World of the Dead Chapter 25: Eulogy, a highschool of the dead fanfic

Author's Note:

I'm really sorry for the insane wait guys, I fucked up big time on this, but massive personal issues have been taking my attention. Reality always has to be my priority.

As such, I am on an indefinite hiatus from updating this story as of now. This piece has been absolutely instrumental in my progression as a writer, and I think that is evident if you go back to the very first chapter of this story and compare it to the most recent ones. I appreciate all the care and love you guys have displayed for the story and my take on each of the characters; each review, favourite and follow means the world to me.

That being said, I have reached a point where I have other things I want to pursue for the sake of my own happiness, and this is no longer it. To be completely honest, it hasn't been for quite some time. I've been stacking more and more pressure on myself to make this story the very best I can possibly make it, and it has been making me miserable. I just can't do this anymore, it's been keeping me from doing the things I want to do for so long...

This chapter only marks the end of my intended second act of the story, and sadly, I'd had so much more planned.

Please don't take this for something this isn't. I would eventually like to come back to this and finish it, but for the past year or so, every time I've taken to writing this, I've just been filled with nothing but anxiety and self-doubt. Take this chapter, for example. I despise it; I wholeheartedly feel like this rushes a story element that needs far more chapters to wrap up with the correct sort of emotional impact, but this precise chapter has been holding me back for so many months. I've written and re-written it so many times to end up with this, and I'm still not happy with it. I just don't know what to do with it anymore. So today, I decided to just post it and explain why I've been struggling so much. The long and short of it is that this is not a healthy place for me to be in mentally. I have so many other things that I want to do that I am so excited to share with you guys that this has been holding me back from. I'm trying to learn music production, I'm writing a route in a visual novel and am planning to take the lead role on a second one some time after I've cracked the music and first VN. All of those are prospects I'm looking forward to, and will have support in doing. They are collaborative efforts, and the ones that aren't have no pressures or expectations to be put out at a certain time. This one has been all me on my own from start to finish, and I just can't take it right now. This story has helped me grow so much as a writer, but now it's holding me back, and that was never what I had intended to create in this. I just need to cut myself loose so I can work on the things that make me happy. If and when I come back to this, I will come back better than ever. I am not going to put all this effort into bettering my writing and building a story from the ground-up with a solid jumping off point just to half-ass it in the home stretch. You all deserve my best, and this story deserves my best. Which is why I'm leaving it until I might just be able to do that.

So, quick thank you to Cats4789 for their dedication to following this story, and to frequent collaborator and writing partner, Pollardinator. Thanks for everything, man.

So if you guys want more of me, I will update this with my musical and Visual Novel projects at some point, provided I receive any interest. Keep following, favouriting, reviewing, I will be reading them, and all feedback is hugely appreciated. Also feel free to PM me if you want to discuss the story, directions I was looking to take things, my process, give me any feedback there... I promise I will be reading and responding to them! And I may or may not be actively collaborating with Pollardinator on the many intended collaborations we ended up abandoning a while ago as our other projects started to take priority.

You can read what we've done together so far here:

s/8964874/1/Kingdom-of-Anarchy-Part-One-London-s-Burning

s/9471490/1/Kingdom-of-Anarchy-Part-Two-Armageddon-Rides-to-Town

s/10611230/1/The-Scouring-of-Siphon-IV

(The first link is a completed act for a Walking Dead based story based purely off of OC, and the second is a follow-up to that which is currently incomplete. The third is currently on hiatus, and we are unsure of its fate as of right now.)

Thanks again for all of your support. I hope you enjoy this chapter, the above collaborations should you choose to read them, and anything else I may have on the way later.

Yang's loud, violent coughs kept me awake through the night. Her cancer had spread to her lungs, according to Masumi. I couldn't sleep while hearing her in such pain. I looked to Saeko, who was sleeping next to me, arms wrapped around me, just as mine were. I gently picked them up and off of me, kissing her warm cheek as I got half-dressed and went to Yang's room. It was no surprise for me to find out that Masumi was similarly troubled, stood over the bed with a pained expression on her face.

"Hey." She whispered.

"Hi." I responded quietly. As Yang continued to cough, Alice started to stir too. Masumi seemed a little panicked, looking to me to help do something.

"I'll take Alice up and put her in my room, she won't be disturbed then." I suggested.

"Good call. You'll have to sleep in there with her, though. I know you've been... accompanying someone recently, but she needs company." She jabbed, relieved. I shot her a mild glare.

"Think we should post her there for a while? This can't be good for her to be around." I asked.

"If you're ok with that, sure." She shrugged.

"Of course I'm ok with that. If she needs me, I'm gonna be there."

I said, as I picked Alice's small, warm body up, taking the blanket that she had cocooned herself in with her. I slowly and carefully walked up the stairs, taking extra care not to disturb her. I placed her down gently on my bed after an awkward struggle to open the door with no hands.

"Daddy..." Alice's sleepy voice mumbled. I didn't respond, she was obviously still asleep.

Her pink hair sunk into the soft pillowcase and she sighed. She sounded so happy and comfortable that I couldn't help but smile a little. She nuzzled into the pillow further as I tucked the duvet over her and headed back down, leaving the door slightly ajar.

On my return to Yang's room, I saw that she was sat upright, clutching Masumi's body to her face, sobbing heavily. She'd gotten to the point where she could hardly move. Everything she did was shaky and lethargic. She was a shadow of the bright young girl we'd first found.

"Why do I always have to wake up? I don't want to wake up anymore..." Yang lamented. I sat down on the bed and reached out to brush the tears from her face.

