Chapter 1: Sexual Lobotomization with Hanji Zoe

"Major Hanji? May I come in?"

Hanji Zoe looked up. "Hum? Oh, Eren! Come in, come in!" She stood from her chair and walked around her desk to where Eren stood at her open door. "Have you come to tell me that you're finally going to let me cut your arm off to see if it grows back? Don't worry about it, I've got everything ready outside in case you turn into a Titan. It might be a tad painful since you'll be conscious when I cut off you arm, but-"

"Ah, Major Hanji, I'm sorry, but that's not what I came to see you about," Eren interrupted, faltering only slightly at her flow of words. Onslaught would probably be a better word.

Hanji's eyes widened. "Hum? It's not?" she asked, a stricken look on her face.

Eren shook his head, then took a hesitant step forward. "Major Hanji, may I come in? It is sort of a – ah – private matter."

Hanji's face brightened, and she clapped her hands enthusiastically. "Of course, Eren, of course! Please, come in, take a seat! Now what is this private matter about exactly? Sounds interesting!"

Eren took the seat on the other side of Major Hanji's desk. The Major was possibly the only member of the Recon Corps with two seats around her desk. The others usually just made you stand in front of them. Just now, he was unbelievably grateful for that extra seat.

"Major Hanji, have you ever heard of a Titan being in heat before?"

Hanji Zoe piped up at that, an intensely inquisitive look on her face, and folded her hands on top of each other on her desk. Her eyes bore into Eren when she said, "No, Eren, I've never heard of such a thing." She scratched her chin, and Eren would have laughed at that if it hadn't been for the seriousness of the matter. "But I suppose, given the fact that you are not exactly a normal Titan, but a human-based one… Hum, yes, it would make sense. Your human hormones, coupled with your Titan's…" She looked at him again. "Eren, am I understanding this right? You are in heat, are you not?"

"Ah, yes Sir- I mean, Major Hanji," the brunette answered, squirming uncomfortably on his seat.

Hanji hummed. "Hum, and your last encounter with the Female Titan was last week, was it not?" Not waiting for Eren's answer, she continued, "And if I remember correctly, your bodies started fusing when you were about to kill her. Given that both you and Military police Cadet Annie Leonhardt are in the prime of your pubescence years, and that Annie Leonhardt is now in a stasis-state… Yes, it does indeed make sense. Tell me, Mr Jaeger, what exactly makes you think that you are in heat?"

Eren's face reddened noticeably at her question. Hanji Zoe's eyes fell to where his hands were cupped in his lap. Hum, well maybe his insistent squirming wasn't just due to the uncomfortableness of her seats, after all.

"Oh," she deadpanned, openly staring at his hand-covered crotch, and Eren seemed to shrink into his seat under her inquisitive stare. "May I see?"

The poor trainee looked up, half-shocked, half-embarrassed, and opened his mouth to answer.

"No, of course I can't see, stupid me." The Major shook her head as though to scold herself. "I'm sorry, I tend to forget that young males of your age are often shy about their genital parts." Eren, if it was possible, turned an even darker shade of red at that. "Now, how long has this…phallus been in existence?"

"Six days, Major Hanji," Eren managed to answer.

"Oh, well, I suppose that confirms my theory regarding the Female Titan's fusing with you." She looked at him curiously. "Eren, are you telling me you've spent six entire days like this?" Again dismissing his lack of answer, Hanji stood and walked around her desk to kneel in front of the red-faced Recon Corps trainee. "Do you need me to help you?"

Now that did it. Eren stood precipitately, sending his chair sprawling backwards as he backed towards the closed door. Hanji only looked confused as she looked up at him from her place on the floor. "Did I do something wrong?" She shot up to a standing position and strode towards him, grabbing his chin forcefully to examine his eyes. "Do you feel like turning into a Titan? Do you want me to restrain you?"

"N- No!" Eren stammered, his eyes wide. But damn, the thought of being restrained- Shut up you idiot! "Huh, Major Hanji, can you please move off me? Onegaishimasu!"

Hanji Zoe shrugged, satisfied – though a little disappointed – that he wasn't about to turn into a Titan, and walked back to her desk, saying, "I understand that you don't want my help, Cadet Jaeger, but really, I can't see why not." She turned to him as she sat down in her chair, and her eyes were curious once more. "Are you gay, Eren?"

The trainee sputtered for a few seconds before regaining part of his dignity. He straightened. "What makes you think that, Major Hanji?"

The brunette woman shrugged and turned in her seat to look out her window thoughtfully. "It's the only reason I see that you would not allow me to help you, that's all." She looked back to him. "Or perhaps you already like someone else?"

Eren's eyes widened considerably as he took in her expression. "Major Hanji, are you saying I should indulge in my needs?"

Hanji Zoe raised her eyebrows, looking surprised. "Well, I don't see why not. Unless you fear that you might be driven to transform under the stimulation of an intercourse?"

Eren looked away, embarrassed. "Well, no. It's just, I didn't know what to do about it. I thought you might be able to help me."

She looked closer at him, her face graver now. "Eren, have you never been touched before? Have you ever kissed someone?" The look on his face was apparently enough of an answer for her. "I see." She stood, but to Eren's relief, stayed where she was. "Cadet Jaeger, your sexual urges are not going to make you murder someone. Though being in heat as you are now is not a regular human reaction, and is most likely due to your Titan side, it is not a dangerous state. You have two options; either find a partner – or partners, mind you – to help you with this…state of uncomfort, or force yourself into abstinence, knowing that it will be not only painful but also useless. There are no rules here preventing you from engaging in intercourse with your comrades.

"If you choose the first option, there is only one thing I would request. When you engage in intercourse with one of your comrades, I would ask for the first time, at the very least, to be under my watch. For strict security purposes, of course. We have to be absolutely sure that you are not going to transform during intercourse. That is not an option. It's an order." Hanji tapped her chin thoughtfully. "You can see it as a rite of passage. If you pass that first examination successfully, without turning into a Titan or killing someone in the process, then you will be free to engage in intercourse with anyone you like, and not necessarily under my watch." She looked back down at him, a new look in her eyes. "Oh, I just remembered – it would be better if your first time were with a man, considering the much more aggressive nature of male-to-male intercourse. I trust that you don't mind that?" When Eren failed to answer, she took it as a no and smiled enthusiastically. "Great! Then I'll notify Levi immediately."

"Lev- the Corporal? Major Hanji, I- I'm sorry, but why?"

Hanji looked at him, surprised. "Why Levi, you mean? Well, I don't suppose you'd rather Commander Erwin, would you? Corporal Levi is simply the one of our male higher ranked officers closer to your age. I assumed you would be more likely to choose him as your partner." She cocked her head curiously. "Was I wrong?"

"No – I just – It's just – I don't – I'd rather not bother the Corporal with this, and I-"

"Oh, don't worry about that," Hanji said, walking towards him, still standing beside the closed door, and dropping a hand on his shoulder. "The Corporal has, just like most of us, really, nothing better to do, these days. Ever since Annie Leonhardt was captured, the Titans have been relatively calm, as has been the city. Now, you just stay here. I'll be back shortly with Levi."

And with that, she left, muttering about she was going to have to find a better place for this than her own office.

A/N: My second Shingeki no Kyojin fanfic in two days! Woohoo! :D

I hope you liked the first chapter, and hopefully it made you want to read the second Chapter! ;D Lots of action of *that* kind to come! ;D Jean and Levi mostly, but if you want to see Eren with someone else, tell me in a review and I'll think of a plot twist to get them together! :D

Please review, even if you hated it, so I can improve! :P

~Tenshi