When Tyki and Allen get in trouble over their gambling habit they spontaneously decide to take a long overdue vacation. Being who they are that naturally includes dressing like hobos, running from the Order and meeting noble brats with demon butlers.

Crossover with Kuroshitsuji.

Warning: This story is not to be taken too seriously. Not Beta-ed yet. Cussing and bad words included.

I own nothing. Otherwise Tyki and Soma would get way more screentime. See the trend there? -_-

The Way too Long Beginning, or Foot in Mouth Disease

Now, Allen was – and everyone in the Black Order could attest to that- a very kind, polite and honest young man. Therefore he always tried his very best to live his life in as respectable a way as possible under his given circumstances. He tried not to lie, cheat, steal, kill or otherwise taint his life-story with unsightly actions.

Again, he tried his best given his circumstances.

Only that those circumstances included growing up on the streets, joining a traveling circus, being adopted by a slightly mental clown, spending three years under the care of Marian Cross and being a child soldier participating in a holy war.

And, for the record, Allen mostly blamed those three years with Cross.

Still, he had tried.

But to get back to the point, or any point really, as hard as Allen tried he just didn't quite manage to keep himself from telling an occasional lie. Or from cheating. Or gambling. Especially in combination of those three. To make it short, Allen couldn't help but have a few...vices of his own.

Which was why he found himself in his current predicament. Backed against a wall that is. With the very real possibility of getting kicked by Lenalee if he didn't come up with a good explanation soon. And getting kicked by Lenalee was something that absolutely every sane person would try their damnest to avoid. Allen believed himself to be very sane.

"Allen Walker" and there she went with his full name. A bad sign. "Explain yourself."

Right. The explanation. Now what?

To clarify the situation a little, it had all started three months ago, shortly after their battle on Noahs Ark. He had been on one of his usual run of the mill solo missions that only included finishing off some level one Akumas. Since he had managed to fulfil his objective a bit quicker than expected, he decided to spend the rest of his day going on a little sightseeing tour. Accidentally he had landed in a casino. Even more accidentally he had decided to stay there for a bit.

Tyki Mikk had a similar accident.

Allen had just started to play a game of Black Jack with a few unsuspecting victims when he noticed a rather familiar looking hobo in the masses. Being the responsible exorcist he is Allen naturally abandoned his game at once to confront the disguised Noah.

Never let it be said Allen doesn't take his job seriously.

But after a long, serious and antagonistic conversation between them, both of them came to the conclusion it would be highly unwise to start a fight in the middle of the casino.

"There would probably be civilian casualties" Allen had reasoned.

"Today there are a lot of rich noblemen here" Tyki added.

"And we are not supposed to engage a Noah on our own."

"None of them are particularly good at card games."

"And the bill for the property damage would be rather bad as well. Looks like an expensive establishment."

"One of the only ones of its kind where they don't ask for identification."

Eventually, they further concluded, the best way form them to proceed was to team up in order to keep better watch over each other. And if by teaming up they just so happened to cheat a dozen nobles out of an outrageous amount of money...well, job hazards. After all it wasn't like they were having fun robbing poor, arrogant aristocrats off their hard earned money. And they most certainly didn't enjoy each others company. Or make fun of exorcists and Noahs alike. Or come to the conclusion that if it wasn't for this godda- ehm..war, they could have made great friends. (Or fearsome accomplishes depending on who you asked)

So there really shouldn't have been a reason for them to meet up at three further casinos and proceed in a fashion eerily similar to their first night.

"It was fate" Tyki would say.

Allen however decided to practice some long overdue honesty and called it a "stupid, reckless and altogether treasonous idiocy on their part". Sadly that still didn't stop him from continuing with said idiocy.

After the first month of weekly meetings in random casinos things escalated a little further. At this point neither Tyki nor Allen could tell what the hell either of them had been thinking at the time but if Allen were to guess he would say that they probably hadn't had much thinking going on at all. Tyki would be forced to agree.

Still, for the last month or so, twice a week, they would meet up in pub nearby to the Order's headquarters and the two of them would spend the evening playing poker and talking about random things.

