Chapter Four

Within no less than a minute, the pride and glee gave way to unwelcome worry as everything he'd thought about hours earlier began to seep back in. Kristoff leaned his head against the wall of the corridor and closed his eyes. Everyone in that room except him had been weepy at the very least, and he hadn't even come close to shedding a single tear. He'd felt nothing but joy and love... for Anna.

Everything he'd felt in that room was for his wife, and his wife alone.

I don't love my daughter, he thought.

It was what he'd feared more than anything, and here it was, looking him straight in the face. Their little girl was beautiful and he was thrilled knowing she was his, but he didn't love her. Though he'd gladly protect her, he didn't have an overwhelming, determined desire to keep her safe from any and all harm like he'd expected to. There was no will in him to drop everything in the world for that little bundle in Anna's arms and focus solely on her needs.

But the worst part was the lack of attachment. He'd seen the way Anna's face changed when she held their daughter for the first time. That baby became her entire world. But Kristoff? He'd be heartbroken if, heaven forbid, something awful were to happen, but he didn't feel attached to the point where the sadness would consume him.

And he was ashamed of himself.

What kind of man, what kind of parent, could be so indifferent, especially after everything his mother had done for him when he was young? She'd given Kristoff everything she could and did everything possible to keep him safe, healthy, and happy. His mother had loved him more than he'd ever understood, and only now did he realize how important that love was. It was because of that love he was still alive, able to have a child of his own and not even afford her the same luxury.

Tears finally stung his eyes, but in his mind, they were there for all the wrong reasons. He should have been crying out of joy, not out of guilt, of shame.

Kristoff turned his head at the sound of Anna's door opening, then promptly closing back up. He blinked away the unfallen tears as Elsa approached him, grinning from ear to ear.

"She's so beautiful," she said, wasting no time throwing her arms around him. "Congratulations! I'm so proud of you both."

"Thank you," he answered half-heartedly, though he hoped it didn't come across as such.

Unfortunately for him, it did. He should have known he never could've gotten anything past Elsa. She pulled away and looked at him, brows crinkled in confusion and blue eyes concerned.

"Are you alright?"

"Fine," he lied. "I'm fine."

"It's okay to be nervous, you know."

"I know."

"That's not what's bothering you." It was a statement, but there was a hint of inquiry in Elsa's voice that requested elaboration on his part.

Kristoff said nothing for a moment; he did open his mouth once or twice, but no words came out. How could he tell the Queen of Arendelle that he didn't love his daughter, her niece? She'd kick him out of the palace for sure. It didn't matter that he was Anna's husband; his absence of feeling was reprehensible and appaling.

"Why didn't I cry?" he finally asked quietly.

"What?"

"I didn't cry," he said. "All of you were crying. I didn't. Why?"

"Not everyone does. People have different ways of expressing things. "

"I know," Kristoff agreed, "but I didn't feel... anything."

Elsa tilted her head, but remained silent.

"Well, I was happy, obviously," he quickly amended. "I was so proud of Anna – still am – and I've never loved her more than I did in that room. But that's not how it's supposed to be."

"What do you mean?"

Kristoff sighed and could feel his cheeks reddening. He and Elsa had grown close over the past couple of years - she even insisted that he never again bow near her or refer to her as "my lady - but it still felt strange to be talking with her about something so personal. Friend or not, she was still the queen.

"There was just no... connection," he confessed, thrilled he'd thought of another word to use instead of love. "I'm beyond blessed and I know that, but I know how I felt in that room wasn't what I was supposed to feel. I mean, look at Anna. Everything changed for her the second the baby was born, and that's the way it should be. I still don't feel that yet, and it's horrible. Embarrassing. What kind of person am I? What kind of father did that poor girl end up with?"

He knew he was rambling, but the words wouldn't stop, and he narrowed his eyes when he saw that Elsa was smiling ever so slightly. He didn't know whether to be offended or worried.

"I know what kind of father she he has," Elsa said. "She has a wonderful one."

"Wait, what?"

"Kristoff," she continued, "you're a remarkable person, regardless of whether you admit it to yourself. I wouldn't have given you and Anna my blessing if I didn't think you'd take care of her and your eventual family. I know how much you love my sister, and I know you're going to love your daughter just as much."

"But why hasn't it happened yet?" he asked. "Why didn't I feel the way Anna did?"

"You forget how much Anna's experience contrasts yours. She carried her for nine months and brought her into the world. I don't want to say it was more personal for her, but... the dynamics are certainly different. I'm not saying your feelings less valid or hers more important, just that it's only natural for her emotions to catch up with her faster."

When Kristoff said nothing, Elsa place a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"You'll get there," Elsa assured him. "Give it a little time. You haven't even had a chance to hold her yet. I think once you get to properly meet her, you'll begin to feel differently. And even then, it's okay to be scared. I'm sure Anna is, too. This is all new and you'll be scared together, and that's perfectly alright."

