A/N: Hello! I've missed this so much. This is a little bit of a different take on our beloved Lily/Sev - for me anyway. Slightly AU (aren't they all?) and focussed mainly on their relationship (re: aren't they all?) I think we all have Lily on the same pedestal that Severus does, and I wanted to make her a bit of an outsider in this. So, here's my new story! Let me know what you think, I'm lonely and miss my FFnet friends! Also, Resume will be updated soon, promise. Anyway, here we go!

She slammed the front door behind her, fuming as she stalked away from her home and down the street towards the trees, not really consciously aware of where she was headed. She was angry – beyond angry! – she was down right irate. She let out a frustrated growl as she made her way down the street, stomping her feet with every step she took.

God, why did her sister have to be such a bitch?

Because that's what Petunia Grace Evans was – a bitch. A big, nasty, old bitch.

She sighed, it didn't really make her feel any better tearing her older sister down, that was Petunia's game, not Lily's.

She continued on her trek, walking and thinking, angrily strutting down the street. The neighbors that resided outside on the hot summer day just stared at her, most likely going to gossip about her later to the other adults. They already talked about her a great deal, she might as well actually give them something to talk about.

She just...hated it.

She hated it here, hated the neighborhood of Wiltingham where they lived, hated this part of town. She hated the suspicious glances and the untrusting gleam in the eyes of the people who lived around her. She hated the muggles almost as much as she hated the purebloods.

She hated everything.

She let out a deep breath, usually she wasn't this melodramatic or emotional. She was level-headed and respected both sides to every story, she was reasonable. But, seemingly, not today.

Petunia just tried her sometimes, kept pestering and picking until finally Lily exploded. That's what her sister wanted, she wanted Lily to jump off the deep end, Petunia wanted to prove to their parents that she didn't belong here anymore. And, maybe her sister was right. Maybe she didn't belong here anymore.

It made her chest heavy at the thought.

She wished things had worked out better with Petunia, she really had. For as big of a bitch as she sister could be, Petunia was lovely and loyal, and she just missed her terribly. Petunia had used to be her best friend, she was the one Lily went to for advice, for support, for answers. Lily used to do everything in her power to make her older sister laugh, and anything to make her proud. They had been so close once, and now, it was like Lily didn't even know her anymore. She didn't know her, she knew nothing about her.

Lily knew that it was Severus and Hogwarts that had broken them apart, but it wasn't Sev's fault, it wasn't Dumbledore's fault. It wasn't anyones. But, Petunia didn't see it that way.

Her sister had been jealous, and sad, that Lily was special, and that she was leaving. She got that, she really did understand. But, it wasn't her fault! It wasn't her fault for being a witch and for Petunia being only a muggle. Couldn't her sister see that? She wished it had been different, she wished Petunia had been born with magical abilities – or, that she hadn't been born with any at all – maybe than they would've remained close.

Lily recalled the moment before going through the platform for her first year of school, she had asked Petunia if she was mad at her. Her sister had hesitantly said no, Lily had shrugged it off and hugged her tighter than she had ever hugged Tuney before. She had really thought that everything would be alright, that her sister would be okay. But, then Christmas came and Petunia had seemed distant. Then Easter, and no letter had been sent from her. And when Lily had returned home for the summer, Petunia had narrowed her gaze and turned up her nose, ignoring and sassing Lily all at once.

That had been the end of their relationship, there was no fixing it after that, Petunia hadn't wanted it to.

So, Lily just accepted her sister's new attitude towards her, expected the way their old friends now looked at her. She let the silences be awkward, or hostile, whatever Petunia wanted, Petunia got. It was just easier that way.

But, sometimes, Lily just couldn't stand the cold looks or the snide remarks. Like today, Petunia had just gone too far.

She had been sitting in the kitchen, drinking tea and catching up on her summer reading when her sister and her friend waltzed in. Petunia had ignored her, as usual, chattering away to a friend that Lily knew as Moira – some girl who was popular in the London socialite scene, that Petunia was trying extremely hard to make her way into.

Lily had ignored them, not wanting to bother her sister and the girl she was trying desperately to impress, she just kept on reading her book, hoping they wouldn't ask what it was about. She would've just left the room entirely, but she had been waiting on her toast and didn't really want to leave just because Petunia had given her a heated glare when they had first walked in.