"That's just the way things are." I said. Hearing that sorrow and desperation in her voice killed me inside. I should have told her off for thinking like that, but I didn't have the heart.

"Why?"

"I don't know, Yang. I can't change it."

"I wish you could."

"Don't..." I choked on my words.

"Don't talk like that, Yang. You're in pain, I know, but you've got all of us here. You've got me, Masumi, Alice and Saeko. We all love you like our own family, doesn't that give you something to hold onto? Something to be happy for? A reason to wake up?"

Yang fell silent at this. A sorrowful smile crossed my face.

"That's what I thought. Just hang in there for us. We'll do all we can to stop the pain, I promise. Go back to sleep, I'll find something to make it go away." I assured her. Yang settled herself down, but didn't release her grip on Masumi.

"Yang, I have to go help..." She said.

"No!" Yang protested. Masumi gave me a look that showed she didn't really know what to do.

"You should stay with her. I can get Shizuka on my own." I said. Masumi smiled gratefully.

"Thanks." She said, tucking Yang into the bed and laying on top of the duvet beside her. I found Shizuka's bedroom and knocked gently on the door. A sleepy, bedraggled Shizuka answered the door wearing very little, just her lingerie and a fairly see- through overshirt hiding her not-so-modest chest. She didn't look as much of an airy, spaced-out person in her sleep, it seemed, instead she seemed pissed off, like a gruff businesswoman you'd find getting the strongest, most bitter coffee she could to kick-start her day first thing in the morning. I could almost imagine her in a suit, which was a jarring thought considering Shizuka's actual personality.

"Sorry to wake you, but Yang's having real trouble. Nothing we've given her is working. We just need something to ease the pain. Show me how to do it, and I'll sort it out myself, I just need to know what."

She stared at me, just blinking for a long time before she responded.

"I'll sort it. One minute." She grumbled. Her voice sounded deep and scratchy. Then she disappeared into her room. Zeke emerged from the darkness of her bedroom, seeming calm and content. I patted his head as I heard some drawers being opened and searched and various odds and ends being shifted around. Eventually she came back out with a syringe full of a clear liquid, along with a small glass vial of the same liquid. I could guess what it was.

"Morphine. Masumi will know what to do." She responded gruffly.

"Thanks. I'm sorry about this." I said, taking it out of her outstretched hand.

"It's fine." She muttered lazily, as she closed her bedroom door again. I went back to Yang's room with Zeke padding close behind me. He seemed well rested, but calm. He usually got anxious when he was inside for long stretches of time. Perhaps he was adjusting to the setting of the mansion. That made me happy, the idea that we might be able to stay in a place as idyllic as this for the long-term. We just needed to figure out how to maintain the water supply and electricity. There must be generators, water filtration equipment, and other units somewhere that needed care to keep running. I'd have to look into that. I realised I'd been pondering all this while stood in the doorframe to Yang's room. I stepped inside; Yang and Masumi were both awake still.

"Have you got something?" Masumi asked.

"Yeah, Shizuka fixed something up." I said.

"What did she get?"

"Morphine."

"I can hardly believe it's gotten this bad, but I think Shizuka made the right call. It'll ease the pain hugely." She said, taking the syringe from my hand.

"Can you make sure she's ok?" She added. I sat next to Yang, ruffling her hair.

"Can you give Masumi your arm for me? She's going to give you something to make the pain go away." I requested gently. She nodded and held her arm out.

"Now, you're going to feel a bit of a pinch, and then it'll all be gone. Just for a moment. Is that ok?" Masumi asked in a soothing and maternal tone of voice.

"Yep. I'm ready." Yang replied. I took her free hand in mine.

"Squeeze my hand as hard as it hurts, ok?" I assured her. It was something Satomi used to do for Li or me whenever one of us was having a doctor's appointment or any procedure in a hospital. Yang nodded.

"I'm ready." She said, her voice shaking. I watched Masumi start press the needle into Yang's pale, delicate skin and began to feel her hand close around mine tightly. As Masumi pushed the needle in slightly further, Yang's grip on my hand became even tighter. She was putting a surprising amount of strength into it, strength I didn't know she had. Masumi pressed the plunger down and the morphine entered Yang's system. Her breath caught for a moment as she felt the numbing sensation of the morphine enveloping her. I remembered what it felt like from when I was sick at the dojo. I found the mere thought of having that sensation again almost enticing. I was disgusted at myself for thinking that. Masumi took the needle from Yang's arm and set it on the bedside table with the small glass container of morphine for refilling the syringe. She then took a ball of cotton and dabbed it at the part of Yang's arm the needle had gone into, a small spot of blood soaking into it.

"Are you feeling better now?" I asked.

"Yeah..." Yang replied lazily, lying down on the bed.

"Good. Get some sleep, see you feel in the morning." She was already asleep by the time I said this. She must have been exhausted.

"'Night Levi, thanks for the help." Masumi whispered.

"No problem. Goodnight." I responded in a hushed voice as I exited the room. Zeke followed me out.

I felt tired and restless. I wanted a few minutes for a smoke and some fresh air. Something of a contradiction, sure, but it wasn't like I really cared about that. So I went outside, still being tailed by a mellow Zeke. The air felt slightly cold, a little bite in the wind that blew against my face. The metallic click of my lighter as I lit the cigarette was oddly comforting. I brought the small orange flame to the neatly rolled stick of tobacco and took a drag, a few flakes of ash falling to the ground with my inhalation.

