"I'm leaving with Hilde tomorrow. She's got plans for a salvage yard. It's a solid deal. There is at least fifty years of space junk to clean up and recycle. Even if a hundred salvage yards pop up, we'll still be flush in business if we do things right. She'll handle the business and I'll handle the rest. And, you know me. I always do things right. It's right up my alley being part of the Sweepers and all. I can always call up Howard if we need some extra business."

The face before him expressed little, barely even acknowledging the dialogue. If he felt any concern for what he was being told, he didn't show it. But that ass had always been like that. Since the first time they'd met, odd though it was, he'd never really shown what he was feeling. Not really. Even when in pain, he simply grunted and bore it with a stoic expression. Some took the blank look and tight mouth to be anger, but that wasn't the case. Heero Yuy just didn't care, at least, not in the ways that normal people should have. Only failure brought real emotion to the forward. Otherwise, he was a blank slate. He had focus and that was all that mattered. There was no room for anything else. Everyone else was simply distractions and he treated them as such until they proved useful or outlived their usefulness.

He'd tried to change him, he really had. But he supposed there were some things that couldn't be changed. So, before he left, he wanted to try one last time. He wanted his feelings to be returned or at least to see some sign that he would one day be able to get through to him. If he had that little inch of hope, he would stay by Heero's side for as long as it took. Just the smallest sliver of hope would carry him through eternity.

"I wish you the best," replied the deep voice. That voice had deepened since they'd first met. Puberty at its finest. When Heero spoke, people listened.

His heart cracked a little at that emotionless tone. "I heard you were going to protect Relena? Are you two an item now?"

"I don't see how that is any business of yours."

"I guess it isn't."

A silence seemed to grow and with it, a great pain began to take root in him. It took him a moment to realize it was hope dying. But he couldn't let go. His tenacity was what kept him going when all else seemed to fail.

"You know…we could…"

Heero's phone gave a shrill cry and he lifted it to his ear without even an apologetic glance in Duo's direction, listening intently before acknowledging. "Ten minutes."

Ten minutes to plead his case. It would take so much longer and yet that was the time limit being allotted to him. It was in that moment that he released his desperate grip on that tiny bit of hope he'd clung to desperately until that moment.

When Heero turned his attention back to him, he severed that tiny string. "I guess this is goodbye. I hope you find whatever you need to make your happy. See ya."

He didn't bother to wipe the tears from his eyes as he turned his back on the what could have beens. He would survive; it wasn't like he didn't have Hilde. She'd always been there. Maybe, he would give her a chance. Anyone that could take his mind off what he'd just allowed to slip away was better than nothing. It had to be. But God, he didn't expect it to hurt so much.

A chiming sound jerked Duo Maxwell from sleep and a dream he would have rather not had. He dreamed of the past often, any soldier who had survived what he had did so, but there were parts he wished he didn't have to remember. It wasn't the fighting or the death that bothered him; it was what he had lost at the end that haunted him so bitterly.

It was the past, but some parts hurt far worse than others. With things how they were, he really did not need those bad ones to compound on his life now. It was hard enough just to wake up in the morning.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he turned his gaze to the computer screen. He'd set up his system to do searches for particular key words. The internet was simply too expansive for him to search on his own. Even the most precise of searches would turn up millions of sites and he simply didn't have the time or the inclination to browse through the junk in order to find what he sought.

It took some doing, but he finally finished a program that would filter through the garbage or unnecessary results, and chime when finished with a much more manageable list to peruse. It was probably one of his better creations considering that he was not much of a master at writing programs. His talents came more in breaking in and destroying them, not giving them life.

With a grunt, he pulled himself closer to the table and reached for the mouse. A few clicks and his eyes were darting over the data presented to him. The more he read, the angrier he became. Even with the technology to create monsters of war ten years past, medical breakthroughs were rare—at least the sort he hoped to find. Prosthetic limbs had received a huge amount of money after the war due to the number of former soldiers missing arms and legs, but people in his situation weren't as common.

"Damn it!" he shouted and swiped his laptop off the table in a vicious sweep. He heard the metal and plastic crack as it hit the nearby wall and then floor. It wasn't like he couldn't fix the damn thing later. He'd always been good at fixing things, but when it came to himself, that was another thing altogether.