Kristoff allowed a small smile. Even the bad things were better when shared with Anna.

"Thanks," he uttered.

It meant much more than it sounded, and he hoped Elsa knew that. She would have to because he had no time to elaborate; at that very moment, Ingrid, Marta, and Bergitta emerged from Anna's room. The latter approached them.

"How is she?" Elsa asked.

"Both the Princess and her child are doing well," Bergitta said kindly. "They are ready for visitors. You're welcome to go in any time you'd like."

"Thank you," Elsa said. As Bergitta departed, she turned to Kristoff. "Well, what are you waiting for?"

"You're... are you not coming?"

"I will a little later," she stated. "The two of you – well, the three of you – should have some time alone together."

Three. It was still so surreal.

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. Now go meet your daughter."

"Thank you," Kristoff said, pulling her into a hug. "Thank you for everything."

"Of course, now go!" Elsa urged with a laugh, giving him a slight push. "The longer you wait, the longer I have to wait!"

Kristoff went to the door and, just as he did earlier, took a couple of deep breaths before opening it. This was it. He was going to get to meet her, really meet her, and everything was going to change. He wasn't prepared in the slightest, but at the same time he'd never felt more ready for anything.

Anna didn't look up when the door opened, for she was too lost in gazing at her little one, and Kristoff wouldn't have had it any other way. He'd never walked in on a scene so tender, so lovely. Anna was sitting up against the majestic pillows with their daughter cradled in her arms, a small, affectionate smile on her rosy, freckled face. She wasn't saying anything, but she didn't have to, for her features said it all.

She was in love.

Sensing his presence, Anna looked up at the doorway, smile widening when she saw him standing in the frame.

"Kristoff," she whispered lovingly.

"Hi," he returned, quietly shutting the door and slowly walking to her side. "Is it alright that I'm here, or...?"

"Of course it is. Why wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know, I just-"

Kristoff stopped as he found himself at Anna's side and looking straight down at the face of their daughter. She'd been cleaned of the mess and was now sleeping. She looked so peaceful, all wrapped up in gold and sage velvet and snuggled up to Anna, and Kristoff felt warmth radiate through his chest.

But the love wasn't there yet.

"Kristoff?"

"She had your nose. Thank God," he blurted out.

His eyes widened the moment he said it. Of all the things he could have said when trulyseeing his daughter for the first time, he comments on her nose? He was such an idiot. Anna would kick him out for sure.

But to his surprise, his wife giggled.

"Yes, she does," Anna agreed, "but she looks like you."

"Really?"

Anna nodded with a smile. "I think so, at least. Just look at that hair, and she has your eyes."

"How can you tell?"

"She wasn't always, sleeping, Kristoff," she answered with a laugh. "Sit down. Come closer."

Kristoff obliged and took the chair that had been left there for him. He made a bit more noise than he'd intended, but the baby didn't wake.

"How are you feeling?" he asked cautiously. "Are you alright?"

"I am now," Anna said. "I'm so sorry I yelled at you. It just hurt so bad and-"

"Don't be," he whispered gently, cautiously placing a hand on her arm. "I'm just glad you're okay."

Anna grinned down at the baby as she moved slightly in her sleep, then looked to Kristoff.

"Ingrid told me about what you did."

"Hm?"

"About asking to come in," Anna clarified. "She said you were rather persistent."

"Was I?" he asked, growing crimson. "I didn't think I was too bad. I just really wanted to be with you. I heard you crying, and-"

"Kristoff," she interrupted, "it's okay. I'm actually... well, it really meant a lot to have you here. I heard you whispering to me and... it was nice. Thank you."

"Really?"

"Yes. I just hope I didn't scare you. I must have looked disgusting..."

"Oh, Anna, not at all," he said in an exhilarated murmur, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. "You were amazing. I'm so grateful I got to be there. I love you."

"I love you, too." Anna sighed contently and looked down at the sleeping infant. "And I love her. She's so beautiful, isn't she?"

"She is," Kristoff agreed, and it wasn't a lie. He was looking down at the sweetest little face in the world. He would've sworn it was an angel nestled in his wife's arms.

"Do you want to hold her?" Anna asked.

Kristoff drew a deep intake of breath and ran a hand through his hair – a nervous habit of his.

"I – I don't know," he said nervously. "I mean, she's asleep and looks pretty cozy."

"That's okay," Anna assured him. "I shifted her around twice before you came in and she didn't even flinch."

"No, I should wait. I-"

"Kristoff... it's okay to be scared. I was, too."

"You were?"

She nodded. "It'll be okay, I promise."

Kristoff took another apprehensive look at the baby, then looked back up at Anna. There was so much love and trust in her eyes, not to mention a slight hint of her trademark determination that he couldn't ignore. So with every nerve in his body rigid with terror, he held out his arms.

"Okay."

