"When's the day you start again? And when the Hell does 'you'll get over it' begin?" - The Script

I'd like to make something clear: up to this point, Arnold and I had never kissed or made love. Not once. We barely even had any physical contact. The most I'd gotten of that went back to the kisses we'd share when we'd briefly dated, before he moved away with his parents.

That night though, it got cold and we went back in the car where I just huddled against him. He gave me that long shirt of his, one very similar to the thing he had under his sweater back when we were kids. Under it he had some lame, tight tank top with some hipster writings and drawings on it, dorky Football-head. I huddled inside it and against him. I remember asking him if he was cold and he'd said yes, so I'd tried covering the two of us with his shirt. Our drunk giggles would have most likely sounded very obnoxious to anyone else but to me it sounded like pure heaven.

We ended up giving each other shy kisses: on the neck, on the shoulder, you name it. Eventually I kissed his nose, something which strongly annoyed him. Seeing that idiotic, midly annoyed frown on that adorable, freakishly weird head of his was just so cute. He complained about the kiss on the nose after which I asked him if he truly didn't want a kiss there anymore. He'd said yes, of course, so I told him "no problem" and pressed my lips against his in what at first appeared to be a very awkward attempt to makeout. I remember the alarms faintly ringing inside my head and telling me that Arnold no longer felt the same way, that he'd get mad and reject me...

Except that never happened. Instead he grabbed the back of my head with an urgency and a passion that shocked me even more; our teeth even clashed in the process. Next thing we know I've fallen on top of him and I'm pressed against him so freakling tightly that it's like I'm trying to morph and be one with him; meanwhile we're just grabbing, biting, kissing and touching every area of each other's bodies. Never had I been so insanely certain of my love for him, not because of the desire, but rather because of the tenderness and the pure, unadulturated adoration behind each and every single one of our actions, even the seemingly wild and ruthless ones.

We made love for the first time that night, and it was better than anything I could have ever conceived. Every fantasy I'd had about him, all of the sexual passages I'd read in books, all of it pales in comparison to what I felt that night. It's funny because before that point there was always some sort of seemingly unbreachable barrier between us when it came to physical contact. I'd almost managed to convince myself that a platonic relationship with Arnold was perfectly fine and acceptable too. Heck, I'd even managed to believe that I didn't necessarily want or desire more, that I was fine with friendship.

After that we just cuddled, panting and sweating yet no longer cold anymore. Neither of us said a word. Tears came to my eyes and I remember hugging him insanely tightly. He did the same. We didn't say a word.

I stayed a few months away from him until he eventually decided to move back to Hillwood. He'd gotten his degree and finally had enough money to do that. Often times he'd act moody, cold or distant. I was never sure how much of it was due to the illness and how much of it was him trying to make me want to break up with him and find someone whom he deemed "better". We argued about it a lot. He saw how other men looked at me and, although it did annoy him, he mostly thought that I was wasting my time and ruining my life with him, that I was beautiful, smart, amazing and that I deserved so much better.

To this day, as his illness is getting worse, I still don't give a crap and I intend on staying by his side for as long as he'll live and want or need me by his side.

This is my story, my schaedenfreude. When I first told Phoebe and Rhonda the news, I remember how they were both trying to cheer me up, yet at the same time, they were crying: they just couldn't stop.

Even though I only briefly got in touch with Tall-hair boy later, I'm thinking he must have taken the news almost as badly as I did. Curly was too in shock to cry at the time; besides, he and Arnold were never really that close.

This is my story, and although in reality it's far from over, this is how it finishes.

To all of you elementary kids, middle schoolers, or high schoolers who've fallen head over heels in love to the point of madness; to all of you who are alone, lost and confused, whose only ray of sunshine happens to be an Arnold, listen to me carefully: life is short.

Pride is a load of crap. It means nothing, it's just socially acceptable fear. If you love someone, if you care about them, don't waste another moment acting mean or being afraid: tell them, because you never know what might happen.

Catastrophies don't just happen to other people, and neither does true love. It can also happen to you. Remember that. I mean, heck knows I'm not a romantic, but with him, I always was and always will be.

And it did cross my mind, that all of those times I spent bullying and snarling at him - then being terrified at the mere thought of sending him a message - those are all times during which I could have told him how much he meant to me or spent quality time with him. Even if the other person doesn't feel the same way - and I know how scary that can be - you'll never live if you don't take chances. Most importantly though, thinking of what could have been will always be worse than taking a stand so, as scary as it is, do it. Be brave, because there are some things in life much, much worse than unrequited love; besides, if you don't really love them, if it was just a crush, the pain will eventually fade away and you'll find someone else. If the person is the love of your life and it never goes away, being their friend will be good enough. Sure it won't be everything you'd have dreamed of, but you'll get to cheer them up and hear them laugh every day, you'll get to be there for the one that's changed your life. It'll be your job to make them smile as much as possible and to contribute to their happiness. It's not an easy job, however, it's entirely selfless, and that's how you know it's love. The only selfish thing will be the joy you will get from being close to the one that matters to you, whether in spirit or in person, and contributing to their happiness. Physical intimacy, kissing, holding hands, dating - that's a detail in comparison, the top of Olympus ... but the view from the lower level can be just as stunning, even if it is a little different.

Regret is pointless, however. I can't fix the past or the stupid mistakes that I've done and, besides, it wasn't my fault. Was I stupid and immature for acting in such a way? Yes and no. I was scared, I was a child and then a teen with no one to talk to me, advise me, or really tell me otherwise but, most importantly, I was and still am someone who's had feelings of an insane intensity and who feels things that many will never experience in a lifetime. No amount of adult advice could possibly help with that. Only someone who's lived it will understand what it's like to unconditionally love someone.

Arnold is my world and, slowly, every day, my world is crumbling apart, but I'll always be there to try to fix it and support the pieces as best as I can.

That's my story, the one that makes you feel schaedenfreude.

I am Helga Geraldine Pataki and madly in love with Arnold, a guy that I cannot forget who's bound to forget me.

And you know what? I'll never regret it.

Wow this story is finally done. Sorry about that everyone! I know it's long, unexpected and depressing and that you're all going to hate me for this -Hell, I hate myself for it!- but it had to be done. I'd also like to apologize for taking so long to update - lots of things have been happening, many of which weren't so good, but now it's much better. Hope you all enjoyed my story and keep dreaming for the Jungle Movie, folks! And don't forget to fav and review, even if you *understandably* hate me for the ending! Thanks again to those who did and to everyone who's followed my story all the way. You rock. - CB~