His hands fisted in the material of his jeans and he bent his head while his chest heaved with each gulp of processed colony air. Once more, he wondered why he tried so hard. Was there any point to it all?

It was so hard. Every day was a fucking struggle just to get out of bed. When the struggle bore no fruit, was there any purpose in continuing on? He was so damn tired of simply existing.

His eyes darted to the desk drawer to his right. He had a gun secreted away there in case of emergencies. It would be so easy to end it all and be done with the struggle.

Almost on instinct, he reached inside and pulled out the handgun. The black barrel gleamed and the grip fit into his palm like an old friend. He and this weapon had seen quite a bit of action in years past and he'd always taken good care of it. It was nearly obsolete by current standards, but it did the job just fine as the newer models offered.

He was almost surprised at the tremble in his hand as he brought the barrel to his mouth. Tears crept down the sides of his cheeks and small sobs escaped from his throat. He could taste the gun oil on his tongue along with the tang of metal. All he had to do was release the safety and pull the trigger. It would be over...everything would be finished. He'd always sworn to himself to never let anyone ever have control over his life or death again. When he died, it would be on his terms.

The trembling in his hand increased as his thumb released the safety in a practiced motion. It would be quick and easy. There would be no pain and he would be free. There were only a few who might miss him, but his life was not about making other people happy. His pain. His needs. He needed to do what he needed to do. He lived for himself and he would die for the same reason. No longer did he have the desire to live for others…not any longer.

"Duo?"

A gasp startled him and he jerked the weapon from his mouth. His shaking intensified and he quickly pressed the safety and shoved the gun into the drawer while wiping at his eyes. His stomach was in knots and he couldn't seem to stop the small tremble of his hands. Even during the war, he was certain he had never come as close to death as he had just moments ago. He had felt the cold clammy touch of a familiar hand on his shoulder and it scared him.

"Duo? What happened in here?"

He gave another swipe at his eyes and shrugged his shoulders. "Bad porn."

Hilde Schbeiker frowned and moved into the room with careful steps. "I thought you didn't lie?"

Duo blew out a frustrated breath. "I was being facetious."

"That's a big word for you," she teased, though he would have had to be blind not to see the way her lips tightened just a fraction. Once upon a time they had been friends and lovers. He could read her quite well, though he doubted she possessed as much skill at reading him. If she did, she would have him carted off to the crazy house in two seconds flat.

"What do you want, Hilde?"

"I want you to stop doing this to yourself. There is so much you can still do. You're not dead. You can come work for me at the scrap yard. Business is still booming and I'm about to need to hire a secretary anyway..."

"Stop," he whispered.

"I'm serious, Duo. I could really use the help and you're a lot better with computers than I am, that's for sure. It would be great to work together again and it would get you out of the house."

"Just stop," he shouted when he heard the pity in her voice. It took him a moment to gain control over his fluxing emotions before speaking again in a calmer voice. "Please, just stop."

"Please, Duo. You're wasting away in here. How long has it been since you've been outside? Hell, when was the last time you took a bath or had something to eat?"

"I don't want to go outside," he snapped harshly. "And I eat plenty."

"You can't stay holed up in here for the rest of your life?"

"Why not? I have groceries delivered. I have my computer...once I fix it, and anything I need is a mouse click away. I could stay here forever and survive perfectly well."

"Please, Duo...come out with me. We'll go grab an early dinner and maybe catch a movie. You know, like we used to."

"Hilde, for the last time, I'm not going out. Just please, leave."

A trace of shame washed over him upon seeing her lower lip quiver lightly before delicate white teeth latched onto the flesh. What he could feel of his heart cracked a little in memory of the solace she had offered him when he had left Earth for the last time. He wished so badly that he could pull her into his arms and say everything was going to be alright, but it wasn't. It would never be alright again. She was the only friend he had left and he was pushing her away...needed to push her away. Maybe then, he would be brave enough to pull that trigger when he was certain no one would miss him when he died because fuck, it was hard to finish it when he knew there was someone who would cry for him.

"Please," he whispered hoarsely.

He didn't dare look at her. He could practically hear the tears tracking down her cheeks before she sniffed and straightened where she stood. "I'll leave...for now, but I'm coming back."

"Why?"

