Too Much of a Good Thing
"Anna, would you like to take a walk with me?" Elsa asked after all the food has been served and eaten. I could see her fingering the sleeves of her dress, and I inwardly felt pleased at her nervousness; it implied that she's actually trying and that means the world to me.
My relationship with Elsa was extremely complex in the past few weeks. I went from love to hate to love in seconds, and it has been horrible, yet strangely informative.
This is what siblings did all the time, and instead of love to hate to love in seconds, they've had years and years to establish their relationships, so by the time they are eighteen and twenty one, they don't have to deal with this.
And suddenly, at that moment, just after I noticed her nervousness, I got angry.
I got really, really angry.
Why on earth did I apologize just earlier? If you trace the timeline back many years, none of this estrangement, confusion, and anger is my fault, nor is it Elsa's.
The blame all falls on my parents.
They're the reason Elsa and I had to figure out how to be sisters by ourselves when we are eighteen and twenty one respectively, for heaven's sake! As for, the estrangement, now that I think about it, there is no way that Elsa, at age 8, would have had a level of maturity as to think that she couldn't be "sisters", or at least, "friends" with me, just because we're not related.. Our unfamiliarity is all the result of our, no, wait, my parents.
It makes me sick, thinking about it. I worshipped my father for my whole life. He was my hero, and I used to tell my mom that when I grew up, I wanted to marry a man like him.
Well, I take that back. The man I'm going to marry is going to be of a completely different from my father. That's a personal promise, and I will never break it.
I clutched the edge of the table. My fingernails dug into the wood, and my fingers grew numb.
There was a scraping of floors, and Elsa walked over to me and poked my shoulder. "Are you okay? You're shaking." She leaned in and pulled me up. "Come on, let's go."
"Why are you so nice to me?" I ask, turning around to face her with an accusing glare. "I have been nothing but horrible to you these weeks, and I know apologized, but why on earth would you accept that apology? Do you know-"
"I know I'm dying, Anna," Elsa interrupts calmly, and grabs my hand. "So, garden?"
Frederic you rat.
"I heard that there are some beautiful flowers at this time of the year. I don't often go outside, so maybe you could show me around," Elsa continued as she led me along the hallway to the Entrance Hall.
"Elsa, you know, I was meaning to tell you," I start, racking my head for excuses. "I don't want you to think that I was betraying you; I wasn't. I just didn't know how to tell it to you. I swear, I didn't want to shock you or anything, but really, I was going to tell you as soon as possible. I mean, before you…I just wanted you to be happy, and I felt that this wouldn't really help that."
"I am happy," Elsa objected. "In fact, this is probably the happiest I've ever been in a long time. Tomorrow, I'm going to the Southern Isles with my sister-"
She drew a deep breath, and looked like she was going to continue, but closed her mouth before any sound came out. I tried to ignore it, although, I admit, I was a bit curious as to hear what she had to say.
Elsa took her news surprisingly well, and my respect for her rose several stories at that moment, and I couldn't help but think how she handled it like a true Queen.
I probably would have cried, and stayed in my bed for the rest of my life if I found out I was dying, because that's the sort of weak-willed coward I am.
"Anna, I know you're angry at me right now, but I promise you, I will spend the rest of my life with you," Elsa smiled. It was a warm smile. The sort that actually needed you to be genuinely happy inside; it was the sort of smile that you couldn't fake.
"HOW ARE YOU NOT MAD AT ME?!" I scream, stopping behind her. I can't take it anymore. My sense of justice is overriding all happy thoughts I have right now about being close with Elsa.
Elsa's eyes widened. "Anna, I-"
"I have done nothing for you my entire life!" I yell, quickly walking towards the painting of my parents.
"They made you be holed up in your room just so we couldn't get too close!" I yell, pointing at their painting, before gesturing back and forth between me and Elsa.
"Anna-"
"Just last week, I screamed at you for not burying parents that weren't even yours!" I continue, now gesturing all over the room. It didn't matter where I pointed to; every part of this house was related to the relationship between me, Elsa, and my thankfully deceased parents.
