Dammit guys, I'm still A.: A Plea From EzrA Fitz

Look, I know I told Aria that I was writing a true crime novel on Ali's case, but you guys actually believed that? Let's be straight here. You know I'm a creep. I'm clearly still manipulating her. Frankly, I'm offended that everyone thinks I'm suddenly telling the truth. Please, I've been pathologically lying since I was 5 years old and I blamed my sister for eating all the apple pie at the bake sale. But wait, guess what? I don't have a sister. Oh snap, that's how good a liar I really am.

If you erase me from the list of suspects, whom do you have left? (Yeah, that's right, I used "whom" instead of "who" because I'm an English teacher who knows how to use proper grammar. Bazinga.) Don't tell me you now think Mona is A? Or Cece? Please, those girls got nothing on me. I have always been the prettiest little liar and I know that deep down in your hearts y'all know it's true.

At least Spencer still believes in me. I got to hand it to that girl; she is so annoying but she does know how to find out the right answers. I almost teared up watching her persistently claim that I was A. Hanna and Emily, on the other hand, they clearly don't understand good quality detective work.

Now let's talk about something called cliché plot twists. You really want to believe that I manipulated Aria into believing I loved her for my own gain and then suddenly fell in love with her in the process? That's one of the oldest tricks in the book. You guys heard of the movie Mr. Deeds? Winona Ryder pretends to love Adam Sandler to get a good story but then ends up falling in love with him. Are you guys saying I'm Winona Ryder? Because that's what I hear you saying. Please. I am way sexier than she is.

Come on, guys. Don't you remember a couple months ago when you first found out I was A? I remember it like it was yesterday. The ominous music rising as I surveyed my beautiful lair as all of you recoiled in horror. "How could our beloved Ezra be capable of this much evil?" you cried to one another. And then, after it sunk in, "He's even more attractive than he was previously." Don't you remember this? I sure do, and my greatest wish right now (besides killing Ali, obvi) is that you believe in me again.

Guys, we've been through so much together. You watched me draw on my super genius computer skills to creep on the liars anytime I wanted. You watched me effortlessly seduce Aria and make use of my sparkling personality to manipulate anyone into doing anything I wanted. Those were great times, guys, and we went through them together. All I ask is that you don't give up on me now (and that Aria believes my true crime story lie for a little while longer). Let's hope she hasn't seen Mr. Deeds.

Kisses,

A (aka me, Ezra Fitz. I. AM. A. I know that doesn't have the same effect as when Tom Marvolo Riddle rearranged the letters in his name to spell out I am Lord Voldemort, but by now my identity should be obvious. Really guys, it isn't rocket science).