If two months prior someone had told Allen he would willingly spend his evenings in the company of a Noah he would have thought they were mad. As things were however, he concluded, it was probably him that needed some mental help. Still, he could admit – at least to himself- that he rather enjoyed the Portuguese's company and judging by how Tyki never failed to turn up he guessed the sentiment was mutual. Not only did they both excel at poker (Allen more so than Tyki), they also had a lot in common in other areas – from their life on the streets to their sense of humour to their bipolarity problems and an unspoken agreement not to talk about anything including the war. In short, they simply got along far better than sworn enemies ever should.

But all sense of camaraderie aside, their meetings were still a very harebrained idea.

So of course, not only two months after their somewhat dysfunctional friendship started they were being followed to their meetings by a 'worried' party. Their luck being what it was that meant each of them. On the same day. And in Allen's case this worried party had turned out to be Lenalee.

A Lenalee that was currently glaring daggers at him, waiting for him to explain just why the hell he secretly met up with one of their enemies.

"Explain" she repeated and this time it was a hiss.

It was really weird seeing the usually well tempered girl looking like she was about to kill someone and this someone being Allen out of all people. What made the situation even more absurd was only the fact that next to him Tyki was in exactly the same predicament.

"Oh yes, please Tyki dearest explain." The man standing next to Lenalee said with an exceedingly creepy smile. Allen couldn't recall meeting that specific Noah before (and he was pretty sure he would have remembered that smile) but from what he could tell his name was Sheril and he was apparently Tyki's older brother. Who would have guessed?

"It's just poker" Tyki tried in a rather pathetic attempt. "And it's just twice a week."

Allen wanted to hit him.

"Poker?" Lenalee threw Allen an incredulous look. Apparently Lavy had kept what had happened on the train to himself. Smart boy.

"Twice a week?" Sheril repeated in a sugary tone.

"Well..." Tyki threw Allen a pleading look. Dealing with his brother wasn't exactly his strong point.

'Only one way to go then' the white haired boy concluded. 'I have to do what I do best.'

That meant bullshitting his way out of this using whatever boyish charm he had. He then proceeded to turn his back towards the Noah of pleasure, clearly showing what he thought of saving his ass as well. Tyki could take care of his own shit. Survival of the fittest. He could have sworn he heard Tyki sniff.

"Lenalee...I'm sorry." he started, taking great care to look as sincere and vulnerable as possible. Being honestly scared shitless right now certainly helped on that part. "I know it sounds insane but I just needed some time away from the order and everyone in it. I guess it was the same for Tyki and things just...happened."

Lenalee didn't look amused.

"I know I should have done this. Playing poker with a Noah is...completely stupid but..."

"Stupid? Stupid?! If the order found out do you know what they would do to you?!"

Right, bad images.

"This could count as treason, Allen!"

"Which is why...pretty please don't tell them?"

Cue glare. "And why shouldn't I, Allen? One good reason. Give me one."

Inwardly Allen grinned. Outwardly his eyes started to water. He could do this. After his time with the red devil he had this down to an art. He was a master at this. And so he plunged into a sob story about his childhood, the need to connect to someone who knows the ways of street-life, and how he could pretend the whole war was just some nightmare when he was with Tyki. Or something.

Tyki was fairing badly.

After Allen's completely expected but still kinda hurtful betrayal of their non-existent trust to keep each other alive...well, Tyki had actually secretly hoped the brat would help him anyway. Right. As if the boy hadn't already proven himself to not be nearly as cute as he appeared to be. He really hoped the chinese chick will kick him where it hurts.

But he had bigger problems than worrying about what he had already mentally dubbed 'the 14s second betrayal'. He was bad with dealing with Sheril. Brother or not, the guy was creepy.

"Sheril this is..."

"This is you fraternizing with the enemy." Sheril summed up the whole thing pretty well.

"Well...yes." Tyki didn't really know how he could ever get himself out of this one. He heard the exorcists arguing behind him but tried to pay it no heed. If Allen wouldn't help him he would just ignore him for now. Or better yet. Blame him.

"It's the boys fault!"

Sheril smile sweetened. Ugh.