"Please, Anna-"
"And then, earlier today, I accused you of having a relationship with the royal doctor!" The words just flowed out of me. My face was flushed, and I could feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins, which then served to remind me that Elsa was dying.
I've thought about Elsa dying before, but that was before I found out that she was not to blame for every single screw up in my life. Now that I just reminded myself of her current condition, I couldn't help it. Tears leaked out of my eyes and ran down my face. My entire body racked with sobs, and I collapsed to the floor, clutching it as if it were a lifeline. The coolness of the marble did nothing to calm me down. In fact, it just served to remind me how cruel and cold the irony of my life was.
"I didn't even tell you that you were dying," I whispered quietly as a tear fell of my face and hit the ground.
I believed in God.
I believed that there is something up there, forever watching down on me, and my family. I used to look up at the sky sometimes, and just say "thank you".
Now, however, I know that such a thing can't exist. Too many lives are imperfect; too many hardships are endured, and too many people die; and for what? We don't gain anything from our sufferings, and nobody who died ever told us what it was like on the other side.
Now, as I lie on the cold, hard ground, I entertained myself with one thought.
If a supernatural deity did exist, and the people that entered the afterlife were reincarnated, if all that was true, in my next life, I would like to be Elsa's sister.
oO0Oo
If there was some way to transfer pain from one person to another, I would have done it immediately. Anna was torturing herself; berating and criticizing herself for being who she is (a marvelous person), and the worst part is, I have no idea what to do.
This is who I am. I recognize problems, but I can't do anything about them. Words don't come to me easily, and while I'm good with small talk, I can't say anything of substance; especially anything that can comfort someone I actually care about.
My relationship with Anna has always been complicated, but it has become even more so in these past few weeks; ever since the coronation, which only served my inability to comfort her shaking figure on the ground. Before then, she was the physical embodiment of everything wrong with me, and even though I would desperately want to get to know her while I was hiding away in my room, I didn't actually have any real emotional connection to her. She was just a symbolic figure; a stranger who represented my sister, and nothing else. I never had a real sister.
But that's all changed. I've spent my whole life dreading spending the rest of my years to live, hiding and concealing every single aspect of me that separated me, Queen Elsa of Arendelle, from other people on this planet. Now, however, I see a window of opportunity. My powers are weakening, and I can spend one blissful month of my life without worrying.
I carefully contemplated what to do with Anna. Part of me wants to go right up to her and hug her, while the cowardly side of me urged me to get away from her right now while I can.
I pull her up, and awkwardly twist a strand of my own hair. My mouth started to move by itself, wanting to say "because I love you", but I stopped myself in time, and awkwardly cleared my throat. "You'll catch a cold if you stay there any longer," I said lamely, cracking a small smile.
Anna sniffled, and used her fingers to brush back her hair that had somehow managed, in this short period of time, to be splayed all over her face. She looked ridiculous and adorable at the same time. "Yeah, silly me," she grumbled, smoothing out the ruffles in her forest-green dress. "But, really, Elsa, please, I am so, so, so, sorry for everything I have ever did, and…I would just like you to know that I really want to take a shot at this "trying to be a sister" thing…" Anna's voice trailed off as she glanced back at the painting of Mom and Dad, and I swear I could have almost seen a bitter look flit across her face before her eyes focused back on me. I thought the whole thing had blown over, but apparently, Anna still seemed, or at least, she acted like she didn't believe we were related. I'm partly hurt, because that implied that Anna held blood over bond (not that we had any bond), and I'm also partly proud, because Anna is finally starting to grow up. Finding your identity, figuring out who you are and where your place in the world lies is a complicated and most often, depressing time in life.
"Anna, I am almost positive we are related," I reassured, looking at her in the eye.
She sniffled. "Elsa, I've traced our entire family lineage, and no offense, nobody has platinum blond hair."
