A/N: This chapter was a Goddamn Bitch. Komui was so easy to write, that I ended up doing his entire part and then filling in the blanks with the three stooges. Have no fear though, PWP will return soon.

Pain. That was the only thought that coursed through Kanda's mind through out the day. Every step that he took had it surging from his groin. It only took thirty minutes of his bitching for Reever to kick him out of the laboratory and into the infirmary.

There wasn't much that could shake Kanda, but explaining to Komui what exactly was wrong with him was something that he couldn't do looking him dead in the eye. Komui watched Kanda struggle to explain why he was there with a smile slathered on his face. There was nothing more satisfying than watched the poised and collected Kanda Yuu attempt to string together a sentence.

After ten minutes of Kanda mumbling the same words over and over again, Komui insisting that he didn't know what Kanda was trying to say, the teen snapped. Turning to face the scientist Kanda sneered, "You know what I am trying to say you sister-loving bastard. Now hurry up and do something about it before I force you to."

The threat did nothing to phase Komui, the elder simply placing his mug of coffee on the desk behind him before stating, "Take off your pants for me."

Kanda's eye narrowed, his jaw tightening as he demanded, "What did you just say?"

Komui nodded his head towards Kanda's groin, "Remove. Please." When Kanda made no motion to do so, Komui elaborated for him, "If you don't take off your pants, how else do you think I am going to be able to tell you what is wrong downstairs?"

Kanda let out a 'Che', relaxing a bit as he slowly removed his pants. Taking a seat in his desk chair, Komui wheeled right up to Kanda's groin, coming as close as he needed to properly inspect the injury. Unfortunately for Kanda, this was just a few inches away.

Trying to ignore the fact that it was Komui who currently had his face inches away from his cock, Kanda looked at anything but the other man, wanting this experience to be over as soon as possible. After a few minutes of poking, prodding, and several questions that Kanda never wanted to be asked, Komui finally backed away from his genitals.

Leaning back in his chair, cup of coffee back in his hands, Komui leisurely declared, "Well! This is an injury that I don't think I've ever had the pleasure of diagnosing. Kanda Yuu, it seems that you are in fact suffering from a broken penis."

Kanda stared at Komui, trying to determine if he was joking or if he was serious. Unable to tell, Kanda husked, "You're being serious, aren't you?"

Komui chuckled, "You wouldn't think so, would you. But yes Kanda, your dick is broken."

The boy stared at him for a while before his face tensed, eyebrow twitching as he scowled, "How the hell does that even happen?"

Komui shrugged, looking up at the ceiling as he reported, "It's actually quite simple if you're not careful," Locking his gaze on the teen he inquired, "I am assuming that you did this while having sex."

Kanda's eyes went wide, his mouth zipped shut. That was the only confirmation that Komui needed, his eyes sparkling as he continued, "Well then, I should probably explain this in their presence also."

Standing up, Komui made his way to the door, Kanda snapping out of his mute rebellion, "Where are you going?"

Komui pointed over his shoulder at the door, "I'm going to get your partner."

Kanda glared, the scientist grating on his nerves, "And how are you going to do that?"

"I could just go around the base and ask, I'm sure I'll be able to find out who it is eventually." Komui turned to leave, leaving the panicked Kanda behind him.

Kanda gritted his teeth, eyebrow twitching as he let out an exasperated 'Che', giving in to the taller man, "It's Allen and Lavi…"

Komui's eyes widen, the shock nearly comical on his face, "Oh? Well, thinking about it, I wouldn't have expected different…I'll just pop over and collect them then shall I?" The elder left the room, mug of coffee in his hand and a whistle on his lips. Watching him leave Kanda pondered whether or not there was anything that could shock Komui short of Leenalee eloping while pregnant with Bak's child. Kanda removed that horrifying thought from his head, he didn't need to picture the rampage that Komui would embark on if that information ever came to his attention. There were more important things that Kanda had to think about, like the fact that Allen broke his fucking dick!

Lavi and Allen walked into the clinic both confused over the reason that they were brought in for. Lavi's eyes wandered to the walls of the room, skimming over the posters until one caught his attention. Allen was busy avoiding the glare coming from Kanda, keeping his gaze on Komui. "Why did you need us here?"

Jumping to sit on the counter, Komui faced the three boys, letting them stew in his silence as he took a sip from his rabbit mug. Opening his mouth to speak, Komui was rudely interrupted by Kanda, the Japanese spitting out, "You broke my fucking dick, Moyashi!"

The stunned silence filled the room, Lavi bursting into laughter after a few long seconds, "Broke your dick! Good one, Yuu." At the responding silence Lavi's face dropped, his laughter dying instantly, "Oh come on. You're not serious. You can't really break someone dick, can you?" Lavi looked around, Allen shifting nervously under Kanda's stare while Komui took another long sip of his coffee, smirking into his mug. Lavi's jaw dropped, having trouble believing what wasn't currently being said, " How does that even happen?"

