Hey everybody, I have been waiting for an excuse and had a craving to write a South Park fic for a while now. I wrote this after getting The Stick of Truth and beating it within two days of non stop play. A great game and I would highly recommend it for anyone who is a fan of the show. What you are about to read is a reflection of my actual gameplay and everything the new kid says, thinks or does is what I said/would say. The new kid's personality is based off of mine, cause hey, it is supposed to be you. Quick note before we start, I switched between first and third person view here. Depending on the feedback, I will either stick with one POV style or switch between both to describe something further. Now, let's get to it.

Disclaimer: I don't own South Park as it belongs to Trey Parker and Matt Stone. I do own the OC in the story.

Bold- PA system/Message Bulletins/

Bold Italic- Radio/TV/Facebook/Twitter

Italics-Thoughts/Letters/Flashbacks

Deep in the lands of Zaron, the humans of Kupa Keep struggle to stay alive as they are attacked by the wicked Drow Elves of Larnion. Darkness falls as the humans beg their king to save them. A noble king, known only as the Grand Wizard. For a thousand years the battle has been waged, with only the bravery of the Grand Wizard to protect his human followers. But even though the wizard is so undeniably cool, the Drow Elf armies continue their attacks. They seek the human's most treasured relic- the Stick of Truth.

But the tides of war are soon to change, as news of a "new" kid spreads throughout the land. In order to save the humans, the Grand Wizard must get to the new kid before the Drow Elves can manipulate his mind and use him, to take the sacred relic from human hands. For whoever controls the Stick… controls the universe.

The sun was rising over the quiet little mountain town of South Park, Colorado. The main street had townsfolk moving from shop to shop and now and then a few cars would drive into town or leave towards Denver. Kids were playing in the park and their backyards as they tried to make the most of their Sunday count before they started the school week. While all this was taking place, on the southern part of town, a new family was moving into the neighborhood. Before the family arrived, there was gossip going around town about them, but not just the adults were talking, the kids were too. The new family's arrival had been the hot topic of the quiet town and everyone was eager to welcome them.

The family was a small one with only three members, a mother, a father and a son. They just arrived at their new house and the movers were unloading the moving van. Their house was like the others on the street. Two stories tall, complete with two bedrooms, two bathrooms and a garage. The movers walked across the lawn with the last of the family's possessions and entered the house. They set them down by the other stacked boxes and received a nod in thanks from the father. The movers went back to their truck and left the family to unpack.

"Well, I think that's everything," the father said as he set a box down and walked over to his wife.

"We did it, hon, we're really moved in!" She replied as she hugged him with joy.

"It's a new beginning for us. Things are finally going to be good!"

The mother's look of joy became one of concern as she looked up at the ceiling to where their son's room was. The man noticed her worried look and looked up to the ceiling as well. They stood there in silence as they thought about their son and the reason they moved in the first place.

"Do you really think it will be better for him, Nick?" She asked.

"They won't look for him here," Nick replied as he put his hands on her shoulders. "We just need to make sure he doesn't attract any attention."

"I know, but…"

"Okay, Tara, if you're really concerned about him, let's go see how he's doing."

Tara smiled and walked over to the stairs with Nick right behind her. They ascended the stairs to their son's room. His room was off to the right and the door was closed. Tara walked to the door and knocked on it.

"Sweetie?" Tara called out. "Hon, you all dressed?"

No response came from the other side, making Tara look back at Nick who just shrugged. Tara turned the knob and opened the door and they entered the room. The room was just a little smaller than theirs, but big enough for a child to have room for their things. As they looked around the room, they saw that the bed was made and most of their son's things were already packed away. It seemed as though he wanted to get it done as fast as he could. They saw their son standing by his bed and looking around the room. He appeared to be so focused that he did not notice their presence.