"I didn't have you pegged as a smoker." A female voice said. I turned to see Aya stood outside looking contemplative.

"I didn't know I had company." I responded.

"Well, now you do." She said, drily.

"What brings you out here? Trouble sleeping?"

"Yeah. You?"

"The same, more or less. A good smoke helps me get my head straight."

"You're under a lot of pressure, aren't you?"

"Sometimes. Other days aren't so bad. It's me that's putting this pressure on myself. I can't forgive myself if I do something wrong. I can't let myself fail anyone again."

"I know how you feel. I'm the exact same way with Hitomi. I think I'm incapable of trusting anyone else."

"Well, I don't know what you two have gone through together, but you feel like that for a reason, I know that much."

"She and I haven't been put through too much together."

"That confirms what I thought, then."

"And what might that be?"

"You went through something alone."

"I... n-no!"

"It's not worth the effort of lying, Aya, I'm not gonna ask. I'm done. You respected when I drew the line at my parents. If you're drawing the line here, I'm not crossing it." I assured her.

"Promise?" Her eyes lit up.

"Of course. By the way, you don't mind that I'm lighting up, do you?" I said, indicating to the burning cigarette in my hand.

"Why should I care? It's your life."

"I meant because of the second-hand smoke."

"Cancer's the last thing that's gonna kill me nowadays." She said.

"Some people are bothered by it, just wanted to be sure."

"Not a worry with me." She shook her head.

"Cool." I said, taking in the last of the cigarette before discarding it and pulling out a fresh one.

"Another one so soon?"

"Been a rough day. One for luck."

"Damn right..." Aya sighed.

"Anyway, I should go back to bed." She continued.

"Ok, goodnight." I said, smiling politely at her. I picked Zeke up in my free arm. He squirmed at first, but then he got comfortable, brushing up against my side as I finished my second cigarette. I then returned to my room, Alice was sleeping under the covers, looking really snug and comfortable. I placed Zeke down on my lap as I sat in the chair by the window and watched the hours pass until the sun rose, trapped with my own thoughts.

I heard a mild knock on the door and quickly got up to see that Rei was on the other side.

"Hey." I greeted her in a whisper, pointing to my bed where Alice was sleeping with Zeke curled up at her feet, showing why we needed to be quiet.

"Hi. Masumi really wants you, can you come down?" She whispered back.

"Yeah, sure." I said, getting out of the chair with a wide yawn.

"Sleep well?"

"I wish." I scoffed. Rei giggled.

"You should go see Masumi, I'll watch Alice."

"Will do. Thanks, Rei." I said, stepping out into the corridor and heading downstairs to Yang's room. I was greeted by the sight of Yang clutching Masumi and weeping once again. Saeko was sat on the bed next to her clutching Yang's free hand.

"Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!" The sick girl bawled. Masumi ran her hand through Yang's hair and my eyes began to tear up. I quickly wiped them dry.

"Shhh. It's ok, Yang. We'll make it go away, I promise." Saeko said, glancing at me. I could read the concern on her face with complete transparency. Yang didn't respond, with such minimal knowledge of Japanese, she probably didn't understand. Saeko tried to brighten up, trying to cheer Yang up.

"Hey, look who's here." She said, softly. Yang looked up for a moment to see me in the doorway. I smiled and tried to give her an upbeat wave. Her face cracked into a small smile for a split second before it contorted into a grim expression of pain. She'd almost completely lost her will to live.

"Does she need more morphine?" I asked.

"I've given her so much, Levi. Any more would..." Masumi didn't finish the morbid ending to that sentence. Any more would kill her. A frustrated expression crossed her face.

"Can we talk for a minute?" She asked.

"Sure. Saeko, can you stay here with Yang for a moment?" I asked. Saeko nodded and peeled Yang away from Masumi and pressing Yang into her chest. I stepped out of the room again.

"We'd better get a bit further away. Just to be safe." Masumi said. Her expression was like stone, cold and fixed into a worried frown.

"Ok." I responded blankly, following her a little further away from Yang's room.

"She really doesn't have long left, Levi." She sighed.

"I can tell. What's your estimate?"

"Two days at the most."

"I..." I shook my head, speechless.

"I know."

"What do we do?"

"We tell the others. They need to know. We all need to be there for her. These next 48 hours are the end for her."

"She can hardly tolerate another minute of this pain as it is. How can it get any worse?"

"Oh, it can get worse."

"There must be something we can do to ease her pain."

"The only thing left is to ease her out of everything."

"You mean...?"

"Yeah, put her out of her misery. That's the only thing we could do for her. Her pain is already so numbed by everything we've given her. So either we help her slip away tonight, or we leave her to suffer for two more days."

"Shit... I-I... And I have to make this call, right?"

"I'm not gonna put that all on you, that's not fair. But you and Takashi are the top dogs here..."

"Fucking hell." I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. It felt like it relieved some of the pressure in my head.

"Let's put it to a vote. It has to be unanimous for us to go through with it." I finally decided.

"Ok." She nodded.

"Fucking... Christ, I can't deal with this. I can't..."

"It's life, Levi. It's really fucking cold, but sadly, that's just the way things are. We just have to accept it and control the damage."

"How many times have you had to go through something like this?"

"I was a nurse, remember? I've seen it enough times to know there's only one ending to this." She stated bluntly, but her voice quivered. I pulled her into a hug and held her there for a moment.

"Look... I'm sorry, I know this is hard for you too." I said. She nodded and wiped her eyes.

"Thanks Levi. You have no idea..."

