As much as I ever could

"And back into the woods we go," he said. And he said with so much non-joy that she couldn't resist the laughter that came bubbling up out of her. Reaching back, she slipped her hand in his, held tight, and ignored his suddenly tense body. She's here for him and she'll show it through the small ways she can, through the small subtle looks and subtext.

She leans back against the love seat, crosses her legs, and glances quickly at the man next to her only to find that he's already looking her way. And the look in his eyes is full of pure love, admiration and it causes flutters in her chest, the dark hood of desire lingering on the shoreline of his oceanic eyes making her lips quiver with need. She sees something dominate in his gaze, possessive, and determined. But then it's gone in a flash and replaced with one of his signature smirks. She laughs, shakes her head, looks away, but the look in his eyes is embedded in her mind, a want, a need like that won't stay hidden long. It's already uncapping hers letting loose the hungry tigress in her and she has to press her legs closer together to dim the pure need coursing through her veins, gushing down from her core.

She sighs, forces herself to focus on Martha but then his thumb starts tracing slow, minute patters on her skin causing it to tingle and numb.

Is that his sweat or hers?

Despite Castle's distractions she manages to pay attention to the play until Martha takes a bow and the audience begins to clap.

She's able to distance herself from him while everybody congratulates Martha on her performance. She snakes her way into the kitchen to grab another glass of wine without being noticed.

Castle and Martha start saying goodbye to the guests while Alexis cleans up trash and rearranges the living room back to its original form. She set her glass down to help the girl.

"Oh Kate you don't have to do that."

"No please. I wanna help. It's the least I can do." Alexis doesn't speak after that just flashes her a smile and quick nod.

Kate helps her move the couch then begins picking up napkins and the works, wondering how people managed to generate so much trash in two hours. There are a million wine glasses everywhere and do they all belong to Castle?

"What do you think you're doing?" Castle asked walking over to her in the kitchen.

"Helping."

"No you are a guest. Go sit we can handle this."

"No Castle I can-"

"No arguments darling. Please enjoy yourself," says Martha. "I do hope you enjoyed the show."

"Yes! I did, you were astounding."

"Oh Thankyou darling." The flair and flamboyancy of her causing Kate's smile to widen. It's not going away.

She's still sitting on the couch when the loft is clean and both Alexis and Martha retire for the night. Only she and Castle remain, two glasses of wine forgotten on the coffee table, and a comfortable silence filling the air.

They're sitting an inch apart and Kate has one leg tucked under her while the other one swings back and forth, occasionally settling on the coffee table before falling back down.

Castle's pretending not to watch the muscles in her legs constrict and expand in the blink of an eye as she swings her foot. They both ditched their coats and jackets an hour ago and are now sitting in their conservative button downs, sleeves rolled up to the tip of their forearms. She can't take her eyes off his arms though. His bulging muscles tightening and softening his skin at the same time and it's taking everything in her not to touch. She's keeping her hands under her legs because she might do something she normally wouldn't if she was sober.

Three and a half glasses of wine would never get her drunk but she does feel a buzz, enough to put slight cracks in her filters; physical and verbal. She chances a glance in Castle's direction finds him leaning on his knees with a fist holding his head as he stares at her swinging leg. And she stops her foot abruptly.

He flicks his gaze up to meet her eyes and he can see her desire lingering on the edge of her facade kicking, screaming, and fighting for release, to break away from behind the wall within her.

She gives him a small smile and he smiles back. He leans back against the back of the couch an holds her gaze. She suddenly gets hit with a feeling of déjà-vu only this time she doesn't have a relationship to hide behind.

She holds his gaze for a few more moments until she whispers "I should go." Barely loud enough for her to hear it, but she makes no move to get up. Mentally she blames it on how comfortable his couch is.

"This may be the alcohol talking but I don't want you to go." He slowly brings his hand over to mess with the ends of her hair and she suddenly wants those fingers playing somewhere else.

"And this may be the alcohol talking," she says, her voice deep and sensual. "But I was hoping you'd ask me to stay."

"Then it's settled. You're staying. Plus you can't drive anyway, you've had to much to drink."

"Not nearly as much as you."

"I had less than you think."

She gives a small nod and bites her lip, wondering what's gotten into her. It must've been the wine, loosening up her lips, letting her adventurous side out to play. Castle's hand falls from her hair to trace down her arm causing goosebumps to form in its wake, until he gets down to where she has her hand tucked under her leg. She gives him her hand freely asking herself why she can't do that with her heart when clearly this man cares deeply for her.

And that's it isn't it? That's what's holding her back. What if she isn't what he expects when she decides to fully give herself to him?

This wall of hers has been crumbling down brick by brick since that day on the swings and now she's working on kicking it out from under itself so it'll all just go kaput. She needs to be more active in her demolition.

His big, soft hands draw lazy circles on the back of her palm like he did during the dog case when Castle brought Royal over to her apartment. And this time she doesn't break away from his admirable gawking. Eventually he laces his fingers through hers, brings other hand up to brush her hair behind her ear while gently caressing her cheek. She leans into his touch, closes her eyes on a silent sigh.

"Kate," he breathes against her cheek. The warmth of his breath sending chills through her body.

She wants him.

God, she wants him so much.

His hand takes up permanent residence on the back of her neck and he tugs her gently forward, closer to him, closer to his mouth and it's then that she comes to her senses.

"Castle," she whispers back, her heart beating ferociously in her chest. She puts her hand out to hold herself back but instead of on the couch her hand lands on his upper thigh with her thumb just barely grazing his manhood.