"How so Tyki dearest? Did he force you to meet with him? Did the scary exorcist threaten you into playing poker with him? What were you thinking?! Why do you meet up with an exorcist of all people?"

"Well because..." and damn it, Tyki was pretty sure he was normally more articulate than this. But his brother was creepy. With a capital C.

"Because?"

"Because..." well, because why really? Tyki wasn't quite sure himself. He figured the boy was just a lot of fun to be around. When he didn't decide to turn his back on his poker companion that is.

At this Tyki glanced back at Allen, hoping to see the boy writhing in pain or at least getting verbally mauled by the female exorcist. No such luck though, the girl was only hugging him while whispering encouragements and...wait. What?

What. The. Fuck?

Shit, maybe he should have listened to what the boy was saying after all. How the hell did Walker manage that?

"Tyki~pon."

Oh right, problem at hand. His brother.

"...He's interesting?" Tyki tried the truth. Stupid Tyki.

"He's a human, No, worse - he's an exorcist."

"Uh...he's not!" Tyki argued with the first thing that came to mind "That's the 14th!"

Sheril stilled for a moment, eyes flickering over to the white haired exorcist for a moment before looking back at Tyki, smiling sweetly "The 14th? "Sheril chirped (yes, chirped) "The traitor you mean? I fear the earl will hear of this little brother. And by then you better come up with a better explanation than 'he's interesting'."

Oh god no. Sheril is trying to get him killed.

"Don't tell the others! Otherwise I'll tell them that...that..." ok, he was restoring to blackmail. Only problem was he didn't really have anything to blackmail his brother with. And Sheril knew this.

"Tell them what?"

Tyki felt panic clawing at his throat. He threw another glance back at Allen. The girl was now staring at him with teary eyes, looking at him like on would look at a kicked puppy. The Noah made a mental note to find out just what exactly it was that the brat always seemed to do to girls. First Road and now...Road!

Inwardly Tyki grinned. Outwardly...too.

"Well Sheril if you tell the earl that I kind of spend my time befriending an exorcist then I will tell him that your dear little Road has a crush on this very exorcist."

'That should do it.' Tyki thought smugly as he saw his brother freeze on the spot. Then his brain started working again.

'Well, shit.'

He had just told Sheril that his cute little daughter had a crush. On an exorcist. Allen was going to die. What had he done? Then again, the brat had abandoned him to his brother and Tyki never denied being a little sadistic so...

"Did I mention that she kissed him?"

Sheril eyes zeroed in on the white haired boy, who (and Tyki took great pleasure in this) even with his back turned to them couldn't suppress a shiver at the murder intent that suddenly filled the room. Oh, Noah of Desire had heard of this before. His beautiful girl telling him about how she was in love with a boy! He had felt his heart break on that day. And now it turned out said boy was not only a human but an exorcist at that! Admittedly, according to the newest developments this specific exorcist was also a Noah (however the hell that happened) but to Sheril that mattered little right now.

"So you are that Allen Walker, huh?" the older Noah's voice rang out coldly. "The bastard exorcist that tainted my cute, little Road?"

Sheril's had now pushed past Tyki and grabbed Allen's shoulder to slowly turn the boy around to them. Lenalee looked surprised. Tyki grinned in anticipation. Serves him right.

Sheril mentally prepared himself to do many unspeakably bad things to the brat in front of him. Noah or not, he would make sure that no ugly, disgusting male would ever again get close to his little princess.

Allen faced Sheril, eyes still slightly moist from his previous sob-story, and with the instinctual terror that every boy felt when being faced with a girl's angry father rooting him in place, all he could do was to stare up at the other trembling.

Sheril stared back.

And stared.

And stared some more.

Then he hugged Allen.

Tyki's mind refused to believe this newest development.

Lenalee just looked even more confused.

"Nobody ever told me that you looked so cute!"

NO!

Oh no. Tyki absolutely refused to believe this. Whatever voodoo Allen had pulled on the exorcist girl was apparently now also affecting Sheril! Even worse, his brother's stupid as hell obsession with all things cute had kicked in again and that had never ended well for Tyki in the past (problems had first surfaced when Sheril had introduced him to his new, cute niece, Road). With the way his brother was smothering the white haired brat now it was hard to believe that he was about to kill him just seconds ago. No, Tyki refused this outcome with all of his being.