"I think I have a good enough idea as it is, if I'm honest. But you're not alone in this." I replied with a smile that was supposed to be comforting, but instead looked grim and downtrodden. She wiped her eyes again and pulled me back into another brief hug.

"Really, thank you." Masumi said. There was a gratefulness in her voice, and I didn't really understand why. This was the very least I could do for her, and I was happy to do so.

"Any time." I responded blankly.

"You should go and tell everyone what's going on." She prompted.

"Yeah, I'll go and do that now."

"You know where to find me." She said disappearing back into Yang's room as Saeko emerged.

"What's up? Masumi said you needed to talk to me." She asked.

"It's Yang... She's gotten so much worse. Masumi thinks she has two days left at the most."

"I..."

"I know, I know. But we need to call a vote."

"A vote? On what?"

"What we should do. Masumi suggested we help her slip away comfortably, end her pain. She was begging to die last night. It's fucking awful... I don't know what to do. The vote has to be unanimously in favour of doing this if we're going to go ahead with it. I know it sounds horrific, but this is the only thing we can do for her. It's this or nothing at all, and I really can't tell which option is worse."

"I see. So we're going to discuss this and decide what to do?"

"Yeah. I can't make a decision like this alone. I would never be able to let go, no matter what I chose."

"I understand."

"It's one hell of a task. But I have to try and think about what's best for her."

"My God, Levi... I wish I could help take this weight off your shoulders. I can only imagine the pressure you're feeling."

"You can, Saeko. You already do." I said, planting a kiss on her full, soft lips.

"I owe you my very best for that. I can't express how much you do for me, just by being here. You saved my life that day you found me, and you made it worth living. You and the rest of this group. I lost my family and you all became my new one. I'll do everything I can to protect each and every one of you." I continued.

"I don't need you to protect me." She shot back defensively.

"Of course not. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to. I want to do everything I can for you, just as you've done for me."

"But I haven't d-"

"You have. You know you have. This is situation with Yang's going to be tough, but we all have each other. For as long as that's the case, we can keep moving forwards. I need you on this vote. I need everyone. This isn't a decision I'm capable of making alone." I said, cutting her short. She reached out for me and squeezed my hand, entwining her fingers with mine. I kissed her cheek and slipped my hand out of hers.

"I'd better go and round up everyone else. I'll see you in a bit." I said.

"Of course. I'll see you for the vote."

With those words, I made my way upstairs in search of everyone else. I was immediately met with Rei and Alice coming out of my room. Rei was carrying Alice as she was regaining her breath. Alice's hair was a mess and she was giggling as she fought to regain her composure. Rei had a massive grin on her face.

"Let me guess... Tickle fight?" I asked.

"Maybe..." Rei said evasively, making her eyes dart around suspiciously. Alice burst into another fit of giggles at this expression.

"So... You're saying nothing happened to make Alice such a giggling wreck? Nothing like, say... This?!" I moved to tickle Alice's neck with the last exclamation of my sentence. She jerked around wildly in Rei's arms as she screamed hysterically. I cut it off quickly, as her intense flailing could have easily hurt Rei or myself, but we remained unscathed for the moment. I laughed and backed off.

"Rei, I'll need to talk to you when you've got a minute. I'll go round up Takashi and everyone else first, but there's something we all need to talk over." I said, my tone of voice instantly becoming a little colder as I reminded myself of what it was we needed to discuss.

"Ok then. I'll see you later. Good luck." She smiled, trying to ignore my dark mood shift although I knew she'd noticed it.

It took some time, but I eventually got everyone ready to make a decision. Takashi agreed with me about this, the others were shocked, but they were thinking this over. It was a hard choice for all of us. Hitomi and Aya were tasked with watching Alice and Yang while we came to a decision. With the exceptions of Hitomi, Aya and the girls, we were all sat around a table in one of the side rooms.

"So, we all know why we're here now. We're coming to a decision on what's best for Yang. She's really suffering and has been begging for some kind of release for days. Masumi and Levi think we can give it to her, and decided to let this go to a group vote. If everyone is unanimously in favour of helping Yang find rest, we'll discuss a humane way to implement it and go forwards from there." Takashi said, an authoritative tone in his voice. He seemed good at this. I nodded at him as all eyes fell on me.

"Well, I think Takashi said all there is to say. I just don't want to let Yang suffer any longer. I feel like this will be best for her. It's a tough decision, and I respect the opinion of anyone who thinks otherwise. I don't want any of you to feel pressure to vote one way or the other. There's no judgement here." I said.

"Everyone in favour?" Takashi asked. Again, everyone's eyes fell on me for the first vote.

"Yes." I said, struggling to choke the word out. I felt like it left a bitter taste in my mouth. Everyone's gaze moved to my right, to Takashi.

"Yeah." He said, boldly. More confident in his speech than I was. Rei's turn. She just nodded her head meekly, following it up with a barely audible whisper.

"Yes."

On to Masumi, then.

"Yep."

Kohta.

"Aye." He sighed.

Jonah.

"Yes."

Lily.

"I'm in favour."

Saya.

"Yeah."

Shizuka.

"Yes." Her expression was far from her typically dreamy one instead looking hardened and determined. She sounded confident; she knew what was best.

And finally, Saeko.

She sighed.

"This is a nearly impossible decision, but I think going ahead with it is best for her." She said, firmly. And that was the end of it. We were to go ahead and ease Yang's pain. The only thing left to discuss was how.

"So, how do we do this?" Masumi asked.

