Well, after about a millennium of not writing I've finally finished a fic again. I decided to write a K-ON fic because after seeing the movie, I felt I had to write something to save one of my favorite ships, Yui x Azusa. This story takes place directly after the movie. While it's probably not as good as it could be, I still think it turned out nicely. Please Read and Review; I could really, really use constructive criticism. Anyway, with that out of the way, enjoy!
Dedicated to you
Normally, Azusa had no trouble getting to sleep at night. But this night…this night was different. Today, her friends of the Light Music Club had graduated, leaving her the sole remaining member. It was a strange thought that she was now the club's president.
That, however, wasn't what was keeping her awake right now. Instead, she found herself thinking back to the graduation trip she'd gone on with the others. At the time, she was wondering what Yui and the others had been trying to hide from her.
The conclusions she'd drawn then were now haunting her thoughts, as they had haunted her dreams in London. Okay, maybe 'haunt' was a bit strong of a word, but to Azusa it still felt that way. Because what Azusa had realized, or at the very least, thought she had realized, was that Yui had a crush on her.
When she first suspected it she hadn't been sure, and she had told herself that she had no reason to worry. Of course Yui didn't have a crush on her.
But then, in London, she had seen what Yui had written in her notebook. 'Azu-nyan LOVE'. That had made the fears, which had seemed to be somewhat laughable, suddenly terrifyingly real. Azusa had been shocked by it, because she had never really given such things much thought.
She had always assumed she'd one day meet a guy she'd like. Up until that point she had never even considered the alternative, and to be confronted with it in such a way was not very pleasant, to say the least.
Aside from her own feelings at that moment, she had also already begun to worry about what she would tell Yui if she asked Azusa to be her girlfriend. She knew her senpai well enough that any form of rejection would hurt her, but at the same time she really didn't want a relationship either. At least, not beyond what they already had.
It was that inner conflict that led her to elbow Yui in the stomach the night after. Azusa felt terrible the moment she did that, and when she found out Yui had not even intended to tackle her but rather Giita, she felt even worse. Even now, she blushed lightly at the thought.
The rest of the trip in London Azusa had kept thinking about Yui. She was trying to figure out when Yui had actually started to like her as more than just a friend, but to her frustration she couldn't figure it out. Yui had always acted the same around her, even when she first joined the Light Music Club. It wasn't like Yui's behavior was uniquely focused on Azusa either. Yui acted the same way to all the members of the club.
It annoyed her. A part of her blamed Yui for it, but she knew full well that those feelings were unreasonable. After all, she had never been meant to see that notebook in the first place.
Still, the revelation made Azusa a bit apprehensive around Yui from that moment on. Where she would usually let her senpai hug her, now she maintained a 'safe' distance. These measures didn't calm her mind, neither during the day nor at night, but since it made her feel marginally better she had kept it up.
During that time, however, another thought had started to form in her mind. 'Why do I mind so much anyway? Would it really be that bad if…?' At the time it had just been more thoughts she didn't want.
But in those last few days those were the thoughts that kept returning. She caught herself looking at Yui more than she cared to admit, even to herself.
Back in the present time, Azusa stared at the ceiling. Her mind had frustrated her so much in those last days in London that she had decided to just let it go and see what would come of it. When they had returned to Japan, she found out exactly what that was.
During the final song of the classroom gig, at the moment Yui approached her for a face-to-face guitar solo, she felt a warmth inside her that she hadn't felt ever before. That feeling only grew when Yui sang the last lines of the song aimed at her. Sure, they were meant for the rest of the class as well, but from the way Yui had looked at her after the guitar solo she had known that it was mostly for her.
It was at that moment she realized that, despite all her feelings up to that point, she had actually developed a crush on Yui. Later that day, however, her feelings were once again put to the test. When her friends played their goodbye song for her, the tears in her eyes were not just for that moment.
They were also for the realization that this had been the reason for all the secrets, and that Yui's note in her notebook had not at all meant what she thought it meant. So at that moment, somewhat paradoxically, she had ended up as the one with feelings for the other that went beyond friendship.
Now, lying in her bed, she still didn't really know what to do with herself. For days she had fretted over the possibility that Yui might like her, and now that it had turned out that she didn't…she was still sad. Azusa had hoped she could simply put the feelings she had developed over the past few days aside, but at least for now that seemed like it wasn't going to happen.
She turned onto her side and forcefully closed her eyes, but a few minutes later she sighed and opened them again. It seemed that sleep simply wasn't going to happen. Hesitantly, Azusa reached for her phone. She wanted to talk to someone about her problems, but it was quite late at night.
After a moment of deliberation, she flicked open her phone and started typing a message.
"Ui, I need to tell you something. I think…"
She stopped typing and closed her phone, only to open it again not two seconds later. She stared hard at the blinking cursor on the screen, as if willing it to move on its own and write the words she was afraid to type. After fidgeting for a bit, she finally went on.
"I think I might have a crush on your sister."
She looked over the message, then replaced 'your sister' with 'Yui-senpai'. She still didn't quite like what she had typed, but she was stumped as to what else to add to it. Yes, she had wanted to tell someone about her feelings, but she had never done that before, not like this. In the end, she decided to leave the message as it was and sent it to Ui, immediately wishing she hadn't.