"Tyki! Why didn't you tell me that he's the most adorable little thing? Besides my Road that is!"

Adorable? Little? Well, the second one was kinda true but if there was one thing Tyki knew then it was that Allen Walker was not adorable by any means. That guy had learned under Cross Marian himself and the effect were obvious or so Tyki would like to believe.

"He is not! Don't let yourself be fooled!" Tyki shouted in alarm.

"But look at this hair! It's so fluffy and white! And those silver eyes and porcelain skin!" Sheril gushed.

"No Sheril! He's the devil. The devil! Evil incarnate!"

"Don't be silly, nothing this cute could be evil, little brother."

Said little brother felt like crying at this point. That was the same answer he always got whenever he complaint about Road's evil tendencies going to far. Only one thing left to try. Remind Sheril about the other's nefarious ways with his beloved daughter.

"Sheril! Remember, he's the guy Road has a crush on! They kissed." the younger Noah shouted in a mix of desperation and hope of getting his brother back on track. The homicide track that is.

This, finally, seemed to work.

Allen, who by this time had managed to partially wrestle himself free from Sheril death grip stilled at the others words. His eyes narrowing slightly he slowly turned his head in Tyki's direction, seizing him up.

Sheril had stilled too and was now looking down at the boy-exorcist with a slight frown. "Right" he sounded contemplative "there was that." Then his eyes took on a slightly manic gleam again "I definitely can't have anyone seducing my poor, innocent Road." With this he took a step back, cocked his head to the side and silently stared at Allen in this utterly creepy way that seemed to come naturally to him. As if thinking up the most gruesome way to end the other's life. Which was probably exactly what he was doing.

At this point Tyki felt a small spark of something. A something that could, in a good and fair world, have grown into a feeling of victory. Too bad that the world was neither good nor fair. Not to Tyki at least. Therefore Tyki was to be denied the rare feeling of winning for two reasons. The first being the way the boy's grey eyes were still fixed on him. Apparently he was smart enough to see Tyki's attempt to kill him via the wrath of his older brother as...exactly that. An attempt at murder. And the grey orb's promise of retribution made Tyki shiver inwardly.

The second and most essential reason was Sheril's next course of action.

Now Tyki had been wholly prepared to watch his brother go on a psychotic rampage. He had been prepared to see his brother do things. Horrible, forbidden, unspeakable sort of things. He had even been prepared to help him with those things.

He had not been prepared to see his brother's face light up as if he had just had an epiphany only to then loudly proclaim that he had found the perfect solution to this little problem.

"I'll adopt you!"

There was silence.

.

.

.

"No." Tyki finally said.

"No way." Allen agreed.

"Is he serious?" Lenalee dared to ask.

Nobody knew how to answer that one.

"What? Why not?" Sheril had the guts to looked aghast at the quick refusal "It's perfect! Just think about it Tyki. Road and him would be brother and sister. She would be so happy to have a new older brother to play with and I wouldn't have to worry about her chastity anymore!"

"Are you stupid?" Allen asked in disbelieve.

"He is." Tyki answered monotonously. "I've now officially given up on him."

"Tyki dear that is no way to talk about your older brother!"

"I'm no longer related to you."

"What are you saying? Of course you are, stop being silly."

"No. I refuse this. I'm cutting all ties."

"You can't just 'stop' being related to me!"

"He's got a point. If he's your brother your problem is genetic."

"You shut up. You are technically a Noah too so - "

"Not. Going. There."

"But th-"

"Shut up all of you!"

Lenalee had enough. For the last weeks she had worried herself silly over Allen and his mysterious disappearances in the evenings. It had been obvious that something was up. But because she was a good friend and only wanted the best for the boy she had decided to give him time and not pressure him about it, hoping he would eventually tell her on his own. But he hadn't. And really, a girls patience only lasts so long, so after weeks of waiting for him to come to her. So naturally, being the good worrying friend she was, she decided to do the only logical thing – stalk Allen in order to find out wherever he went to.