"Give her an IV drip overnight with enough morphine to give her peace. It probably won't need much. She won't feel anything. No more pain, she'll have the most peaceful sleep of her life and she simply won't wake up." Shizuka said. Masumi nodded. "That works. So we do this tonight, then?" She asked.

"Yeah. I think that gives us all some time to say our goodbyes." Shizuka agreed.

"Well, I guess it's settled, then." I said. None of us were pleased with this outcome, but it seemed to all of us to be the best way to approach this. We agreed to do this for her sake. But that didn't change how wrong this idea felt on some level. Telling myself that this was for her was the only thing that dispelled that feeling.

"Hey, Levi, are you ok?" Masumi asked. Of course I wasn't. We'd just agreed to performing a mercy killing on a young girl, it felt all kinds of fucked up.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just need a minute. Excuse me." I said, standing up and moving out of the room.

I went into Yang's room, where Hitomi and Aya were watching over Yang and Alice. Yang and Alice were speaking to each other in their native languages, neither one understanding the other as Hitomi and Aya looked on.

"Figured you might need someone to translate for you. Thanks for watching them." I said. Aya gave a small smile.

"Don't worry about it, they've been great."

"No arguments? The language barrier can kind of get in the way of their play sometimes."

"Nope, they were angels!" Hitomi weighed in before Aya could even open her mouth to respond. I patted Yang's head and stopped when felt a small, localised impact on my chest. Alice had thrown her teddy bear at me. Yang's weak, quiet laughter quickly degenerated into a spluttering cough.

"Hey, what was that?!" I asked.

"He wanted a hug! I didn't do anything!" Alice protested.

"Sure... Of course you didn't." I smiled. She grinned back sheepishly, her face turning bright red. I picked her up and poked her nose.

"What am I going to do with you?" I asked. Her grin cracked into an intense beam of joy. Yang groaned from her spot on the bed.

"What's up? Hungry? Thirsty?" I asked her in Korean.

"Hurting." She answered.

"We can't do anything about that right now, it'll really do some serious damage to you."

"I wish it could stop."

"I'm doing everything I can to find a way to do that for you. But it's hard to find one that won't make you even worse."

"I don't care. I just want it to go away. Go away! GO AWAY!" She screamed, venting her anger, her pain, and her frustration all in one primal yell. Her fate was unfair, and she knew it. Aya, Hitomi and Alice looked at me baffled, as though I had said something to anger her. I looked back to them.

"She's in a lot of pain." I explained, switching to Japanese. Aside from the odd stumble here and there, I was beginning to handle shifting between Japanese, Korean and English in my speech pretty well.

"It will go away, Yang. We'll make it go away, we just need a bit longer..." I said, addressing her in Korean again.

"I don't want to wait anymore. I won't wait anymore. I can't deal with this." She moaned through the pain. She sounded like she was at the very end of her tolerance.

"No more. Please..." She pleaded. The desperation in her voice went against every instinct I had. Desperate, defeated, crushed. These were all things she seemed to be, all emotions that a girl her age should never have to experience. I couldn't help but question whether she would be reacting like this if her mother and father were with her. I set Alice down and went back to the room that the others were still sat in. They were all silent and stony-faced every face turned to stare at me as I reappeared in the room.

"I don't think she can wait until tonight. She's falling apart as it is. We need to say our goodbyes and get this over and done with." I said.

"I don't know about that, Levi..." Masumi said hesitantly. I got a little frustrated at this. I'd had a change of heart about this after really seeing just how crushed Yang's spirit was.

"What do you mean? We're doing this out of mercy, right? None of us want to do this, but we have to. Because she deserves that release if she wants it. How can we call ourselves merciful if we're here prolonging her suffering to selfishly keep her around when she doesn't want to do this anymore? Why? Are we trying to lift our own guilt? Come on, we're adults here, we've made a decision as a group for what's best. It might not be the easiest way, but clearly we all think it's the right way. It has to be. So I think we should swallow our pride and get this done. One last kindness to her." I said, firmly. Takashi met my gaze and stood up.

"He's right. I think if we're going to do this for her sake, she has the right to say when she wants to go." He affirmed.

"Does anyone have anything against this? We'll see if Yang's sure she's ready and then we can do what we have to." He added. Nobody responded.

"We should all go see her, then." I said, before relaying this information to my siblings in English. It was odd, even though everyone had seen me speaking with Jonah and Lily in English, they all seemed a little taken aback by my American accent, which had somehow managed to stay at its full strength for all these years whenever I spoke English.

"Figured you might need someone to translate for you. Thanks for watching them." I said. Aya gave a small smile.

"Don't worry about it, they've been great."

"No arguments? The language barrier can kind of get in the way of their play sometimes."

"Nope, they were angels!" Hitomi weighed in before Aya could even open her mouth to respond. I patted Yang's head and stopped when felt a small localised impact on my chest. Alice had thrown her teddy bear at me. Yang's weak, quiet laughter quickly degenerated into a spluttering cough.

"Hey, what was that?!" I asked.

"He wanted a hug! I didn't do anything!" Alice protested.

"Sure... Of course you didn't." I smiled. She grinned back sheepishly, her face turning bright red. I picked her up and poked her nose.

"What am I going to do with you?" I asked. Her grin cracked into an intense beam of joy. Yang groaned from her spot on the bed.

"What's up? Hungry? Thirsty?" I asked her in Korean.

"Hurting." She answered.

"We can't do anything about that right now, it'll really do some serious damage to you."

"I wish it could stop."