"Because, Duo Maxwell, you're not the only person in this room with a stubborn streak. And if you are not still hardy and well by the time I get back, I'll never forgive you."

He shook his head as she stomped out of the house. With a weary sigh, he pressed his fingers to his eyes and cradled his head. How long he sat like that, he had no clue until his watch chimed and he flinched upon knowing what that meant.

His jaw clenched and his stomach knotted. With a grimace, he lowered his hands to the wheels on the chair he was confined to and pushed toward the modified bathroom just through his bedroom. He'd had everything modified when he'd thought there was a chance he would eventually recover. Having a safe place to slowly recover was always smart and if he was anything, it was smart. Professor G wouldn't have allowed him anywhere near Deathscythe if he had been anything else.

With a heavy sigh, he pushed through the bedroom and into the bathroom. He hated doing this more than anything else. If God was as merciful as Father Maxwell and Sister Helen had sworn, he would not be tortured like this. He would not have to wear adult diapers to ensure he didn't mess himself. He would not have to catherize himself just to get rid of urine his bladder no longer received the signals to expel. If God truly was loving and merciful, he would not be forced to train his body when to take a dump. He would be able to walk and run and have sex like a normal person.

No, he thought as he struggled to shove down the lounge pants he wore. Father Maxwell and Sister Helen had lied to him. There was no God. Of that, he was certain.

oOo

The shrill annoying sound of a phone was quickly silenced when a hand plucked it from its cradle and placed it calmly to an ear. He really needed to change the ringer to something less grating. He made a mental note to do so after he finished with the call. "Yes?"

"I can't believe it worked. Howard said you were working here when I asked him how to find you, but I didn't believe him. After the wars, things got so hectic and everyone just sort of disappeared, going about doing their own thing. I just can't believe you're actually working for the Preventers now. Duo told me that you'd never be a soldier like that again after we finally achieved what we all worked for."

He frowned at the babbling female voice. It was familiar, like a forgotten dream suddenly being brought back into his recollection. The memories of the past were pulled from their hidden locker and forced to the forefront of his mind. A mental image of a smiling girl with short dark hair and blue eyes appeared and he sat a little straighter in his chair.

Hilde Schbeiker.

It had been over ten years since he'd even thought of her. A trace of some unspoken and decidedly undesired feeling rose in his chest, to which he pushed it away. He refused to rehash thoughts and feelings of that time when he was more a machine than a man. They only brought with them the loss he'd experienced when he finally allowed the last traces of the soldier he'd become to flow away from him.

"It's so good to hear your voice, Heero."

"It's been a while, Hilde" Heero Yuy stated blandly. Over ten years to be precise.

Ten years of relative peace. There were always dissidents who caused a stir here and there, but no one ever came close to the horrors of the past wars. "One moment, I'll put you on the vid."

He pressed a button and the small screen beside his desk flickered before an older image of the girl in his mind appeared. She still looked pixie-like with her short dark hair and large eyes. But she no longer held that look of youth and happiness that had gleamed at the end of the wars. There were dark shadows beneath her eyes, as if she hadn't had a good night of sleep for a while. It created a strained look to her face despite her friendly and upbeat voice.

"Wow, Heero...you look good. I guess peace time agrees with you."

"And you look tired," he replied.

She lifted a hand to her hair and gave a small laugh. "You can tell? I must look a fright. I guess I was too excited about finding a number for you that I didn't bother to make myself presentable."

"You look fine. Did something happen to your business?"

She blinked several times. "The scrap yard? Oh no, it's fine. It's busier than ever. I'm actually going to have to hire more help. It seems I've developed a reputation as an honest business."

"How is Duo taking the expansion?" He visibly flinched upon saying his name. Duo Maxwell was one of his greatest regrets. It was shortly after the second threat to peace. He hadn't had the chance to fully decompress and open himself up to those around him. He now knew his actions were harsh and might be seen as uncaring. That hadn't been the case, he just hadn't had time to push aside the soldier and reveal the boy hidden there. It had actually taken a lot longer than he'd thought it would.

