*Edited Jan 2016*

General overhaul. Neri fights something new in this chapter.

A/N: So, this is my Origin fic. As the summary suggests, there are two Wardens here. One Arietta Cousland and one Neri Surana. I do consider this fic to be kinda AU just because of some of the changes having two Wardens creates, but it does follow the story of the game for the most part.

As of January, 2016, I am editing this baby because it is olddd now. I will put a little edit note up here on the chapters that have been done as I go through and update them. I am hoping I don't end up changing too much stuff, but again, I'll leave notes if I do.

So general warnings for this fic: potty mouthed characters-my edits especially seem to be adding in even more swear words. There's also adult themed stuff throughout-flashbacks of sexual and physical abuse. Mentions of a miscarriage. That kinda thing. This first chapter definitely has quite a few (not too explicit) mentions of those things, so consider yourself warned.

If you are here because you want to read the two sequels to this, then I welcome you with open arms-but do be warned, it's being edited right now for a reason. It needs it. So if you'd rather read the more recent 'Sacrifices' fics then those are both stand alone and easy to pick up.

Finally, need to throw out a big thanks to ElyssaCousland for the beta work. You are a star.

So, without further ado, here's the start of Neri and Arietta' story.

Enjoy!

~Fear~

Neri was freezing her tits off. And considering she had hardly any tits as it was…she wasn't too happy with that fact.

The air itself was cold enough to leave her bones aching, but it was the fucking fog making her clothes damp enough to cling to her cold skin that was pissing her off the most. And with no way to warm herself up without risking setting the entire boat on fire because she sucked at elemental spells, she was stuck just grumbling about it and admiring the 'view'. The view being thick swirls of fog and the silhouette of the Tower that loomed above all foreboding against the black starless sky.

She hated that place, her gut twisted into knots just thinking about going back there. Not that she could recall why she'd left at all…She frowned as she tried to remember.

Balls, something wasn't right here.

That's when she spotted Anders and Solona standing on the dock, waving at her and grinning. Neri immediately felt warmer upon seeing her friends. It felt like it had been forever since she'd seen them. Sol… wasn't wearing much at all and Neri found herself roaming her eyes over all of the white skin revealed to her, all those delicious feminine curves. Then she realised Anders was without any clothes at all and her mouth went dry at the sight. They were both smirking as they started to kiss one another, their hands grabbing and fondling. Neri glanced at the boat's oars, willing them to go faster. That's when she realised they were paddling by themselves, just listlessly dunking into the water and slowly moving them forwards, all on their own.

Oh.

This was the Fade.

The demon that had conjured up this place had done a pretty good job of it, up until she came to her senses a bit more. Did it really think boats paddled themselves? Fucking idiot. She was about to call out the demon for their absolute shite attempt at recreating her world when her boat suddenly rocked violently. It toppled sideways, and her along with it.

The splash into the water wasn't anything like it should have been; there was no shock of cold or even any wetness. It felt more like thick air, a bit like the fog the demons had conjured. She could even breathe in it. She rolled her eyes and began to swim. Already fed up of whatever games the demon was playing with her.

Neri hadn't gotten very far before something grabbed her ankle and yanked her downwards. She kicked and struggled, even sent a blast of her force magic down, hoping it would hit home. It did, but as soon as it let go, another grabbed her. She didn't even know what was grabbing her. It felt like hands. Fingers curled around her narrow ankles…and not just any fingers, she realised. Calloused thick ones. Her breath hitched in her throat. She knew those hands.

She kicked harder only for her back to thump into something, knocking the breath from her lungs. The hands that had been grabbing at her legs were suddenly around her thin neck, squeezing. She stared wide eyed up at the monster made of black smoke barely taking shape above her. The only clear features were its cold grey eyes. The ones that always made her chest tighten with fear. She clawed at the hands around her neck but those fingers only squeezed tighter. He started to laugh as she struggled uselessly against him.

She never could fight him off. Not that she ever really tried.

But this wasn't the real him. This was some fucked up Fade version. He might have had all the power and control in the Tower but not here, not in the Fade. This was her domain.

She squeezed her eyes shut and willed the fuck-face to piss off.

When she opened her eyes again she was in a bed. Not just any bed either, Solona's bed. She sighed in relief, glad the nightmare had ended.

"About time you woke up," Sol said, her big blue eyes sparkling mischievously as she trailed her fingers over Neri's bare stomach.

