Lost Kitten

Scene III: Pity the Fool

"Is this real?" he asked. "Are you real?"

Lelouch could only stammer in reply, still holding onto the arms which enclosed his torso.

Suzaku's fingers were nearly digging into him, and he thought it must've been an attempt at grounding himself, but it hurt and Lelouch was very tempted to pull away. Something in this stranger's tone kept him from doing so however, a deep and dreamy sort of waver which was held within. It sounded calming, even though Suzaku was clearly far from calm, and he felt an immense desire to reassure the shaking figure leaning against him.

"I'm real," Lelouch whispered.

Suzaku sat back suddenly with a jagged grin, releasing a demented laugh.

"That's right!" he bellowed hysterically, tears still clinging to his eyes. "If you were just another dream you would know who I am!"

More tears.

Although, Lelouch figured usually anyone who was attacked by a stranger, in such a candid and familiar fashion, would probably be at least a bit uncomfortable, he wasn't. Part of him rationalized that it may have been because he had no memory of any sort of "intimate" relationship to begin with (no matter how you chose to perceive that word), and thus no basis to judge off of. However, on the flip side of things, Lelouch also wasn't an idiot, and therefore he understood the basic workings of every day formalities.

This, certainly, was not normal.

So, in the end Lelouch still wasn't quite sure why he allowed Suzaku to clutch onto him for as long as he did, but, honestly, he was not bothered by it. He retained no suspicions of his life being in danger (at least not for the moment). Besides, Suzaku's reason for being so distraught was, unquestionably, the key to what their true relation had been. Lelouch also thought that Suzaku most likely had the right to do whatever he wanted with him, whether that was to hold him for hours or rub his face in the dirt. Honestly, he probably had a million and one reasons to act the way he was, and even if Lelouch himself didn't know what they were, he could already tell that these reasons were truly, morbidly real.

"Uh… we should talk," he said cautiously.

Suzaku's breath hitched and he pulled him closer again, his face returning to its place on Lelouch's neck.

"Anything," he gasped, clearly choking on his words. "Just don't leave again, Lelouch. Just promise me you won't leave me for a second time."

Lelouch swallowed hard, allowing his fingers to relax against Suzaku's arms.

He paused before nodding slightly.

"Okay," he hushed. "I promise."

The parting, unlike when he'd felt Suzaku's body against his (oddly enough), was awkward.

Seeing him pull back finally, after having cried like a child for so long, made Lelouch weirdly uncomfortable. Yet, as Suzaku stood and offered him a hand to help him to his feet as well, the tension in his stomach lapsed momentarily.

This made him wonder.

Without thinking, Lelouch turned his back to Suzaku, listening intently as he paced the room.

The silence was deafening; it was a cliché phrase, but Lelouch thought it fitting as he swore he was deaf for a moment. Though, the quiet made his thoughts resonate ever louder in his mind, so that couldn't have been true. He was profoundly confused, and in that moment, the knowledge of such was disgustingly apparent.

"I was so desperate,"

Shaken from his thoughts, Lelouch looked over his shoulder to shoot Suzaku a quizzical glance.

He was sitting on the bed, hunched over with his face buried in his hands; it was an obvious display of fatigue.

Oh, Lelouch thought. I'm not even sure if he was talking to me after all.

"You…" he tried, but he cut himself short.

It was rather intimidating to speak to Suzaku after what had just transpired between them. There was still so much he wanted to ask though.

"You called yourself my Knight," Lelouch began in a soft voice. "What does that mean?"

Suzaku sighed and sat up.

He removed his fake glasses, his hat, and his coat before setting them on the bed beside him.

Lelouch was shocked when he found himself thinking that Suzaku looked somewhat familiar to him, taking into consideration the obvious fact that he didn't know anyone, apart from C.C., of course. But, when he thought about it, if he had been a part of the Requiem after all, it was possible that Lelouch had stumbled upon a picture or two at some point during his research. Though, part of him felt that there had to be more of a reason, other than simply the fact that he may have seen an image of Suzaku before. Even if he'd been mentioned in an article, or if C.C. had brought up his name, something about his current situation seemed off, in a sense. Of course, he wasn't sure what he was expecting, especially considering that most everything had seemed rather off since Lelouch awoke in this foreign world in the first place.

Regardless, he'd had enough beating around the bush, because if he wanted answers, he needed to ask questions.

