A/N: 30daysofrin entry! Happy birthday, you little shit

It's not something he can hide, but Rin learns to disguise it in the best of ways.

The shortening of his breath when he sees him, the thrum in his chest when they race that has nothing to do with exertion, is all veiled by that casual arm slung around Haru's shoulders, the teasing jabs at his ribs, the wide, toothy laugh when he jokes around with the other Iwatobi boys, revelling in the happiness that wells up somewhere from the bottom of his stomach.

Maybe it started when he met Haru in elementary school, Rin idly reflects as he stretches his arms before taking his laps. Something about Haru's disinterest and annoyance in him back then had sparked a stubborn desire to crack that shell, to elicit a response, to be his friend. When did it really change, though?

When did he really start seeing the beauty that was Haruka Nanase?

Sometimes Rin hates him. He hates the way how he can so easily slip into his heart and make a throne somewhere in his mind, commanding his attention so nothing else really matters except for Haruka, not even winning. He hates the way Haru can move with quiet, flowing elegance, both as near and distance as the ever-changing ebb and flow of the ocean, giving, then taking, leaving Rin to curl his toes into the sand and take off after him, chasing, always chasing his hopeless dream.

But sometimes Haru will lean back on him almost imperceptibly when he nudges his way into the group circle, sometimes he will offer the tiniest of smiles, and that alone is enough to send such waves of emotion through Rin he almost staggers.

And sometimes he thinks the others notice, but he reflects dully, does it really matter?

Rin fought against it all, at first. He couldn't sort out in his head just when and just how he could fall in love with someone who was so much his opposite, yet fit against him perfectly. A boy who never seemed to care one bit about him…yet revealed he had cared the entire time. Maybe it was at that point that Rin really started to fall and there was nothing stopping him from hurtling downwards.

He's cruel and he's so, so selfish, Rin decides one night as he lies in the bottom bunk bed in his dorms. One hand is down is boxers and the other clamped tight over his mouth to muffle the whimpers of Haru's name. He wants the other boy all to himself. He wants to make him smile and laugh and moan with longing, and in that moment he wants Haru so desperately he almost groans aloud.

Hey, Haru…swim for me.

There's fire in his veins instead of blood when he races that one person with eyes bluer then the azure sky. He can feel Haru beside him, exuding such a bone deep energy and oneness with the water that Rin can hardly hope to keep up. But he does keep up, both out of a desire to win and also so he can be at the finish line alongside Haru as they both surface at the same time.

It will always be exhausting, Rin thinks to himself, and not for the first time. Loving Haru fills him with so much exhilaration, yet saps away at him until he feels heavy and empty, as if he's run a thousand miles and has to run a million more.

Nagisa, hanging off Rei's arm, suggests a sleepover with the complete gang and Haru's house is decided on quickly enough. The parents know they can trust Makoto in particular to keep an eye out, 'kaasan-koto', Rin teases, and feels himself borne along by everyone's laughs. Looking at them now, he feels a deep shame for pushing them away and walking all over them to get to the top. He was despicable, blind, selfish.

(He's still selfish.)

Whenever Rin looks at Haru, there is a strange ethereal glow surrounding him that attracts Rin like a moth to a flame. Yearning makes his ribs ache, a longing to hold Haru to his chest and run his fingers through his hair, murmuring nonsense into his lips as they kiss.
But that will never happen, Rin knows. Haru just doesn't feel anything toward others in the romantic sense; Nagisa had told him Haru's first love was a waterfall, for crying out loud. So he keeps his distance while still letting the gap between them shrink, fighting to restrain the pressure that surges up in his chest whenever Haru is near.

Yet Rin agrees readily enough to go to the sleepover, prepared to put up with whatever shenanigans Nagisa has in store for them (last time the short blonde carted along a chocolate fondue fountain and had Rei covered in chocolate within seven minutes of the thing being in operation. And then the two spent an hour in the bathroom 'cleaning Rei-chan off.') Still, he even looks forward to joining in with the pranks Nagisa's sure to have up his sleeve. Even though he cares for his friends, it's one of his guilty pleasures—making Rei so flustered he has to actually run away from his and Nagisa's relentless teasing, telling elaborate ghost stories and old legends to keep Makoto awake and shivering at night, taking turns with his younger friend to try and make Haru laugh (neither one has succeeded yet).

The full moon wakes him up the night before the sleepover, shining through the gap in the window curtain and captivating him, as if he is the ocean tide itself. He slides open the door to the small balcony outside the dorm room and steps out, staring upwards until the moon's white light becomes so intense it's been branded into his vision. He wonders if Haru is looking at the moon, too.

If he concentrates hard enough, he can almost hear the faint sounds of waves breaking upon a shore.

Makoto answers the door after the second knock. Rin's late as usual, but his gentle friend brushes aside his apology with a smile and invites him into Haru's house. There's a notable absence of a chocolate fountain this time, but when Rei, sitting at the kotatsu, turns to greet him evenly, Rin can't hold back his laughter at the magic marker all over the butterfly swimmer's face.

