Author's rambling: Hi everyone… Here is Gara! Well, I have to warn you that I'm not a native English speaker, so I know I made a lot, lot, lot of mistakes in my fic. Can you forgive me? Please? I hope you like my story and understand what I try to say.

I'm a big fan of Youji x Ken/Ken x Youji fics, so… you can guess it, do you? If you don't like the pairing… Well, you know.

About this fic: It contains spoilers of almost everything about Ken and Youji. So consider yourself warned! ^___^U This fic is shounen-ai (for now…), and of course I do not own the rights for Weiß Kreuz…

Silence

Chapter 1

by Gara (version 1.2, revised by Aoi)

I swear I could have his head for that.

Well, all right. When he said he needed a ride, just after our mission at the chemical plant, I could understand him. He has been through a really bad time lately; that's why he needed time to think properly. That guy, that friend of his, that... Kase, was it? He had to kill him at the end. I suppose this Kase was not as good as the poor kid remembered. I could only guess, because he hasn't told us anything about it. Maybe I should have asked him, but I didn't have much time either. Just after that mission, he met that girl, the motorist... Yuriko, maybe? Whatever. She asked him to go to Australia, I knew because I found him staring at the ticket. When I asked him, he told me everything, and confessed he was tempted. Very much. I could understand, but I had to make him think. So, I talked to him, and I was harsh. Probably he hates me for all the things I said about the girl and his feelings, but I had to. I wanted him to understand. I wanted him to think.

It is true that he had a lot to think about. It's also true that he's not very fast in the thinking subject, that blockhead, but he had all night for it! He has been outside all night, riding or whatever. All night. He was still out somewhere and Omi had to wake me up early to do his job! I cannot forgive him. I had to wake up early, when I never, ever wake up before ten o'clock in the morning. When I woke up it was still night!! But I couldn't do anything. Our leader ordered me to move all the flowerpots outside the Koneko and after that, to water the plants. That was his job. Mine is to sit in the shop while I watch the others work. But I had to do it. Of course, I smoked all the while. I was so angry I didn't even care if Aya was complaining about the damage the smoke could do to the plants or Omi lecturing me about lung cancer. Kuso. The only thing I wanted was to go back to bed.

And his head. Oh, yes.

I could have sworn I could have his head.

But, while I was watering I couldn't help but think that maybe he was not late. Maybe he was not going to return home at all. What if he has decided to go to Australia after all? I haven't met the girl, but she had to be very special if a person like him felt attracted to her. The flight parted at seven o'clock in the morning. What if... What if he did? Well, true, all his things were in his bedroom, but those were not important. There are shops everywhere. He could have done it. Maybe... What if... What would I...

No. He didn't go to Australia because his bike appeared in the street as he parked in front the Koneko.

"Morning, Kenken," I greeted him, watching him as he removed the helmet and walked to the shop. I was relieved to see him at home. He paused in front of me.

"Youji?" he asked. Surprised to see me working, Kenken? It was as if his eyes didn't reflect his mood. They were dark, unhappy, so "un-Ken's." He was almost like he was trying hard to be himself, but without any results.

So bad. I suddenly forgot I wanted his head for lunch. He looked so unhappy, so depressed... He usually looked sad after a mission, all of us did. But not that kind of sadness, so deep. It was like I wasn't looking at Hidaka Ken at all. That was not him. Poor guy. I just couldn't see him in that state, the same I couldn't stand seeing Omi cry or Aya... well, you know what I mean.

A non-smiling Ken wasn't Ken. Ken always had... that naïve, cheerful look. He always greets you with a smile in the morning, when you enter the shop, that almost illuminates the room. Sometimes you think that there's no one who could be so happy in the morning, and you find yourself hating Ken for being so cheerful... No, 'hate' is not the right word. 'Envy'. That is. For being so naïve and so cheerful even when he is what he is, even if he knows the world could be so cruel, even when he has seen all what he had. How could you be in such a good mood from seven o'clock in the morning until you go to bed? Only Ken knows. Maybe that's why he is so special.

"Yeah, Youji. The one and only," I answered quickly, feeling the urge to see him smile. "I decided to experience something new and I woke up early to work." He almost, almost smiled. I had to try harder.

"Suman nai, I'm late," he said. I shrugged.

"Next time just call and say you are going to be late," I told him, moving the hose to the next flowerpot.

"I didn't realize it was so late."

"I guessed so, Kenken," I smiled warmly at him, and I had a smile in answer. It was not a happy one, though. Anyway, it was a step. "It's ok, Ken. Don't worry."

"But sure Omi woke you up to do my..." he started.

"See? That was!" I said, interrupting him, as I slapped my forehead with my hand like I had forgotten something.

"What?" he asked.

"I almost forgot that I hate you to the very core of my heart, Kenken," I told him. He stared at me, puzzled.

"What?"

"It's your fault poor Kudou Youji is here, watering plants instead of sleeping safe and warm in his own room," I accused him, pointing him with my finger.