And what did she find? This. Her friend seeing a Noah and this insanity which she had watched unfold ever since she arrived at the little bar.

However, all things aside, there was something else that had been on her mind for quite some time now. Something that had nothing to do with her friend sneaking out in order to secretly meet up with one of their enemies.

No, her problem lay elsewhere.

"All of you seem to miss the problem here."

Because Lenalee was one of those girls that liked to believe true gentlemen existed. She liked to think that not all men were (as her brother liked to say) rotten to the core. And like many others she had found living proof of such a pure, genuinely good boy in the form of Allen Walker who looked liked and angel and behaved even better than one. Lenalee liked her believes. And so anything that went against them was either destroyed, ignored or in the rare case that neither worked, questioned.

Like right now. Because she had her priorities straight, damn it.

"Allen...you play poker?"

Allen blinked. "Uh...yes?" That was her issue?

"In this bar?" Lenalee inquired further.

"Yes?" No need to mention the casinos.

"With Tyki?"

"...yes?"the boy had absolutely no idea where she was going with this. Until Lenalee glared. At Tyki that is.

...O...K?

"You!" she rounded in on the Noah of Pleasure "How dare you infect Allen with your vile gambling habit! "

"Me?"

"Yes you! Allen would never to this out of his own accord!" Denial was something beautiful. "It's your doing."

Tyki for his part was not amused. At all. First Allen then Sheril and now the exorcist girl. Why was everyone out to get him? Why wasn't Allen getting blamed for this too?

"I didn't infect him with anything 'bad'" he responded rather sourly.

"You got him into gambling!" Lenalee exclaimed. "If that isn't a bad habit I don't now what is."

"Tyki-pon" Sheril butted in unhelpfully "She's right and the he boy is minor. We talked this before, hm? Remember the rules about smoking and gambling?"

"Wha- Sheril! Not you too!" there, they were doing it again. Rounding up on him like he was the problem here "And this has nothing to do with our conversation about my so called problems. "

"Oh, so you are admitting to having a problem?" Lenalee asked annoyed "And you think passing them on to underage, innocent boys is fun, huh?"

"No. And I didn't pass on anything" Tyki snapped. Just why in the world did everyone believe the white haired kid was some goody two-shoes? The brat had a personality disorder to rival his own! "The boy had gambling problems long before he met me! Fuck, if anyone has a problem here it's him!"

"Tyki you are an adult." Sheril admonished him "Don't put the blame on others. Especially not children."

"He's fifteen! And besides what's wrong with you? Why are you taking the exorcist's side?" Seriously, where had all the brotherly love and We-Noahs-stand-together-always sort of talk gone to?

"I'm on the side of the innocent." Sheril said nonchalantly.

"Since when?" this was ridiculous. "And I'm telling you he's not innocent! He's probably been gambling for ages with the way he cheats even me out of my clothes!"

"...why were you talking off your clothes?" Sheril asked slowly as if starting to see his little brother in a whole new light. Lenalee's eyes had also narrowed a little bit more and she was now fixing him with a stare that could only be described as 'scathing'.

Tyki – wisely- decided that whatever he said at this point would only make things worse. So he did the only thing he could, he turned to Allen for support. "You, boy, say something too."

Allen, who until now had watched whole exchange with a bemused smile (and Tyki had seen and he would remember) quickly took on a solemn facade. Maybe it was really time to help Tyki out a little because as fun as it had been to watch the man talk himself into his own grave, it was now becoming a little sad. And boring. And he was getting hungry. But on the other hand...nah. He still hadn't forgiven him for his little stunt with Road and the kiss. Allen wasn't a forgiving person.

"It was strip poker." he said helpfully.

Sheril and Lenalee stared at him. Then at Tyki. "You...you pe-!"

"Allen has a black book!"

Now, Tyki was a honorable person and as such held a deep respect for all the unwritten rules that existed between guys. Rules that defined friendship between men, rules that told them what to do, when to do it and with whom. Rules that, one day, would be named the 'Bro Code' and written down in a legendary book by a man only known under the initials B.S. But all of this aside, the point was that Tyki respected those rules. So of course he was aware that telling someone - and a girl of all things- about your poker companion's black book was an absolute no go. Sacrilegious, really.

