The town of South Park was demented, to say the least. Crazy shit happened all the time and everyone acted as though it was normal. Giant robot dinosaur celebrity? Sure. Man getting turned into a dolphin? Why not? Al Gore trying to take down manbearpig and blowing up everyone's imaginations in the process? Whatever, same as every other day. It was completely fucked up some of the shit that when on in the damn town and sometimes Criag Tucker felt like the only one who saw any problem with it. After about 3 years of not aging a single bit Craig finally found himself making it to 16 years old, though not much had really changed in his personality. He still liked to watch Red Racer anytime it was on (even cutting classes if it was on during school time), he still had the same three friends and still tried to live a completely normal life to this best of his ability.

Unfortunately today would not be one of those days.

He woke up normally. It was a Saturday morning and the son blinded him through his window, sunshine kissing his pale face and dusting over his thin lashes with a glimmer. His mouth spread open wide as he let out an obnoxious yawn, turning over to stare at his wall whilst he considered whether it was worth his time to get out of bed. He dragged himself up, spinning himself and resting his feet on the rough carpet below him. His hair was a tangled mess on his head and he felt himself shiver when he realized he fell asleep in only his boxers. He stood up and threw a blue hood on, the cotton felt lucious against his skin. He smiled to himself, grabbing his chulo off his bedside table and pulling it down on his head, he decided he'd deal with putting pants on later. He grabbed the remote that was buried beneath his clothes, strewn all over his carpet, and flipped on the channel. Knowing full well red racer would be having it's usual weekend marathon. However, all good things must come to an end, so it came to no surprise when Craig felt almost blissful he heard frantic knocking pounding hard from downstairs, not to mention loud anxiety drenched screaming. Craig sighed.

Craig rushed downstairs, his feet pounding hard against the staircase and echoing throughout his house. He heard no yelling from his father or mother and he didn't see Ruby at any point so he assumed that he was alone. He got to the door and opened it up to find none other then the frantic Tweek Tweak. Pulling at his strung out blonde hair and gawking at Craig like he had just seen a ghost.
"Ack! Craig!" He yelled out, shaking like he was burried in snow... Maybe he was?
"Yes, Tweek, what is it?" He spoke flatly, he'd be more worried but Tweek was always like this, he couldn't find himself able to feel worry when Tweek was always twitching and shaking.
"You've gotta let me in man! Miley Cyrus came to South Park and she was licking everything and then she started absorbing everything in her tongue and now her tongues taken control and she's rampaging through home depot! It's too much pressure for me to handle man and my parents wont let me in because they don't want to risk Miley breaking through while the doors open and absorbing all the coffee! Ack!" Craig stood there in silence, his expression was blank and he didn't even know how to react to what he was told but to step aside and let Tweek inside.
"Why Miley Cyrus? Just why?" He mumbled to himself, shutting the door and locking it. He moved to close his blinds and made sure all the windows were shut. Tweek found his way to the couch and switched on the TV to show Red Racer playing on the TV.

Tweek had been Craig's friend for a while, they complimented each other really. Craig liked things nice and boring and Tweek couldn't handle high pressure situations. They often spent their time reading comics and talking about Clyde crying and wetting himself over stupid shit. Sometimes Craig had a hard time calming the blonde but he found it easy enough, Craig never got phased by anything so it was hard for Tweek to stay jumpy when Craig was so calm. He took a seat next to Tweek on the couch and stretched his legs out on top of Tweek.
"What are you doing?" He was a lot less nervous now, Craig always found it kinda cool that Tweek got so calm around him. It was like Craig was a blunt and Tweek was always high around him. Though Tweek was still obviously shaking, it wasn't as much and he was significantly less loud.
"You're in my house uninvited, therefore I get reign to do as I please and I've decided you're my foot rest." He spat back, flipping his friend off before laying back against the couch, his raven black hair was a nice blend to the blue cushion against him.
"Sure thing king Craig." Tweek scowled, sticking his tongue out before leaning back to watch Red Racer. Something he would never dream of doing to Stan or any of the boys. He couldn't handle the backlash they'd give him.
"Why are the blinds closed anyway?" Tweek questioned, realizing besides the TV giving off a faint light it was as dark as a deep cave
"If Stan and the douche patrol come around I am NOT dealing with their shit. So if the blinds are closed they might not bother with my house." He stretched out, leaning his arm atop of his couch, getting comfy into the corners. Tweek merely nodded, following suit and getting himself comfy into the corner of Craig's couch.