Wow, she's done her research, and I can't help but feel proud of my little sister whom I am sure I am related to. I considered telling Anna about my secret, but decide against it. Since they are weakened, I see no reason in ever telling her about my secret. Not only will it complicate things, but my powers have become something I'm used to keeping to myself; it's the part of me that makes me unique, and suddenly making that information public will not only spread vicious rumors and become the subject of much gossip, but it will also make me personally uncomfortable.
"There is such a thing as genetic mutation, Anna," I remind, desperate for Anna to know that we are sisters without me telling her of my powers.
Anna cracked a small smile. "So you really are my sister? You're positive?" She asked.
"Positive," I reply.
"What, do you also have some sort of crazy fire power that can kill millions of people?" She joked.
I throat clamped shut, and I nodded slowly, forcing a small smile on my face to tell her that I recognized that it was a joke. We walked in silence for a little bit, and when we entered the garden, the sun was just starting to set. Within fifteen minutes, the sky would be gorgeous displays of oranges, reds, yellows, blues, pinks, and purples, all criss-crossing the horizon.
"Oh, look," Anna called my attention away from her previous remark about mutants as she crouched down and gently touched a small, plain flower that grew along the soft green grass. It was yellow. Not the sickening kind, mind you, but the sort of yellow that seemed to be the color of happiness, and joy. Her eyes looked at in wonder, and I also crouched down to scrutinize it, although nothing came to me in terms of its beauty or value. A small summer breeze ruffled its petals and our hair, giving a refreshing jolt to the otherwise still evening.
"That's a daisy," I point out to Anna, who was still marveling its plainness. She looked at it from all angles, shuffling around to look at it with no less of a fascinated expression than she had sported at the previous angle. "There are millions of those in the castle gardens alone," I add, not quite comprehending what made Anna look at the flower so.
Anna looked up to me thoughtfully, as if she was trying to figure out the right way to say exactly what she had in mind. After a few seconds, her head dropped back to her previous position and she opened her mouth.
"There are millions of people living on the same planet we do, maybe even billions. They all drink the same water that we do, they all breath the same air that we do, and they love and care for one another the same way that we do."
She stopped, and looked up at me. "But just because there are millions of us, all the same at heart, does that mean that one individual is so different? Because of our mass, does that make any one person any less special?"
I opened my mouth to say something, but I had nothing to say. I was ashamed of myself to say the least.
"I don't know where we come from; not the body, the soul I mean. The part of me that makes me Anna, I don't know if it was conceived along with the body or came down from the sky or something, but somehow, my soul went to this body, and maybe the soul next to me went to a peasant. I could have easily been a peasant, and a peasant could have easily been me," She continued, fingering the white strands of hair that stood out so vividly from her orange hair.
"Except, it wouldn't be you, would it? It would be a different soul," I pointed out, having nothing better to say.
Anna grinned. "Mom and Dad told me this, but I never really thought about it before now. I mean, that flower may be plain, but I think it's a great gift just to be alive, no?"
Even though I'm ashamed to admit, it did make a lot more sense for this little speech to be from Mom and Dad, and not Anna. That speech from Anna, although this seems silly, almost seemed like Mom and Dad were trying to tell me something from the Heavens or six feet under, or wherever they are right now. Tears threatened to leak out of their ducts, and I hastily wiped them away. I wasn't going to cry in front of Anna about my dead parents. Not now.
Thankfully, Anna didn't seem to notice. She meandered along the small garden path, occasionally pausing to look at other flowers that caught her eye. She stopped in front of a large chrysanthemum, and turned around to beckon me forward. I caught up with her, and she pointed at it. "Mom and Dad used to take me with them for walks in the garden a lot. They had a story for almost every flower," She said with a hint of nostalgia.
"What's the story of the Chrysanthemum?" I ask curiously.
Anna thought for a minute, and said:
"There once was a girl named Chrysanthemum, and when she was great at making tea. One day, in nursery, she made tea for everyone. But, being nervous, when she was carrying the pot over to the table, she accidentally spilled hot tea over one little boy."
