With the kids in the backseat Jax and Tara drove home. Tara casted him an annoyed look while thinking back to interaction they just had with Wendy. His frigid and crude behavior was setting them back.

"What part of we need her, whether you like it or not did you not remember in there."

Jax rolled his eyes.

"Maybe you need her, but I sure as shit don't."

"Oh, get over yourself."

"You know I recall you being the one saying that those are your boys and you didn't want her anywhere near them."

"That was before you know my murder charges, Gemma almost killing Abel and Thomas while stoned in the driver seat, club house blowing up right in front of our faces, and the list can go on. A lot of shit has happened to all of us from between the time of me boxing Wendy out to now. I get your hatred for her, but you need to look past that. In case something happens to us we need a security blanket for our children in the backseat."

Jax's gaze veered to the rearview mirror to watch Abel and Thomas sleeping in their respective car seats. He looked over at Tara; grabbing her hand he kissed each of her fingertips. She slipped her hand out of his to slide it to the back of his neck. She gently rubbed circles along the baby hairs that lay on the bottom of his hairline and then Tara trailed her hand to his trademark curl in his beard. Jax leaned into her touch as he pulled into their driveway and put the car in park. He turned his entire face into her hand and breathed her in. His shoulders hunched over and she felt warm water collect into her palm.

She leaned over and placed her forehead against his.

"How do we come back from this Jackson? I want us back to normal, but….."

"I know so much shit has happened."

They both pulled away to reveal their eyes to one another. Tears stained Jax's face and tears clung to Tara's eyelashes.

"Are you ever going to get to the point where you'll say it back to me?"

Her olive green eyes stared straight into his grey blue ones. An understanding of what he was referring to rang through her gaze.

"It never went anywhere Jackson. It's all still there, every bit of it. It's just muddled in with a whole lot of other emotions. I think it's the same for both of us, however, that doesn't excuse the wrongs we've committed against each other."

Tara took a hard and painful swallow, "Because I have this sick feeling that that wasn't the first time you slept with that madam."

A double dose of shock hit Jax at her words. He pulled away and a look of shame was the only thing Tara could see, which was all she needed to see.

As she unbuckled her belt, Tara shot him one of her notorious dirty looks that could paralyze anyone.

"Well your reaction gives me my answer. And that means regardless of whether or not my pregnancy was real, you've been having an emotional affair with another woman. Which is why you said that night you knew it was your fault on why we grew apart, then the next morning you go on to say you hadn't kept your promise to be honest. I know you Jackson, better than anyone, which means in that moment you were trying to shed the guilt weren't you?"

Jax opened his mouth and he couldn't say a word except look down.

"When?"

He looked at her and he shook his head.

"Tara. I don't….when I slept with her I missed you."

A disgusted snort distastefully left Tara's mouth.

"Kiss my ass Jax," Tara scoffed and opened the car door leaving Jax behind to take care of the kids.

Jax looked on as she stormed into the house; with a heavy sigh he placed his forehead on the wheel completely at a lost. He told her the truth, but the truth was completely fucked up and he couldn't blame her for being pissed off. She had every right to.

Tara walked into the house in tears. She went straight to the bathroom and shut both doors; the one leading to the hallway and the one connecting to their bedroom. She started to fill up the tub, in desperate need of a soak. Tara heard the front door open and movement down the hallway. She stood there looking herself in the mirror for over ten minutes. Staring at her reflection brought such pain and with tears in her eyes she sank to ground against the bathroom door completely broken. Tara felt like she was in a constant state of confliction when it came to her love for Jax. The man cheated on her when she needed him the most and yet she still loved him. No matter what he does, or how he hurts she can still easily find her love for him sitting right there at the surface.

A quiet knock sounded off the door from the bedroom.

"Babe, please open the door."

Hearing his voice; brought the tears coming down in pellets. Silent sobs wracked her body; hearing him beg had her body doubling over.

"I'll use my fingernail to open the door if you don't let me in Tara."

She grabbed some toilet paper off the roll and wiped her face.

"Babe please, come on."

The sound of the water filling the tub was the only thing Jax could hear, but he could feel it in his pores that she was crying.

Tara took to her feet and walked over to the door to open it slowly. The reveal of Tara broke his heart, his eyes expressed every bit of sorrow he felt for what he saw before him. Tara's eyes and nose were swollen and red. She looked beyond broken and lost.

"I'm just exhausted Jax. I feel like I have not one bit of energy left in me and the worse part is I have no understanding of why. You know I feel like it would make sense if I could look around and see where my energy is going. You know to something productive, to something that makes sense. Something that I can be proud of, but Jax what the hell am I – I mean what are we fighting for. It's just shit storm after shit storm. And I'm tired of fighting, for at this point feels like nothing. I'm just so tired Jax. I'm tired."

With such tender adoration, Jax cupped Tara's face and used his thumbs to wipe away the new tears that began to mar her porcelain cheeks. He slowly brought his face down to Tara's to rest his forehead against hers.

"I know I have no right to ask anything else of you, but please can you forgive me. I hold no grudge for the miscarriage at all. I get every lie, every manipulation, every reason and I know it was my indifference towards you that drove you there. We're both responsible. Both of us. Can we just try to move on Tara? Please, babe?"

Tara sagged her head into his chest and wrapped her arms around his waist. His hands came up to cradle the back of her head. Jax dug his fingertips into her hair

"You can actually forgive me for lying to you about being pregnant? For my betrayal?"

