shrugged, unwilling to go any further, but Jack gave him that look, the one that could charm a mute into talking for hours. "It's just that I want to be able to do this on my own. I need to do this on my own."

"You did," said Jack, his voice earnest. "You did it back in the Beacons, and you did it tonight. But you don't need to risk your life to prove a point."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "I wasn't risking my life."

Jack stepped forward and brushed the hair out of the cut on Ianto's temple, which was not far from where he had been butted by the rifle in the Beacons, an irony Ianto noted and ignored. "It felt like it to me."

Ianto ducked his head away from Jack's touch and handed him the keys. "Sorry, sir, it won't happen again." He took out a handkerchief and held it to his head as he went around the car to the passenger side. He heard Jack sigh as he climbed in to drive them back to the hub.

"You know, I'm the one who should apologize," Jack said, though did not start the car.

"What for?" asked Ianto leaning back. The adrenaline rush was over, leaving him tired and disappointed. He just wanted to bandage his head and go home. He'd start training harder in the morning to make up for his failure that night.

"For stepping in, maybe," said Jack, but then he shook his head. "Though I certainly couldn't stand there and let it try to maul you. Mostly I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how hard it is."

"You know how hard it is to be rescued from impending death by your irritating yet attractive boss?" Ianto asked sarcastically, the words slipping out before he even realized it.

"You think I'm attractive?" Jack asked, ignoring the more meaningful part of what Ianto had said. He wasn't sure, but Jack looked secretly pleased, as if hundreds of men and women hadn't already told him the same.

He gave Jack a bland look and motioned at the keys to get him to start the car and end the excruciating heart to heart. "And irritating," he reminded dryly. "Are you going to start the car?"

Jack turned and faced him. "Maybe. I want to be sure you're okay."

"I need a plaster," Ianto grumbled, closing his eyes. "And maybe a stiff drink or three."

He suddenly felt a pair of warm lips on his and opened his eyes to find Jack kissing him, a simple kiss that didn't last long but held the promise of much more. With a grin, the other man pulled away. "Maybe that irritating yet attractive boss could help with both?"

"I don't need your help," Ianto replied half-heartedly, holding back a smile, because…well, the thought of it wasn't quite so bad now after that kiss.

"Then don't think of it that way," Jack murmured back with a sly grin. "Think of it an invitation for more, perhaps."

Ianto nodded slowly, his lips tingling from where Jack had kissed him. He wanted to grin back but merely raised an eyebrow as he tried to wrestle back a little of the control he'd lost by leaning forward. "Like what?" he asked softly, his lips a whisper against the other man. It was strange to feel both anger and desire for Jack Harkness, though it certainly wasn't the first time he'd felt it.

Jack held his eyes, and they stared at one another for quite a while, neither of them making the first move. Ianto was almost ready to sit back, thinking he had misread the situation, when Jack growled and practically pounced on him, slamming his lips to Ianto's as his hands came up to wrap around his head and tangle in his hair.

Ianto opened his mouth to the kiss, moaning softly as Jack's tongue darted over and around his, and Jack's hands ran through his hair and down his neck to his shoulders. He shivered and wrapped his own arms around Jack, pulling him closer even though it was extremely awkward in the front seat of the SUV; he felt like a fumbling teenager again.

"Sometimes I want to punch you," Ianto gasped when Jack pulled back and began to wrap kisses around his jaw from right to left.

"I know," Jack breathed onto his neck. "Bit late for that now, though."

"You're just so infuriating sometimes," Ianto replied, but he let Jack continue, trailing his hands up and down Jack's back until they came to rest on his hips.

"And you're perfect," said Jack. He suddenly leaned back, the look on his face very serious. "You know that, right? You were damn good out there tonight, Ianto. And you were so brave in the Beacons. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

"I'm not ashamed," said Ianto, which was only half true: he wasn't ashamed of his failure any more, he was determined to avoid any ever again. "I just want to be strong enough, be my own man, earn my place on the team. No more running, no more hiding, no more coddling. No more mistakes and regrets and—"

"And no more compensation," Jack interrupted, tracing Ianto's lips with a fingertip. Ianto opened his mouth to protest, but Jack kissed it closed for a good while, then pulled away again. "I mean it. You can do this. You just need to believe it instead of beating yourself up over it. Have confidence in who you are and what you've already accomplished, because it's pretty damn amazing from where I'm sitting."

"Confidence," Ianto murmured. Oddly enough, Jack's simple words filled him with more confidence than he'd felt for months. He viciously silenced the tiny voice in his head telling him that he didn't need any sort of validation, especially from Jack Harkness. Because maybe, just maybe, Jack was right: perhaps Ianto's hard work had paid off, and he was finally becoming the man he wanted to be. He just needed to believe it. Have confidence.

A slow smile pulled at his lips as his whole world shifted, right there in the front seat of the SUV. He was his own man—strong and capable and confident. He knew there would be slip ups now and then, but at that moment he felt ready…and not just ready for fieldwork. An unexpected…well, not completely unexpected…but a feeling he had never really considered acting on began to tug at the back of mind. Bloody confidence.

Glancing around the car, his mind working fast, Ianto reached down under Jack's seat and released it back all the way. Jack went with it, and Ianto climbed quickly onto his lap, slipping a hand to the switch on the side and pressing it down until the seat was horizontal, and he was lying on top of Jack, propped up on his elbows. "Is that confident enough for you?"

Jack's eyes were wide, his breathing coming quick at the sudden dip, and he appeared momentarily speechless. Then he grabbed Ianto's tie, pulled him down, and positively ravaged his lips. "Not what I was thinking," he managed to gasp out as Ianto let his hands roam. "But better than I ever imagined."

Ianto sat up and grinned, bumping his head on the roof of the car but not caring. "You imagined this? Me, you, in the front seat of the SUV with four Weevils in the boot?"

"One of my most vivid fantasies," Jack murmured, his eyes roaming over Ianto's face, his lips, his entire body with obvious desire.

"Liar," laughed Ianto, but he still leaned back down, holding himself up on strong arms as Jack reached forward to kiss him once more. Confidence.

Yes, that was what he had been missing. And that was what he had found, first through anger and then with hard work and determination. He could go into the field now and not be afraid of failing. He had barely survived the Beacons, but if he were to go through anything like that again, he would do better, do more, and survive once more. Because he was stronger and faster and had found his confidence.

And even better…his confidence currently had Jack Harkness pinned underneath him in the front seat of the SUV, hard and willing and yes, one hell of an attractive man even if that had been a slip of the tongue.

Jack was currently kissing his neck in such a way that Ianto wondered why they hadn't done this before. So much for being pissed off at Jack bloody Harkness. He'd just have to make sure Jack didn't save him every time; he'd like to be able to save Jack every so often as well, since he'd worked so hard at honing his skills. And if the post-rescue skull session involved this sort of debriefing, he could really get used to field missions, especially Weevil hunting.

And maybe he'd even survive, now that he was shatterproof.

Author's Note:

And that's another snow day done and gone. Different than what you usually find post-Countrycide? I hope so. I tried. It was strange that what came out of my fingers didn't always match the intent of my brain. Writing is funny like that for me, which is one reason I enjoy it so much. Sometimes it's a real surprise to see how something turns out, even when you are supposed to be The Author and In Charge. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Now to finish my last one and start my next chaptered fic...Ta!