"So, you hate me for this."

"Deeply," I assured him, drawing from my cigarrette.

"Sou ka..." he said.

I didn't know what I saw in his eyes. Did the kid think I was talking seriously? How much pain did he feel after all he has been through? Man, I couldn't tell, but I couldn't let him think about it either. So, I acted.

"That's why you deserve to be punished," I menaced him.

"Punished? What are you talking about?" he asked quickly. It was just the answer I expected from him. He was opening the door I wanted.

"What do you think it could be, Kenken?" I asked and looked at him with the most teasing smile I could muster, to see him blush. And I suceeded. "Kenken, you little pervert!" I shouted, as if I was scandalized. He flushed even more. God, it was so easy to tease him and he was so damn cute with his face all red... "I was talking about this!!" I cried, and I directed the hose, and thereby the water, towards him. I put a finger on the hose mouth, so that the water could splash him with full force.

Man, by his face I knew it was the last thing he expected, therefore he was not prepared. He couldn't retreat or dodge the water, and it hit him square in his chest at the first time. He tried to block the water with his hands, but it was useless. He was completely soaked very soon.

"YOUJI!!" he cried, trying hard to block the swash. "Stop it!!"

"Mmm... let me think... No."

I redirected the water to his face, and when he tried to block it, I aimed back at his chest, then at his legs, at his fet... He couldn't do anything, so he ended up looking for coverage behind the flowerpots. It was also useless, because my hose and I followed him wherever he tried to hide.

"YOUJIIIIIIII!!!" he was still crying out loud, but it was an amused tone that I could, at last, recognize as Ken's own. It was working. I smiled. "No! Please, stop!"

"That's the famous Kudou's revenge, Hidaka," I kept saying with my best evil grin while I pursued him. "You are a dead... hum, no, sorry... soaked man."

He started to laugh. It was like music, I just felt happy that reached my objetive, to see him laugh. To see him forget for a moment... Although it didn't mean that I was going to stop with my "punishment."

"I said I was sorry!" he exclaimed with a bright smile, trying hard not to laugh. His hair was almost glued to his face, drenched, as well as his clothes were to his body. He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair, to keep his bangs away from his dark eyes. He stared at me. "Please?" Good, good. He pulled on his best puppy face to me. It seemed that he was in a better mood, now that he tried a trick on me.

"My poor, poor boy..." I said, feigning that I had pity at last. "You deserve this!!"

"No, wait!" he said, pacing back, as I was aiming at him with the hose again with a menacing grin on my lips. "Youji, no!"

"Oh, yes."

I had stopped the water by putting a finger inside the hose, and that was the moment I chose to let the strong flow free. Ken received it on his face.

"Yooooooooootaaaaan!" he cried out, laughing, calling me by my nickname. Another signal. He had to close his mouth so that the water didn't end in his stomach. He paced back again but he stumbled with something and fell, landing on the floor roughly. "Itai!"

I quickly stopped the water with the finger again, concerned, and approached him.

"What a moment to be clumsy, Hidaka, ne?" he said, rubbing his buttocks with his hand and looking at me. I just started laughing at the words and because Ken was smiling as well.

"Are you all right?" I asked him, giving a hand to help him stand.

"Soaked" he said, I laughed again. "You evil Yotan."

"Hentai."

"Baka." He stared at the hand I was still offering and smiled.

A very evil smile.

Next thing I knew, I landed on the floor in front of Ken who had made me fall tripping my leg with his. He got up quickly and reached for the hose I released from my grip when I fell. It was not easy to catch, but his experience as goalkeeper allowed him to take the hose that was moving madly on the floor, like wild a serpent. He smiled evilly to me and approached. I was still on the floor, my cigarette hanging from my mouth.

"Don't you dare," I menaced him.

"Let me think..."

Of course he dared.

Shit! The water felt so damn cold!!! I tried to stop him but I couldn't, and soon I was as soaked as he was. We started to fight hard for the hose's control, laughing and crying out, until the door opened and Aya stepped out.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked, in that serious tone of his. Omi's head appeared from Aya's back. The kid looked at us and supressed a giggle, going inside quickly.

"Taking a morning shower?" I immediately answered. At my back, Ken held back a chuckle.

"Do you want to wake up the whole neighborhood?" asked Aya, looking angry. He didn't wait for an answer this time. "So, you returned, Ken."

"Eh... Yes, Aya, I'm home."

"It's about time," said the red-haired, going inside to take a broom. He stepped outside and looked at us. "Go upstairs, take a shower or change your clothes. Now!" he ordered, starting to sweep the water from the pavement. "And quickly, the two of you! You are going to clean this mess when you finish. What are you looking at? Go. Now!!!"

He stared at us with that "shi-ne" look of his. Ken started to run. I followed him quickly, not after saying a "Yes, commander!" to him. Well, I couldn't resist it. Ken was laughing inside, and I stopped, trying hard to shake the excess of water from my hair.