Neri smirked up at the human as she lifted her hand to catch a strand of inky black hair as it fell across Sol's face. She tucked it back behind her ear, pausing to cup her fellow mage's soft cheek. "How long was I out for?"

"Far too long. I was tempted to wake you up myself…" Something wicked twitched at the corners of her mouth. "But you look so damned cute when you're sleeping."

Neri rolled her eyes, smiling in spite of herself. "Oh shut it."

"Make me," Sol said, with a challenging twitch of her brow.

Neri nearly leaned up to kiss those plump red lips, her fingers curling into the too-soft sheets of Sol's bed. She paused half way there. The Circle Tower's bedding never felt this soft. She sighed heavily, hanging her head in disappointment. She was still in the Fade. Of course she was. Her and Sol hadn't shared a bed for…a long time now. Neri hadn't wanted to.

"It's been so long," Sol purred, suddenly at her ear, all that hot breath washing over the point. Neri shivered and risked a glance up. Demon-Sol's eyes had turned into big black pools, her lids hooded. "Don't you want to have some fun?" she husked, smirk twitching at her lips. Neri struggled to swallow and the demons' smirk widened.

The imposter suddenly moved and straddled Neri's bony hips. All that weight sitting right on top of her and rocking against her nude flesh had Neri biting back a groan. Demon-Sol lifted Neri's hands from the bedding and placed them on those curvy hips and Neri felt her fingers curl into the supple flesh that felt so very close to the real thing.

She ran her eyes up Sol's body, or the demon's scarily accurate version of it, taking in the porcelain white skin, those big round breasts with the rose red nipples, all the way up to the ebony hair that fell in soft waves just past Sol's shoulders. She was fucking gorgeous and the demon bloody well knew it.

Bollocks.

"Touch me," the imposter whispered. "I know you want to." She wiggled her hips again and Neri bit down on her tongue until she tasted blood as she tried to fight the overwhelming desire flooding through her. She usually had better control than this, but this demon was strong, able to get right into her head.

"I do, but only the real Sol. Not some bullshit desire demon," Neri growled.

"My dear, your body says otherwise," Sol said as she leaned down, letting her hair tickle at Neri's skin. "I can feel the pounding of your heart." The demon ran her hands gently up Neri's sides, over her ribs then across the top of her breasts. "You want this, want me. Just let me in."

Having hot hands on her when it had been so long…It was hard to say no, but she grit her teeth and did just that. "No. Piss off before I blow you to smithereens."

The demon pouted with Sol's red lips. "Perhaps you want someone else…someone you can't have at all?"

"No-" Neri's protest was cut off as the demon shimmered into a different form; one Neri had seen countless times before and missed dearly. Balls. Anders' lips twisted into a knowing smirk, his amber eyes glistening smugly.

"Maker, I've missed you," he said in a rush.

Neri moaned.

Anders had been in solitary for so long now. Months. It wasn't right for him to be locked up like that. They hadn't even let him out after—

"Now, now," Anders said as he began to kiss his way up her body. "None of that. Let's just enjoy the time we do have together."

She found her fingers slipping into his hair, his damned silky hair. He moaned very convincingly against her as he began to kiss and lick his way around a nipple. She arched her back, pressing up into that touch. It felt so good to be touched by someone other than that monster… not that a demon was much better. She forced her hands out of his hair and back to the bedding. She couldn't do this, not with this creature.

"Come on," he begged. "We don't have long together."

She turned her head to the side, trying to ignore the desperate lilt of his voice and those pleading eyes. "You're not him."

"You still want me though."

"I don't."

"You can't lie to me," he said as he began to suck at her neck, right over that sensitive pulse point.

Fucking fuck, she was letting a demon do this to her. Stupidly, she actually felt safe with it doing it. Anyone would feel safe compared to Albert.

"Shhh," Anders cooed. "I've got you. I won't let him hurt you again."

She laughed bitterly. "Fixing it with sex, how very Anders-like." She glared up at the demon that had taken her lover's face and watched as they frowned. Neri's skin suddenly prickled with gooseflesh as a cold chill blew into the demon-conjured bedroom and the demon's face paled, eyes going wide with fear.

"Time to go," Anders said, hopping off of her quickly. "If you know what's good for you, you'd come with me."

Neri laughed again. "You can drop the act, good as it is."

