Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Summary: Set in the future. 20 years ago Felicity left. Now Oliver finds a letter from her on his desk. This letter not only changes his life but can it give him the answers to all his questions?

Dear Oliver:

Chapter One: Message from the grave

At 48 Oliver Queen liked to believe that he had lived a full life. Sure there are many thing he wished he could have done differently but his mistakes are what made him. He has certainly lived through a lot; the death of his father, the island, Malcolm Merlin, losing Tommy, Slade, losing his relationship with is mother. The list was ongoing but as he looked down at the envelope in his hand, the familiar writing of the envelope he remembered his biggest loss of all Felicity Smoak.

Oliver looked up only to be met by Digs frown.

"Everything ok?" Dig asked.

Oliver shook his head before turning the envelope over to show Dig.

Dig's eyes widened.

"Felicity." Dig breathed.

Oliver nodded.

Felicity had disappeared one day almost twenty one years ago. None of them had seen it coming. It was ironic to him how in her disappearance Oliver finally realised what she was capably off. He looked for her they all did. She was the little sister of Dig. The best friend of Sara. The older sister of Roy. She had even become close with Thea who along with the rest of them had spent months looking for her. But Felicity was gone and there was no finding an IT girl they didn't want to be found.

"What does it say?" Dig asked.

Oliver shrugged. Oliver would never considered himself a coward at least that was until he met Felicity Smoak. With Felicity he was coward. Oliver was like a black hole spiralling out of control and Felicity became his light, the very thing that kept him grounded though all the madness. He care about Felicity so much but had been afraid to let her in, so sure his darkness would damage her light.

"I haven't opened it." Oliver confessed.

Dig sighed.

"It's been almost twenty one year's Oliver and she's writing to you now." Dig said emphasizing how important the fact she had written to him meant.

Oliver closed his eyes and took a deep breath preparing himself.

He opened his eyes and picked up the letter slowly. He opened it carefully.

Dear Oliver,

I have wrote and rewrote what feels like a hundred times over, in hopes that I can somehow explain to you everything that has happened and why I left like I did without saying goodbye.

In truth I'm not sure where to begin. It's a first for me not knowing what to say let alone how to say it, I always know what to say. It might not always be the right thing but I always so say something which has led to some awkward conversations between the two of us. Anyway I am getting off tract maybe I should start with the night everything changed.

Do you remember the night Thea and I got taken by Malcolm Merlin? I am sorry if this brings up bad memories for you but that night is important to the story, well in a way. Thea and I were having lunch one minute then the next I woke up tied to a chair with Thea next to me.

It was night that he thought he had lost them both. Felicity had almost died in order to protect Thea's life and the secret of her paternity. Oliver cringed at the memory.

When we got back to the lair after you had taken Thea home you kissed me as if you were afraid I might disappear.

Oliver remembered that kiss as if it was yesterday, it wasn't their first kiss that had happened months before but that night when Malcolm took them was a kissed that changed everything in their relationship.

That night, the first and last time you every made love to me was the greatest night of my life. You were so gentle as you kissed every inch of me. You were as caring as you did everything to bring pleasure to me, I had never been with a man who was as attentive and loving as you were that night. It was perfect and I think I fell in love with you all love again that night.

Then I woke up and you were gone…

Oliver closed his eyes as if he could somehow hide guilt he felt from leaving that night. He remembered that night vividly he would often wake up from dreams from that night full of want and regret. He remembered his need to kiss every inch of her body just to ensure himself that she was here and that she was safe, taking care over the bruises that Malcolm had tainted her perfect skin with. He remember her screaming his name with pleasure and how much that meant to him, and how much he wanted to hear that sound over and over again. Then when their love making was over, she fell asleep with a content smile on her beautiful face in his arms. No one had ever felt as made for him as she did. But then his brain went into overdrive, caught up with all the bad things that could happen to her because of him. Losing Felicity as not an option for Oliver, so Oliver did what Oliver did best and he left hurting someone else that he really cared about.

It hurt so much, I couldn't face you so I called in sick and you never checked on me like you normally did when I was sick so I knew you were avoiding me too. Now that I think about you it you probably left because in your own thick headed way you thought it was the only way to protect me. I hope by now Oliver that you now know you are wrong. Pushing people away is not protecting them it's hurting them.

After a couple of days of crying I got myself together and I came back to QC and the lair. The first time I spoke to you, you acted like nothing changed, it was as if to you nothing even happened between the two of us. That hurt much more than you leaving did, I wanted to scream at you, stab you with one of your sharp arrows, but I didn't I took a deep breath and followed your lead. Telling myself I could be ok with the two of us just being friends.