Unfortunately, Suzaku replied with a question of his own.

"It was C.C., right?" he said, grinding his teeth.

"Huh?" Lelouch offered dumbly.

"You ask me if I was a part of the Requiem, didn't you?" Suzaku went on as he narrowed his eyes thoughtfully towards the window. "How much do you even remember before that?"

"I don't remember anything," Lelouch stated again firmly. "In fact, the only reason I know my own name is because C.C. told me when I woke up."

"Did she tell you how she did it?" Suzaku demanded.

"Tell me how she did what?" Lelouch sighed. "Did she tell me how she managed to revive me? No, but I've stopped trying to get straight answers out of that woman by now."

Suzaku's face dropped.

"I can't believe she would do this," he said breathlessly. "Why would she bring me here after almost 3 years?"

Lelouch straightened up then, a sour look on his face.

"Now, it's your turn," he began. "Tell me who you are, and bluntly this time. I'm simply trying to live at this point, so I have no interest in being thrust back into any part of my old life."

Suzaku's expression grew pained for a moment, but soon he seemed to resign, glaring down at the wooden floor beneath Lelouch's feet.

"I told you already," he huffed, rising to stand in front of him.

"Yes," Lelouch sneered. "You call yourself my 'Knight,' but what does that mean?"

Suzaku stared at him, seeming as though he were searching for his words. But soon his eyes softened.

"Well," he said evenly. "You know you're royalty, after all, right?"

"I was, you mean," Lelouch snorted.

"Even so…" Suzaku took his hand gently, raising it to his lips as he got down on one knee. "You are the Emperor, and I am your Knight."

In an instant, as he was frozen in place by the sight before him, Lelouch recalled one article in particular he had read during his so-called studies. It spoke of the death of the "Knight of Zero," the fight which ended him and the name he held: Suzaku Kururugi. And something clicked for him, staring at down at this person he felt he must have been very close to. Lelouch swore that his throat closed up, and he backed away with the thought, startling Suzaku for a second (though he didn't seem particularly astonished). After all, it was so bizarre being faced with a real, live person from his past, one who wasn't C.C. at least. Though, he'd read plenty about some of the different people he'd been involved with, none of the names or faces had really stuck. Lelouch was sure that, even if he had bumped into them on the street, he wouldn't have recognized anyone from the pictures he'd seen.

However, this situation was a different matter altogether.

"Y-you were supposed to be dead too!" he gasped, sounding far weaker than he'd meant to.

"We faked it," Suzaku explained calmly. "It was all your idea actually."

"And this?" –He gestured to himself- "This wasn't supposed to be fake?"

"I think that much is obvious."

Lelouch pursed his lips and glanced away.

There was a lot on his mind, of course, so he was silent. His brain was running on overdrive, suddenly unable to locate the proper words to form any of his copious questions. With there being so much he simply did not know, somehow he wasn't sure what to ask first. Of the million queries in his head, Lelouch could not think of a single one of them. At one point, he realized again that he truly had to be vigilant about all of this; there was no doubt of that. Whether or not Suzaku was going to hurt him would never really be 100% out of the question after all, and saying anything was pretty risky really.

Lelouch felt like he was navigating a minefield, blind.

However, Suzaku spoke up again before he had the chance to find his words.

"Lelouch," he said firmly. "Have you been with C.C. since you woke up? She told me you're trying to avoid her."

Well, technically she'd told him that a cat was avoiding her, but that was irrelevant at the moment.

Lelouch snorted humorlessly.

"Avoidance?" he echoed. "Is that what she's calling this? It's more like I'm running away, to be perfectly forthright. It isn't as if I need her around anyway, since everything is well enough as it is. She certainly isn't good for company either, if that's her goal."

"Will you tell me everything you remember?" Suzaku pleaded. "From the moment you woke up until now, can you explain that to me?"

"You've still barley told me anything," Lelouch pointed out slowly.

"Alright then," Suzaku folded without a second thought. "Ask anything. I promise, I'll tell you everything I know."

Lelouch was taken aback by his quick reply. He examined his face for a moment, checking the sincerity in his eyes, hearing it in his voice. He wanted to trust him, he really did, but even after the excessive crying Suzaku had done on his behalf earlier, Lelouch still wasn't completely convinced he could.

"C.C. told you to come here?" he finally pressed.

Suzaku nodded.

"What else did she tell you?"