Haru's in his room, Makoto explains, digging out futons from the cupboard with Nagisa's help. Rin barely resists the urge to leave the room immediately, and by the look on Makoto's face he's noticed it too. Rei is still busy grumbling and rubbing furiously at his face with a tissue.

Nagisa comes hurtling in with a cry of exuberance, "Rin-chan!" and Rin tries to sidestep but doesn't move far enough and Nagisa clings onto his arm with such force he thinks it's going to be wrenched out of his socket. "Come help us, Rin-chan!"

He drags Rin along with him, stopping to drop a kiss on Rei's magic marker-ed cheek and with interest Rin sees him turn a bright strawberry red. Makoto chuckles behind them.

Nagisa's voice isn't the quiet music that Rin aches to hear, however his enthusiasm as he chatters is infectious and a halfway reluctant smile quirks Rin's lips even as he thinks I don't deserve him to be so nice to me.

"Oh, it's you."

They've entered Haru's room and the swimmer is standing next to a storage cupboard, stacking up folded blankets on the floor. He pauses and gives Rin a once-over, causing the redhead to resort to willing his face not to turn red. Sometimes it seems like Haru can see right through him, see right through all his bravado to that inner place within him that harbours all his secrets. It's a place he doesn't really like to acknowledge.

He covers his overwhelming urge to touch Haru by doing just that—he throws his arm around his neck and hides his trembling hands by boisterously recounting an experience he had at Samezuka with a new swimmer who had somehow managed to kick Seijuurou in the face. Nagisa laughs in all the right places; Haru stands there looking somewhat lost.

Between the three of them they eventually carry down and sort out all the futons and sleeping bags in the living room, and Nagisa dances off and Rin is left alone with Haru, who starts off in the direction Nagisa disappeared in.

"Haru," Rin blurts without thinking. The shorter boy turns around with a puzzled look and Rin swallows, hastily trying to rectify his slip-up. "Uh, so what's planned for tonight?"

Haru shrugs and turns around. "Makoto and Nagisa bought some things along."

"Real specific."

He looks back at him, an eyebrow raised in quiet amusement. "You could always ask them, you know."

Rin feels his ears burn and his fingers twitch. Haru had always had a compelling magnetism about him, but his slow transition into being more expressive only served to increase his allure; Rin didn't know how he was supposed to respond to the small, shy smiles that would soften Haru's face every now and then. This time he has no response, so turns his head away with a small huff.

Trailing after Haru, a thought flits into his mind so quickly he has no time to mull over it.

How long would he have to stay in the shadows?

Their time has been spent mainly eating pizza and all sorts of other junk (except for Haru, who sticks with mackerel), playing a few of Nagisa's devious games (one of which ends with Rei kissing Nagisa unexpectedly just to shut him up) and eventually, after a movie which Rin almost fell asleep during, they move to the kotatsu again for a surprise Nagisa has in store. Rin only hoped that it wasn't anything too lewd.

In actual fact it was anything but. Digging out a box, Nagisa upends it on the table and lanyards spill out, cotton threads of all different colours. He says happily that his sister stuck it in his bag before he left, and what better way to end the night then braiding friendship bracelets…?

Rei is drawn into it almost at once, his eye for beauty picking out all the complementary colours and once Nagisa teaches him how to weave the threads together, he sets out with a determined look on his face, made comical by his twitching eye.

Nagisa giggles at his pickiness and yanks out some strings on the basis of their colour meaning but clash together in a way that makes Rei visibly cringe and look toward the others for help. His gaze lingers upon Rin, pleading, but Rin can't find it in himself to come to his rescue and scoffs at him lightheartedly.

An argument starts up, forcing Makoto to move from between Rin and Haru to Rei and Nagisa to attempt to calm them down. Rin casts a sideward glance at Haru and jumps slightly when he sees that his friend is staring straight at him, his face expressionless and totally unreadable. "What're you looking at?" he asks with a slight scowl.

Haru seems to catch himself and looks away pointedly. It's obvious he isn't going to join in the bracelet-making, but even if he did Rin doesn't feel up to twisting bits of cord. Added to that, his close proximity to Haru was making his head spin in a way that was all too familiar nowadays and he just needs to get away and possibly retain a bit of sanity.

"I'm gonna go for a bit," Rin says over Rei's irritated voice, yawning. He doesn't miss the way Haru's head tilts in his direction and turns tail before anyone can say anything.

Rin makes his way out of the cramped room and into the living room, where the futons have been laid out. Not bothering to turn on the light, he slumps onto the couch that has been pushed to the wall and gazes through lidded eyes at the blank television. The solitude is a nice change from the chatter at the kotatsu, which he can still hear echoing through the hall. He doesn't particularly feel like braiding friendship bracelets (and Nagisa would probably end up taking all the string to make Rei enough bracelets to form a sleeve).

