"Because there's nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it's sent away."
~Sarah Kay

It's the same dream.

Chisaki stands on the beach. The air is strangely still. She knows there is something she must do, something she must never, ever forget, and so she starts forward. The waves carry a wet piece of wood to her feet; she picks it up and begins to write Hikari's name in the sand.

She traces the characters over and over, but the water keeps rushing in, erasing Hikari's name. Chisaki knows the smart thing would be to move away from the water's edge, but something tells her no, you must stay here. Frustrated, she tries to beat the waves back, chase the frothy fingers away, but they always return.

The more she writes Hikari's name, the more desperate she feels. The ocean is relentless; she fights a losing battle. She sinks to her knees in surrender. The water parts around her, sweeping up Hikari's name, carrying it away. Halfheartedly, she raises a hand to begin writing again.

I can't forget, she scolds herself. I musn't. And yet the tide rushes in, swirling around her knees, and she wants nothing more than to lie down and fall asleep in the ocean's embrace. The foam laps gently against her leg. Patient. Kind. She thinks of—

No! her heart cries, because she is not allowed to curl her tongue around his name like a pearl—that privilege belongs to her best friend. Manaka loves him, I love Hikari, I musn't forget, I can't

I can't

Can't—

Chisaki wakes up gasping for air. The room around her takes a while to come into focus. Her eyes feel puffy, her skin dried out. As her hand comes away from her face, she realizes her cheeks are wet.

She lies back down, curling on her side, clutching a fist to her chest. She thinks of him, sleeping peacefully, or maybe he isn't, maybe he's just as torn up as she is—

I can't, she reminds herself, squeezing her eyes shut. Every heartbeat feels like a hand constricting her lungs. This is her punishment for forgetting. For letting herself wish for something else.

Tell me how to fix this, she begs the ceiling.

Her heart only throbs in response.