Lily stirred her butterbeer slowly, staring out the window of the little bar she was seated in, waiting on Alice. The blonde had been running a bit late, seeing Frank off to training, and told Lily to go ahead and order – which, she had.

She missed Alice, they usually spent a lot of time together and Lily was finding that being without her was particularly taxing this summer. She missed Alice's kind words and soft glances, mostly she missed her spot-on advice that wasn't sugarcoated in what people though she'd want to hear. And, as helpful and surprisingly soft, as Petunia had been lately, Lily just really needed her best friend right now.

So, when Lily had sent the owl to Alice that she needed a meet up, the blonde replied quickly. They had a lot to catch up on anyway. Apparently in her Severus-themed introversion, some things had gone down within her friend group. Which, was exactly the type of situation she had been trying to avoid last year. But, Alice needed her, so here she would be. Besides, she would be lying if she said that she wasn't intrigued by it all.

She gazed out the window, watching the busy street and the people that walked by – families, friends, couples. She wondered what it was like to be in a relationship, to have someone to talk about everything to, someone who was your best friend in all the world but was also the one you kissed goodnight. She wanted that closeness with someone, wanted those quiet smiles and meaningful glances. She wanted to be Alice and Frank, who were so perfectly suited for one another that it was nauseating.

Her mother always told her that things happened in time, that everything happened for a reason and if she missed her train or got off the wrong exit, than she wasn't meant to be that somewhere. Her mother equated that to love lives as well. Lily believed her, which wasn't hard because her mother was known to be very convincing. She believed that things happened for a reason, and if she wasn't meant to be in love right now, than she just wasn't.

But that didn't mean she still didn't want to be in love.

The bell chimed and Lily looked up from her internal rambling and spaced out gaze to find Alice headed over to her booth, blonde bob bouncing as she walked, a small smile on her face. "Hey." She said breathlessly, plopping down across from Lily. "Sorry, it took a little longer than I expected."

"How is Frank?" Lily asked, curious to know how the older boy was fairing.

"He's good." Alice gushed, "It's harder than he expected, but, that's a given. Otherwise, he's just the same."

Lily smiled at her friend, "I'm glad." She took a sip of her butterbeer and Alice waved the bartender over to order one of her own. "So, what's been happening? Last we spoke you were in a fight with Mary?"

Alice rolled her eyes as an annoyed look came over her face, "Don't even get me started." She thanked the bartender and took a sip of her drink, the foam catching her lip, but Alice didn't seem to mind. "I'm done, Lily. I mean it. I'm done being her friend."

Lily's brows furrowed, "Don't you think that's a little... extreme?"

Alice just scoffed, "If you can take a half-time from them for a whole year, I think I can manage as well. Mary is just so..." Her hands hung in the air, attempting to find the right words for their bossy friend. "You know? And Marlene just goes along with it! They're like each other's lackeys, it's embarrassing."

"Wow, Al, I had no idea things were this bad." Lily looked sympathetically at her closest friend, truly sorry that she had been basically ignoring her in her Severus-induced coma. "I'm sorry I've been M.I.A. lately."

"It's alright, Lil. I get it. You've got some of your own friend-drama to work out." The pointed look she gave Lily didn't go unnoticed by the redhead. "How is he anyway?"

Lily looked down into her half empty glass, the sugary foam from her drink starting to dissipate. How was Severus? It was an odd question for her to answer – did she even know the answer? She knew that Alice was asking in between the lines, wanting to know how she and Severus were. She shrugged a shoulder, "He's good. Different, and the same, but good. It's... a lot."

The narrowed brown eyes boring into her made Lily sigh, she knew Alice wanted more, but, she wasn't sure what to say. How could she say that ever since she ran into him by the lake, she'd been thinking more and more about their old friendship, that she was remembering less and less why they were actually not friends anymore. How could she tell Alice that the reason for her self-impose exile last year was now her tentative friend again? She wasn't exactly sure how to say any of that without sounding either desperate or like a total loon.

Alice just continued to stare at her with those soft brown eyes, damn Alice and her eyes. "You gave me next to nothing in your letters about what's going on. I demand answers."

"Fine," Lily sighed, leaning back against the booth in defeat. "What do you want to know."

"Let's just start from the beginning. How did all of this even start?" The curiosity in Alice's voice was heavy, it must've been driving her crazy not knowing any of this.