Anna grimaced, and continued. "The boy lost all his hair, and nearly died that day. However, it is said that the boy was very much in love with Chrysanthemum and even though she nearly killed me, he still loved her."
Anna drew a breath and continued:
"Chrysanthemum, however, guilt-ridden and ashamed of herself, began to avoid the boy. For nearly 15 years they did not speak, as she had requested to be homeschooled. Every day, however, when the boy was walking home, he would walk by her house and see her making tea, and he would wish that he could one day, drink that tea."
"One day, however, the boy walked by and didn't see Chrysanthemum making tea. Curious, he knocked on the front door, and was greeted by two sobbing parents. Chrysanthemum had died."
"The boy then asked if he could help bury Chrysanthemum in a meadow beautiful meadow atop of a hill. The parents agreed, and together, they buried her. However, a curious thing happened when she was buried; the hilltop suddenly burst with beautiful golden flowers. The boy called these flowers "Chrysanthemums". He plucked one, brought it home, and promised himself that Chrysanthemum's death would not come to waste, and made delicious tea with that single flower. He went back to the meadow, looked down, and said, 'I love you.'"
Anna's voice cracked. "And then, the wind blew and the boy swears he heard it say, 'I love you too.'"
My eyes were moist, and were threatening to spill tears with a single blink. I stared at Anna, silently thanking the darkening sky so she couldn't see the tear that had just raced down my cheek.
"So, did you like it? It was my favorite flower story. I mean it seems cheesy now that I think about it, with the tea and the meadows…" Her voice trailed off, looking at me expectantly.
My throat was clamped shut, but I shakily opened my mouth and said, "I love it", and I hugged her.
I didn't even have to worry about being cold to touch.
oO0Oo
Today's the day! I raced out of bed, throwing aside my covers and ran down the hallways. I skidded to a halt, remembering that I haven't even changed outside of my pajamas, and raced back to my room at lightning speed, gathering curious and knowing glances from the staff. I chose an azure dress that came down to my knees. It was neither heavily ornamented nor was it frivolous like many other dresses those girls my age would wear- perfect for a first day at the Southern Isles, which, judging by its name would seem like it would be quite warm in comparison to Arendelle.
My belongings have already been packed the night previous, before bed, and have already been loaded on the ship. My mind raced with dozens of things as I took one long, satisfying glance around the room, taking in the feeling of home, before dashing out the door again, only to bump into Gerda.
"Oh! Princess! I'm so sorry!" She gasped, dusting imaginary dust off of my dress.
I laugh. "No, no, Gerda, it's my fault! I ran into you!" I jump up and smooth out the ruffles in my dress. "I'm off to the Southern Isles!" I exclaim more to myself, than to her.
Nothing could spoil today. It is the perfect day. Even the sun seemed to shine brighter, and the ponds in the gardens sparkled in sync with the anticipation that was bubbling within me.
Humming a cheery song, I descended the stairs, greeting everybody that I saw, including the grumpy old servant who has always hated me, ever since I was little. Although I'm not sure, I think the exasperation and hatred started when I remarked that he bore a fascinating resemblance to Frankenstein's monster. He grunted when he saw me switch from running down the stairs to sliding down the banisters, probably muttering the words "hooligan" and "hyper" under his breath.
I skipped all the way to the dining hall and completely ignored the lavish breakfast laid there, and took five pieces of toast and stuffing them all at the same time in my mouth.
"Anna!"
It was Elsa. I turn around, all the slices of toast still in my mouth. "Uhsa!" I try to say, my voice muffled. I take a large bite and take the slices of toast out. I wait for her to offer some sort of reprimand for my unladylike behavior, and indeed, it looked like she was on the verge of saying something but instead, she just smiled a large smile and took several pieces of toast herself.
We ate and talked our way to the gates, which Elsa had told me yesterday would be permanently opened starting from today.