Her toast had popped up, and Petunia grabbed it, put it on a plate, and offered it to Moira. The girl declined, and instead, Petunia started to eat it. Lily hadn't been able to stop herself, she knew it was just toast, but the nerve of her sister, smiling as she tore off a piece and put it in her mouth, taunting Lily, daring her.

"Hey, Tune." Lily stood from the table, walking over towards the counter where Petunia stood. "Can I have my toast, please."

"Why don't you just charm yourself up another one?" Petunia coyly replied.

Lily narrowed her gaze at Petunia before turning to her friend, Moira. "Sorry about her," Lily nodded towards Petunia. "She has this wacky notion that magic is real," Lily snorted and shrugged her shoulders, acting like her sister was the bizarre one and taking a piece of her toast from the plate.

"God, Lily, don't be such a cow. It's not like you need it anyway." Petunia smirked, her tone boastful. Moira chuckled and she looked Lily up and down, agreeing with her sister.

Lily narrowed her eyes at Petunia, glancing at her. Her sister was looking a little gaunt, slimmer than she had been in a long while – not that Petunia had ever been heavy by any means – but, this was certainly the smallest she'd ever been. Except maybe as a ten year old.

Petunia barely ate recently, even her Mother commenting on it. Her high cheekbones stuck out more – in a way that Petunia thought looked regal, even thought it just made her look underfed. She was tall, and the apparent weight loss made her look more bird-like, frail. Her waist was very tiny, her hips slim, her bust small. Basically, she looked like a twelve year old boy.

They looked nothing alike, they never really had, but when they were young there was a strong Evans resemblance between them. Now, there was nothing. Petunia's hair had gotten darker as she got older, where it used to be a light blonde, it was now a dark honey blonde. Her eyes were still a dark green, her complexion still fair and free of freckles – on her face, anyway. But, she just didn't look like her sister anymore, they barely looked related.

And, now with Petunia's ever shrinking body fat, Lily didn't think they ever would.

Lily just smirked, shrugging a shoulder and grabbing the plate out of Petunia's hands. "Well, at least I don't look like the twelve year old version of a certain boy from Spinner's End."

Petunia gasped, her mouth dropping open at the audacity of her younger sister. Moira had looked away, seemingly embarrassed for Petunia. Everyone knew about Sev, even if they didn't know him personally. Petunia had a habit of talking about her "weird sister" and her "equally as weird friend from Spinner's End". Lily was sure Moira knew all about Severus, about how gaunt and poorly dressed he was, dirty and rubbish in every way. Take that, Tuney. Take. That.

"Why you little witch."

"Watch what you say dear, there are always people listening."

Petunia knew that if she said anything about Lily being a witch or going to Hogwarts that something, well, not good would happen. Lily really didn't have to worry about it, seeing as the mere mortification was enough to keep her sister silent. She didn't like having a freak for a sister, and she certainly didn't want people knowing just how much of an actual freak Lily was.

Petunia grabbed Lily's arm and dragged her into the living room, closing the kitchen door behind her. She pushed Lily further into the room, pointing her finger into Lily's chest. "Listen here, you rude little ingrate. This is my chance at a normal, high society life. I won't let you ruin this for me. Not like you've ruined everything else."

Lily started at her sister, mouth dropping in astonishment. "I ruined everything?" She shook her head, "Are you serious?"

Petunia folded her arms across her chest and stared at Lily in a disapproving manner. For someone who was two years older than her, Petunia looked like such a child in that moment. "Don't play coy, Lily. It doesn't become you."

"I'm not playing coy, Petunia. I've never done anything to you, let alone ruin your life." Her voice was cross, her eyes narrowed.

"And what do you call being whisked away to that school at the end of primary and not ever returning except for summer time?" Petunia's voice was hushed incase Moira was listening, and Lily couldn't tell if it was because of her sister's embarrassment or Lily's modesty. "Or abandoning all of your old friends for your freakish ones?"

Lily's voice dropped, this probably wasn't the best time to be having this argument, or getting this personal, but she knew in that last statement that Petunia wasn't only speaking of her primary school friends. "Tune, I'm sorry. But, what was I suppose to do? Not go?"

"Yes. You were suppose to stay here and be normal like the rest of us."

"I am normal." Lily's voice was small when she said this, confused why Petunia would even bring it up.