Lily played with the rim of her glass, going back and forth between looking at her best friend and the glass beside her. "Petunia and I had a row, I stalked off to the lake that runs between our houses and he was sitting there."

"By himself." Alice injected.

"Yeah? So, we just... started talking and it was, sorta natural, like even though it was awkward, it was also normal, you know?"

Alice nodded, "So, how did you guys start hanging out, then?"

"I asked to see him again. He said yes."

"You asked him?" Brown eyes skeptically met hesitant green ones. "I thought we were still on the 'Snape's an asshole' bandwagon, when did that change?"

She sighed, "I don't know what happened, Alice. We were talking and it just felt right. We talked about everything, he's... different now. So am I."

Alice nodded, that empathetic look on her sweet face. "I get it. I understand." She leaned forward a bit, closer. "Whatever makes you happy, Lily. You know that I never cared about any of that garbage Mary and Marlene spout out. Neither does Emme. If you wanna be friends with him again, go for it."

Lily looked down at her glass again, unable to keep her friend's gaze. "I don't know what I want."

Alice leaned back and nodded, "Okay, then. Figure it out. Either way, I don't really care. I won't bother me if you decide Severus is back to being not an asshole. I always sorta liked the bookworm." She smiled a tad affectionately.

Lily managed a small smile at her friend. "You're really awesome, you know that, right?"

Alice beamed and tossed back her hair in an over dramatic fashion. "Yeah, I know."

They chuckled and the air between them settled. Lily felt better about getting that off her chest, she still needed to tell Alice about James, about the odd new wisps of somethings that stirred inside her for Severus, but first, she had a question she needed answered.

"Alice, did you ever notice Severus..." She couldn't seem to find the right words. How did she say, did you ever notice if Severus had feelings for me? If he looked at me funny, if you noticed he wanted me? It all sounded conceited and annoying.

"The fact that Severus Snape was basically in love with you? Yeah, I noticed."

The way she said it so casually, as though it were old news, boring even, threw Lily for a loop. Maybe it was old news. Old, boring news that no one cared about anymore except for her.

"You think he was in love with me?" Lily questioned, almost skeptically.

Alice sent her a look that prompted a Seriously? in her gaze. "Uh, yeah, Lily. We all thought that."

"Whose we all?"

"Everyone with eyes."

What the actual fuck?

How had she not known this apparently very obvious piece of information?

"For a while, I thought you might've liked him too." Lily's eyes shot up at Alice's words. "But, you never said anything, so I never knew for sure." Lily was still mulling over the words in her mind, leaving it silent between them. "Why?" Alice questioned.

"Just something my sister said. It made me think. I honestly didn't realize it had been that obvious. Clearly I had been stuck in the friendship bubble, unnoticed."

The blonde shrugged, "Happens to the best of us." She casually took a sip of her drink. "Remember when Finnegan Belle had that massive crush on me in Fourth year and I had absolutely no idea? I just kept letting him borrow my notes and laughing at his jokes, completely clueless to the fact that I was definitely, unconsciously leading him on."

"Yeah." Lily sighed, still tangled up about the whole thing. "I remember."

Alice eyed her wearily. "Is there something else the matter?" She asked gently. "You seem like there's something else on your mind."

The whole James thing was weighing heavily on her mind. With Alice sitting in front of her all casual-like, she just felt like screaming it. She hadn't even realized that she had actually said the words outloud until Alice's face turned shocked.

"Excuse me?"

Fuck.

"I slept with James." She repeated.

"Yeah, I heard that part. Uh, why, may I ask, did you sleep with the guy who was on the 'He's an asshole' bandwagon long before Snape?"

Lily dropped her head to the table, letting out a heavy breath. "I don't know."

"I'm gonna need some deets here, Lil. You can't just drop a bomb on me and expect me to figure it out."

Lily didn't lift her head from the table when she responded. "I don't know. He was being... nice. Which, honestly, should've tipped me off. It was just something that happened. I feel kind of embarrassed about it the more time passes."

"Well, that's unfortunate, Lily. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too."

"So, you would change it – if you could?" Alice's voice was light, but curious. Clearly not trying to hurt her friend's feelings, but desperately attempting to navigate this new landmine.

Lily brought her head up to look at Alice. Her gentle brown eyes light with curiosity. "I don't know." She shrugged. "Maybe this was always the way it was suppose to turn out."

