[A/N: This may be a little ooc, and its superangsty. I apologize for that in advance, though I hope you still find it readable. Please review, I wish to improve as a writer, so constructive criticism is really welcome.]

"Oi, oi. Wasn't it always you who wanted me to commit seppuku? Why are you so upset now?"

The question was followed by silence, as Hijikata really couldn't explain the pain he felt in his gut. It was pure fear, denial and astonishment.

Gintoki made up his resolve, that was as clear as the sky above them. Their meeting place was a secluded clearing, in the woods near the outskirts of Edo. The perfect place to do the inevitable.

Inevitable, that's what Gintoki said. Hijikata still couldn't comprehend what was about to happen. The previous day had been magical, it was everything a perfect date should be. The utter peace he felt then was now shattered to tiny pieces.

"So yesterday that was-" Hijikata started but never got to finish the sentence.

"That was my last wish. I wanted to spend a day with you, without any troubles as my way of saying goodbye."

"Goodbye my ass! This makes the whole thing look so pathetic. You should have broken up with me! Did you even consider how this will affect me?" Hijikata glared at the other in annoyance, fist balled up and nails digging into his palm.

"I know it's selfish. I would apologize if I had more time, but then again if there was more time it wouldn't have had to end it this way. I'm sorry. You're the only one I dared to tell about my plans - because you're strong enough. You're the strongest." Gintoki 's voice was rough from emotion.

"Your sincerety won't make it easier. Just as everything started to look nice for once and now-" Hijikata's voice hitched. It wasn't from crying, it was the opposite - his eyes practically burned from dryness. It was the feeling of his gut and that unbearable pain in his throat that made him breathless.

"I- uh - I think I was prepared, you know. Up until yesterday I thought I was ready to do it alone." Gin seemed to be a little embarassed, though he wasn't sad. He accepted this fate long ago, tried to live beatifully until the end. But it wasn't easy, it was really tiring. The constant lies ravaged his heart, he felt as if he was betraying the people he cherished. He did everything to spend his final days with his loved ones. And now he wanted to get over with it as soon as possible. Dragging out his death so ceremonially was annoying. He would rather have fallen in battle, but now he had to end his life with his own hands - and that, that was hard. Before he knew what was happening, he had confessed to Hijikata involuntarily.

Tension materialized around them only to be blown away by a gush of strong wind. It's wild claws ruffled their hair and attempted ripping their clothes from their shell, trying to expose their was colder than it should have been.

If only he hadn't started a relationship with the Mayora seven months ago.

If only it hadnt been so good, beautiful even, thought Gintoki.

"Hijikata. Look at me."

"Let's get over this, there's no point in talking anymore." Gintoki's speech was only a little louder than the whizz of the blowing wind, and Hijikata strained to hear his words.

"No. Like hell."

"I already gave you my reasons

I already gave you my heart.

We must depart before it's too late."

"No. There must be some other way."Hijikata persisted.

"Sure .. I tried looking for a solution, but as you see I'm running out of time. I can feel it in every nerve and cell. It could be any hour or minute now. Lest I infect you and all our efforts are futile."

"I don't care, we will find something together then! How dare you give up so easily? "

"Please, Hijikata, understand. I'm done. I told you everything, this is the only solution. Remember yesterday, when we were together. For my sake. Cherish that moment and forget this day ever happened - bury me here and no one will ever know anything. My death is only your privilege."

"There's no privilege in such deed. Old times are over, honor means nothing anymore. You, of all know it the best."

"I do. But there's no other way."

The wind kept assaulting their forms.

"Also, the kids. D- "for the first time Gintoki's speech faltered. He looked down, hiding his face." Don't tell them. Ever."

"They will mourn you either way."

"Ah I know .. but if you tell them that you didn't stop me, they will kill you in cold blood." Gintoki had a small smile at the corner of his mouth while he spoke.

"Haha, that's highly probable." Hijikata laughed bitterly.

The monotone whizz of the wind slowly faded away and the gale turned into a light breeze.

They stood there in utter silence, motionless. They were within an arm's reach but never in his life had Hijikata felt someone else so far away. Gintoki was an unreachable spectre now. Soon to be dead bastard who failed in protecting a world. The world of the two of them.

