*Actually, a lot of credit for this story goes to u/2263925/Republic-of-Yolossia. We were discussing the idea of dates for our respective OTPs and decided that, while Austria and Hungary's dates are elegant and romantic, Romania and Bulgaria can get into some seriously troublesome situations on their outings. Warning for slight sensuality and bad language, but nothing too racy.*

There was one thing that Bulgaria was certain about; this entire predicament was Romania's fault.

The trip had been his idea, after all, which is probably why it was doomed from the outset. As much as he might have tried to advocate their holiday- if you could call it that- as an opportunity to spend some much-needed 'family time' together, Bulgaria was well aware of the real reasons he was so keen on the idea. Firstly, it was an attempt to elevate their position from that stupid nickname that had been circulating ever since they'd started going out; 'Danube Couple Number Two.'

"What do they mean, 'Number Two'?!" Romania had complained when Bulgaria first told him, "That River does way more than just feature in our capitals- it's our flipping border, for goodness sake!"

The other reason was because of Hungary. About fortnight ago, she'd paid them a surprise visit for the sole reason of showing off about the romantic- and expensive- river cruise she'd been on with the love of her life.

"Beautiful scenery, gourmet meals every night, an orchestra to serenade us..." she'd boasted, thrusting photographs into their hands, "I'm so lucky to have such a rich and generous boyfriend."

Romania hadn't spoken again for the whole day.

So it was no surprise to Bulgaria when he'd announced later that he was taking the two of them- plus Moldova of course- on a little 'river cruise' of their own. Unable to afford a proper cruise ship like Hungary's, he'd somehow managed to get his hands on a forlorn-looking rowing boat which he promised he had acquired through legitimate means. Bulgaria had believed him at the time, but after spending their first hectic day out on the river- nearly sinking every ten minutes and managing numerous capsizes- he began to have his doubts.

"Did you nick that boat?" he'd demanded, after being forced to swim to dry land for a third time. Romania turned from drying his brother's hair, half-hiding a smile that was both apologetic and smug, and put a finger to his lips.

Not that a cheaper holiday option didn't have its advantages. It was exhausting work, but Bulgaria loved rowing through the Danube. The river was such an integral part of both of them- dividing their counties yet uniting their hearts. Oh, and he'd been able to see Romania in wet clothes; his hair plastered to his face in a dripping, tangled mess almost all day. That was always a bonus. Romania himself seemed delighted with their efforts.

"Wish that bastard could see us now!" he'd said gleefully as they pulled their boat to shore to set up camp, "'Danube Couple Number Two', my ass!"

The fact that they had to share a one-man tent between the three of them was probably Romania's fault too. But even a cramped space had advantages, Bulgaria supposed. Advantages he'd first suspected five minutes ago, when Romania had sent his brother out for food in the vague direction of a distant supermarket.

And advantages that he was absolutely certain of now as he lay shirtless on the floor of the tent, Romania atop him and smothering his chest in sloppy kisses.

"Austria and Hungary had their own private cabins when they were on their cruise," his breath was hot against Bulgaria's skin, sending shivers up his spine, "But /this/ is so much better, don't you think?"

For a moment, Bulgaria was inclined to disagree- what he wouldn't give for a place they could be intimate without getting bruises all over his back- but the words died in his throat when a hand slid under his pants. Instead, he contented himself by fumbling with Romania's belt buckle rather more aggressively than usual.

"I thought we agreed that it was my turn to top next."

"Did we?" Romania could be very good at feigning ignorance when he wanted to, "Ah, well, it's a bit too cramped to change positions now..."

Bulgaria rolled his eyes and his lover compensated by moving up to lavish his neck. His one fang-like tooth nipped against his skin every time his lips made contact, blurring the line between bites and kisses in a way that never failed to drive Bulgaria mad. Groaning softly, he nuzzled his face into Romania's hair. The scent was earthy and real- all silt and riverweed and damp.