He sucks in a sharp breath, trying to hide his obvious arousal but finding it difficult to not crave the woman next to him.

"Kate," he says, rougher, dirtier, and she feels her resolve slipping just from the sound alone. He pulls her into him, his hand on her waist lifting and tugging her into his lap. His lips just barely graze hers and the jolt of electricity it sends through her is enough to have her jumping back from him and up from the couch. She's had fantasies about jumping him on his couch and damn it if this isn't doing it for her right now.

"I'm sorry," he says quickly, reaching out to grab her wrist so she can't run. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. Please don't be mad."

"I'm not mad," she manages to say despite being out of breath. "Just a little overwhelmed." "I'm sorry I'll keep my hands to myself." This statement disappoints her because that's not what she meant.

He moves down to the other end of the couch and gestures for her to sit back down. She does. And it's almost like she's asking for it, asking for something to happen. Again.

"How's Jim?" He asks. And it's safe unlikely to get them into trouble. It frustrates her and it frustrates her that it frustrates her because she just wants him so much and more than in just the physical way.

"He's good. Doing well."

She can see he's trying to hold himself together. His fists clenched tightly by his sides. And then that's when she realizes that he feels guilty, bad for what he's done and she doesn't want him to. She felt it too, she feels it too. It was just as much her fault as it was his.

"Castle it's okay."

"No," he says loudly, forcefully. "I told you is wait and I just pushed you into something you clearly didn't wanna do. I'm sorry."

Oh God and it makes her want him even more. If only he knew what his words did to her.

Castle runs his hands through his hair, mushing it up enough to make him look more adorable and boyish than he already is. And the look he gives he gives her is so forlorn and desperate that she's pretty certain that where he sits across from her on the couch he could practically feel when her resolve broke completely. She crossed over to him in a second, straddled his lap in half, closed her eyes, and whispered against his ear. "We can cross the line this once. Just this once."

"Kate what're-"

She smashed her lips against his, buried her hands in his hair, and ground her hips down into his. But before it could get to far he pushed her away.

"What're you doing?"

"I don't want you to think I don't want this. Because I do. I want you Castle. So much." She leaned back in again but he pushed lightly against her chest.

"No."

"No?"

"What about-" he cleared his throat. "What about the wall? You said you needed time. You sad you're not ready yet. You said-"

She pushed a finger to his lips. "Shh. I know what I said and I meant it. I'm not saying I'm not ready to go head first into a relationship I'm saying I want you. Help me tear down this wall Castle."

"I don't know if I can do this, Kate."

He's shaking from the nerves, from the bees within him just dying to burst to flame.

"Why not?"

"Because! Because I want you, Kate. So badly and I'm afraid that- that I'll mess this up. That when you, we finally dive into this you'll realize that I'm not what you- why are you laughing?"

"I was just thinking the same thing."

"I'll always want you Kate. No matter what. Always."

"Ditto." She smiled coyly and spoke lowly. "Now just prove it, Castle."

"Are you sure? Cause once we do this cross this line, there is no, no going back. No pretending it never happened."

"It's good that we agree then."

"Kate..."

"Rick," she said tilting her head to the side. She leaned in close to his ear. "Stop. Holding. Back."

When she looked back into his eyes gone was the blue she loved so much but a midnight sky filled with dark desire, a hunger so intense that it forces her heart to skip a beat.

Castle's on her a second. One hand coming up to hold her face, the other taking possession of her waist as he consumes her mouth. Her hands wrap around his neck as she brings herself closer, slowly undulating on his lap.

Both his hands take purchase on her hips tightly, then he stands abruptly causing her core to rub against his abdomen and her muscles to spasm. He carries through the living room, his lips never leaving her, and into his office. He kicks the door closed and throws her against it against it before wildly attacking her neck.

Her fingers work on the buttons of his shirt because she's just so eager to feel him. To feel his skin, his muscles tense under her scrutiny. When he opens his mouth for her she wasted no time in sticking her tongue inside and dueling with his, dance they had perfected in less than a second. His hands span and palm her ass before he dipped then past the waistband to feel her skin.

"Bed, Castle. Now."

He gripped both her hands in his and pinned them above her head. "In a second," he breathed heavily against her ear. His breath tickling her neck, sending chills down her spine, causing shivers to erupt throughout her body.

She bites her lip to keep from making any sound as he continues perusal of her neck, down her collarbone, to the center of her chest.

When he releases her hands she meets his gaze because she knows he's asking for permission. He sets her down on her feet and kisses her lightly under her eye, his lingering But she unbuttons her blouse for him, revealing the damn bullet scar that ruined her life. She took his hand and pressed it against her chest while leading him off to his bedroom.

"You're so beautiful Kate."

She smiled brightly before turning to take in his bedroom. The massive bed, the colors, and paintings, the lion picture off to her left. That's when she felt hands on her waist picking her up and tossing her on the bed.

She squealed loudly before landing. When she gathered her bearings Castle was right there next to her.

"You can take in the room later Kate. Right now you're mine."

And two hours later, when they both lay sweaty and sated, wrapped in each other's arms Kate leaned over Castle to poke him in the chest.

"Are you awake?"

"Mmm. No."

She bit back her laugh. "You remember what I said about crossing the line this one time?"

He jumped up. "Yeah."

"Forget I said it." She leaned back against the pillows and closed her eyes. "My place tomorrow. Nine o'clock. Don't. Be. Late."