Alice gently shook her head, "Well, I don't know about that." She copied Lily and shrugged a shoulder. "Who knows how life's suppose to turn out. I don't think the fact that you slept with James Potter is the end of yours. You don't have to let your mistakes define you, Lily. You'll be known for your hits, not just your misses. And, who knows," She smirked, the glint in her brown eyes was not lost on Lily. "Maybe you have something better waiting for you to get home."

He was perched against a tree, deemed his tree long ago, book in hand, quill in the other. Lily was somewhere to his right, rolled on her stomach, writing out equations in pen on lined notebook paper that she'd transfer to parchment later.

The sight made him smirk, Arithmancy casually being unriddled on muggle paper. It was laughable. He only lightly pointed it out, knowing it could potentially be a touchy subject. Lily had only rolled her eyes and flipped him off, that small smirky-smile in place at the corners of her lips.

He couldn't help but let his eyes travel her, notice those things about her that he had in years past, couldn't stop his gaze from wandering over her features and highlighting the things he thought beautiful. She was beautiful, most thought so, her face generally pleasing, her bright eyes almost otherworldly were the main focus of people's attention. He thought they were beautiful too, one of the most beautiful things about her.

But, it wasn't only her general visage or her eyes, it was the freckles that marred her otherwise perfect skin, the slope of her lips that naturally turned down in a frown, the fullness of her cheeks, the small scars that never faded from her long legs as children.

It was her imperfections that made her perfect, that made her Lily. She wasn't some beautiful, untouchable figure here in the forrest. No, here she was just a girl with a deep scar on her knee from the cat that had technically been Petunia's, but had been commandeered by Lily as a child, and freckles on her shoulders that easily mapped out constellations.

Here she was a girl who jumped in the lake frequently, laughed loudly and without restraint, a girl who did her magic homework in pen. She was reachable here, not so far out that he couldn't even think about grasping her.

Maybe it was the timing, because while she had always seemed more real here than she had at Hogwarts, there was something different about it now. There was something different between them now.

His feelings for Lily had never been a secret, maybe to her, but, never to him. He wasn't quite sure when he had fallen in love with her, when it had transitioned from fantasy crush to the real deal, but it had.

There was a time within the last year that he had felt disconnected from the emotions he felt for her, the sting of her loss mostly overshadowing everything else, but he remembered not feeling for her as much as he had.

Now, though, now that they were here... it was different. All of those feelings came rushing back harder than before. He wanted her, probably more than he wanted anything else in this moment. She was doing nothing particularly forthcoming or sensual, but, he wanted her as she laid on the forrest floor of their hidden spot, casually doing schoolwork in her summer clothes.

She was beautiful.

He wanted her.

Lucius' words trailed up into the forefront of his mind like smoke, swirling around yet ungraspable. He had six months. Six months to do the one thing he had been afraid of since he was eleven.

But, things were different now. There was a new air between them, pushing along with the old. Prior to their fight, he never would have even contemplated doing this, wouldn't even have humored it in his mind. They were older now, though, and it showed.

The past year had been a growing experience for the both of them, they were kids, barely legal in either society, but their argument had matured them in a way. They separated and came back anew – it was the fact that they came back at all that astonished him.

Then, there was James.

Just the name brought that fire up and pricked at his skin. Potter had swooped in when they were most vulnerable, and took what he wanted. Nobody ever truly thought Potter and Evans were good for one another – they were too hot, too volatile, like stars colliding, creating a big black hole – but, they were the perfect candidates on the outside. Beautiful, well liked, popular, Gryffindors. It made sense, Severus got that, but he knew better than anyone what they were both really like. He wasn't surprised it hadn't worked out between them. He was surprised that it happened at all.

It bothered him. He wouldn't deny that. He probably would never be able to get that out of his mind when he looked at her. Maybe he would.

Her virginity was not important to him, what did he care if she was an innocent or not? This wasn't the medieval era, women weren't prided based on their virtue. It was the fact that she had chosen James Potter over him. That she had let his worst enemy outside his own home lay claim to her. It was a pride thing, it was personal, it was stupid, he understood that.

It hurt because she had chosen him. It hurt because she would never choose him. It hurt because might have, if he'd given her the chance.