It was about an hour into the Red Racer marathon that Craig began to hear screams outside. They were loud, though he did take notice that some of the screams got faintly quieter until they were stopped altogether. He looked to Tweek and noticed the boy had completely crashed and Craig couldn't help but notice his feet were stuck under Tweek's unbuttoned vomit colored shirt. He hated that shirt, but it suited Tweek. It was covered in coffee stains and showed off red parts of Tweek's skin, assumably also from coffee. Craig carefully removed his feet from Tweek's shirt, granted it was a challenge as the buttons were everywhere, he didn't even know WHEN his feet got this entangled in Tweek's shirt. He finally managed to get his feet out of Tweek's shirt and he swiflty scattered to the curtained over window. He peaked his head out from under the blind to see outside. Houses were being destroyed with ease as he watched Miley Cyrus' swollen tongue were swallowing them whole. Craig groaned out.
"You've got to be kidding me..." He hit his face against the windowsil, not wanting to believe what he was seeing. Miley Cyrus was literally 5 feet shorter then her god damn tongue at this point. That's when Cartman came along, his fat belly potruding from his barely buttoned up rashy red shirt. Unlike Tweek, Cartman couldn't button his because his shirts were too damn small but Cartman just didn't wanna admit he was an XXL and get a shirt to fit him accordingly, even his damn hat was too small for his fat head, barely coated with a light brown patch of hair.

There the fat piece of shit was, and who showed up with him? Liam fucking Hemsworth. Craig watched as the tongue started to expand and then shrink, saliva pooring out from below it.
"It's fucking crying. It is seriously, fucking crying." Craig muttered to himself in pure disbelief. Liam Hemsworth appeared to be talking to Miley... Or the tongue? Didn't really matter. Craig watched Liam's mouth moving, kind of wishing he could read lips. The ground started to shake below Craig and he fell backwards, the blinds going with him, entangling him in them. He spat, growling at the blinds as though they did it on purpose. The ground below him finally stopped shaking when he looked up, the house spat out all across the street, he saw people with their limbs no longer there and people merely covered in saliva and of course he saw Kenny completely skinned alive, blood oozing over the rubble he lay on. Despite being in own house and not even being able to hear Liam talking to the giant tongue he could hear the little jew boy, Kyle screaming out
"Oh my god! He killed Kenny!" and without missing a beat his stupid little boy toy Stan yelling out a loud
"You bastards!"
"I swear they stopped doing that. I really thought they did." Craig groaned again. The amount of times he'd groaned and moaned in pure annoyance you'd swear he was getting a really bad blowjob or something.

Craig looked over to Tweek, who was now stirring in his sleep. The kid must have not slept last night to sleep through that nonsense. Craig was jealous to say the least. Red Racer still blared from the TV, though Craig wasn't sure if he really felt like watching it right now. All he wanted was to get the fuck out of South Park, even if just for a couple days. Then of course, like his prayers had been answered an ad came on TV that caught Craig's attention almost instantly. The text red in big letters
'DO YOU NEED A VACATION?'
Craig instantly jumped to the couch, watching the TV attentively.
"HEY YOU. DO YOU NEED A VACATION? YOUR CURRENT TOWN DRAGGING YOU DOWN? WORK NOT GOING GOOD FOR YOU? NEED TO GETAWAY FROM IT ALL?!" Craig nodded, as though the TV was actually talking to him.
"IF YOU CALL THIS NUMBER ON THE TV RIGHT NOW YOU AND YOUR LOVER COULD FIND YOURSELF ON A ROMANTIC VACATION TO HAWAII! CALL NOW. ONLY FIRST 20 CALLERS GET IT FREE." Craig waisted no time calling the number. All his time playing tetris in Mr Garrison's class finally paid off when someone on the other line picked up.
"Hello caller! You're lucky number 12! Congratulations! You've won an all expenses paid trip to Hawaii with your lover! We're going to need an address and names and you can be here as soon as Monday night!" Craig was jumping up and down excitedly, he thought he might just explode. It took him a second to realize he needed someone to go with. He couldn't choose his sister, that'd be just gross. He didn't like any of the girls in South Park and he didn't have a girlfriend for that matter.
"Caller? Are you there? Names please?" The voice spoke up, Craig panicked. He would NOT let this opporturnity go.
"Craig Tucker and Tweek Tweak" He blurted out quickly, giving his address immediately after the names.
"Very good! Your tickets should be there tomorrow, specially delivered even with it being a Sunday!" The man hung up.

Craig was there to let his mind wander in silence, his eyes closed shut and a smile plastered on his face. A vacation to Hawaii. He didn't care for the sun or the surf or all the other stereotypical Hawaiian reasons to vacation, not at all. All he was looking for was a quiet vacation away from South Park. He didn't even care about missing school. He didn't care about anything. That was until he felt something move against his thigh and he looked to the blonde boy still passed out next to him, the one who he used as the name of his "lover". The same twitchy blonde boy who couldn't even handle bumpy car rides or pop quizzes that didn't effect their grade.
"Fuck." Craig spat and collapsed deeper into the couch. He had no clue how he'd deal with Tweek. He just had to hope Tweek would keep his calm... Yeah right. Craig sighed once more, surely the vacation place wouldn't expect them to do couple things while there right? Fingers crossed.
"Tweek." Craig's voice was flat as usual as he shook the blonde next to him, his body cold and shivering. Tweek's eyes began to flutter open...