But enough was enough.

After all he was pretty sure there also had to be a rule that forbid guys from making their poker companions out to be paedophiles.

"A what?" Lenalee asked puzzled. And Tyki dived. Headfirst at Allen that is.

The shuffle was short and quickly decided by Tyki's ability to phase through anything he wanted to.(Except innocence of course, which Allen promptly used to clock him in the head) After a few seconds of struggling on both sides, the Noah emerged victoriously, holding a small leather bound book in his hands which he then tossed to the female exorcist.

"Don't-" Allen started but it was already to late.

Lenalee had opened the book. And she was reading.

Now to clarify things, a man's black book normally contained names, number or addresses of girls of the past and possible future. Some also contained club, dealer or pub names. It all depended on the individual. But all black books had one thing in common. They should never bee seen by a woman.

Allen watched in horror as Lenalee went through pages that he knew to contain a full accounting of Cross's debts, the names of various casinos and shady night clubs, a list of people that lend out money and...

"...Marina Marouge? 11 Durnghamstreet, London?" Lenalee read out loud "Seraphina Star, the snakepit? Miss Carouge, L'aire de jeux, Paris? Emilia..."

"Uh those are just..."Allen began nervously "Old contacts?" Cross's old contacts that is. Who he still owned money.

Lenalee slowly looked up at Allen, her eyes blank. "Lavi was right." She murmured. "He was right..."

Lavi?

"He warned me. He said you are just like any other guy whenever I told him to stop hitting on me and behave more proper, like you. I beat him up for it."

Oh, so the rabbit had talked after all. Not smart, not smart at all.

"I believed in you." she sounded somewhat broken now, Allen mused, then her eyes took on a crazed glint "Allen. Who are those women?"

"Don't misunderstand!" Allen exclaimed "They have nothing to do with me! They are just prostitutes that I still own money!"

….

….

….

Well, fuck. He was turning into Tyki.

Tyki unsurprsingly still wasn't quite out of the game yet either.

"Tyki, what did you do to the boy?" his brother asked him in a dangerously low voice.

"Prostitutes, Allen?"

"What did you do to ruin such a cute person?"

"Who you still own money, Allen?"

"And what was that about strip poker, Tyki~pon?"

Now they were advancing. Slowly but steadily, backing Allen and Tyki into a corner.

"Uh..."Tyki started, sweat running down his face.

"Eh..." Allen intelligently added as his back hit the wall.

"I think the Order need to know about this after all. I seem to have misjudged you."

"Tyki~pon I think it's time we have a little talk with the Earl. About what is appropriate to do and where even we have to draw the line."

Tyki also hit the wall and automatically glanced down at Allen. Allen looked back up and their eyes met. In that moment something magical happened. Whether it was innocence, Noah powers or a telekinetic poker connection, both Allen and Tyki could have sworn they had the exactly same thought that moment, the same idea of how to get out of this alive.

Tyki grabbed the other's arm. "Sorry, Sheril but I think we need some time for things to cool down."

"Same to you Lenalee. After all we wouldn't want anything bad to happen due to a simple misunderstanding." They leaned against the wall.

"Maybe a week away from each other will help to get things into perspective" Sheril's eyes widened.

"Or a month. Tell the Order I'm on holiday." Lenalee was first to react. She lunged for Allen's uniform but her hand just passed trough uselessly.

"And greetings to the family." Tyki grinned.

And with that they fell back trough the wall.

Ok, lotsa nonsense but whatever. Next chapter Kuroshitsuji entry! Again, this is crack so don't take it seriously. I just want to troll some characters and it helps me get back into writing.^^

Pedo! Tyki clichee, fulfilled! And I seriously think Allen has a black book. Remember the scene on the ark when he pulled out Cross's debts? He's totally the black book type.

And I dunno, but are Tyki and Allen even now or not?

Next chapter: A Hobo, A Clown and an Undertaker (walk into a bar)

DA