Springing to life, Komui jumped off the counter, pulling down a diagram on the wall and whipping out a pointer. Slapping it against the magnified image of the average adult penis, Komui began his explanation, pushing his glasses up his face with a gleam, "It is quite simple actually," Slapping the pointer against a cross section diagram, Komui began, "There is a muscular envelopes encasing two regions of the penis called Corpora Cavernosa, these collect blood and enlarge when stimulated. The envelope encasing them, called the Fibrous envelope, is a rigid stiff muscle. As an erection forms, the muscle contracts, causing the penis to harden and rise. Now, since this muscle is in a state of constant tension, it is possible to break, rip, or tear, the tissue. This is what you three had managed to do to Mr. Yuu over there." Komui paused, letting the information sink in for a moment before continuing his lecture, "Now, Kanda has a very minor fracture. You are all lucky that it was nothing more serious, the resulting injury could have been devastating. More often than not, a penile fracture results in inability to become erect, constant pain, urethral bleeding, and even major reconstructive surgery. But Kanda should heal in about two to three weeks time without any intensive reconstruction."

Komui paused, think for a moment before throwing his opinion into the open, "Considering from the existance of Kanda's injury, I would think I am correct in assuming that you three are not aware of how to properly have gay sex?" Komui took a sip from his coffee cup, his curious eyes not leaving the boy for a second.

All three teens sat stunned, minds blank for just a moment before an explosion of answers came erupting from them. "Of course we know how to do it!" "We've done it like, thirty times, I think we've got it." "No… not really…" "You didn't know shit for nothing the first time!" "That's not my problem! You said that it would be fine!" "Oh yeah, cause shoving your dick up my ass was a fantastic idea moyashi." "Guys, I don't think Komui needs to hear this." "At least I didn't go in dry like someone else did!" "You said you liked it rough!" "I didn't say that I like my ass raw and bleeding!" "Was that why you were limping for like, a week, a couple months back?" "I learned didn't I?" "Yeah, after I punched you in the face!" "I was only doing what you told me to." "You should have done what I wanted you to do!" "Then be fucking clear next time!" "What, do you want it in writing? 'Please Kanda, open me up with two fingers, lube yourself up, and then insert your dick slowly, alternating between short and long thrusts until you are fully seated in my ass'? Is that what you fucking want?!" "If that means I won't have to walk around with a broken dick then yes!"

"What about condoms?" Three sets of eyes landed on Komui, Lavi turning from where he was examining a drawing of the skeletal system while ignoring Kanda and Allen, as the others ceased their debate in order to ponder what the hell Komui was talking about.

"What about them?" Kanda hissed, fist twitching where it tightly held onto the front of Allen's robe.

Komui leaned back in his chair, his manner nonchalant as he answered, "Are you using them?"

The teens exchanged glances, the confusion passing through each one before Allen stated, "Why would we?"

Komui grinned, silently enjoying the pain that he was putting the boy's through, "Mainly due to urinary tract infections and the chance of spreading sexually transmitted diseases." The casual way that the scientist sipped at his mug had no place in the context of the conversation that was currently going on in that room.

Allen shifted in his seat, checks red from embarrassment, "How do you know all this stuff?"

Komui leaned back in his chair, looking the boys dead in the eyes as he proclaimed, "I plan on making every male within the order gay to protect Leenalee's chastity."

Lavi let out a scoff, muttering under his breath, "It's too late for that."

The sound of a whirling motor filled the room, the red head's eyes widening in fear as Komui advanced towards him, "What did you say?"

A cold sweat broke out across his forehead, shaking his head vigorously as he squeaked out, "Nothing! Nothing at all!"

Deciding that a change of topic was more than necessary, Kanda droned, "So what you are saying is that I can't have sex for two weeks?"

The bloodlust dropped from Komui's face, the elder placing whatever tool he had been brandishing down. Nodding once Komui concurred, "That's exactly what I am saying."

Kanda huffed his typical 'Che', brows coming together in frustration. Allen threw an arm over Kanda's shoulder, leaning on him as he soothed, "Don't worry Kanda, we'll figure out something."

The Japanese said nothing, refusing to look at anything other than the door, one hand gripping the hilt of Mugen tightly. Allen turned from Kanda, small beads of sweat breaking over his brow, "This is going to be a long two weeks…"

A/N: I will not be posting any new stories on this site due to some rat bastard flagging a story I posted, twice. So if you want to read anything new I write you can follow me on AO3 under 'Keefer' or 'Xiel'. I will finish the stories I started here, but there will be nothing new. Sorry about that.