Petunia laughed bitterly, "No. You're not." She uncrossed her arms, letting them reside on her hips in an offensive stance. "You can play pretend with everyone else, Lily, but you can't play pretend with me. You're a freak, and you'll always be one."

"And you're a bitch." Lily just couldn't take it anymore, she was done playing Petunia's game, if this was how she wanted it, this was how it was going to be. "And everyone knows it. You can keep pretending and parading around with people like Moira, but we all know. You'll never get anywhere in life because people don't like you. You're vain, conceited, and stuck up, you care more about appearances than the people who care about you."

With that, Lily had turned on her heel and stormed out of the house, not even giving Petunia time to react and slamming the front door behind her in the process. Now here she was, walking. And fuming. And she was pretty sure she was talking angrily to herself, so now she was certifiably crazy.

She let out a deep sigh, letting some of her anger melt.

Why?

Why, did her sister have to hate her so?

Why couldn't her parents see the disdain between them?

Why did everything just suck so much?

She stomped through the small woods, cracking branches beneath her old trainers. She hadn't even realized that she had made her way down to the rocky bank of the small lake that she used to spend all her time at. With Severus.

Great, just what she needed, even more heartbreak on her already loaded mind.

She trudged along anyway, deciding that she didn't care, bringing herself down to the shore anyway. She was stomping and breathing heavily, stopping only once she got to the waters bank, staring out over the expanse of the small lake. She let out a great sigh, hoping that the quietness of the little isle would sooth her angry mind and heart. She tried to let her anger melt fully, but truly hoped it didn't turn to tears. She wouldn't cry over Petunia's meanness, it just wasn't worth it. She turned to sit in the spot she always occupied and literally stalled mid-step when she saw him.

There he was, there was Severus.

In all of his delightfully, brooding glory. There he was.

He was sitting casually on the ground, his long legs drawn up, his arms resting on his knees as he fiddled with the wand in his hands. He looked up at her with easy eyes, regarding her not as a scorned enemy, yet not as a friend either. He just looked so normal to her suddenly, like nothing had ever transpired between them, not even their friendship. He almost looked like a casual acquaintance. It made her head hurt.

He looked older to her suddenly, even though she'd seen him around school last year, for some reason he just looked so different. His hair was a tad shorter than it had been at the end of term, clearly his Mother had coaxed him into getting a trim – even if it was only a tiny one. It was all pushed to one side, like he had ran his hand through it and haphazardly tossed it out of the way, which left his face exposed in the afternoon sun. It was the best look at his face that she'd had in years. His face which managed to look old and young all at once, was creating a strange feeling in her chest as she looked upon him.

His dark eyes were blank, not in the harsh way that she had seen them, just a bored sort of nothingness as they stared up at her. He was dressed in muggle clothes, an olive green t-shirt and some ripped jeans, once again, startlingly normal.

"Hey?"

Her breathing was labored from her angry strut and it was clear in her tone that she had been taken off guard by seeing him. He did manage a mild shocked look in his eyes when she had first approached, but it was gone as soon as it came, excepting the fact that she was standing before him, breathing heavy and looking like she was about to combust.

"Hello."

He looked her over, she was very clearly in a state. He could tell she was angry by the strut-ful gait she had when she stormed down the path, not even noticing him. It was the labored breathing and the heated blush that covered her neck that really tipped him off.

He tried not to delve deeper in the memory that was Lily's idiosyncrasies, he had – somehow easily – pushed a lot of her from his mind when she had rejected his apology and didn't like dwelling on things he couldn't change. He wasn't mad at her, he knew Lily, she was going to be pissed for as long as she was going to be pissed and then she'd come around. He knew the drill, he had watched it happen with her girl friends over the years. He hadn't expected it to be this long, but he was steadfast in his ability to not care – or, at least, he had become.

Standing before him gave him the opportunity to glance her over in a way that he was not so graciously afforded in school. She was wearing a striped t-shirt and a pair of high-waisted shorts, trainers on her feet and her hair was up in a ponytail. She looked normal. She looked...like, Lily.

"What's wrong."

It wasn't asked as a question, but it also wasn't said as a statement. She wasn't entirely sure if he was actually interested or if he was falling back into old patterns and felt like he needed to be her therapist.

She found herself walking towards him anyway, not even thinking about it. Was she mad at him? Was she suppose to be mad at him? She wasn't exactly sure what was going on right now, she hadn't spoken to him in a whole year in her stubbornness, but she found herself not even thinking about it as she sat herself beside him on the ground.