He rubs his neck, considering just crashing on the couch, when he heard muffled footsteps and a shadow is cast over the floor.

"Rin."

As usual, his heart twists somewhat painfully when he hears his name being called in that voice. He attempts to paste on a smirk and partially succeeds. "Yo, Haru."

"You aren't sitting with us." He walks around to look at Rin and his face is thrown into sharp relief by the lights coming from the next room over, and Makoto's voice can be heard and Rei's laugh snakes around them.

"I'm just getting kind of tired." It wasn't fair how Haru's steady voice managed to curl into his ears and sink into his being.

"…Take this." Haru walks closer and picks up Rin's hand, and Rin stiffens at the soft brush of his fingers. He can feel goosebumps prickling across his skin and prays internally that Haru doesn't notice.

He's fiddling with Rin's finger, and Rin feels something thin and tenuous fastened around it, and when Haru straightens and he lifts his hand, there's a red thread tied neatly around his little finger.

Red string of fate, is the first thought that crosses his mind and it scrambles his thoughts into a panicked frenzy. He looks uncertainly at Haru, who extends his hand. An identical string encircles his right pinky finger, and Rin feels his heart rate pick up to a ridiculous speed.
But the doubt he holds in himself is bottomless, it's just not possible Haru even feels a tenth of the same way toward him. Suddenly he wants Haru to laugh, to scoff, to rip off the cotton ring and walk back to the kotatsu. It would be so much easier to deal with actions that tell him this can never happen, rather than try to cope with a friendship that dangles enticing prospects in front of him, convincing him one day, there might be more. It's so hard keeping his distance, never touching, keeping the first and foremost rule when it comes to precious artefacts.

Stupid Haru, stupid, stoic, mackerel-obsessed, water-freak Haru, did he have any idea what he was doing to him?

Haru shrugs at Rin's questioning look and drops next to him on the couch, fiddling with the thread around his finger. He doesn't say anything, but he doesn't break the makeshift ring either. If Rin didn't know better (and he definitely does) he'd say Haru seems slightly nervous, through the curve of his shoulders, the slight tightening of his jaw, the shadow that pools over his face as he leans forward, and he catches himself with surprise and wonders how he can see Haru that well. But he's just imagining it, of course, why would Haru be worried? He had no reason to be concerned.

"Do you even know the story behind these?" Rin asks sceptically, picking at the thread. Red, the colour of blood, the colour of his love.

"I'm not stupid," replies Haru, staring at the floor.

"Then…why?" And he can't stop the hitch in his voice and he hates himself for it.

Haru finally looks at him, and Rin is held in place by those eyes, now a dark, stormy blue, clearer than the deep end of a pool yet as unfathomable as the ocean deep. The eyes that burn through his dreams and wrench the very life out of his lungs. His stomach lurches.
"I'm bound to you," Haru says, and Rin's whole word is uprooted. "And you're bound to me," he finishes softly, blunt and awkward at the same time.

Rin can barely sort out the words in his head, and when he does he can't believe what he's hearing. Terror and hope both surge into him, and he trembles. "Ever since I met you…" he manages to get out. His face is hot, his head roaring. This couldn't be happening.
Haru curls his fingers around the back of Rin's neck, lightly probing up his hairline and rubbing small circles at the base of his skull. Rin can't suppress a shudder that has him closing his eyes against his will, his mouth parting ever so slightly.

A soft sound escapes his friend, and suddenly Rin feels a foreign heat on his skin, pressing against him with a reassuring weight that sends jolts of pleasure southward. A tiny gasp makes its way out his throat, but his next breath is swallowed up by Haru as the raven-haired boy leans over him and captures his lips with his own.

Haru is kissing him, he is kissing him, and the whole thing is just so surreal that Rin's bones turn to jelly and he sinks back into the couch with Haru on top of him. He's drowning in his warmth, in the taste of his mouth, and his arms snake around Haru's waist and anchor him in place and he kisses back fervently with a need more ancient than time. Haru's fingers can't seem to stop tangling themselves into his hair, but rather then pain Rin feels pulses of arousal with every small yank to his scalp. Their tongues delve into each other's mouths, sliding against each other, hot and silken and electrifying.

A loud yelp of "Rei-chan!" reminds Rin there are other people in the house and he breaks away from Haru with a strangled sound. There's an ache in his lower regions that won't go away, and he's sure that Haru knows it's there too. His chest heaving, he looks up through the semi-darkness into the other boy's eyes, not sure if that was a rosy blush across Haru's cheeks or his eyes playing tricks on him.

When Rin tries to sit up, his knee accidentally rubs between Haru's legs and the older boy lets out a choked moan that he immediately closes off with a fist pressed against his mouth. He should look ridiculous but he doesn't—he looks flushed and delicate and beautiful, and Rin feels something shift inside him and he couldn't be more certain of what he was about to do.

When he whispers, "Your bedroom?" Haru's eyes are like the sea at midnight, glowing in the light of the stars.