"I love you." he breathed against his ear, the words fierce with truth, "So, so much."

Romania lifted his head and stared at him for a long moment. His scarlet eyes were wide; revealing some kind of cross between adoration and disbelief.

"I know." he said, and his voice was uncertain, questioning, "Although... I don't know why. I'm not rich or generous- I can't even give you a proper holiday without stealing the damn boat."

"You think any of that matters?" he coaxed his lover's lips towards his own and their tongues wrapped together. "You're energetic and sexy" he murmured when they drew for breath, "and you try so hard. That's why I love you, idiot, and don't you forget it!"

"I won't!" he said it jovially, but the relief was evident, "And, just in case you didn't know... I love you too."

That made him smile. He'd long lost count of the number of times Romania had said those words to him, whispered like a secret through their kisses, yet he never seemed to tire of hearing them. Chuckling, he tugged Romania's trousers down to his knees, and pressed his hands up against his pants. The bulge was already there, waiting for him.

"Hey!"

Bulgaria's blood ran cold at the sound of the oh-so-familiar voice and he felt his lover's body stiffen in horror on top of him. No, it couldn't be. Not now. Flipping Romania off him, he turned to the entrance and his heart sank.

"M-Moldova!" ever since they'd known each other, Bulgaria had found out all about Romania's spooky folk tales and numerous run-ins with the law, yet he didn't think he'd seen him look so scared in all his life as he did now, "What are you doing back already? Why aren't you at the supermarket?"

"You forgot to give me any money, stupid!" Moldova said, then cocked his head to one side in curiosity, "Brother, why were you squashing Bulgaria? And why did you have to be in your pants to do it?"

If Romania had been blushing before, his face was truly enflamed now. His cheeks transcended all shades of pink, deepening to a mortified crimson. He opened his mouth, but the only sound he managed to make was a strangled kind of gasp, like the words were choking him. Reaching for his shirt, Bulgaria watched his lover's gormless struggle with deep interest. There were such advantages to moments as embarrassing as these. They were the only times where he got to see the other, hidden side of Romania; the vulnerable, hapless, brotherly side that made him want to laugh, slap him and kiss him all at once. But, in the end, he decided that it might be better to just help him out instead.

"We were wrestling."

"Wrestling?"

"Yep." he pulled his shirt over his head and sat up, "Didn't you know that it's a seriously popular sport in my country?"

Moldova's eyes gleamed. "Really? Can I wrestle too, then?"

"N-no!" Romania spoke through clenched teeth, hiding his face in one hand while he struggled to pull up his trousers with the other, "Not ever, ever, ever."

"Awww, why not? You looked like you were having fun!"

"Well... because..." he sighed and rubbed the back of his head, "Ah, look, why don't we all have a nice game of football instead. Does that sound alright, little bro?"

Moldova nodded. "Okay, but I want to be on Bulgaria's team this time. He must be really strong if he does wrestling!"

"Alright, alright. Now, you go and get your ball, and we'll be outside in a moment."

Bulgaria waited until the youth had disappeared from sight before he let himself lose control, collapsing into a fit of sniggering.

"Sh-shut up!" Romania said, although his lips too were twitching perilously, "It's not funny- we could have ruined his innocence, damn you!"

His melodramatic tone only made Bulgaria laugh harder still and he leaned over to press his lips against Romania's blazing forehead.

"Honestly, you should've seen your face then, it was-"

"Bul, I mean it! We can't do that again, not on this holiday."

Bulgaria nodded his agreement, yet he knew that the promise was an empty one really. They'd tried going without sex before, and they'd only managed to last about a day before Romania was climbing all over him again. He doubted that he'd even be able to go as long as that this time; he was just too needy, there was no other word for it.

And that was the real advantage to having a boyfriend like Romania.

"Come on," he said, tugging his lover's arm as he crawled towards the entrance of the tent, "Moldova will be waiting for us."