Part 2 of 2

Two weeks later, Hawke heard the sound of Santini's helicopter as it approached and landed on the dock. He sat quietly on his sofa as he waited for his friend to enter the cabin. He readied himself for the conversation he knew was coming. But, he couldn't help himself. He'd stayed away those two weeks and told himself that it was in Caitlin's best interest. She'd had her family to lean on. He felt that she didn't need him. He was the reason she'd been gone all those months. He'd let her down.

"So, you're still alive I see," Dom said sarcastically as he opened the front door to the cabin.

Hawke shrugged. "What do you want Dom?" he asked.

"Look String," he replied. "I gave you two weeks to get your act together but now it's time you got off of your ass and talked to Caitlin."

Hawke shot him a look of disgust. "I can't," he told him flatly.

"Can't or won't?" asked Dom. "That excuse isn't exactly going to fly with me and you know it."

Hawke refused to budge. "Go home Dom," he ordered him.

"Oh, I'm leaving," he assured him. "But, I'm leaving your houseguest on the front porch. She won't talk to anyone and now neither one of you has a choice."

Hawke watched as Dom slammed the door shut. He got up and looked out the window and saw him climb aboard the helicopter and take off. He felt his stomach do a summersault as he slowly opened the front door of the cabin and walked out on to the porch.

He saw her sitting in the lounge chair with her knees drawn up to her chest. She was very still and didn't look at him. He couldn't help but notice that her coloring was better than it had been when he first rescued her. But, her eyes were still cold and vacant.

He took a deep breath and walked over to her. It's too cold for you to stay out here," he told her as he extended out his hand.

She turned and stared at him for a moment before finally talking his hand and allowing him to pull her up from the chair and inside of the cabin.

She sat down on the couch and once again pulled her knees up to her chest.

Hawke sighed deeply and sat down beside her. "This wasn't my idea either you know," he told her. "I'm guessing you were forced to come here."

"No," she finally said softly. "I've been waiting for you."

"Waiting?" he asked.

"I waited three months," she replied. "Waiting for two more weeks was easy."

"Cait I'm…." he started to say but was interrupted.

"Don't," she said while standing up and moving across the room. "Don't make it about you."

"I..I'm not," he replied.

"You are," she said as she turned back towards him. "You blame yourself and you've stayed away, leaving me to endure my parents and all the others."

"I was just giving you time," he told her.

"Time for what?" she asked as he watched the fire in her eyes return. "You left me!"

"I know," he replied. "I thought you were dead. We searched for hours and couldn't find anything but the remnants of the plane. I would have never left if I'd thought there was even the slightest chance you had survived."

Caitlin plopped back down on the couch and grabbed his arm. "That's not what I'm talking about," she replied. "I understood that you thought I was dead when you left me behind. I would have thought and done the same. I don't blame you for that."

"But you just said….." he replied.

"I'm talking about at the clinic," she said while shooting him a cold look. "I needed you. I needed to talk to you and you left me."

"I thought I would be the last person you'd want to see," he replied. "I let you down. I missed that plane and he took you down. I still don't know how you survived."

Caitlin bit her bottom lip as she stared at him. "I washed up on a small island not far from where you rescued me," she replied. "They weren't too happy to have me there, especially since you had just blown away most of their air support."

Caitlin stared into in his eyes and waited for him to reply. She could see the pain and anguish in them. She wanted to spare him the pain she'd gone through but she knew she had to be honest with him. For the first time since they'd met, she decided she wasn't going to hold back.

"Did they hurt you?" he asked while knowing part of the answer.

Caitlin sighed. "My kidnappers liked to hit," she replied softly. "It didn't matter that I was a woman. They treated me just like their other prisoners. I'll have a few scares but I survived. I wouldn't let them break me then and I'll be damned if they'll consume my life now."

Hawke knew he had always admired her, but right at the moment he had more respect for her than anyone else he'd ever met. Fear crept into his brain as he asked his next question. "Cait, you don't have to answer this but….."

"No," she replied. "They never touched me like that," she replied, knowing what he was about to ask.