He'd never told Lily how he felt about her or anything else, most of the time he was positive she didn't even think he liked her at all. He was guarded, he was damaged, he wasn't the bright shining star that her chosen was. He was quiet, and introverted, and angry. He wasn't good at showing his feelings, he wasn't good at keeping his mouth shut when he was angry, he wasn't good at keeping it open when he wasn't. He wasn't good at a lot of things, and he knew that.

He may have been hard to read, secretive even, but she knew him better than most. He wished this all could be so much easier, he wanted nothing more than for her to just look at him and understand, to know. Then, he wouldn't have to put himself out there, to say anything.

But, that wasn't how this worked and he knew that. He was going to have to tell her, if not to be with her, than at the very least to move on.

He wouldn't pretend that she would return his feelings wholeheartedly, he knew she hadn't felt for him that way. Maybe when they were younger and the tingle of a crush was on the edge of her subconscious, but he didn't know when that had faded – if it had even been there at all. Sometimes he couldn't read her as well as he claimed.

There was something different now, though. Something in the small upturn of her lips, the directness of her gaze, it was something he couldn't quite read, but knew that familiar feeling he got from it. For whatever reason, there was a chance now, and he wasn't going to miss it this time.

No matter how much it terrified him.

He heard her sigh and his eyes were brought up from where they had been spaced out by the lake, over to where she was laying. He followed up the length of her bare legs, over the curve of her rear, up her spine, to the width of her shoulders covered by strands of shinning red hair. Her profile was strong, the cut of her jaw, the gentle slope of her nose, the length of her lashes. He wondered if she could feel his gaze on her the same way he felt her's, did her skin prick with heat? Did goosebumps arise over her skin?

He wondered.

She sighed again and rolled onto her back, stretching out her spine, giving him a delicious view of her body casually covered in cotton and denim. The curve of her breast, the flash of pale skin from beneath her striped boys top, the way her long body arched and froze as she stretched. It made his breathing hitch and length twitch.

Sure, he had dreamed of other girls, he was male, he wasn't exactly subconsciously programmed to think about only one girl. But, that didn't mean that most of the time it wasn't her that flashed behind his eyelids when he tended to himself. She was the first girl he had ever thought about kissing, and then as he grew older, fucking. He wanted her, the only problem was if she wanted him.

"God, my ribs fucking hurt." She was holding her ribs as she laid on her back, breathing in deeply, causing her breasts to bounce sharply, pushed up from her hands. He looked away, feeling himself begin to harden. "I always forget how much it hurts to lay on your stomach for a long time, and I do it anyway."

He "hmm"ed in response, looking back down at his book that he hadn't read any of this whole time.

Lily looked over towards Severus from where she laid on her back a few paces away. She could feel his gaze on her, the way he use to when they were younger, his eyes traveling her skin, taking his time.

When she was younger, she thought nothing of it. She looked at people all the time, glossing over their features with her gaze. But, Petunia's words crossed through her mind, Alice's from earlier in the day flashing before her eyes.

Did he like her?

Apparently everyone had thought so. She would admit that in Third year she may gave had an inkling but dismissed it quickly in favor of friendship. But, now? Now things were different.

Did he like her? Did he have actual feelings for her, or was it all physical attraction?

She let her eyes rake over him his broad shoulder, long limbs, the length of his nose, the elegant arch of his brows, those downturned pouty, lips, his forever intense eyes. He wasn't ugly, not in the least. She'd always found him rather appealing. She never understood her classmate's view of him – the slimy, greasy, git that made them rather kiss the Giant Squid.

Sure, he wasn't James Potter handsome, or Sirius Black sexy, or even Remus Lupin cute – it wasn't lost on her that all the "socially acceptable" guys were Gyrffindors – but he was attractive all the same.

Those dark intense eyes of his had always made her hear beat a bit faster when he connected them with hers in that certain way, the strong cut of his jaw was more than appealing, the pale column of his throat, those shoulder, his wit and sarcasm, even his intelligence was hot.

If she was being completely honest with herself, there had been a time when he had made her heart beat faster and a smile spread easily, there had been a denied crush years ago. But, what did that mean for the present?

It was obvious there was something more between them than either was letting on. Hey weren't friends anymore, despite their pact to start anew. They held no ties to one another right now, they weren't bogged down by their past relationship. Her sister's words ran through her ears, Alice's passed through her mind.

Did she like him?

That was the real question in all this.

