"Hey, I didn't expect to hear from you so soo-"

"Yes, yes. Can we dispense with the formalities? I need your assistance."

"Hmmm, with you that could be anything from borrowing a recipe to moving a body."

"Don't be absurd, Abigail. I know perfectly well how to get rid of bodies."

"That's not something I want to hear, Regina."

"You brought it up. Now listen, what does one traditionally wear to a…date?"

"She asked you on a date?"

"Well, no. I have to ask her. It's complicated but there are reasons, apparently."

"Oh, reasons, I see. What kind of date is it going to be?"

"In what sense?"

"Well, is it dinner? A movie? Are you taking her to make-out point?"

"Oh…I hadn't really thought about it. Dinner, I assume."

"To the diner? Or someplace fancy? There's that nice French restaur-"

"You know the proprietor of that place was a rat in our world, don't you?"

"Oh. That's…unpleasant."

"Yes, quite."

"Might be a little weird to take her to her own Grandmother's place on a date. You could cook?"

"That won't do. I'm fairly certain that a public outing is part of the deal."

"Then why don't you ask her where she'd like to go?"

"Won't that seem like I'm cheating?"

"Jesus, Regina, I don't know. You're the one who knows her."

"You're not helpful in the slightest."

"I'm excellent at helping!"

"What did you and David do on dates?"

"All those dates we didn't really go on, you mean?"

"You have memories of them, though. I don't even have those to refer to!"

"Awwww, the poor little Evil Queen didn't give herself dating experience."

"I'm going to hang up."

"Regina, the way that girl looks at you, she's not going to care what you do on your date, or what you're wearing, or what flowers you bring her, okay? She's just gonna care that you're there."

"Oh…well…"

"And, let's face it, she'll be happy just to make it through the evening without being put under a sleeping curse."

"If you were anyone else, my feelings might be hurt."

"It's lucky I'm not anyone else, then, isn't it?"

"Indeed it is."

"Go ask her out. Then call me back and tell me how it went."

"Perhaps I shall. Thank you, Abigail."

"You're welcome, you big dork."

"You will never call me that again. I decree it."

"Pffft, sure, your majesty."

"Goodbye, Abigail."

"Goodbye, Regina.