The ten year old boy was a hair taller than average kids his age. His messy brown hair matched his brown eyes. He did not have a set style of clothing like most kids, but chose to wear whatever caught his eye. Today he was wearing blue jeans, a light grey t-shirt and a green cotton button up shirt that was unbuttoned.

"Hey, champ, how do you like your new room?" Nick asked.

The boy looked at his parents and gave a shrug. Like most kids, he would only give simple answers.

"It's okay, I guess," the boy replied. "It's like my old one, just a little smaller."

"I know it's a big change for all of us, but… son, do you remember why we moved to this quiet little mountain town?" Nick said.

The boy said nothing as his eyebrows furrowed in thought. He just looked blankly at them and they spared each other a quick glance.

"He doesn't remember," Nick whispered.

"He doesn't remember at all," Tara whispered back.

"That's good he doesn't remember."

As Tara and Nick bickered back and forth about their son not remembering the purpose for their moving, the boy raised a brow at their behavior. He was able to hear everything they said, but he had the feeling they were poking fun at him. He rolled his eyes and sat down on his bed.

"Uh, sweetie, we want you to have lots of fun around here. Why don't you go out and make some friends?" Tara suggested.

"Right, get outside and play, son. Like normal kids," Nick added.

"I'll put some money on the kitchen counter for you, sweetie. Just be back before it gets dark."

The boy shrugged again and forced a smile at his parents. He was a little hesitant at going out and making friends. He could not remember how he made them in the past and was a little intimidated at being the new guy. His parents smiled at him and went back downstairs, leaving him alone to do what he pleased. The boy got off his bed and looked at his desk where his pet goldfish swam around. He smiled and walked over to the fish bowl and leaned down to look at his fish.

"I'll be back later, Speedy," the boy said as he made his way out of his room.

He sighed as he trudged downstairs to go to the kitchen. His father was sitting on the couch and was taking a break from unpacking as he watched TV. The boy continued his walk to the kitchen and could see his mother packing away dishes in the cupboards. He remembered she put the money on the counter and he hurried over to it. His hand grabbed the green bills and he counted five dollars in it. It was not much, but it was enough to get a treat or see a movie.

He pocketed the money and was about to leave the kitchen, but he saw his mother looking at him with a smile. The boy gave a genuine smile back at his mother. She was always the one he would talk to if he had trouble with something and she was always very sweet and understanding. His father was another story. Although he attempted to talk to him, he was awkward and often times he remained silent, so there was a bit of a gap in their relationship.

"Go out and make friends, sweetie," Tara said as she set a stack of plates in the cupboard.

"I will," the boy replied as he turned around and walked out of the kitchen.

He walked to the front door and gave a quick wave to his father before opening it and walking outside. He closed the door behind him and walked across the lawn to the sidewalk. The boy looked up and down the street and frowned. There was not a single kid in sight, which only made his job of making friends more difficult. Sighing again, he decided to start walking around. He knew he would eventually bump into someone.

My legs carried me down the sidewalk as I headed east. I figured there would be more kids if I went down towards the other houses on my block. As my eyes scanned for other kids, I tried to remember what it was like where I last lived. Usually kids were always outside and playing from sunrise to sundown, but here it was like a ghost town. Christ, this was going to take getting used to. As I neared the house that neighbored mine, I heard the sound of crunching snow from the fence that separated our houses.

Two kids ran from the yard and were now on the sidewalk. I was interested in the little scuffle that was taking place between them, but even more interested in what they were wearing. Their costumes appeared to have been made by hand and were medieval in appearance. It looked like they were doing a Dungeons and Dragons game. Being a bit of geek, I decided to stand off to the side and watch the fight unfold before me. Maybe I would ask to play once I figured out how the game worked. The two boys had different outfits. The blonde boy had some type of circlet on his head and was wearing a blue cape while the other was wearing elf ears and green clothes.

"You shall die by my warhammer, Drow Elf!" The blonde boy said.

"Nuh uh!" The other replied.