She could see the relief slowing washing over him and that put her at ease. "Would it have mattered if they had?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

Caitlin moved closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck before kissing him. To her dismay, he kissed her back at first and then quickly pushed her away.

"Caitlin," he told her. "Stop."

"You're right," she said as she pulled away from him and stood up. "For three months all I thought about was you. I was so mad at myself for not being up front with you about my feelings. I told myself that if I ever got out of there, I'd tell you how I felt not matter the consequence. I guess I always knew you didn't feel the same but I couldn't move on without knowing. I didn't want to always wonder."

She moved towards the door and grabbed the knob. "I'll wait outside," she added sadly. "Call Dom and tell him he can come and get me now.

Caitlin moved back to the chair on the porch and pulled her knees back up to her chest. This time she hid her face and tried to stop the tears that were falling down her cheeks. She'd known the outcome long before she ever came. Although painful, the fact that she finally tried gave her a sense of completeness that she had been missing for a long time.

Hawke waited for several minutes before coming out onto the porch with her. When he finally did, he sat down in the chair beside her and waited awhile to speak.

"I don't want you to go," he told her softly. "I want you here, with me."

Caitlin looked up at him. "I can't stay," she replied. "That's the second thing that I promised myself. It's time for me to move on now. At least I won't always wonder."

Hawke sighed. "Caitlin, I didn't tell you to stop because I didn't want you," he assured her. "I just didn't think I deserved you."

Caitlin felt her pulse quicken but she kept her head buried in her knees.

"I thought about the same thing the first two months you were gone," he admitted. "I hated myself for not telling you how I felt. Everyone else that I've loved and lost knew how I felt about them. I never told you and yet I still lost you. I realized that it hurts worse when feelings go unspoken.

Caitlin sat quiet and let the words he'd just spoken absorb in her brain. "Did he just admit that he loves me?" she asked herself.

Finally, Hawke stood up and leaned over her. He grabbed her by the arms and pulled her up towards him. "Come on," he ordered her. "It's too cold out here. Let's go back inside."

Caitlin reluctantly followed him inside. She wiped the rest of the tears from her cheeks and sat in a chair by the window.

"I'm not calling Dom," he told her. "We aren't finished yet."

Caitlin shrugged. "Why?" she asked. "You're the one standing there and blaming yourself for something you had no control over. You're the one who has to accept the fact that you're not perfect. No one is."

Hawke moved to the fireplace and stoked it causing the flames to go higher. The warmth from it radiated throughout the room. Afterwards, he pulled his t-shirt up and over his head and threw it down and across another chair.

Caitlin just stared at him and then shook her head. "If you were hot, why stoke the fire?" she asked.

Instead of answering, he moved towards her and grabbed her. He pulled her closer to him and began unbuttoning her blouse. She started to object but the look in his eyes stopped her. He pulled her close and she could feel his heart beating fast.

"String….." she started to say.

"Shhhh…."he replied. "You had your say. It's my turn. I've decided that I can't let you walk out of my life. I need you. I didn't realize just how much until you were gone. As scared as I am to love you, I'm more afraid of letting you go."

Hawke stared into her eyes. The warmth he finally saw in them told him that he was doing the right thing. She slowly finished removing her blouse and put her arms around his neck. He couldn't help but notice several of the scares that lined her shoulders. The thought of the pain she must have endured tore into his heart.

He slowly leaned over and gently kissed each shoulder before wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer to him before finally kissing her softly on the lips.

"I do love you," he admitted afterwards. "There wasn't a day that you were gone that I didn't think about you. I'm so sorry that I never told you."

Caitlin finally smiled. "I love you too," she said as she pulled him back into another kiss and then pushed him down on the sofa.

"Wow, I knew you were a take charge kind of girl but…." Hawke said teasingly.

Caitlin giggled. "Sorry," she said as she jumped on top of him. "Thinking about being with you is what helped me get through those three months. I guess I've gotten a little impatient."

Hawke laughed. "You have nothing to be sorry for," he told her. "This is actually a side of you that I think I'm going to enjoy getting to explore."

Caitlin smiled. "Just wait," she assured him. "You haven't seen anything yet."

The End