"She was having me meet her here, or so I thought," Suzaku explained. "She told me you were a cat."

Lelouch chose to ignore that last part.

"Why are you even alive?" he suddenly demanded, though he did not enjoy the taste of the question as it left his mouth.

It took him a moment to realize how horrible he'd sounded just then. Suzaku seemed unfazed however, though his face was dead serious.

"Lelouch, I am Zero," he replied tonelessly.

Lelouch stared at him in shock.

"Oh."

"What else?" Suzaku pushed before he had the time to continue again (he liked to lead the conversation, didn't he?).

Lelouch's immediate next thought made his face warm up. It wasn't as if he didn't already have a slight idea as to what the answer may be. In fact, his reason probably should've been perfectly obvious. Yet, Lelouch supposed he had best ask Suzaku anyway. The question on the tip of his tongue, that was. The only real problem Lelouch was faced with was finding the right words to handle the situation tactfully, which typically should've been painlessly simple.

However, the "right words" weren't what came out when he spoke.

"Why did you kiss me?" he asked before he could stop himself.

Again, Suzaku seemed as though nothing were affecting him, making Lelouch question his sanity. He had the stoic look perfected, that was for sure, and the bags under his eyes showed that he also probably had a good reason. Lelouch found himself wondering how exhausting it must've been to exist solely as the icon known as Zero.

And suddenly he wasn't sure if he truly wanted to remember how it felt to be himself, the "real" Lelouch.

"Lelouch," Suzaku uttered his name patiently, as though he enjoyed saying it. "That's because you were my lover."

"Oh…" he breathed again, averting his eyes as he felt a flush come across his face. "…I'm sorry."

"For what?" Suzaku prompted quickly, giving him a sad smile. "It isn't like you could've known."

"I suppose not," Lelouch murmured.

"I guess I can't be mad at you for anything really, especially not now that I can assume C.C. brought you back without your permission," Suzaku went on, though he sounded as if he were speaking to himself once again. "I honestly don't know what I feel right now, but it definitely isn't anger… at least not towards you."

"If it helps," Lelouch muttered cautiously. "Even though you aren't familiar to me, something about you is…"

Suzaku gave him an odd look, but suddenly he cracked another crooked grin.

"Yeah," he agreed. "It really does."

His voice was so forced, choked out really, he wasn't sure if he believed it.

Lelouch's eyes continued to scan Suzaku over, attempting to read his mind through his body.

First of all, he looked absolutely exhausted, which made sense when you consider that he had probably traveled all the way from the capital. However, it wasn't just physical fatigue which appeared to plague him. Lelouch thought Suzaku looked psychologically unbalanced. His expressions were overly exaggerated, and his smile never quite met his eyes. It was abundantly clear that he wasn't used to showing emotion, in an unsettling sort of way. He also seemed to get lost in his head easily (probably because there was a lot to think about), and Lelouch nearly felt worried for him.

Lelouch always thought he had it bad, watching everyone around him, jealous of the fact that they knew themselves, while he did not. But Suzaku was almost certainly going through something Lelouch could never hope to understand, at least not in his current state.

He glanced at the clock with that thought; it was nearly 2AM.

"Suzaku…" Lelouch said quietly, wondering why it felt so odd to say his name. "You should rest."

"What?" Suzaku asked slowly.

"You look like you haven't slept in days," he chided without thinking. "Are you trying to work yourself to death?"

Suzaku stared at Lelouch. His eyes were wide in shock for a moment, but instantly his face dropped again, and he looked to the floor.

"I guess you could put it like that," he chuckled somberly.

Lelouch wasn't sure how to respond to that. He could feel strong pangs of guilt vibrating through his chest, wanting to do something even though there was really nothing he could do. Maybe the old him would've known how to remedy the situation. Maybe the original Lelouch, Suzaku's lover, would've known exactly what to say.

Yeah, he probably would, Lelouch thought.
"Aren't you tired, Suzaku?" he uttered helplessly.

Suzaku looked up to him once more, his eyes practically screaming everything he hadn't said yet.

"You have no idea," he whispered.

"Then sleep," Lelouch said with a sigh.

He turned around, going to pace the room a bit, but suddenly he was tugged by the arm.

When he turned around Suzaku was squeezing his wrist and looking him dead in the eyes. There was something about his face in that instant, something which had Lelouch feeling incredibly on edge. It was the most emotion he had shown thus far, a combination of fear and anger and sorrow overtaking his visage all at once.