"Two wrongs don't make a right, I know that much. You doing what you did had good intentions, me cheating was wrong. I did that because I was feeling lonely, I felt far away from you and that's not your fault that was mine. I made a mistake Tara. A stupid, childish one. I can admit that. I can own that."

She shook her head into his chest and tightened her hold around his waist. She squeezed him into her. She could feel herself weakening into his pleas.

"I hate you so much. Not because of what's happened to me, but because I can feel myself ready to toss any bit of self- respect out the window for you. For us. Again."

She wiped her face into his white t-shirt and then looked up at him. Tara laid her chin in the middle of chest as she made eye contact.

"Because I love you. Even when I hate you, even when I could pound your face in, it's you I want to talk to, it's you I want to come home to, it's you I want to grow old with and as much I try to fight this I always lost out to my love for you."

His heart soared hearing her finally say those words he coveted more than anything, but he also felt himself tearing in two from the knowledge that her love for him was causing her the most pain. He pulled her beige leather jacket from her shoulders and slid it down her arms. He placed it on the laundry bin, and then he slowly gripped the edges of her blouse. Jax gently began to pull her top up and her arms lifted in compliance to allow him to take it off. She stood there, feeling completely vulnerable in her boots, jeans and a bra.

Jax lowered to his knees to unzip her boots one by one. He removed her socks and placed them to the side. Her hands were braced on his shoulders as he took his time undressing her. Jax's hands slowly slid up her outer thighs until they found their way to her jean's button.

Her thighs tighten in response and her hands squeezed his shoulder in an attempt to stave off the weak feeling in her knees. Jax relished the feeling of her fingers digging into him, for carnal reasons of course.

Tara thought to herself that she had every reason to not succumb to her arousal, but with that in mind she had every reason to want to give in pulling her in the other direction. Tara brought her hands from his broad shoulders to the sides of his neck to pull his gaze to hers. They shared a moment that both of them at It was a moment of complete security, no shame, no doubt, it felt like home

While holding her gaze, Jax unbuttoned her jeans and dragged the zipper down; he took a firm hold on her hips and peeled down her jeans very slowly.

As he got lower, Tara lifted her right leg to allow Jax to pull off her jeans, and then she raised her left leg for him to do the same. Jax started to rain kisses on her thighs. He grabbed her ankles and nudged them to get her to spread her legs. He suckled on the flesh of her inner thigh and kneaded her ass. Tara hunched over into Jax and a deep throaty moan slipped from her lips. She grabbed hold of his head to stabilize herself when she felt her knees could give way from delicious sucking of her flesh. The sounds coming from Jax's throat spurred on her need. There really was no fight she could put up against him and as much as she was aware of that, so was he. Jax was well aware effect he had on her and was using it to his advantage.

Jax dragged his teeth up her thigh towards her panty line and showered her with the softest of kisses. He licked her hip bones and blew softly onto her wet skin. He could feel her shudder beneath his hands placed on her waist. Little moans coming from above him reached his ears, giving him more fire. His index fingers hooked the top of her little purple thong; he looked up to search for her eyes, but they were squeezed shut. Her lips were parted and heavy breaths wracked her body, causing her chest to heave in and out, which made her breasts jut forward in her matching bra.

Jax wanted her eyes open so he brought his face upward towards her belly button and blew, causing her eyes to flutter open. He took that moment to capture her gaze with his.

"Keep them open."

He then started to pull her thong down, all the while keeping her eyes focused on his. Holding his gaze as he pulled her panties down was surprisingly easiest thing she's done in weeks. He grabbed her right ankle to slip her thong off then the left ankle.

Jax placed it on top of the rest of her clothing and took to his feet. Tara raised her eyes to him and raised her hand to touch the side of his face. Before she can touch him though, he grabbed her hand and used her momentum to swing her around. He brought his fingers to skillfully unhook her bra; Tara slightly lifted her arms to allow Jax to bring his hands to arms to guide the strap off. She shrugged her bra off to turn around to face Jax.

She stood there in front of him stripped bare and at peace with where this was leading. As she rose to her tip toe to kiss him, Jax grabbed her waist to stop her.

"Sit in the tub and soak for the night then sleep in."

She looked up at him in confusion.

"I thought….."

"I do, but not like this. There's still a lot a shit we have to figure out and fight through. I don't want use sex to solve it. If we lay down together now, it'll just be a band aid."

He placed his hand under her chin and tilted it upward.

"When we finally lay together again, I want it to be free of this heavy weight killing us on the inside. When I make love to you again babe, it'll be pain and guilt free. So for now go ahead and soak in the tub and get some rest. You need it, you look worn out."

He kissed her forehead and then walked away leaving her standing there naked.

Tara turned to tub and saw it had filled to a decent level and temperature. She added in a scented foam ball to the water and climbed in. She leaned back and let the warm water soothe her aching body. She actually felt a little lighter hearing that Jax wasn't going to fall back on sex to fix their problems. The fact that he was the one to step up and say that meant a lot to her. It now gave her more than just a sliver of hope. It actually made her smile knowing that her husband was taking this seriously and wasn't grasping at straws and using his trademark 'I promise' or 'we'll get through it like everything else'. She felt a little at ease not hearing those words; that always seem add to more of their misery. Tara just breathed a heavy sigh with closed her eyes and let the water do its job.