After only a year in the employee of Relena Peacecraft, he'd started having flashbacks. The 'perfect solider' that had been created by the war had very nearly succumbed to a nervous breakdown. It had taken almost six months institutionalized and years of counseling before he was ever able to be called stable. Two years prior, he'd been asked by the Preventers to work in their tech crimes unit. He liked it, he was protecting as he was meant to, but he was safe from active duty. Une had wanted him for a field agent and he had told her no from the beginning. He was just starting to feel what he assumed normal was and did not need to awaken the monsters that had finally been quieted.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

The words jolted him from his thoughts and he stared as the barely hidden worry on Hilde's face flared forth. Her eyes took on a haunted look and she looked as if she were moments from bawling her eyes out. A sliver of dread worked through his bloodstream and he had to actually force his breathing to remain steady.

"Did something happen to Duo?"

A tear actually did make its way down her cheek. She did not hide it quickly enough for his sharp eyes. His heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he was certain it would explode out of his ribcage. All he could think was that something had happened to Duo and he had not been there to protect him.

It was just like in the war, whenever Duo or his Gundam was damaged, Heero felt responsible. He should have been there to protect him, even if it was not humanly possible. There were times when he had done a lot of things that were not humanly possible.

In some ways, he wasn't human. His training had created resistance to drugs, even those meant to help. It was one reason why his doctors had institutionalized him shortly after his breakdown. The drugs they were prescribing him had little to no effect. He'd finally been stabilized on the antipsychotic, aripiprazole. It was so rarely prescribed any more after advances in psychiatric medicine, but seemed to work with him. Maybe J had never thought to make him resistant to it, or perhaps it was J offering him a way to live after the war was over—knowing what he had done would probably haunt him.

"Duo was in an accident."

Heero's world came crashing down on him. His hands were shaking now and he quickly reached for a pill bottle he kept with him, containing some anti-anxiety medication. He hadn't needed them in months.

"Heero?"

He popped two of the pale blue pills in his mouth and swallowed them down with a drink of water before turning his gaze back to Hilde. Hiding his emotions behind a mask was the only way he could cope with things right now and he knew his face must have reverted to its former appearance judging from the way she visibly flinched when he finally focused on her.

"What happened to Duo?"

Her sadness nearly overwhelmed him as she began to speak. "About a year ago, Duo was working on one of the shuttles. An idiot with forklift came to work drunk and ended up pinning Duo into the side of the shuttle. His back was broken and his spine severed. He has no feeling below the waist and is confined to a wheelchair."

"And the driver of the forklift?"

"A fine and some community service. By the time the case went to court, the judge determined him to have served long enough in jail during his time in lockup and left it at that," she answered bitterly.

"What is his name?" he asked coldly, already plotting the many ways he could destroy a man's life without ever pulling a trigger.

"Wait, Heero, I didn't call you for that. Any other time I'd say have at him...after what he did, he deserves to be punished, but right now, he isn't important. Duo needs you...I think...I think he's about ready to give up. I think he might hurt himself before much longer. I tried..." She was actively crying now and not bothering to hide it. "God help me, I did, but he's closed up to me. I could never be you to him. In the end, I suppose we were better friends than lovers. I'd hoped I could be more to him, but as big as Duo's heart is, you always had the lion's share of it."

He swallowed back the anger he felt at the man who had hurt one of the few people he could honestly say he cared for. If he wanted to be truthful with himself, he more than cared for Duo, but he couldn't bring himself to cross that line despite how his heart stuttered at Hilde's words. There were more important things than his feelings now.

"What do you want me to do?"

Hilde took a shaky breath. "I want you to save him...to save my best friend. He's dying before my eyes and I can't do anything. Please, Heero...I know things...might have ended badly between you, Duo never said why he never contacted anyone and I never pried into old wounds...but please, you have to help him."

She really did not have to ask. He'd know from the moment she'd mentioned Duo was hurt that he would go to him. As much as he had tried to ignore Duo's boisterous attitude during the wars, it had always left him feeling like there was hope for their futures and for each of them. Duo had given him hope and now it was his time to return the favor.

"I'll catch the next shuttle to L-2. Can you email me his address?"

"Absolutely." She sat forward with a pleading expression. "Heero, he's not the same. Don't give up on him. If you give up on him, then we've already lost him. He's shut out everyone, including Howard. I'm the last person who he'll even talk to and he barely even acknowledges me anymore. You have to bring him back."

