Chapter Five: "Amy Tries to Kill Herself with a Stapler"

Sonic ran into Tails on the way back from the coffee machine and they waltzed together back through the Great Forest/cubicle maze/entrance into purgatory. Tails tried selling him something. "Hey, I got some good shit, Sonic. Primo stuff. The last guy who smoked it got committed to an insane asylum in Guatemala. But they say it works best when you inject it into your dickhole. "

"Nah, I'm cool." Sonic said, "I got enough issues without injecting more into my body."

"Speaking of injecting holes, who was that new girl?"

Sonic shrugged, sipping his coffee as the re-entered Knothole, "Just another destitute soul getting lost in the corporate shuffle. Poor girl, she actually seems nice. She may just be the most normal of us all."

Blaze turned to Sonic as he strolled in sight and said, "Amy's trying to kill herself with her stapler."

Tails and Sonic shared a glance, to which Sonic replied, "I stand corrected. Let's go check this out. I've never seen a girl kill herself in front of me."

"I have." Tails said, "You'd be surprised what a prostitute will do for a few bucks and 3 grams of smack."

Sonic and Tails joined Ray, Blaze, Cream, and Antoine outside of Amy's cubicle, where she had the stapler held to her throat as she backed away from them, standing against her cubicle's back wall with a crazed look in her sad little eyes.

"Don't try and stop me!" She cried.

"Hang on, Amy." Sonic said, "Don't do this, okay?"

Amy paused, sensing a flicker of emotion flood her heart.

Sonic whipped out his smartphone and flicked the camera on, aiming it at Amy, which made the others take out their phones and do similar. "Okay…go ahead."

"Piss off, Sonic. I'm gonna do it! I'll…I'll take myself out!"

Ray stepped up, "A-amy, d-don't do it! You've s-s-so much to f-f-FUCKBALLS…so much to live for."

"She does?" Sonic and Tails asked together.

"Not working here I don't. This place is horrific! You people are the most despicable people I've ever encountered. I'd rather die than work here!" Amy cried.

Blaze chuckled, a pen sticking out of her mouth, "I remember my first day at work, too. I still have the scars on my cervix."

Cream piped in, "Amy, this plan is just like your face: fucking stupid. The company life insurance policy doesn't cover suicides. In fact, if you kill yourself on company grounds, they're allowed to use your body for medical research. And by "medical research", I mean necrophilia."

Amy sighed and tossed her stapler aside, "Then one of you has to kill me."

Sonic, Tails, Ray, Blaze, and Cream all looked at one another…then they all looked at Tails. He seemed taken aback, "Oh for the love of God! I got the last one, it's someone else's turn."

Cream snarled, "I don't feel like getting blood on my dress."

"I don't have a tarp with me." Blaze added.

"I n-need my FLAPJACK…Flip-camera for it." Ray said.

Tails sighed and said, "Alright, alright. Amy, is it okay if I just use one hand? I kinda got an itch that needs scratching and since you want to die anyway, I figured."

"You're sick!" Amy cried.

"Oh, so does that mean I can't use your mouth for a sperm dumpster when you finally croak?" Tails asked.

Ray stepped forward and put a hand on Amy's shoulders, "L-look, if y-you really want t-to FINGERBANG…to off y-yourself, j-just make it l-look like an ASSBASTARD…l-like an accident."

Blaze nodded, "He's right. This place has a horrendous safety record. It should be easy to find something dangerous to take advantage of."

Tails spoke up, "If you don't have the stomach for mortal injury, there's plenty of shit lying around that's highly poisonous: like Sonic's dick. Every girl that's ever touched it has never been seen again."

"Oh, ha-ha." Sonic sneered.

Amy sniffled, a tear rolling down her cheek. "You're all so horrible. None of you even care if I live or die."

Cream rubbed her hands together, "The fewer obstacles between me and the next rung up the ladder, the better. I was hoping you would die when I first met you, cock-knocker. I also stole twenty bucks from your purse. I'm gonna use the money to buy a pack of hamburger meat, then I'm gonna throw it on the ground and stomp on it so that the cow died for nothing. You hear me? THE COW DIED FOR NOTHING!"

Blaze tilted her head at Amy, "Who are you, again?"

"I care if you die, Amy." Tails said, "Cause if you die, I got a couple of clients who pay good cash for a fresh body. And one client who pays damn good money for one that's a week old."

Sonic asked, "Hey, you gonna do that thin g you did with the last dead girl?"

Tails laughed, "Yeah, totally. Everyone thought she was my girlfriend for, like, a month. No one questioned why she had the same look on her face in every picture." Tails turned to Amy, "I took a ton of pics of me and this dead girl, like, watching tv, at the park, holding hands, dancing, playing in traffic. I mean, I kept that gag rolling so long people thought we were gonna get married."

"I feel like shit." Amy sobbed.

Tails tsk'd and rolled his eyes, "I can help with that."

Amy felt a sharp, burning prick against her neck and leapt to her feet, seeing an empty syringe in Tails' hand. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO?"

Tails shrugged, "I shot you up with black tar heroin."

"WHAT?"

"Why, was that disrespectful to a lady? I'm bad with manners."

Amy's eyes dilated completely and she collapsed onto the floor, facedown. Ray, Cream, and Blaze all walked off dejectedly, leaving Sonic and Tails. Sonic tossed his smartphone to Tails and said, "Hey, take a few for me, will ya?"

Tails obliged, lifted Amy's skirt and snapped a few pics, then tossed Sonic's phone back to him.