However, that was not what frightened him most.

For a fraction of a moment Lelouch recognized that face, completely and absolutely.

He recognized the way Suzaku's brows were furrowed, how his mouth was drawn into a thin line, the way his jaw clenched and his Adam's apple moved beneath his skin. And of course, his eyes were what stood out the most; those overwhelmingly emotional eyes, they were wide and hardened, and their green was memorable, even with Lelouch's lack thereof.

Or, perhaps that had been a memory.

"Only if you promise to be here when I wake up," Suzaku begged through his teeth, his eyes already tearing up once more. "You can't leave again."

Lelouch felt himself soften.

"Fine, I promise," he huffed. "I already told you I wouldn't go anywhere. What more do you want from me?"

Suzaku bit out another lifeless laugh, pressing the palm of Lelouch's captured hand to his cheek.

"Nothing," he replied. "This is more than enough. This is more than I deserve."

x x x

Lelouch had been watching Suzaku sleep for about an hour.

He wasn't being creepy or strange, but rather, he was fulfilling a request.

Perched upon the bed beside to him, Lelouch was currently allowing Suzaku to use his leg as a pillow. The physical contact helped him sleep, Lelouch had found quickly, so he allowed it. True, it was a bit awkward at first, but now he merely felt calm after having sat there for so long, occasionally fighting back the urge to run his fingers through Suzaku's hair soothingly. It was unimportant that Lelouch's leg was already beginning to fall asleep; he didn't dare wake him up.

Suzaku was dead to the world, though his hand had latched onto the fabric of Lelouch's pants in a death grip.

Lelouch wasn't sure what he was going to do when Suzaku woke up, but it seemed as if his life was about to take a tremendous turn. This secondary presence becoming something ritualistic wasn't necessarily a guarantee, but Lelouch had the idea in his head that Suzaku might be inclined to stick around as long as possible. He wasn't really sure if he was okay with this himself, of course, but something told him that it wasn't really up to him. After all, Suzaku was fit for battle (he'd noticed when he'd taken off that hideous jacket earlier). And, despite being slightly shorter than Lelouch (very slightly), he would definitely have the upper hand in a fight. In fact, Lelouch knew with absolute certainty that he would be beaten into the ground in record time if he were to challenge him physically. So, if Suzaku truly was that intent on staying, there was really nothing he could do to stop him.

If he were being perfectly honest however, Lelouch wasn't exactly opposed to the idea either.

It was nice having someone around, who treated him familiarly, someone who wasn't C.C.

Suzaku seemed far more likeable already. Though first impressions could be very deceiving, so he wasn't quite sure he could trust his own judgment for the moment.

Then again, this isn't really a "first impression," is it? Lelouch pondered silently.

In fact, suddenly the future looked so incredibly open, even though it was likely to lead up to a "bad ending," that was irrelevant. Suzaku's (re)appearance into his life had instantly wiped everything of its monotony. Even the grey, which had seemed to overtake the hotel room at one point, seemed to be slowly dissolving into color.

It nearly frightened him really.

"Are you happy with your present?"

Lelouch jumped, whipping his head towards the room's entrance, where C.C. stood casually.

"When… how did you get in here?" he griped out in a hush.

C.C. ignored his question. Of course.

"How funny," she laughed. "You're supposed to be the cat, but it seems as though the owner is the one being pet instead."

Lelouch furrowed his brows at her before looking down to Suzaku once more.

Indeed, unbeknownst to him, sometime during his rumination, his hand had found his way to Suzaku's hair of its own accord. And he was absentmindedly caressing him, not unlike a small child or a beloved pet.

Quickly Lelouch withdrew his hand.

"Why did you bring him here?" he demanded immediately. "What is it that you're trying to accomplish, Witch?"

C.C. smirked.

"Haven't heard that one in a while," she mused. "He must be rubbing off on you already."

"Answer my question," Lelouch hissed.

She laughed sarcastically.

"It's funny hearing that, when you still haven't answered mine."

He glared, reluctant to tell her anything, as per usual. It wasn't as if he had too much to say on the subject anyway; he wasn't quite sure what to make of it yet.

"So," C.C. said with a mockingly innocent tone. "What do you think of your gift?"

Lelouch narrowed his eyes, reigning in the urge to practically growl at her, of all things.