"I banish thee to the forest realm!"

"No way, I banished you first!" The boy with elf ears swung his wooden dagger at the boy. "Hah! You can't hold out much longer!"

The blonde boy grew frantic at that and started looking around as he kept blocking the wooden dagger with his hammer.

"Somebody help! I can't hold out much longer!" The blonde boy yelled.

While I still had no idea how the game worked, I felt like I should help the blonde kid. No one should stand by and watch as someone gets their ass beat. I ran up to the boy with the wooden dagger as he got ready to bring it down on the fallen blonde boy. My body slammed hard into him as I made him stumble away. The boy turned around in surprise and gave me a heated glare. I could tell I pissed him off and I was waiting for him to retaliate, but he just kept his eyes locked with mine as he started walking away.

"That's cheating!" The boy sneered. "I'm going to go tell my mom!"

The kid ran off, leaving me and the blonde boy alone. I turned and helped the boy up and he gave me a friendly smile. From the look of it, the boy in front of me seemed like an okay kid.

"Thanks, kid. I didn't realize he had a health potion," the blonde boy said.

Health potion? Wait, were they still playing the game or were they actually in a fight? The way I saw it, it appeared as though the blonde kid was going to get the crap kicked out of him if I didn't do anything so I intervened.

"My name is Butters the Merciful. I'm a paladin. I live right next door to you, we should be friends!" The boy, now known as Butters greeted.

As I heard the word friend I relaxed a bit. I made my first friend in the neighborhood and I've barely been outside for five minutes. It gave me a good feeling and I could tell that there would be more friends to come if I stuck with Butters. Butters motioned for me to follow him and I did so. I guess I would be playing this Dungeons and Dragons game after all.

"Now that we're friends, you should speak with the Wizard King! He's been talking about your arrival!" Butters said.

Wizard King? Who the hell was the Wizard King and why was he talking about my arrival? So many questions ran through my head, but I let them slide. Everything would eventually fall into place for me. All I had to do was just play the game and I would figure things out one at a time. Butters and I kept walking until we came to a green house that was just beside Butters'. We stepped on the porch and Butters rang the doorbell.

The door opened a few seconds later to reveal another kid. This kid in front of me was definitely not skinny. In fact, he was pretty fat, maybe obese. He was wearing a costume like that of a wizard with red robes, a staff and a blue pointed hat with a smiley face on the front.

"All hail the Grand Wizard!" Butters said with a loud and praise filled voice.

The fat kid looked me up and down and leaned on his staff as he addressed me.

"So, you are the new kid. Your coming was foretold by Coldwell Banker. I am the Wizard King," the boy said.

Now I knew how the kid figured out I was moving here, but did not bother to dwell on how he got the information. I wanted to speak, but the boy before me continued talking.

"The time to talk is not nigh. Let me show you my kingdom," the boy continued as he turned around and walked back inside.

Butters and I followed the fat boy inside. There was a woman, possibly the fat kid's mom, sitting on the couch. She had been fiddling on her iPhone and just took notice of me as I walked by with Butters.

"Oh, who's your new friend, Eric?" The woman asked.

"Shut up, Mom. Not now," the fat boy replied.

I frowned at Eric's response to his mother. I barely met him, but I could tell he was one of those kids that were probably very spoiled and had their parents wrapped around their finger. Eric opened the back door to the kitchen and led me outside with Butters following close behind. I took a moment to take in the sight before me. For a game of Dungeons and Dragons they were really into it. There was a little fortress made of cardboard with a sign reading 'Kupa Keep' near the fence with a makeshift pen and a small shop for purchasing random things. I had to give them credit, for an old game they were really going all out on it. There were three other boys, well, maybe two as one appeared to look like a girl with the long blonde hair.

Eric made me follow him towards the cardboard fort, all the while pointing out each of the others in the yard. He pointed at the brown-haired boy in the shop and addressed him as Clyde. The other one at the stables with the green shirt was Scott and apparently the last one with long blonde hair was a boy named Kenny.