"I'm doing everything I can to find a way to do that for you. But it's hard to find one that won't make you even worse."

"I don't care. I just want it to go away. Go away! GO AWAY!" She screamed, venting her anger, her pain, her frustration all in one primal yell. Her fate was unfair, and she knew it. Aya, Hitomi and Alice looked at me baffled, as though I had said something to anger her. I looked back to them.

"It will go away, Yang. We'll make it go away, we just need a bit longer..." I said, addressing her in Korean again.

"I don't want to wait anymore. I won't wait anymore. I can't deal with this." She moaned through the pain. She sounded like she was at the very end of her tolerance. Weak and feeble.

"I don't think she can wait until tonight. She's falling apart as it is. We need to say our goodbyes and get this over and done with." I said.

"I don't know about that, Levi..." Masumi said hesitantly. I got a little frustrated at this. I'd had a change of heart about this after really seeing just how crushed Yang's spirit was.

"He's right. I think if we're going to do this for her sake, she has the right to say when she wants to go." He affirmed.

"Does anyone have anything against this? We'll see if Yang's sure she's ready and then we can do what we have to." He added. Nobody responded.

"We should all go see her, then." I said, before relaying this information to my siblings in English. It was odd, even though everyone had seen me speaking with Jonah and Lily in English, they all still seemed a little taken aback by my American accent, which had somehow managed to stay at its full strength whenever I spoke English.

"Yeah. Let's go." Takashi said, backing me up further. Perhaps the two of us together as leaders really would be better for the whole group.

We all piled out of the room and into Yang's. Hitomi and Aya didn't really know what was going on when we first appeared, but Takashi whispered something to one of them and they both led Alice out. Masumi knelt by the bed, trying to hold back tears.

"How are you feeling, Yang?" She asked tenderly, her voice wavering and cracking.

"Terrible. Everything hurts. I feel so weak." Yang croaked.

"Do you think you can hold on much longer?"

"No. I just want it to end." She sighed with resignation.

"Can't you do something?" The sick young girl added. Masumi was doing well to keep herself together.

"We can. We'll go set it up now. Are you sure? If you go to sleep, you won't wake up." Masumi insisted, just about dropping any pretense about what we were doing. We were asking her if she wanted to die.

"Yes. I want this to go away. The pain, the attention, the pity... All of it. Gone." She said, a peaceful confidence entering her voice. The release she was looking for was close, and she seemed comforted by this, or less anxious, at least. It almost seemed to alleviate her pain a little. There was no going back from here. Masumi shook as she hauled herself back up and nodded to Shizuka, her eyes tearing up. Jonah threw his arms around Masumi in a tender hug. Saeko's hand gripped for mine, trembling hard. Shizuka quietly left the room to set the drip up. Her usually dreamy face just as stony and cold as it was when I interrupted her in the early hours of this morning. Shizuka came back with the drip pretty quickly.

"Can someone help me find a vein?" She asked, quietly. I could tell that was the last thing Masumi wanted to do.

"Ok." I answered softly, slipping out of Saeko's tight grip. The room was eerily silent, oppressively so, even. I held Yang's arm still for Shizuka.

"Just a little pinprick, yeah?" I said to Yang in Korean. She nodded timidly and my eyes watered up. I tried to blink it away, but the hazy filter I was looking through was rebuilt instantly. I swallowed hard.

"Squeeze my hand as much as it hurts." I instructed her again. The needle slipped in and she didn't react at all. I didn't let go of her hand. The endless rest she was beginning to slip into was evident as Yang looked directly into my teary eyes and spoke her last words.

"Don't cry." She said, her voice a peaceful, breathy whisper as her eyelids shut for the last time. Her breaths were so minute I could hardly tell at what point she stopped sleeping and had finally slipped into the all-consuming darkness of death. All I knew was that she wasn't coming back, and that I couldn't obey her last words.

The shovel sunk into the dirt with a crunch that sounded like breaking bone, again and again. I was overcome by some kind of distraught haze that I couldn't quite understand, digging furiously, as though if I did it well enough, she would come back. The dirt blackened my hands, my shirt and jeans completely ruined, clumps of soil piling over my shoes with each thrust of the shovel. I kept digging until I hit a solid layer of rock. The impact shook through the metal of the shovel and up my arm. I dropped it and gave a loud roar, venting more of my anguish than physical pain. I stared at the dirt coating over my shaking hands, my fingers all twitched independently, numb from the cold bite of the air. I'd fashioned a crude cross-shape with two sticks lashed together with string that protruded from the ground at one end of the grave. I hauled myself out of the rectangular area I'd spent the best part of a day digging out, discarding the shovel onto the dry and cracked surface of the earth beneath my feet, my chest heaving with irregular, gasped breaths. Jonah came out with a cigarette in his hand and patted my shoulder with a firm hand in an almost paternal gesture.

[Take it easy, man.] He signed to me, slowly but firmly.

"Easier... said than... done." I said, filling the brief pauses with attempts to regain my breath. My brother lit the cigarette and took a long, deep drag before offering it to me. I waved his hand away silently.

[Not like you to pass up on a smoke.] He signed, showing a little concern in his face.

[Just not in the mood right now.] I signed back.

[I get it. This is a load of shit.] Jonah signed with a sigh.

[Tell me about it.]

[Hope you're holding up ok.]

[I'm a fucking wreck. I mean, look at me. It'll get better, I hope, but right now it feels like the worst thing in the world. To build up a new family and lose one of them after I was just starting to get to the other side of losing my real family? ...Fuck.] I signed my thoughts and feelings rather well. My hand motions were rapid but disjointed, kind of like my thoughts. But my signing was able to communicate just about everything I'd ever need to now, we'd all worked hard to get ourselves there, and we'd done it fast.