There was an unexpected brush against Hijikatas wrist. He shifted nervously a little, almost scared. the touch was warm and gentle, more than it has ever been. He looked up to meet the Yorozuya's face. Gintoki's gaze wasn't anything that could be expressed by words. His whole life lay bare in those orbs, like a kaleidoscope of feelings. All his pain and loss he had ever felt. The hardships, the sadness and the grief. But there also was honesty, and innocence. Hijikata got lost in the depth of those red eyes , because there was limitless love, toward him, the two fools back at his shop, the old bag who was a mother figure to him, his companions from the war, random people of Kabuki Cho and many more. It was all there now, and Hijikata now felt a new, different kind of regret - how blind he was to only see him this clear now, when it was too late.

Their last kiss lacked passion. The need of their body did not matter anymore as long as their souls connected somehow. They embraced in a silent goodbye, strong arms entwining softly. They could barely breathe, because the sheer thought of the situation, the reality overwhelmed them. Gintoki wasnt unfamiliar with the feeling - as his resolve formed over his final weeks, he felt it constantly nagging at his heart. The day he spent with the kids was bad enough, but as his final moments with Hijikata approached it became nearly unbearable.

It wasnt exactly the fear of death. It was the thought of the consequences. The people left behind, and their grief. Vanishing without trace.

Probably Hijikata felt even worse. He had been told only less than an hour ago. He felt many things since then, ranging from regret to rage. Helplessness was the most intense of them,that made him numb. Yet he didn't lose his composure, not even when Gintoki loosened his embrace and gently pushed him away.

The eye contact was held once again, and it didnt falter at all even when Gintoki spoke.

"Let's get over with it, this is a pain in the ass."

The way he said it in that lazy tone was so much like his usual self, that Hijikata thought for a moment that it was only a bad dream.

"Okay?"

"Yes." Hijikata closed his eyes in defeat- he missed the obvious relief in his lover's eyes.

The rest of their ritual went on in silence, only rustling and shifting sounds of movement were audible.

Gintoki took off his belt first, along with his bokuto.

"Ah- you might give this to Shinpachi. In the future, I mean." Gintoki held his bokuto with strange fondness. He always expected he would die with that in his hands, but things never go according to plan.

Hijikata nodded in silence, not intending to speak anymore. He watched every movement of Gintoki, the way he slowly kneeled down. He placed the small blade he brought with him on the grass. He took a deep breath and then he took off his yukata's sleeves and discarded his shirt. Hijikata gracefully drew his sword and stood in position. He never perfromed the ritual before, but he witnessed enough to know his job. Gintoki leant forward and picked up the blade from the grass. With precise movements he caressed his stomach to find the exact spot on the left side. Then with one fluid move, he swiftly aimed and pierced.

Except his body didn't comply. Hijikata saw it all. Gintoki's hands slowed down and started shaking. The blade never met skin. Something was really off.

"Oi"

"No- "Gintoki said as the blade fell from his shaking hands. He wanted it to end it all, yet his plan was now ruined.

Small marks crawled on his skin like ants, their source was his heart. The virus wouldn't let the host's body die, simply as that. Gintoki leaned forward in defeat curling into fetal position. Silent, dry sobs wracked his frame.

His composure then and there, shattered. He moaned in both physical and emotional agony.

"It's too late. " he spoke through gritted teeth.

"No." Said Hijikata. Gintoki heard it, and with great effort he took control over his body. He only hoped the virus didn't start spreading already. Even in his distress, he thought of his lover, and prayed that Hijikata didn't get infected already.

"Help me" Gintoki pleaded. Hijikata acted on pure instinct, his actions triggered by both Gintoki's plea and the dreadful feeling pooling his own gut. This wasn't seppuku anymore, it was euthanasia. Screaming,one clean and quick move and he brought his katana down.

Hijikata remained crouched, unmoving and not breathing. He distantly heard a barely audible rustling sound of something rolling in the grass, but his brain refused to acknowledge the source of the noise. He felt numbness in the whole of his body. Deep, motionless silence followed.

Later he had no recollection of how long he was there. When he came to he was lying in the dim darkness, soft grass caressing his face. He felt soil beneath his nails, and his hands hurt incredibly, bleeding and covered in muddy dirt. When realisation hit him, he felt something trickling down his cheek. In a minute silent tears covered his face, then he started sobbing. Now there wasn't anyone to witness his moment of weakness, and he broke down and cried uncontrollably. He could barely breathe, much less move.

After all, he had just buried his own heart with his bare hands.

[A/N: why do I feel that I have to apologize again?]