"Don't ask why Kenny wanted to be a chick, that just seems to be the way he is rolling right now," Eric muttered to me.

"No judgment," I replied as I dismissed it with a wave.

I followed Eric until he came to a stop at the front of the fort and turned around to talk to me again.

"You have been sought out, new kid, because humans everywhere are in great danger. I need something from you and, in return, I am prepared to allow you into my kingdom," Eric said as he nodded at Butters.

Butters pulled out a piece of paper and a pen when Eric looked at him. I guess I was playing Dungeons and Dragons now, but if I made friends out of it, I really didn't care. This day was going fairly well and it could only get better from here on in. The kids I met so far didn't seem too bad, although Eric was a bit of an asshole, but then again there is always that one friend in your group that is the asshole.

"I know you are very excited. It's time for your first quest, but first, tell us thy name," Eric said as Butters handed me the paper and pen.

I took the pen and paper and looked at the sheet. I saw that it said Kupa Keep Warriors on the top along with Eric's, Butters', Kenny's, Clyde's and Scott's names. My thumb clicked the pen and I scribbled my name down on it. Johnny Earnhardt. I handed the paper and pen back to Butters who then showed it to Eric. Eric looked at my name and then at me with a smirk.

"You wrote down Douchebag, right?" Eric asked.

I sent Eric a glare. He could see my name in clear sight, but he insisted on being an ass about it.

"No, it's John," I replied.

"Are you sure you didn't write Douchebag?"

"Yes, you ass!"

"Very well, Douchebag! Now, before you can continue you must choose your class. Warrior, Mage, Thief, or Jew."

I bit back my retort towards Eric. I would get my payback on him later. No bully pushes me around and gets away with it. Eric stepped aside and showed four sets of outfits and I stepped forward to take a look at them. From left to right I listed the classes that Eric mentioned and my hand moved to each one.

"A fighter has courage, honor, and the ability to kick fucking ass," Eric said as my hand hovered over the warrior outfit.

I nodded at his description of the class. That sounded a lot like me, but I wanted to know what the other classes had as capabilities. I then looked at the mage outfit.

"A mage is like a wizard, only not as cool," Eric explained.

Not much of a description, but since Eric was a wizard I would stay clear from that. Magic was cool, but spells weren't my style. I preferred being up close and personal with my fights. I then checked on the next one, the thief.

"You look sneaky enough to be a thief," Eric commented.

I smirked. I didn't steal, but I was damn good at being sneaky when I wanted to be. The thief was the second option I kept in mind as I went to the last set of clothes. The Jew. A weird name for a class, but I decided not to question it.

"Jew, huh? Guess we'll never really be friends," Eric said with disappointment in his voice.

I mentally checked off another bit about Eric. Not only was he an asshole, but he also seemed to hate specific groups of people and may even be a racist. My thoughts came back to the two classes I was contemplating. As my eyes shifted between the two, I remembered what Eric said. Making up my mind, I grabbed the warrior outfit.

"Everyone, welcome to our kingdom Douchebag the Fighter!" Eric said as he raised his arms up in the air in praise.

"Hooray!" Butters cheered.

Clyde, Butters, Scott and Kenny all applauded as they welcomed me into the group. As I looked at my teammates for this game I got dragged into I couldn't help but smile inwardly, even though I was dubbed Douchebag. Hopefully that name would be dropped as I proved myself to them while we played.

"All right South Park, I'm here. Let's see what you have to throw at me," I thought as I made my way to Clyde to get a weapon.

So that's the first chapter everybody. I'm not sure what you all thought about it, but hopefully you all enjoyed it. Since this story is not my primary focus, the updates won't be as frequent, but I will update the story. I won't be doing all the side quests from the game as I decided to do only my favorite ones because they were fun. I'll see you next time. -CaptainPrice