Okay, this uses a mash up of my own personal head canon and the new 52 and old universe. May not be comics canon compliant. Also not mine. Really not mine.
Written because I get rather…erm… angry when people bash on Dick's character.
Enjoy!
1.
His first memory is of stealing his mother's makeup and plastering it all over his face. He can't really remember why.
He doesn't recall how exactly he looked but he does remember his mother's shock and horror at her precious make up adorning the cheeks of her two year old slowly slipping off her face to reveal a smile that eventually evolves into a full blown belly laugh.
The most vivid part of the memory is him laughing along.
2.
He alternates between wanting so desperately to remember his parents that he aches and wishing he could forget every memory he had of them.
3.
When he does remember them though, he sees them as perfect. They must have been perfect and never yelled or scolded or shown any sort of silly things like human flaws.
(So what if that can't be true? It hurts too much to think of them as imperfect.)
4.
He's always hated the rain. He's never known why.
That is until him and Bruce are standing at his parents grave years and years after they take the plunge, and Bruce awkwardly clears his throat in his –I'm going to try to bond with you even though I don't really know now and we're both probably going to regret this-way.
"You know." He begins. "This is kind of fitting." There's a light drizzle. "The day that you came to live with me and your parents died… well, it was raining."
5.
He's never been able to satisfactorily explain why he thought it was a good idea to dress up in spandex and bright colors, when he fights crime in a desolate, darkened city.
6.
Yeah, okay. He's never been able to satisfactorily explain the "disco Night-suit", as it has been so lovingly nicknamed (not) either.
7. His favorite memory of the Titans doesn't involve some grand, triumphant battle or great moment of realization of their bonds, like the type you see in TV with some inspirational music playing.
It's of them-five sticky, grimy kids who had just met each other a little over an hour ago, and whose mentors had darkly predicted that would destroy each other or Bruce's Manor or both- grinning at each other as they sucked on cheap store bought popsicles Alfred had felt the need to sneak them.
And it's of Wally leaning over towards the other four of them, opening his mouth to speak, a huge grin from ear to ear,
"Do this again some time?"
8. He can't sing. It's painful to even watch him try.
He knows this because of the night he spent drunk, warbling some sort of demented Christmas Carol in his apartment with Roy and Wally. The next morning his neighbor had knocked on his apartment door, an incredibly concerned look on her face.
"Is… Is everything alright, sweetie?"
Well, no, everything is not alright because right now he's got a headache and he's thrown up 2 times and might need to throw up again but these are details that he probably currently doesn't need to share.
So, he just nods. And smiles.
"Well, the thing is, last night I heard this awful noise emitting from your apartment. It sounded like someone was torturing a cat!"
He nods again, this time as solemnly as he can. " I assure you, my friends and I are not cat torturers."
9.
He's always been proud of Jason and what Jason did as Robin. Even when he didn't (doesn't) necessarily show it.
10. He knows that Bruce and him are complicated. That they've always been complicated. That they probably will always be complicated. He sometimes wishes he could take back the heated words and the blows exchanged and the constant fights they had when he was a teenager.
(The constant fights they have now).
He likes Bruce, he really does. He's grateful to Bruce.
Privately, he hates Bruce a little too.
(He just may love Bruce a little too.)
11. Don Troy and him are siblings. No blood test can convince either of them otherwise.
12. When he first meets Babs Gordon, she's got mud on her face and blood on her teeth and her shoulder's at a wonky angle, and her uniforms torn and to top it all off she's yelling at him for being stupid.
He thinks she's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.
13.
His first kiss happens when he's fourteen years old and he invites a classmate of his over to work on a school project.
And the kiss happens, and it's not really all that romantic, and the boy looks just as embarrassed as he feels. But there's also a look of exhilaration on both their faces.
(Well, okay, on his face).
They mostly avoid each other after that but occasionally they'll exchange embarrassed glances (and then quickly look away). The boy moves away by sophomore year and that's the end of that.
But he always wonders. He thinks the boy does do.
14.
He doesn't cry at Jason's funeral. He doesn't (can't) feel anything at all.
15.
Timmy used to trust him. Now he doesn't and Dick can't be entirely sure that he blames him. He threw him out, and adorned his successor with the name that Tim had fought so hard to earn, and worst of all refused to believe him when he told, (no begged) him that Bruce was alive. They still work together and sometimes he can even get Tim to smile.
But…
You either have a relationship or you don't and….
They just don't have it, anymore.
16.
He still calls Timmy, though. Still invites him to his apartment for movie night or something stupid like that. He's usually rejected probably because Tim's with Jason or the Titans and really there's not much room for Dick anymore. Both he knows and Tim knows that Dick burned the last string.
But he still tries. Gets rejected. Smiles. Tries again.
17.
He doesn't let himself flinch when Jason yells (sneers), "You never cared about me! None of you did! You never mourned my death!"
18.
… But he does let himself remember Bruce's grief stricken rage and the broken objects still lying somewhere in the Bat-Cave.
19.
He still has a stuffed animal that his parents gave to him.
Much to Damian's disgust (and really, Damian only found out because he conveniently turned up in Dick's bed when there was a thunderstorm out) he still sleeps with it.
20.
Though, he does find it funny, that only a few weeks later, he catches Damian collapsed on the couch, the stuffed animal right beside him.
21.
A while later, he breaks every mirror in his apartment.
He does it because he's worried (because he knows) that it won't be his face staring back at him but Damian's with accusing eyes.
Why couldn't you save me?
And he wouldn't know how to respond except for saying Why couldn't I save us all?
22.
When he finds out Steph slapped Bruce in the face after all the hell she was put through, he calls her up and tells her that for the next month, the waffle's are on him.
23.
He's the strong one. The one who doesn't break. The one who doesn't get scared but rather laughs in the face of danger and revels in the glory of the chase. The one who doesn't fall apart because (because, really, he can't fall apart), because he's happy and loves his life.
There are days when he really does believe all this.
There are others where he wonders why his hands are always shaking.
24.
He sees Babs every week or so, sometimes because of mission related work, othertimes because he's lonely or just looking to talk to someone. It's always comfortable, there's not really a lot of tension anymore, they're always smiling
…and it always surprises him how disappointed he is about this.
But he grins anyway at her, "We make good friends, don't we?"
She nods, and he wonders if she can tell what he's thinking.
Still the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.
25.
Sometimes, he fantasizes about being a family with no complications, with no villains to fight, and no demons to conquer, and no dysfunction to speak; just a regular family who loves each other and cares for each other and doesn't have family reunions end up in shattered dish ware and various hurt feelings storming out.
That thought. It's a good feeling.
(His parents still being alive and the thought of the love they would give him? That may be a better feeling).
But the wind rushing through his hair, and Oracle snarking over the line, and Damian and Bruce trying to sort-of, awkwardly bond, and Timmy actually smiling for once, and Steph, Cass, and Jason closing in on the drug heist, and the knowledge that the Bat-family is still there, and still alive, and still fighting in all their broken, shattered glory?
Now, that may just be the best feeling.