She brought her knees up to her chest, looking out at the sky over the lake. "It's, Petunia."

"Isn't it always?"

She turned to look at him, his dark eyes still held the same blank-boredom as before. They were both just being so casual. It felt strange, but she wasn't fighting it, it was what it was. She had missed him, even though she didn't normally let herself dig that deep inside of her. But she did, she did miss him as she was realizing now.

She decided to just, let it be. What ever this was, whatever they were doing, her mind was already on overdrive, she was just going to let it happen and let the chips fall where they may.

"It's different this time. She didn't just ignore me or call me a freak. She crossed a line, and so did I." She looked away from his gaze, how was she being so calm about all of this? She brought her eyes back to his, "I think our relationship is really over."

He gave a nod, keeping her gaze. "Hasn't it been over for a while now?"

"Yeah, but not like this. I really think that this is the end of us having any sort of connection." Lily shook her head, looking lost. "I hate her. I really do."

That was new. Lily didn't hate anyone, she was stubborn and got in a right state quickly, but she wasn't one to hate. He knew that better than anyone. She was level headed and even keel, he never thought she'd have it in her to actually hate, especially her own sister.

Now Severus, he hated Petunia. He thought she was a bitch who didn't know how to keep her mouth shut. Petunia had been the bane of his nine year old existence and continued to ruin everything as they got older. But, Lily had always defended her sister, had always tried to make him understand. He didn't, because he didn't have any siblings, he didn't understand that bond to another person that is part of your biological makeup. So, no matter how mean or cruel or vile Petunia was to Lily or himself, she always managed to come up with some excuse as to why Petunia was being such a bitch.

Apparently now things were different. Something happened to really make Lily see what was going on inside of her sister's mind. And now, Lily wanted nothing more to do with Petunia, and he had a guess that the feeling was mutual.

"What happened?"

Lily shrugged a shoulder, looking up at the clear sky. Her breathing was even, her temper had mostly subsided. It was very calm between them – that was the only way she could describe it, calm.

"She had a friend over, we started a fight over toast, she called me fat – so I told her she looked like an underfed twelve year old boy." She left out the part about calling her Severus, she had a feeling that he wouldn't appreciate that. "She pushed me into the other room, attacked me about going to Hogwarts and ruining her life, told me that I wasn't normal and that I'd never be. Which...I guess is true."

"What makes you think that?" He looked at her with suddenly serious eyes. "You are normal." She liked the way his dark eyes stayed glued to her's, it made her feel. "The only thing abnormal about you is your insane love for that horrid Kate Bush song."

Lily couldn't help the smile that fell onto her face or the bark of laughter that bubbled up, she shook her head, still smiling. "It's a great song."

Severus, still serious, shook his head, "No. No it's not."

"Yes it is! She's serenading Heathcliff as Catherine from Wuthering Heights. It's genius."

"Absolutely not."

Her laughing subsided and she took to just smiling back at the blank Severus. This was more them, well the old them. She liked it. It was strange how easy it was to fall right back into step with him, even after not speaking for a year – had it really been a whole year? – it was natural, like second nature. They had been friends for so long before that, she'd known him since she was nine years old, spent all her empty days with him. Surely one year off from their friendship couldn't have changed any of that, and it appeared it hadn't.

Now, that struck her.

How could she let herself fall so comfortably casual with him after she'd sworn him off? Did she want to forget about it? Did she want to be friends with him again?

Deep down she did, she missed him. Just because she was mad at him didn't mean she stopped caring about him. She was just stubborn, she didn't want to admit that she might've taken it too far.

She wondered if he missed her too.

From the way he was regarding her this whole time, he seemed undecided. That, or she really couldn't tell, which bothered her immensely.

"Though, I wasn't the innocent one in that scenario. I did call her a bitch to her face, I basically told her that she was rude and conceited, and that nobody would ever like her." She shook her head and let out a sigh. "I'm no better than she is." He regarded her in kind, taking in what she said, his eyes never leaving her. She couldn't read him and that bothered her. "So, what should I do about, Petunia?"

Severus shrugged a shoulder, they were still haunched, his knees still up. "What do you want to do about it? Do you want to forgive her?"