[I know it must be hard. You've got to stay strong. For me and Lily, for Alice, for Saeko... Everyone you care about is relying on you. That's a big weight, and if you ever needed aid with that, Lily and I are here to help. But that doesn't change the fact that you still have these expectations to meet one way or another. Let's try to go forwards the same way Yang would want us to.]

[Thanks, Jonah. I'll do what I can.]

[You should see someone about putting that grave to use. We need to give Yang a proper burial.] Jonah signed, finishing his cigarette with a long final drag and discarding the stub with a casual flick. I nodded and headed inside.

I found Takashi downstairs in the kitchen.

[Hey. Jonah told me you'd finished your digging. I hope that means you've vented a little.] Takashi signed to me.

[Yeah. I think I needed that. I got the catharsis I needed, and some time to come to terms with it.] I signed back.

[Are you ready to give her a funeral, then?]

[As long as everyone else is.]

[They were all waiting on you. I'll let them know.] He signed with a small sigh, standing up and leaving me at the table.

We all assembled outside next to my handiwork. Yang's body had been placed to the side of the grave, covered in an old, off-white bedsheet.

"Does anyone want to say a few words?" Takashi asked. Everyone stayed silent. There was nothing left to say. We all agreed with what we thought of Yang. It was tragic that she was gone, and we would all miss her very much. The rest would just be insincere obligation speech.

"Levi?" Takashi prompted, looking at the covered body. I broke off from the group, picking up Yang's frail, lifeless body and gently setting her down in the grave. I took the shovel and replaced some of the dirt I'd spent so long shifting. Masumi approached me wordlessly. I hugged her and handed the shovel over before taking my spot in the group. Masumi did the same thing as me, but she managed to do it tenderly, almost lovingly. For a moment she looked like a mother that had just lost her child. Everyone took a turn at covering the grave over, until the rectangular hole in the ground was filled in again. I felt a little more at peace with the loss of Yang after that, but the others were still reeling. I supposed it was from the fact that I'd spent all that time shovelling and thinking of nothing else. Maybe it had given me enough time to mull it over and start to accept it all at once. The fact that I had a lot of things to do was probably another aspect of it. There was a lot weighing on my mind, perhaps these distractions were getting past the crushing weight of loss. Or maybe I was just becoming desensitised. Whatever the case, I had too much to do to be overthinking, as much as I tended to.

First, I needed a scalding hot shower, which reminded me that I needed to check our water system and see what we could do about making it sustainable, which reminded me to check the electricity generators, the boiler, whatever was giving us these precious commodities that should have been non-existent by now. If we ran out of these things, there would be nothing tying us down. Hitomi and Aya had hinted at a military presence. If they had a checkpoint somewhere we wouldn't have to worry either way. If not, this was our best option, and I wanted to protect it, safeguard it, and give us all a future of some kind. It might not be a good one, but it's the only one we'd have. I headed back inside, mulling these things over as I occupied the bathroom, taking off my loose, dirt-coated clothing and stepping into the shower cubicle. I placed my hand on the cold metal of the knobs and started the torrent of water from the showerhead with a twist. The hot water was generating steam the instant it hit my skin, cascading through my hair and down my shoulders. I flinched slightly at the first impact from the boiling water that reddened my skin. But then it started to warm me to my very core. It felt healing as I stared at the clear liquid running over me in large volumes. The sensation started to return to my fingertips and I flexed them slowly. My hands were still caked in dirt, and as I rubbed them together, the water was darkened by the soil coming off my skin. I began to scrub my body thoroughly, washing myself clean. Time seemed to stop, as I stood under the water, now fresh and clean. I looked over my body, taking in every cut, scrape and scar on my body. I looked like some kind of grotesque mosaic. My mind wandered into nothing in particular, just meandering, thinking mundane things about the pattern of the tiling on the walls of the bathroom and other such distractions. By the time I was finally ready to step out of the shower I felt renewed, clean and somewhat healed. The warmth of the water was radiating from my body and I felt so much better for it. I threw on some clean, fresh clothes and looked at my face in the mirror. My eyes seemed more distant somehow; probably a result of my studious examining of myself, but it felt like a reflection of everything I'd been experiencing. The skin on my face looked paler and more taut than before, my cheekbones prominently visible, flowing into the shape of my jawline. I'd been eating less; that much was for certain. My hair was about the only part of me that looked as clean and fresh as I felt, far from the messy state it had been in before my shower. It somehow contrasted with the worn-down look my whole body reflected otherwise. I ran my fingers through my hair wildly until it was appropriately messy, not too wild, just enough to make it look like I didn't give a fuck. It reminded me of the morning ritual I used to carry out every day before school as I heard Li eating her breakfast and talking loudly to my mother. The memory almost brought a smile to my face. I broke the eye contact with myself as I started to become unsettled by what I saw. It didn't feel like the person I was seeing was actually me at all. I took a long, deep breath and left the bathroom and my introspection behind.