She watched him as she sat reading, his hair tousled and thrown over one side, leaving his face exposed to the sunlight and her wandering gaze. It was such a normal sight, one that she wouldn't even think twice of. It was something that burrowed deep in her mind and brought up memories of different times he'd looked exactly the same.

They were growing up, growing apart, maybe even growing back together. She couldn't be sure.

The question lingered in the forefront of her mind heavily.

She stood then, quickly almost, catching his attention. She didn't like the way her thoughts were weighing down heavily in her mind, she didn't want to think about these things, she didn't want to think about anything. All she wanted was to be around Severus and maybe begin to mend what needed mending.

This was their last summer before graduation, before rushing into adulthood and whatever that held for them. She wanted to bask in what was left of the sunshine before school overtook them, she wanted playful laughter and quiet afternoons. She could get answers to her questions later, right now, she didn't care.

She began to strip off her shorts, the offending material took forever to dry and rubbed her skin raw when wet, she knew better than to swim in them. Severus looked up as her shorts fell down her legs and landed on the grass, she kicked them off and began toeing off her shoes.

His brows furrowed as he watched her, the heat of his gaze running across the newly bared skin was not lost on her, but Lily didn't dwell on it as she moved to the edge of the lake. "What are you doing?"

The sigh in his voice made a small smile appear on her lips as she looked over at him where he still sat against the tree. "What does it look like?"

They had swam together all the time growing up, he had seen her in a bathing suit before, her bare legs and hips should be no different. But they were, and he knew they were.

He couldn't help but eye her long legs and up to where they met her hips, the flash of polka dotted underwear that covered her center shouldn't have thrown him off, but it did. Her t-shirt was still donned over the top half of her, he wondered if she would take that off too. He felt the wave of warmth wash over him like a warm bath, starting at the crown of his head and spreading down.

Overstimulation and heavy arousal were things that he'd grown to associate with Lily Evans, he just hadn't felt them in a while. It also didn't work well for him when he knew she was beckoning him into the water with her.

He watched as she sidled right in, sinking under and popping back up with sunken ponytail and waterlogged lashes. She smiled at him in that way she always smiled at him when she wanted him to do something he may not have particularly wanted to do. Like go swimming. It was hot out, yes, he did seem to be wearing far too many articles of clothing and the cool water would feel nice, but being playful with a wet Lily always lead to hidden arousals and a hefty wank session once he'd returned home.

But, that look was powerful and soon he found himself rolling his eyes and huffing as he stood from his spot by the tree, shrugging off his button down and debating if he should leave his jeans on or not. He found himself emptying his pockets and walking into the water, pants and all.

Lily just smirked at him from where she was wading in the water, sighing at the coolness compared to the hot heat that summer offered them. He had to admit, it was rather nice, he hadn't gone for a swim in years.

"Are you excited?"

Her voice rang out over the quiet that had enveloped them, her turned to look at her from where she floated, her breasts pushed out in the position, causing his eyes to linger there momentarily. "For what, exactly?"

"This being out last year of school." She answered, staring up at the bright sky as she floated on her back a few feet away. "Are you excited?"

He thought on it for a moment, was he excited? Perhaps he was, with school over he could finally start doing things that solely interested him, the bonus would be never seeing half of their class ever again. But, maybe he wasn't. Graduating meant leaving, and as much as he couldn't wait to leave Spinner's End, a part of him never wanted to leave this place, where they currently resided.

Maybe he wouldn't. Maybe not all of him would leave, maybe a part of him would stay here in this place, never leaving because it couldn't. Perhaps there was a part of him that was still that child, that would never fully grow up and move on. Looking at Lily, he realized maybe that wasn't so uncommon.

"I don't know." He glanced over the clearing where their belongings sat, where they had essentially grew up. He looked over at the small isle that sat in the middle of the lake, at Lily herself. "I suppose so."

"Yeah," She answered with a bit of sadness in her voice, those green eyes watching the clouds. "Me too."

This year would be a culmination of many things, it may just even be surprising. But, he realized, he wasn't so sure of himself as he was at the start of this summer. He wasn't sure if he should mark that down as good or bad.

His gaze once again drawn to Lily, he still couldn't decide. Lucius' words ringing out in his head. He sighed, he had a lot of work to do this year and not all of it for top marks and a good apprenticeship.

A/N: Thank you to everyone who hounds me about this story, thanks for keeping me on track guys! TELL ME THINGS.