The demon actually looked scared, it was weird. "This was supposed to be a simple test for you, but-"

"Begone foul demon!" a voice roared from the darkness that had suddenly consumed them. The demon disintegrated into dust and Neri stared out into the gloom around her, her breath panting out in huge clouds around her. She knew that voice. But he was gone. They'd taken him away. He couldn't actually be here. That was impossible. It was impossible. But anything was possible in the Fade. She had to remember that. Had to remember she was in the Fade.

Through the darkness, she heard his heavy footfalls and the rattle of his armour, getting closer. Fear rooted her to the spot as she stared out into the darkness, waiting for him to appear. She always waited for him. She had to. It was their agreement. The only way Anders stayed safe. She had to be good.

She spotted the glint of silver first before he came fully into view. He was always so tall, so strong, so much bigger than her. And she was so cold, so frozen with fear, the only warmth from the falling tears down her cheeks. He started to laugh, a deep rumble of a sound. It echoed all around her, feeling like it was at her ear one moment then on the other side of the room the next. Her eyes never left him though, watching as Albert stalked forward, his hands clasped behind his back, his head held high. He was always so proud. So strong and proud and cruel.

Those uncaring grey eyes bored into her as he approached and she could see the harsh sneer twisting his lips. "You let him run again," he said, his tone so cold it made her shiver.

Her lip could only quiver in response, no words willing to slip past.

"I told you to make him stay," he said coolly. "Did you suck his cock? Did you let him fuck your pathetic little cunt?" She whimpered, as her heart slammed against her chest with every fast beat, threatening to break her ribs. He stared down at her, standing just a foot away, his face contorting with disgust. "Perhaps you don't know how."

He went to grab her, just as he had done countless times. But this time she ran, her feet finally listening to her. She ran and ran, through the darkness, trying desperately to ignore the laughter following her. She couldn't see a thing in all this gloom, even with her elven eyes. She just knew she needed to get away. Whatever that demon was, it was powerful. She didn't think she'd ever met one that strong before. That also explained why the desire demon had been so scared, too. And hadn't it mentioned that this was-

Fucking bollocks.

It'd said it was a test. Her Harrowing? She couldn't remember them ever waking her for it but that didn't mean they hadn't. Fuck. If that was the demon she needed to fend off then she was right bloody bollocked. Its laughter got louder, loud enough to shake the ground under her feet. She cursed as she lost her footing and hit the ground hard, scuffing up her elbow in the process. She grit her teeth and got back to her feet to run again. She needed to get out of this demon's domain. Somehow. Usually the only way to do that was to fight the demon and win, though. But it had taken all her strength just to move her feet and now she couldn't stop them to turn and face him even if she wanted to.

Something warm slipped down her legs, something warm and wet; she rubbed at it with her hand, pulling it back to find it red with blood. "No," she sobbed. "No, not again." She kept running but her gut cramped up with pain and she ended up back on her knees, crying out in pain. It wasn't real. It couldn't be. Just like he couldn't be. It was just the demon's tricks. If this was really her Harrowing, then she couldn't let it win. She tried to get up but fell again as pain tore through her.

It was as she was lying on her back, clutching her stomach, that he appeared out of the shadows again. Walking slowly and smugly toward her.

Fucking bastard.

"What are you, demon?" she bit out through clenched teeth. His lips twisted into something like a feral smile, but it looked extra gruesome with a demon pulling the strings of that expression.

"Your greatest fear, of course."

He crouched down in front of her, his lifeless grey eyes watching her carefully. "You fear this face, what it represents. How weak you feel when you see it. How worthless. The pain it put you through comes flooding back." The Albert-demon tilted its head. "This face is gone yet you still suffer with the memories." He leaned in close and all she could do was watch as he cupped her face, her body shuddering in repulsion. "I can take those memories away, for good. All the pain, all the panic attacks and flashbacks, they'd be gone forever."

Neri's breath came out in shallow pants as she stared up at the demon. To never have to think about Albert again…to not even remember him… Anders was safe now, safe from him. She could… she could just forget it ever happened and finally move on. Be happy again. She'd forgotten what that felt like.

"No more being frightened, no more nightmares," he whispered. "You'll finally be free of him, of what he did to you. You just have to say the word, and I'll do it. I'll take that burden from you."

She bit into her lip, worried her answer would fly past her lips if she didn't. Maker she wanted that. She hadn't slept properly for months. Hadn't been able to enjoy anything like she used to. She missed that. But this was a demon. It wasn't doing this to help her. She squeezed her eyes shut, sighing roughly.

"No," she whispered, looking back at him. "No deal, asshole."

The demon's hand fell from her cheek. "Have it your way," he said, standing.

