The Meaning of Family

Chapter Five

Hiruzen had hoped the team assignments to be less headache inducing this time around.

He watched with sick fascination as Kakashi entered, wrote down the name of the two students he wanted, and then proceeded to pick the first Kunoichi of the class and remark quite firmly that 'Either I get these three or I walk out on whatever team you wish to assign me'.

It was funny how Anko, of all people, sauntered in the next minute with a sheet outright demanding Naruto's insertion into the Torture and Interrogation squad department. The form had Ibiki's signature.

There was blood on the parchment too.

Hiruzen felt the impending headache increase when Danzo brought forth his suggestion to have Naruto 'enter a training camp' somewhere in 'Happy-Country of Happiness and Certainly not a Root-Secret Facility to obtain a Weapon for Konoha'.

He was tempted to let Naruto go, just to pinpoint the place with accuracy thanks to bright neon orange paint. At the same time, he knew Danzo wouldn't be offended if his offer ended up in the bin.

Tsunade wanted Sasuke to learn her medical skills.

Yamato wanted Sasuke because he was the quietest of the pair.

Shizune was fine with either of the boys.

Hiruzen's headache just grew.

Now, if only he could find a solution that would make everyone happy…

Well, except from Naruto failing the exams —something that he wouldn't, because someone had most strangely let him have a peek at the Kage Bunshin technique, and thus…

He didn't really want to remember past that.

His mind refused to understand how such a boy would be able to create such a lethal technique like the Harem No Jutsu. And the fact it was Naruto, of all people…

The Hokage coughed and cleared his head.

Team assignments…team assignments…he needed to place Naruto and Sasuke somewhere they would be capable of flourishing, and yet at the same time with someone who wouldn't be scared of having some of the strongest shinobi ever come by to 'talk to them'.

There really was no choice, in the end.

He was sure the unlucky guy would understand this was for the greater good of Konoha.

Asuma Sarutobi felt as if death had crawled over his stomach, taken a seat next to him, and begun dealing him a shitty poker hand by the time he opened his eyes the following morning.

He didn't know why it felt as if his dad was responsible for him feeling like hell, but he was sure the old man had done something to deserve his momentary thought about how easy it would be to fill with prune laxative his coffee cup in the morning.

Still, Asuma went about his daily business as usual, until the Hokage called him to receive the updated papers on which his students' names would be. It was tradition for the Sarutobi to train the Akimichi, the Yamanaka and the Nara.

It was a tradition that had lasted for as long as the village had been in place —that meant relatively little, since it was barely half a dozen of generations— but it was one Asuma hoped his old man would respect.

He received the paper and opened it calmly.

Next to him, Kakashi hummed as he did the same.

Anko was present too, and her look was pleased as she begun opening her paper.

There was a heartbeat of silence.

When Asuma raised his eyes from the paper, the Hokage was no longer there. A straw mannequin holding the semblance of the Hokage drawn in ink stood in his place, with the Hokage garments and all.

Six words scribbled on a note attached to the hat made Asuma mentally curse the day his father had decided to take a note out of Naruto Uzumaki's book.

"Take it like a man, son."

Asuma Sarutobi made the manliest of girlish shrieks as he ran for the hills, while Mitarashi Anko and Hatake Kakashi both growled at his retreating hide.

Meanwhile, the Hokage happily sipped away at his secret alcohol stash in the middle of the village, hidden under the guise of a poor misunderstood old man with white hair and a slightly overweight complexion.

They'd never find him.

And he needed a moment of peace for himself.

The fact there was an equally anonymous man, very thin and with an eye-patch over his right eye next to him doing the same thing absolutely didn't mean he and Danzo were actually drinking partners.

It was preposterous since they both couldn't drink —Tsunade's orders— and if she found them drinking, she'd have strong words on them.

So, two anonymous gentlemen drank alcohol on a bench in the park, watching with amusement as a certain Asuma Sarutobi dashed by screaming, followed by Hatake Kakashi with a Raikiri per hand and screaming 'Thunderous One Million Years of Pain' and Mitarashi Anko, a snake per hand yelling 'Pipe Cleaning Technique' much to the disgusted faces of her summoned snakes.

"Konoha used to be such a peaceful village," Danz—ahem! Anonymous old man said.

"Indeed," Hir—ahem, second old and average man said. "A pity, I tell you. An old man can't even have a drink in peace now."

"This is good stuff by the way," Anonymous old man said. "Where did you find it?"

"It's a secret," Average old man replied with a smirk. "If I told you, I'd have…I'd have to kill you, hic."

"You brew it at home."

"Damn it, Yamat—ahem, my son tattled again, didn't he?"

"He does brew the strongest of alcohols when he puts his mind to it. The Mokuton bloodline…I understand now why it was so prized."

"Indeed! Sensei…well, the First Hokage, he really liked his alcohol strong!"

And as the two nodded reminiscing their past, the screaming of Asuma in the background slowly drifted away, carried by the wind.

And all was right in the world.

Except Asuma's ability to sit later that night.

But that's a story for another time.

Author's notes

Fluffiness, happiness, and everything nice.