I trilled about the trip constantly to anybody who would listen.
"Max! I'm going to the Southern Isles!" I called out excitedly to the gate boy who helped me so kindly the other day to sneak out.
"I told you, it's Marx," He grumbled, although he did tip off his hat later and smile, mouthing "Have fun!"
Our walk from the gates to the port was surprisingly short, considering the fact that there were hundreds of people milling about, all busy doing their own business when the Queen and Princess of Arendelle just walked through the streets. As per the required manners of any royalty, Elsa and I spent some time just waving and smiling at the general crowd.
The fjord looked particularly serene and tranquil today. The water rippled, lapping against the ground with easy grace. Arriving right in front of the boat, I can finally see the thrill in exploring and sailing ships. With the mast towering above you, it's easy to imagine yourself riding this boat into the sunset, sailing towards a new life.
I heard Elsa take a deep breath and whisper something like "don't show" beside me. I shoot her an odd glance, but she takes no notice of it. Tentatively, she takes a step forward and walks up the steps to the boat.
I turn around, taking in the full glory of Arendelle in the summertime, and take a step forward on the ship.
Having never been on a boat before, I take a while to adjust to the gently rocking surface of the ground. After a while, it was almost comforting, although it did make me rather tired.
"Having fun?"
Oh no. Not him. Anybody but him. I slowly turn around with a forced smile on my face. "Frederic," I greeted slowly. "What are you doing here?" I ask through clenched teeth. Since yesterday night, I have decided that the "birth condition" Frederic mentioned must have been a ruse just to rile me, but I'm still wary of this man.
"He's my Doctor, Anna," Elsa's voice wanders in from beside me. "He needs to be there in case…something happens."
I try to fight the scowl that is threatening to show on my face, and can't help but feel that my lovely mood has just been dampened by the threat of death.
oO0Oo
Dear Diary,
I have been on this ship for nearly five days now, and after seeing a whale three times, even that lost its thrill. A diary, I had decided, would be the perfect activity from falling into the ocean from boredom. On the second day, we encountered some slightly large waves, and I spent most of the day beside Elsa with Frederic, the former of which was suffering from extreme seasickness. After Frederic prescribed some medicine to battle the "tumultuous feeling in my stomach that resembled the sloshing of water in a drain", according to Elsa, she did slightly recover, but only slightly.
Thankfully, the next day saw calmer waters, and Elsa bravely ventured out for a short walk on the deck, breathing in the salty air. It was that day we both saw our first whale launch out of the water, its tail then slamming back into the water in a formidable splash.
Elsa and I spent most of our time together this trip, talking and discussing our childhoods. It seemed that Elsa would still tense up whenever I mentioned the "door", as I had fondly grown to call it, so I decided that I would not force her to recount the reasoning behind that yet. After all, I trust that she will tell me all in due time.
Frederic has been less arrogant than usual these past few days. No longer does he shoot knowing glances at me, nor do his lips curl whenever I see him skulking around. In fact, the expression he now sports whenever we encounter one another is one of pity and understanding.
Occasionally, he and Elsa would start talking in hushed voices about something grave, I'm sure, but whenever I would come by, they would awkwardly and hurriedly switch to a new topic, often concerning the agriculture of Arendelle; a dreadfully boring topic.
At first, when I walked into one of these said conversations, old doubts began to rise, but I quickly dismissed them. I am ready to trust Elsa with telling me of everything that goes on in her life as I would to her. Surely she would tell me whatever it is that she is discussing with Frederic if it's important.
Anna.
oO0Oo
Dear Diary,
I am going to just have a quick word before we arrive at the Southern Isles. The captain said that land should be in sight within thirty minutes, and I have just come here to update the coming and goings of the past few days.
Elsa has completely gained control of her life on deck, and seemed to have no problem in navigating her way around the boat. Her complete demeanor has changed. Before, she would still be a little bit shy and timid (although perhaps, that was because of the seasickness), and now, she would be more daring and adventurous, and looked at life like it was an adventure; a game of experience. Whoever felt and saw the most would ultimately win. She seemed to have completely let go of whatever fears or emotions that previous controlled her.
