Wei
Cao Cao: Being reincarnated as a cow, and slaughtered to be eaten by Jin officials.
Cao Pi: His brother becomes emperor instead of him and it turns out he is 70 percent cow urine.
Xiahou Dun: Losing both his eyes. When he eats dumplings, he doesn't know he is eating his own eyeballs that were in them.
Xiahou Yuan: Back at Mt. Ding Jun, he is continuously shot by Huang Zhong.
Cao Ren: Hello Kitty everywhere.
Zhang He: Everything is a mess and ugly. Reliving the pain he suffered back at Jieting. (Sima Yi sent Zhang He to chase down Zhuge Liang back at Jieting, but a Shu ambush killed him. He took an arrow to the knee.)
Zhang Liao: Never reaching the path of the true warrior.
Yue Jin: Being born shorter and slower than he already is.
Li Dian: Fish sticks.
Zhen Ji: Losing a beauty contest to Yue Ying out of all people.
Cai Wenji: Being unable to save the age-old poems and rewrite them.
Wang Yi: Not being able to or someone else killing Ma Chao.
Pang De: That helmet coming alive and consuming his face.
Guo Jia: Getting AIDS or alcohol poisoning. Which ever comes first.
Jia Xiu: He can't find wine anywhere. "Why is the wine gone?"
Dian Wei: Arrows. Those arrows...
Xu Chu: The ground becomes bare and nothing can grow from it. His crops dying.
Xu Huang: Never reaching true might.
Wu
Zhou Yu: Born a woman and being arranged to marry Zhuge Liang to ensure the Shu-Wu alliance.
Lu Xun: Man never discovering fire.
Taishi Ci: Being unable to improve his fight technique.
Sun Shang Xiang: DW6 her.
Sun Jian: That damn arrow...
Sun Quan: Lian Shi dying, Sun Ce dying, Sun Jian dying, his whole family dying basically.
Lian Shi: Those breasts keep on expanding and expanding, to the point they burst.
Xiao Qiao: Pandas getting killed by beasts.
Da Qiao: EVERY F***ING THING COULD BE A NIGHTMARE FOR HER!
Sun Ce: Gan Ji coming back and getting his goatee shaven.
Zhou Tai: Him inside a room with lots of talking people and he can't leave.
Ding Feng: Not knowing the beauty in things even though he wants to.
Lu Su: Zhou Yu shunning him.
Han Dang: His very existence is completely erased from the history books.
Huang Gai: His thigh muscles and arm muscles deflate and just turn flabby.
Gan Ning: Him falling down into Davy Jones' locker.
Ling Tong: The beauty mark near his eye coming off.
Lu Meng: Going back to a ruffian with no brain.
Shu
Liu Bei: Losing his brothers.
Zhao Yun: Bruce Lee.
Guan Yu: That beard coming off.
Zhang Fei: Having to go a year without wine.
Zhuge Liang: Sima Yi and him happening to be the same person.
Yue Ying: Zhen Ji raping her.
Zhang Bao: Those abs becoming a beer belly.
Xing Cai: Her skirt getting even shorter in future installments.
Guan Xing: Flies too close to the sun and is scorched.
Guan Suo: When the flower dies, he dies.
Guan Ping: Never being as good as Guan Yu.
Guan Yinping: Everything she touches shatters like glass.
Bao Sanniang: Death by a cat.
Xu Shu: He makes everything seem like a nightmare. Might as well put him in Catherine to play out his nightmares since he's not saying anything.
Ma Chao: Justice is a lie or someone eating horse meat in front of him.
Jiang Wei: Zhuge Liang shunning him.
Huang Zhong: He gets killed by Xiahou Yuan instead of him killing Xiahou Yuan.
Wei Yan: Him going back to cavemen times.
Pang Tong: No wine bottle is within reach of him.
Liu Shan: Reliving the blows to his head and body during Changban.
Ma Dai: His paintings coming to life and attacking him.
Jin
Sima Yi: Being stripped of all intelligence and living in the outskirts of Alabama with a Cockney accent.
Sima Shi: Drowning in a sea of meatbuns.
Sima Zhao: Having insomnia.
Zhang Chunhua: Getting the tables turned on her with Sima Yi being actually dominant over her.
Wang Yuanji: Being an actual dumb blonde.
Jia Chong: His jacket getting torn-up and getting a tan.
Xiahou Ba: He keeps on shrinking to the point he gets stepped on by someone.
Guo Huai: He can never die and suffers with his illness.
Zhong Hui: Cutting the rattail off.
Zhuge Dan: Reincarnated as a dog and is Sima Zhao's pet.
Wen Yang: Jackie Chan.
Deng Ai: Displeasing Sima Yi, Sima Shi, or Sima Zhao.
Other
Lu Bu: Bitch please, he doesn't get nightmares. He GIVES them.
Diao Chan: Sleeping with Dong Zhou.
Dong Zhou: Getting killed over and over again by Lu Bu.
Zhang Jiao: Christianity spreading instead of his Way of Peace.
Yuan Shao: Born a commoner.
Zuo Ci: He can create nightmares, not get them.
Meng Huo: A poacher killing all of his elephants for no reason.
Zhu Rong: Meng Huo crushing her while they're sleeping together.