His form shifted. Growing in size, into something monstrous. Extra legs grew out of its back, looking much like a spiders legs and the top of its head became nothing but smoky grey flesh and slimy tentacles. Its maw opened with a screech, razor sharp teeth flashing at her before it began to cast. Neri barely had time to throw up her barrier before a huge black and green spell exploded against it. Her barrier held and she got to her feet, trying to figure out how she was going to kill this fucking thing.

She doubted her glyphs would be strong enough to do shit, nor her hexes—and somehow she doubted those would even work against a demon of fear, which she was pretty sure this thing was.

"You don't stand a chance against me, little elf," it called out as another powerful spell slammed into her barrier.

She was fortunate her barrier spells were easily the strongest magic she had, even more so when in the Fade itself. She directed a blast of force magic right at the creature's head, watching with a smug little smirk as it whipped the demon's head to the side from the force of the blow. She hit its leg next, making it stumble. Naturally, that's when it started levitating instead of walking.

"You look like an idiot floating about," she shouted at it.

She sent a wave of magic down from the sky, and remarkably, it hit the demon hard enough to slam it to the ground. A giggle slipped past her lips as it face-planted the floor. And just like that, gone was the last of her fear, she realised. It might look like the vilest demon she had ever seen, but just knowing none of this was real was enough to give her back some of her fight. And it seemed like, despite the demon having some strong spells, it wasn't resistant to hers. Most of its power appeared to be in the form of psychologically twisting people, getting them to hand over their memories and nightmares, but she was done with it trying to manipulate her. She was gonna kick its arse now.

It was only just getting back to its feet when she picked it up and slammed it back into the ground with more magic. It groaned and hissed at her and sent out a rush of black fire that washed harmlessly over her barrier. She picked the demon up and tossed it to the ground again, feeling stronger and closer to victory with every passing second.

"You picked on the wrong mage," she growled as she stalked forwards. "You thought I'd be an easy target because of all the shit I've been through. But that shit only made me stronger—don't you think I've had demons circling me for months now? All of them whispering to me that they can make me stronger, make the pain go away, make me happy? You're the first that offered to take my memories, I'll give you that…but you're still a piece of shit demon, and I'm going to destroy you like I destroyed all the others."

It snarled at her and drew upon his magic once more. The black fog that churned around them drawn up into its hands, into the balls of swirling black and green magic in its palms. And then it unleashed it all, right at her. She grit her teeth as the spell struck, wave after wave of the stuff slamming full force into her barrier.

Her protective spell flickered, then sputtered out.

Neri was thrown backwards by the blast that hit her. She felt her skin burn and sting, screams leaving her mouth as she tumbled across the ground before finally coming to a stop some ways away from where she had been standing. Her flesh felt like it had melted right down to the bone; she could barely suck in a breath because of it.

But she forced her head up, panting through clenched teeth as she peered up at him through the long blonde, slightly scorched curls that had fallen over her face. The demon glided toward, those sharp teeth flashing her in a malicious grin.

"You were saying?" it asked.

She staggered back to her feet, not daring to glance down at the burned flesh covering much of her body; the smell was enough for her to know she wouldn't be on her feet much longer. It was now or never. The demon knew it too and began casting another of the same spell. She did the same, summoning all the mana she could, leeching it away from everything the demon was drawing into itself.

With a scream, she cast her crushing prison spell.

It started out at its legs, crushing them together, twisting the bones as it squeezed. The demon let out a frustrated cry as its spell began to sputter in its palm as it lost focus. Her spell spread higher, the magic locking into place around its waist now too. The demon struggled, twisting and rocking in place, fighting her magic but that only made the tendrils of blue creep higher, pulling its twisted arms down against its sides where the spell wove tightly around it. The demon's spell died entirely and it roared in annoyance.

"You cannot destroy me!" it wailed.

"Watch me," Neri grunted as her spell finally reached that demon's head, tugging down all the extra tentacles and legs it had growing out of its back and head and wrapping them tight around its neck. The demon sucked in a gasping breath, still grappling with its restraints but it was no use, Neri had it now. Her spell enveloped the demon, silencing it and then she really began to clench her fists, crushing it to death.

She collapsed to her knees and let her spell dissipate a moment later, watching as nothing but dust settled on the ground where the demon had been. She would have grinned if her face hadn't been burned to a crisp. Instead she watched a breathlessly as the black fog blew away and as the rest of the Fade crumbled around her.

She'd won. She'd passed her Harrowing.