Heero nodded and ended the call. Moments later his computer chimed and he pulled up the email from Hilde with Duo's address and directions to it.

With something akin to desperation, he set about booking a flight to L-2 and sending notice to his superiors about the emergency leave. He didn't give any details other than a family emergency was calling him away for an undetermined amount of time. It wasn't as if he really needed the money if they fired him for leaving without advance notice. After the war, he had invested the remaining funds he had pilfered from OZ to support repair and ammunition for Wing. There were some things he was extremely methodical about and nothing he did and no amount of medication he took ever seemed to stop them—the way he handled his money was one such thing.

His doctors had told him that there were parts of the soldier and of the monster created by the Zero program that would always remain with him. It created slightly OCD tendencies along with his PTSD and made him a little nervous about the trip.

He hadn't been in space for years, let alone traveled to the colonies. In a way, it frightened him. The last thing he needed was his PTSD acting up. Duo needed him.

His shuttle flight was leaving in three hours. It gave him enough time to stop by the little house he owned to pack a bag and arrange for his neighbor to stop in periodically and water his plants. Then, he would be off planet for as long as it took to save Duo, even from himself.

oOo

Stepping out of the shuttle felt odd for a moment. There was a slight difference in the gravity making him feel a bit lighter and forcing him to adjust. He had forgotten what it felt like to move back and forth between the colonies and Earth. Life on the colonies was decidedly different from that of Earth. Even the air smelled differently after being recycled through the life support systems.

The quality of life on L-2 was much better after the war and reconciliation of the colonies to Earth. It was no longer a ghetto to house the undesirables, but a thriving colony along with its sister satellites. The old Duo would have been proud to see the place where he barely survived as a child, become a place he could be proud to say he came from. It was anyone's guess what the current Duo would say.

Grabbing his bag from the carousel, he walked out of the shuttle dock and into the artificial light of L-2. There were several taxis available and he slid into the back of one while giving Duo's address. As the vehicle darted through the streets, he was given a close up look at how things had changed for the once rundown colony cluster. There were still poor neighborhoods, but it was no longer falling apart with little to no income.

It wasn't until the vehicle pulled to a stop that he realized they were at his location. The neighborhood was decent, neither upscale nor located in the slums. The house was small and sandwiched between two other buildings, but it was in good shape with no garbage or anything unsightly on the walk before it. And yet, it didn't really look alive either. There was nothing on the door or even in the windows like the other houses down the street. It looked almost empty.

He handed the taxi driver his card to be scanned while he stared at the building. There was a fairly new wheelchair ramp that led into the house. It had to be Duo's home.

He accepted his receipt and card from the driver and took his bags from the vehicle before moving toward the door. Hilde had told him the keypad code to enter the building and he easily punched in the numbers and stepped inside.

The interior was...sad. There were a few dead plants in the corner and various boxes of odds and ends. It looked a mixture of barely moved in and living out of boxes. And it was dusty. L-2 contained several scrap yards and was a focal point for many salvage groups. The filters in the colony just could not keep up with the dust that was brought in by the shuttles and their take. It caused a lot of dust in the air. Duo's house definitely needed a good dusting, something his slight OCD tendencies was not going to allow to go unattended for very long.

He took a fortifying breath before walking deeper into the house. He probably should have called ahead or at least knocked, but from what Hilde had told him, he wondered if Duo would have answered either. They were old friends, so he would call upon that friendship and make himself at home.

Leaving his bag by the door, he walked past the living area and went through the first door on the right to find a study of sorts. A broken laptop was sitting on a desk with various parts around it. The room contained several broken laptop pieces and various parts and motherboards. He arched a brow at the mess as he backed out and shut the door. The hallway he was walking down was wider than most, probably to make room for the wheelchair.

The next room was a guest bathroom. It looked bare and unused, another aspect of Duo's life that bothered him. Duo should have others around him, supporting him. He had always been the sort to flourish under the attention of others.

There was only one last door in the hall and he opened it to just in time to hear a toilet flushing and see a far too thin Duo wheel himself out into what was obviously his bedroom. Both froze where they were upon seeing each other. Duo's eyes, those absolutely stunning eyes, were wide with shock and a liberal dose of fear, though he hid it well.

Heero kept his face as neutral as possible and inclined his head in greeting. "It's been a long time, Duo."