"Youji-kun, Ken-kun! You're completely soaked!" exclamed Omi from the counter. "What happened? When we came out from the kitchen we heard you criying out loud..." he asked with a little smile.

"Youji decided that it was hot, and..." Ken started to explain. He was actually joking! What a big success!

"It was your fault, Hidaka!" I shouted. He smiled at me. "It's your fault that I had to wake up so early... Mmm... See, Omi? That's why I oversleep every day. If I wake up early... then... well, you have seen it," I said, pointing the mess we had done outside. Both of my comrades started to laugh.

"Nice try, Youji," said Ken.

"Excuse me? It's clear I have to wake up at ten, unless you want to have crazy water parties everyday..."

"I'll think about it, Youji-kun..." said Omi, smiling widely. "Now, go up. Aya-kun is coming..."

That was right. The redheaded had seen us though the window and was approaching.

"Ooops... Our fearless leader wantes a chat..." I said. Ken was running already. "You're a coward, Hidaka!" I shouted at him before I started to run after.

I followed the wet footsteps that trailed acroos the house floor, the living room, and the stairs. When I reached the first floor, I found Ken lauging quietly, sitting on the corridor with his back leaning on the wall.

"Man, you're crazy, Yotan," he told me, looking at me. His gaze was bright, so different from the eyes I saw when he parked the bike outside. "'Yes, commander!'?" he quoted, remembering the last words I told Aya.

"I just couldn't resist it," I shrugged. "So what? It was all your fault..."

"You are such a kid..." he said, shaking his head in denial.

"Excuse me? A kid? Who was the one that made me fall on the floor and stole my precious hose?" I demanded him.

"You were aiming at me madly!" he tried to defend himself.

"You were the one being punished, not me!" I told him. He laughed again.

"But you're older than me. You should behave..." he said, smiling.

"Hello? Earth to Hidaka Ken... You are talking with Kudou Youji, Kenken... remember?" I told him, looking at him as if he was crazy or something.

"Oh, yes. I almost forgot..." he answered, smiling sweetly.

God... that smile...

"Thank you, Yotan," he said after a pause. I just looked at him. "I needed it. Badly," he admitted, looking at my eyes in such a sweet way that I only wished to embrace him tightly and tell him everything would be all right.

He is such a good person; he doesn't deserve to suffer... I don't want him to suffer. I want him... to be happy...

I shook my head.

"No, really, Youji. Thank you," he said. He saw me shaking my head and assumed I was not giving importance to his words. But the truth was… I was confused. I didn't recognize the emotions I was feeling. Well, I did recognize them, but... I had almost forgotten them.

So long since... I had...

... loved...

Oh, God. Oh, God...

"I know, Ken," I told him at last. I offered him a hand so that he could get up and he accepted it, squeezing it a little. It felt warm. Very warm.

I felt my heart beating faster at his touch. What the hell was going on with me? He's Ken! He has been no more than a friend for me all this years and now... I was caring for him. No, not caring. I was actually feeling for him.

Deeply.

Oh... my... God...

Was I falling in love with Hidaka Ken? Me, Kudou Youji? The straight? The womanizer? The one who proclaims he hates men?

God, I was. The very sight of the spark in his eyes made me happy. The very thought of the change that my joke with the hose has made in his mood this morning made me happy. Being there with him, joking, made me happy.

Happy to see him happy.

"Thank you, Youji. You're a good friend," His voice was so soft, so caring, so grateful...

So Ken.

"Well, you're a good target," I tried to joke. He punched me on the shoulder. "Itai!"

"Baka," he said, smiling friendly at me.

Friendly.

Warm, yes, but no more than friendly. I could see it in his gaze. The way he looked at me, the way he talked to me... There was friendship and gratitude. Nothing more.

And yet, nothing less.

It reminded me too much of the time... when I was with her. With Asuka. It felt the same. When we were companions and I discovered I loved her for all the little things I shared with her. Her smile, her laughter, her faces, her looks... everything. We were only friends because I didn't want to ruin our friendship... until a few weeks, before she died. I told her two weeks before. She said she knew it and that she loved me also. But for old Youji there are no happy endings. As everyone who comes too close to me, she suffered. And she died.

I didn't want the same thing happen to Ken. This time I will not take the risk, I will stay behind the line. He can have me as a friend if he needed me, but I will not tell him I loved him.

Because I was not falling in love.

I was in love.

And I did't want him to get hurt.

Man, how ironic.

Kudou Youji, the one that always had the woman he desired... could never have the ones he loved.

"Go to the shower, Kenken. Or Aya will come and he and his katana will help us return to work quickly," I told him, with a little smile.

He nodded and headed for the bathroom, totally unaware of my line of thoughts and feelings. It hurt, but it was also better that way.

The less he knew, the better for him.

Author's Notes (again): So? What do you think? Please R/R. Arigato! Thanks to Aoi-san for the review!!