I went into the room with the computer and loaded the production software. With Rei's help, I'd managed several more rough demos. I had a few surprises I hadn't shared with her, too. I was disappointed that I couldn't do any interesting tricks with the audio, making things different from one ear to the other, as I used to enjoy doing. But with the loss of half my hearing, I was lucky I could do it at all, filtering the channels to come out of one side was the only way. And I couldn't mix properly anymore. The songs felt and sounded rough to me. I had a few instrumental interludes put together that I wanted to keep instrumental. Mostly piano driven, outpourings of my emotions. They were fragile and I was proud of them. I knew Rei would like them. I'd found a memory stick in the bedroom, which I'd kept quiet about. I spent a while completing the demos before placing them all on the memory stick. We were leaving for the city soon, and I felt like it would be good for Rei to have in case anything happened. It might have been nearly useless, but as a symbol of hope, I had a feeling that it would be priceless to her. I finished transferring the files and ejected it before stashing it in my pocket. I'd give it to her before we left. I couldn't help but shake the feeling that we were going to get caught up in something in the city. I had no idea what to expect. Night had fallen by the time I'd finished everything and shut the computer down. I joined Saeko in her room to sleep. She was awake when I came in, but didn't say anything at all; she made no acknowledgement that I was even there. I understood. Everyone had been acting like this. Practically nobody had spoken a word to anyone else all day, unless they absolutely had to. I moved my arm to take her hand in mine, but she moved it away. I gave up, taking my arm back and closing my eyes.

The next week passed like this. Almost absolute silence. It made me want to yell as loud as I could. It made me want to make noise. That's what Yang would have wanted us to do. But this numbing silence was all that was left in her wake. I worked on the sign language with Jonah, Takashi and Kohta, only speaking when I absolutely had to. Just to conform to everyone else. I could tell by the look in Kohta's eyes that he wanted to break the silence as much as I did. But we didn't, for the sake of giving everyone the space they needed. The only person I spoke to was Alice. My days were filled taking care of her as Masumi spiraled, drinking herself to sleep every night. I would have intervened, but between caring for Alice, learning more sign language and trying to figure out the mechanics of our precious luxuries and how to keep them, I had no time. And it wasn't my place to judge Masumi for her reaction. She'd been really struggling with Yang's death. Alice didn't really understand it. She was upset, but she was too young to process it properly. I just tried to help her as best I could and hope it was enough. By the time the day of our expedition to the city came, I had figured out a way to purify water and most of the group was starting to come out the other side of their silent grief. The air of loss was still as thick as ever, but they were talking now. Only occasionally, but it was enough to distract themselves for a moment. The water reserves in the mansion were close to empty, but I hadn't found a viable source that was nearby enough to set up some kind of makeshift plumbing to it, as I was hoping to do. That would earn us water for life. Instead, I instructed them to keep the reserves filled from our personal stock. We had enough to last a while, but while we were in the city, I needed to find a way to get enough to sustain this system for good. It was a long shot, but I wasn't going to give up on it. We'd come this far, and we were so close to comfort and security in the mansion. That was what I was seeking in the city, a way to achieve that permanently. It sounded stupid to call the group my family outside of my actual brother and sister, but it was true. We had grown together and protected one another. And I wasn't going to let anyone hurt us again. That much was something I was determined on.

Jonah, Takashi, Kohta, Aya and Hitomi were ready for me as I said my goodbyes to everyone. In this last week, I felt like I had become more of a father to Alice than a brother, something that I may have stepped into unintentionally after what had happened with Saeko's pregnancy scare. I had become her sole protector this past week, and pretty much the only person who would interact with her aside from Saeko and on occasion, Rei. Saeko and Rei were stood by the door to say their goodbyes to us, Alice clutching at Rei's side. I took the memory stick out of my pocket and handed it to Rei.

"What's this about?" She asked, puzzled.

"It's a surprise. Play it some time." I said. She beamed at me.

"And the instrumental ones are to stay that way, got it?" I added with a grin. She laughed.

"They'll have to. I don't know how to edit vocals properly."

"Good." I said with a wink. She laughed again. She then moved to Kohta, giving him a brief hug, as she did to Jonah, before an emotional exchange with Takashi that I tuned out as I turned my attention to Saeko.

"I know I can trust you to keep everyone safe." I said.

"I wish I could trust you to do the same with yourself." She said. I gave a small laugh before making a turn for the serious.

"No stupid risks. Promise." I assured her.

She looked at me with a cocked eyebrow.

"I swear!" I protested. She cracked into a small giggle.

"I know. I just love you, and I'm going to worry."

"I love you too." I said, pulling her into a hug. It was one of the first displays of intimacy we'd shared since Yang's death. I placed a kiss on her cheek and broke the embrace.

"Don't come looking for us if we're gone too long. We have no idea what to expect, it might take longer than we anticipated. No matter what, we'll make it back here." I said confidently. She nodded.

"Ok. I promise." I slung my backpack over one shoulder and headed outside with the departing group. Jonah, Takashi and Kohta were exchanging some banter through sign as Hitomi clung to Aya, who was hanging back a little. I matched their slow pace for a while.

"Hey girls, is something bothering you?" I asked, warmly.

"No, Hitomi's just a little nervous." Aya said. I looked to Hitomi who opened her mouth to protest, but I spoke first.

"It's ok to be nervous, but you're in good hands. I can tell Aya takes good care of you. You've got all of us to protect you now, your own little gang." I laughed and continued as I saw a grin break across her face.

"As good as Aya might be, there's strength in numbers. We'll protect you both with our lives if we have to. That's a promise." I couldn't help but question whether I actually meant what I was saying. Hitomi smiled warmly at me nonetheless.

"Thanks, Levi. That means a lot to me." She said. Even Aya's harsh features seemed to soften. I fell silent. We had several days of solid walking before we reached the city. It was going to be taxing, but I knew we could do it. We had to.