"No." The answer was immediate, Lily wasn't even sure if that was truly what she wanted. She instead took a moment to think about it before answering again. "I don't know. She's put me in a position that I don't know how to get out of. I'm not sure how to move on from here. Do I forgive her and try, very desperately, to patch up our relationship against her will? Or do I just let it be? Let her be angry, let me be angry, and just..." She sighed, bringing her bright eyes up to meet his. "Let her go."

He felt a strange stirring in his chest at this conversation – at this whole meeting, actually. It was bizarre to be here with her. To talk so softly and casually, to have everything feel so calm. He liked teasing her and making her laugh, it reminded him of how lonely he'd been this past year without her. Despite popular belief, he did have friends, he was mildly – alright, not really – content with his life as a nobody, he didn't need Lily and her delightful charm. He wanted it. That was the distinction that people couldn't make. He wanted Lily in his life because he liked her there, because he wanted her around.

She had been his best friend, he had told her everything. The same went for her, he knew more about her than anyone ever would, including Potter.

But, she had made a decision a year ago, she was mad at him. That was her decision. She was mad at him and she was going to stay that way for as long as she pleased. She hadn't accepted his apology, she had ignored him and left him to be whoever he wanted without her. She hadn't sneered at him in the hall with the Marauders or started calling him names or anything of the sort. She had just chosen to stick to herself, be alone for a while. And she had, she had spent the year without him, but she had also spent the year without anyone.

Lily had taken to spending time alone last year, claiming that she just needed space from everyone – mostly including him. Potter took it as a chance to slip in undetected, but she didn't hang around with them either. For the whole year he only saw her with Alice, the small blonde was the only friend that Lily had let into her self-proclaimed year of peace. He was happy for her, and he was happy that he hadn't been the only one excluded from her graces. He supposed that's what made the blow of their friendship crumbling a little less severe. She hadn't left him for someone else, for another group who was better and more popular than the likes of him. She was fair in her cold shoulders. He guessed, for whatever reason, she was now coming around.

He wasn't quite sure what to expect though, were they friends again? Did this meeting count as such? They hadn't really talked about them, so he was very unsure. But, the real question that was burning at the back of his mind was, did he even want this?

It might've sounded strange, clearly he still cared for her. But he wasn't sure if he wanted to go down this road again, not if it would only lead to disappointment.

He cleared his throat, bringing his eyes back up to meet her's. "You have to do what feels right, Lily." She liked the way he said her name. She hadn't heard it come from his mouth in so long. "If you've had enough, then let it be. Your relationship might be too far gone to save."

He was right, it might be too far gone to save. "Yeah." She said thoughtfully, desperately.

"Or," He fiddled with the wand in his hands. "You can try and repair what's broken. But, it's all up to you."

She looked away from his intense gaze, bringing her eyes up to the open sky, looking at all the passing clouds. She let out a long sigh that she hadn't know she'd been holding in, the silence between them wasn't uncomfortable. "I'm sorry." She turned to face him, her eyes held a sadness he wasn't used to seeing. She whispered this time, "I'm sorry." He held her quiet gaze and nodded silently. She perked up a little more than she had just been, clearing her throat. "Thank you, Sev – for talking with me."

He nodded again, "I do what I can."

She stood suddenly, leaving their small little world that had been created when she sat down. She brushed off her shorts, making sure her wand was still in her back pocket. She turned towards him, still calm but less somber than she had just been during her apology. "I should get back and figure out this whole...situation."

"Yeah."

She bit at her lower lip – a tell tale sign she wasn't sure of what she was about to do. This should be interesting.

"Would you – " She paused, unsure of herself. She continued on anyway. "Do you want to meet up tomorrow? I'd like to catch up with you, if that's alright."

He was taken aback at her invitation. He hadn't thought that this meant anything, and he had just assumed that she hadn't either. He answered before he could stop himself. "I'd like that."

She nodded, something returning to her eyes that he hadn't noticed she'd been missing. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

He nodded curtly and watched her go, following her figure through the trees as long as his line of sight would let him. What had just happened?

He stood a few minutes after Lily had departed, wiping the sand from his jeans and turning through the small forest towards his home. All the while trying not to analyze what the strange meeting that had just occurred meant, or on the fact that he was meeting up with Lily again tomorrow. And, he tried desperately hard not to concentrate on the fact that she had called him, Sev.

What in the world was going on with today?

Do you hate? Do you love? TELL ME.