Anna gently lifted the little girl and motioned to place her in Kristoff's outstretched limbs.

"Just be sure to support her head, good, and... there."

There she was, in his arms – safe, sleeping, and perfectly alive. She was okay and he was okay, despite the tears.

Tears.

Kristoff didn't notice the wetness in his eyes at first because he was too busy relishing in the volcano of emotion that erupted within him. He couldn't tear his awestruck gaze at the little piece of heaven resting in his arms that was unknowingly counting on him to care for her. And suddenly, that didn't seem as scary, because it was something he truly wanted to do. He knew now without a doubt he'd do everything in his power to give his daughter the best life could offer. It'd be his personal mission to ensure she would always be warm and never know what real hunger felt like because he loved her.

It was different that he'd anticipated, but he knew it was love just the same. It wasn't the passionate, fervent kind of love he felt for Anna, nor was it the congenial love he felt for Elsa. It wasn't even the friendly love he felt for Sven, his companion through the good and the bad. No, this was different. It was protective and nurturing, adoring and devoted, but there was no doubt in his mind that it was love, real love, and that this was what he was supposed to feel.

Kristoff gently brushed a hand against his baby's cheek, all smooth and new and fresh, and she turned in her sleep toward his touch. If she were to open her eyes, she'd be gazing right up at him. He had half a mind to do something to wake her up, even if only for a minute, just so he could see her and she could see him, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. His little girl was at peace, and he wouldn't disturb that.

He looked up at Anna with a tender smile, and saw that her eyes were teared up once more, only this time not of pain, but of pure bliss.

"You two look beautiful together," she commented.

"You... you think so?"

"Very. We still have to choose a name for her."

Kristoff nodded, silently thankful Anna had brought it up. He was too enamored to remember that their daughter remained nameless.

"Yes," he agreed. He raised an eyebrow when he noticed Anna biting her lower lip. "You already have one in mind, don't you?"

"Well... yes. Sort of. I mean, it's just an idea and if you don't like it we can pick something different. I just thought-"

"Thought what?"

Anna sighed. "I thought it would be... well, I thought it'd be nice to give her your mother's name."

Kristoff's eyes widened. That had been the last thing he expected to hear.

"Wait, what?"

"It's a beautiful name, I think, and I know how much you loved your mother."

"But what about your mother?"

Anna shrugged. "Of course I loved her, but I suspect Elsa will want to use the name if she has a daughter, being heir and all. You were your mother's only child and after everything she did for you... I don't know, I just thought it'd be a nice way to honor her."

Kristoff gaped at her in a mix of flattery and admiration. She truly was the sweetest person in the world.

"You'd really be willing to do that for me?"

"Of course. I've been considering it for a while for a girl's name, actually. Do you like it?"

"I... I love it. Thank you."

He leaned in slowly to kiss Anna. It was a chaste, gentle kiss on the lips, but it was one of the most tender and sweet they'd ever shared. Everything felt right in the world. Just a few short years ago, Kristoff would have never imagined himself happy with a wife and daughter. In fact, he'd once scoffed at the very notion of such a thing. Yet there he was, with the two most beautiful girls in the world: one returning his kiss and one cradled in his arms. He had someone to love who loved him back, and they'd created a family together. He couldn't have asked for much more.

A knock on the door interrupted their bliss, but it was a welcome one when they saw the door open followed by Elsa poking her head in.

"I'm sorry, I just couldn't wait anymore," she said. "Is it alright if I come in? I can come back later if you want."

"Nonsense," Anna giggled. "Come right in."

Kristoff turned to Anna as Elsa walked in, nodding toward the latter.

"May I?" he asked.

When Anna nodded and smiled, Kristoff rose from his seat to meet Elsa. Elsa's eager arms were already outstretched. Kristoff thought it would be more heartbreaking to let his daughter go, and though he did feel a twinge of sadness, he knew she was his.

"Petra," he whispered to the sleeping infant as he handed her over, "this is your Aunt Elsa, the Queen of Arendelle. Elsa, this is Petra, the girl who sleeps like a rock, just like her mother."

"Hey!" Anna snapped playfully from behind them.

Elsa giggled as she looked down at her niece.

"Hello, Petra," she breathed. "I'm so happy to finally meet you. You're so beautiful. Oh, and you have your mother's nose, thank goodness," she added cheekily, smirking at Kristoff.

"That's better," Anna said. "Now we're even."

Elsa smiled, then whispered so only Kristoff could hear, "You okay?"

"More than okay," Kristoff replied with a grin. "Never better."

"Told you."

And as usual, Elsa was right. Everything had changed for Kristoff in an instant, but it had all been for the better. Unlike once before, he had family to face these new changes with, family to love and be loved by, and that was really all he'd needed.

Nothing was impossible now.

Author's Note: And that's a wrap! Thanks so much to all of you for reading this through til the end. It means a lot to me, and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! :)