People had told her before that love was complicated, but Azusa had never known that it could be this complicated. Then again, she wasn't even sure if 'love' was the term she should be using anyway. Her feelings had been so shaken and jumbled in the past few days she was hardly a good judge of them at this point. And yet…the warmth she had felt during the classroom concert was still there when she thought back to it. That meant at least some of what she was feeling had to be true, right?
Azusa's phone buzzed and her heart rate climbed to about one million beats per minute. She flicked open the phone and just as she thought, Ui had replied to her message. With shaking hands, Azusa pressed the 'Open' button.
"I think she might feel the same way. She does talk about you a lot. Why don't you talk to her about it?"
Had Azusa's heart rate been high before, now she was afraid that the frantic beating might wake up other people, or that her heart might actually explode out of her chest. Her throat was suddenly drier than it had ever been before and she was glad was lying in her bed, because her legs felt so shaky they would've probably given way. She felt slightly lightheaded and she took a couple of deep breaths to steady herself enough to look at the message again.
"I think she might feel the same way."
So maybe…maybe there was a chance. Surely there was. But to actually talk to Yui about it…the thought frightened her. What if Yui didn't feel the same way? Still, she knew she would never be able to sleep if she didn't do something. Ui's words had made Azusa feel better about herself and she knew without any doubt that her feelings were real. The immense relief she'd felt at Ui's reply would never have been so great if she had not had feelings for Yui after all.
Again, Azusa started typing a message. This time, however, it was addressed to Yui.
"Yui-senpai, I'm sorry to text you this late…"
As she wrote those words it occurred to her that she had never said anything of the sort to Ui and she made a mental to note to apologize in person at the first possible chance.
"…text you this late, but I have to tell you something important."
She stopped typing again. Could she really put her emotions into a simple text message? It seemed so inadequate, but she felt that if she waited, she might not be able to summon the courage to try a different approach.
"I think I may have a crush on you."
Another pause. Azusa was growing increasingly frustrated with her inability to write down what she felt, but the 160 character limit of a simple text message wouldn't allow for much eloquence. She knew she could type more, but reading a long story on a cell phone wasn't very comfortable, so her confession would have to be short. Even so, she was certain she could come up with better words than these.
She erased the last sentence she wrote and thought about what she should say. 'I love you' was out of the question. Sure, it was short and to the point, but Azusa felt it was too early to say heavy things like that. 'I've fallen in love with you' was too cheesy.
Then, in a flash of inspiration, Azusa realized what it was she wanted to write. It would still have to be sent in a longer message than she'd hoped, and it would still be cheesy, but there really was no way to avoid that completely.
She erased everything she'd written so far and typed, "Will these feelings reach you? I'm not so sure, but please don't laugh and listen to me, 'cause I'm going to put all of my feelings into this text."
The substitution of the word 'song' with 'text' felt forced, but that couldn't be helped. Leaving it unchanged would be even stranger in a text message. At least it had the same amount of syllables.
"I like you with all of my heart and deliver it to you with this text. I'll never forget this feeling. Dedicated to you."
Azusa looked over the text one more time and then decided it was clear enough, even for Yui. She took a deep breath and hit the 'Send' button. She put away her phone and lay back down, her heart still pounding loudly. She knew that she should try to get some sleep, because it was unlikely that Yui was going to reply soon, but she was still too nervous.
Eventually, however, she did fall asleep, only to be awakened by the buzzing of her phone. Immediately she was wide awake again. She checked the time and saw that it was around 4 in the morning. Apparently she wasn't the only one texting people at strange times.
Azusa was afraid to check the message but she knew that she had to, especially since she was the one initiated the conversation to begin with. She flicked open her phone and opened the message.
"If you say that you really love me, I'll answer that I really, really love you!"
Azusa felt pinpricks all over her body when she read those words, but she immediately became worried that Yui might have missed the meaning behind her original text. But if she had, would she really have chosen specifically those lines to reply?
Before she could worry more, however, her phone buzzed again. Azusa hadn't expected another message and she curiously opened the new message.
"My mood was simple at the start, but it got hot inside without me knowing, and somehow the staples no longer go through. Lala, see you tomorrow. (For snacks at my house?)"
Now all of Azusa's doubts faded away. Obviously Yui had understood what she meant. She felt the warmth of the classroom concert returning to her and with a huge smile on her face, she sent Yui a reply.
Well, there it is. The ending of my first fic in ages. A couple of things I think I should mention: Savvy readers might know that a Japanese text message can contain not 160, but 70 characters because of the encoding. Azusa's message would have 101 characters, which is still two messages, just like the message she sent now.
Another thing a savvy reader might notice is the substitution of 'song' for 'text'. In Japanese, a text message is often called 'keitai meeru' or 'meeru' (mail) for short, which could be fit into two syllables like 'uta' (song).
Finally, the way I altered the line 'I thank you with all of my heart' into 'I like you with all of my heart' would've been done with 'Arittake no "kimi ga suki"', which looks rather odd, but I went with it because a) it fits the melody and b) 'arittake no "arigatou"' is a bit odd as well (it literally means 'With all of my "thank you"'). Not much of an excuse, I know, but I did put some thought into it.
Oh yeah, and 'omoi yo todoke' means 'Feelings, reach out', but 'Dedicated to you' is used in a lot of fansubs and translations, so I went with that.