"I'm confused," he stated bluntly, still quiet, but in a harsh tone. "You're always scheming something- you don't do things without a reason. I know that much. What's your aim, C.C.?"

C.C.'s smile slipped from her face with this, as she leant against the wall, heaving a loud sigh.

The look on her face made Lelouch's chest ache though. It was slight and brief, but prominent enough that it left him with the feeling of a pit in his stomach. Something about her was nostalgic, that must've been it. She had always been there, constantly next to him, even now as he ran away from her. He felt that familiarity, if only for something less than a second. And as long as Lelouch had known C.C. (since that day, two and a half years ago, when he awoke in the middle of nowhere with her at his side), she had never sparked any life into him.

Well, that was until now.

"Do you believe in second chances, Lelouch?" C.C. asked, but her voice was somber.

Then she shook her head before he could reply.

"I wouldn't expect that you do, but I had to ask."

Lelouch narrowed his eyes at her.

"You don't actually expect me to believe that's what you're trying to do, do you?" he whispered distrustfully.

C.C. said nothing, but she did smile. Yet, this smile was unlike any she had given Lelouch in the past. It was honest, nearly vulnerable.

Lelouch was taken aback, of course. He felt his face drop instantly at the sight, his anger wavered, and, for a moment, he believed her.

Suddenly, Suzaku's fingers tightened and he stirred in his sleep.

Lelouch instantly froze, nearly afraid to breathe. However, his efforts were superfluous as Suzaku instantly fell back into his state of dreamy bliss.

"It would seem you're an amazing sleep aide, Lelouch," C.C. quipped teasingly after a few moments.

Lelouch ignored her and stared down at Suzaku, touching his head thoughtlessly.

"You're right," he muttered. "I don't believe in second chances, especially not in my case. So, why?"

C.C. began to saunter towards him then, that uncharacteristically soft smile still in place over her usually derisive visage. The sound of her footsteps, loud as the pumps she wore clicked against the hardwood floor, caused Lelouch to look away from Suzaku and towards her once more.

"Men make mistakes… That is the folly of humanity," she whispered, placing her hand on the cheek below Lelouch's left eye. "You are eternally damned to search for a perfection you will never be able to achieve."

C.C. leant in closer.

"You were manipulative, ruthless…" –she chuckled- "a liar, but you were never evil."

And then, out of nowhere, she pressed forward and left a chaste kiss on his lips, pulling back with a new smirk in place.

"And as selfish as your goal may have been, that doesn't change the fact that you rebuilt the world."

Lelouch stared up at her, his eyes wide with disbelief.

There was only one thing he could think to say.

"I… I was such an idiot."

"Lelouch," C.C. snorted, staring at him with laughing eyes. "Didn't you know? Only idiots get second chances."

AN: I'm sorry, I'm over here crying because it's finally done! Well… okay, so it isn't really "done," per say, because it's really rushed and kinda shitty. I'm sure there are a lot of typos too, but I at least wanted to post this even before I edit it, because I feel bad for how long this took. And its only 4k words! I'm so sorry… Apart from that, I probably would've written more for "Melting Ice" by now, but I promised myself I would finish this before I started working on that one more. I got way to focused on Part 2 of "Melting Ice" that I nearly forgot about this story a few months ago. Luckily, I had enough inspiration to make myself finish it in the past few weeks. I didn't even start this for such a long time… I'm a slacker, jfc.

Anyway, I'm definitely going to add to this, and rewrite things probably as well, so check for that maybe. As for the next update, I'm going to try to get Part 2 of MI out before I post Scene 4, along with my OTGW story, "Five to Forever." But Stage 2 of that story is already mostly done, so…

Okay, I know a lot of what happens in this chapter is weird… like Suzaku using Lelouch as a pillow? I feel like that's probably extremely unlikely, but I think that was probably my aim, ya know? Suzaku is clearly still smitten with dear Lulu, so I'm sure things will progress nicely for a while. This story's main conflict is simply Lelouch's memory, besides, so I'm just going to make Suzaku all touchy-feely for my own amusement. And as for Lelouch not feeling awkward about having his personal bubble invaded…? Well, that's really just me indulging.

Oh! I just remembered! I'm not sure if I ever mentioned this before, but in case you can't tell by now, this story contains some one-sided Lelouch/C.C. …I think it's obvious who likes who… (ahem).

Thanks for reading!
Stay tuned and stay groovy!

- fae