1942

She sat on the couch, staring down at the envelope in her hand. She could not find the strength within herself to open it. When she had woken up she had awoken with a sense of impending dread, and staring at the envelope in front of her... She understood what the dread had symbolised. What her nightmare the night before had meant. What her emotional outbursts over the previous two days had meant.

She had seen a very similar envelope before. Not a month previously, when she had received a phone call with a very distraught Katharine Anderson sobbing down the phone begging her to visit. Kathy had been staying with her ever since she had received the letter. And Raquel found she had enjoyed the company in the troublesome time.

She knew the risks of war. She knew what could happen. But she, like so many others, had deluded herself to believe it wouldn't, couldn't happen to her. But then Ryan... And then Vance and Wallace... And then...

She ran her finger under the seal. Her hands shaking. Tears already streaming down her face. She slowly pulled the official letter out of the envelope. Once the letter was open, her eyes instantly found what they were not wanting to see.

Dear Miss Ride... We are very sorry to inform... Garry Louden went missing in action at...

She didn't need to read any more. She let out a sob, tears trailing down her face, dripping down onto the letter in her hands. She heard the feminine gasp behind her. She felt the added pressure on the couch. She felt the warm arms wrap around her. The letter being removed from her trembling fingers. She heard Kathy's strangled wail.

"B-b-but..."

She buried herself into her best friends embrace, letting grief over come her. Sobs racking her very being as she tried to comprehend what had happened. As she tried to imagine leading the rest of her life without the green eyed, blonde haired jokester by her side.

He promised he wound return.

He swore to her.

But then Ryan had promised Kathy... They were married and she, she had been promised a wedding. Gar had promised her that when he returned they would get married.

She had known the risks of war. He had known the risks of war. How had he even qualified? She let out a broken sob.

Dear Raquel,

I hope everything is okay back home. Things are getting pretty rough here, I mean with Ryan and Wallace gone – how did Kathy take that by the way? Is she alright? Is she staying with you, she shouldn't be alone at a time like this. – and Vance MIA... God, how can people put others through this? I miss those guys so much. I've got Ron and Carl with me. Ron really misses Jasmine (believe it or not), and Carl misses Cass. How is Cass? Do you ever see her?

God, is this what these letters are turning into? Small talk. I never liked small talk. Hate it, and yet that's all I seem to be surrounded with. Its like some virus. And everything is so morbid, and depressing and traumatizing and I hate it.

I miss you so much 'El.

Now, I know how much you love my jokes so I'll end this letter with a new one I thought up.

How is a banana peel on the sidewalk like music?

If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.

Love you,

Gar.

That had been the last letter she had received from him. It had arrived two days after the letter telling her he was M.I.A and for a moment her heart had gone wild, thinking that maybe there had been a mix up. That he was fine and well. That he would make it back to her soon enough. That he would come home and help her cheer up Kathy. That the three of them could go to the pizzaria like they used to – like they all used to, him, her, Kathy, Ryan and Vance. Sometimes Wallace and Ron would join them. And on the rare occasion so would Carl and Cass.

But then she had caught sight of the date it had been written, and her heart had torn all over again. He was still M.I.A. He wasn't on his way home. She may never know the fate that had befallen him. And it terrified her. Because she couldn't imagine someone so filled with life going through so much suffering.

She curled herself into her bed, gripping onto the letter as if her life depended on it. She closed her eye, tears streaming down her face. And for the first time since she was a little girl, she found herself praying to every deity she knew, begging for the life of Garry Louden. Begging for his return. Begging to see him once more.

When she fell asleep that night, she was plagued by nightmares.

Her mind told her that it was hopeless to beg for his return.

Her mind told her that he was dead. That everyone who went M.I.A ended up dead.

Her mind told her he would be better off. Death was a better fate.

Her heart had not given up.

Her heart held strong, telling her there was still hope.

Hope that Gar would come home.

She had not given up on Vance.

She sure as hell wasn't giving up on Gar.