Dig was the first to notice things were weird between us but when he asked I lied and told him that you had just touched one of my babies and messed up something on them. That reminds me can you tell Dig I'm sorry for leaving like I did and that I miss my big brother so much, tell him I am sorry for not saying goodbye. Oh! And tell Roy too. He became like an annoying little brother that no matter how big or strong he gets you always want to protect. I'd hate to think that he thought I abandoned him. Tell Sara I miss our talks and our laughs and tell Thea that I love her and miss her so much too. I couldn't have asked for a better family if I tried. Neither of us could. Now I am a blubbering mess and off tract too, where was I? Oh yeah. About three weeks later I started to get sick and when I wasn't being sick I couldn't stop feeling sick.

Oliver's eyes widened in surprise, he remembered all those morning she had ran in late looking pale, Oliver thought it had just been because she was over worked. To know that she had been that sick and he hadn't noticed made him feel incredible guilty and very angry at himself.

I was like this for a couple of weeks and then the fainting started, I had plan on going to the doctors then someone tried to kill you and we were working night and day to catch…. I don't remember his name, but in all fairness there are a lot of people who end up trying to kill you. Keeping track of them all is kind of hard work.

One day I was having lunch with Thea when I fainted again, she made me go to the hospital to get checked out. Now don't get mad at Thea, I begged her not to tell you and even then she was still hesitant. I wasn't sure she would keep her promise not to tell you. When we were waiting for the test results when Thea got a call, something to do with the club I think? Anyway she had to leave. If it wasn't for that phone call I am pretty sure that everything would be different right now.

When the doctor came back, I was so sure he was going to tell me I was exhausted and I should get some rest, I mean we were working loads back then. However instead…

Oliver took a breath to prepare himself for what came next.

he told me I was pregnant. I was so sure he got it wrong. I mean when did I have time to be with anyone, then I remembered how desperate we were that night, too desperate to use protection.

The paper feel from Oliver's fingers. Felicity had been pregnant with his child and she had left. He hated to think that she thought she couldn't have gone to him.

"Oliver, what is it?" Diggle asked.

Oliver looked up, his friend was worried.

"She was pregnant." Oliver replied numbly.

Diggle frowned. Then his brain seem to catch up with him and his frown turned into a glare. Diggle and the others find out that they had slept together shortly after she left. They wanted a reason and the only one Oliver could think of was that she couldn't cope with how much he had hurt her.

"With your baby." Diggle stated and Oliver nodded slowly.

Oliver put his head in his hands.

He head Dig take a deep breath.

"What happened to them Oliver? Diggle asked.

Oliver looked up and shook his head. He really was a coward when it came to Felicity Smoak.

Diggle frowned.

"Oliver." He warned.

Oliver sighed, he knew Dig was right so Oliver picked the letter back up.

At first I had no idea what I was going to do, after all I lives were not exactly a baby rearing environment. I was going to come and talk to you, but then I was worrying about the life you lead and being with someone you truly care about. At the time those words hurt some much but in that very moment as I stood with our child growing side of me I finally understood them.

Oliver's breath quickened he had never known his words could bite him some much in the arse as as those words had.

For the next two weeks I worked hard creating programmes to help you guys and teaching Roy and Sara as much as I could. I even taught Thea a few things just in case. Then I left. I knew you would look for me, I knew you all would. It just who you are. So I moved and made it so you couldn't track me to follow me. I couldn't say goodbye because leaving was hard and heart-breaking enough.

Seven months later out Katya Livy Queen was born seven pounds four ounces. Katya means pure in Russian. I thought it suited her perfectly. She has really thin dirty blonde hair and the brightest blue eyes you've ever seen. She truly is the purest thing either of us have ever done. It's today the day of our beautiful little girl's birth that I write this letter to you.

There will be one of three reasons why you may have received this letter now; the first is simple because Katya is now 21 and I couldn't bear the thought of her having going her whole life with never having the chance to meet you. It will be her choice if she wants to meet you or not, but I think she will because I promise you I will tell her everyday about all the good you have done and all the good I know you're going to do. I'll tell her how much you would have adored and loved her. The second reason is much more grim and I hope you never end up reading because of this is that I am dead. God! What a horrible thought. But I want, no I need you to be there for our daughter, promise me you will tell her everyday how much I love her? The final reason is because my solicitor hasn't heard from me in two weeks, in which case please find out daughter and do whatever it takes to keep her safe.

In two weeks' time you will receive another letter with everything that has happened to date. But I beg you Oliver do not come into Katya's life unless you are prepare for what that means and do not open that letter if you are not.

So tell me Oliver Queen do you want to be a father?

Love always,

Felicity xoxo

Hey everyone,

This is my first Olicity Fic and I really love the characters so much especially Felicity and I am not quite sure how to write from her POV so if you have any pointers I would love to hear them because I would love to include some flashbacks of Oliver and Felicity together as the story progresses.

Anyway hope you enjoy xx