Speaking of Elsa, she is now calling me.
Got to go,
Anna.
oO0Oo
I stare out at the impending horizon, with Anna, both of us just enjoying the serene beauty of the deep blue sky that clashed with the reddish-orange sunset and the dimly sparkling water that rose and descended.
Bird calls echoed in the distance, but they only served to even better depict the image of serenity.
"New land, new beginnings," Anna murmured beside me.
"Of course," I answer, my hands fingering the hard wood of the deck handles.
"We will make these two weeks the best two weeks of our lives," Anna promised, looking at me with a confident grin.
"Yes, we will-"
"Land!" Both of us yell at once, before subsiding into a fit of giggles. We straighten up, and peer once again at the land mass that was gradually growing in size as we drew closer towards it. The sun was positioned at such an angle as to make it bathed in a warm, golden glow, and I could see the first outlines of many ships moored at the docks. Apparently, this was going to be also a busy two weeks.
"I can't believe," Anna breathed as she stared ahead in awe, "that I'm finally going to a kingdom other than Arendelle."
I nod in agreement. "It looks beautiful."
"And the position of the sun is just right!" Anna pointed out, voicing my own earlier thoughts.
Together, we watched as the boat sailed right up to the pier, and anchored itself in the ground.
We have arrived.
Smiling, Anna and I slowly walk down the steps to the ground.
When we first touched it, it still felt like we were on the sea, and the ground was rocking up and down in a constant lull. At that moment, I felt a tad sick, but I did some of the breathing exercises Frederic taught me, and the initial panic flooded away. Anna looked at me with concern, but I told her I was fine.
"Welcome to the Southern Isles!" A tall and lanky man dressed in red announced, gesturing towards the carriages that awaited our arrival on the dock. Anna and I would be going in one carriage and Frederic in one with several of our guards.
"Thank you for the warm welcome," I reply, bowing to the tall man. "We look forward to a great stay."
While I was brimming with excitement inside me, I could tell Anna's anticipation had all built up this moment and was positively bouncing around the dock, scrutinizing everything within her sight. She bounced back after every encounter with a new person on the dock to retell her stories with the locals. Apparently, there was going to be a welcome ball held tonight, according to one stocky blond-haired fellow.
We didn't have much time to spare, and I dragged Anna to the carriages and forced her into the seat. While we waited for everyone else to climb onto their carriages, we both took the time to look around. The diversity of life here was even more noticeable than in Arendelle, as at this time, tourism was common. People of different tongues mingled among each other. All in all, it was a fresh sight.
The carriage ride to the palace was very strategical. The path to the palace was very clear, straight, and all the houses and shops that were featured on this path were probably deliberately chosen to leave a good impression.
Anna and I talked a great deal on the carriage of Hans, and his twelve brothers. Although I remain skeptical of marriage, I did grudgingly accept that Anna did seem to love this Hans very much.
"Anna, I don't want you to be so hasty in choosing those you love," I cautioned after Anna spent nearly five minutes talking about how wonderful Hans was, and how they were simply meant to be.
"I am careful, Elsa," Anna replied, rolling her eyes. "You don't need to worry about me."
"Good," I nod, "I just want you that love is a complicated thing, Anna. Not everything about it can be explained."
Anna smiled. "I'll try to keep that in mind."
Poll: Do you think Hans should be a sympathetic character in this story, or an evil bastard? When I mean sympathetic character, it doesn't mean he's a nice person, it just means I'll go into more character development and he'll gradually become a good person. However, this story is in no way Hans/Elsa OR Hans/Anna.
Reviews/Favorites/Follows are nice.
By the way, is this chapter length good? This chapter was around 5100 words; 5120 exactly. I was going to make it even longer, but I decided against it. What do you guys think?
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