15. And then?

While I waited for the water, I walked. I didn't set out to deliberately beach comb but I wanted to venture a little further and see if I could spot any sign of the guys. My wanderings proved both fruitful and fruitless. I found a few more useful tools and even a few granola bars, but no sign of another soul. Ten of us were out there together and it figures that I'd be stuck on this blasted island all alone. Of all the rotten luck.

When I went to check on my still, I was shocked to see that the hole and plastic bag were working! Maybe I wouldn't die after all… well, at least not today. I tried shaking away Negative Nancy, she wasn't fun and she wasn't helping the cause either. If I wanted to survive I needed to be proactive, productive and positive and probably a few other p's as well. Seeing as how the solar still was working, I cut up a few more bottles and dug a few more holes. Litter bugs were saving my life today because I'd scavenged several plastic bags and bottles from the beach.

Earlier, I'd eaten a granola bar in lieu of exerting energy trying to fish or dig for clams but the sun was quickly dropping in the sky and there were only a few hours left to work on my shelter, find some food and hopefully rustle up something decent to eat (preferably something with a little protein) before it was dark and I'd be forced to start again in the morning.

Ugh.

I huffed out a breath as I fell backwards into the sand where I was sitting. It'd only been 24 hours or so and already I was overwhelmed and daunted by the possibly endless stretch of lonely days ahead of me on this island full of work, struggle and nothing else. Could I do this? What if the boys never showed up? What if lived the rest of my life here alone? Never to see the only people that had ever affected me again? Would it still be worth living if I were living alone? I couldn't stop the tears that found their way across my cheeks and down into the sand. Precious water that I couldn't afford to lose, but lose it I did. Figuring that this meltdown was long overdue, I let it happen for a few more minutes, promising to get to work shortly.

I'd been watching the horizons throughout the day and was eyeballing the dark cloud system to the southwest of my new home. It was still a ways away but it seemed that every time I looked, that ominous mass was just a bit closer. Looked like tomorrow was going to be rough. I grumbled as I tightened a knot, securing two larger branches. I used a couple of the lengths of rope to strengthen and fortify my shelter- pathetic as it was. As I'd already witnessed, the tropical storms out here could do quite a bit of damage and I didn't want to be left exposed to the elements as I slept. I made sure not to cut too much of the rope because I knew that eventually I would need to move this party off the beach and further inland. I was exposed on the tree line but didn't want to move too far in just yet. Call me crazy, but I still held out a spec of hope and wanted to make sure that I could see if anyone drifted ashore and that they could see me, as well.

Taking a half hour or so, I gathered up large piles of dried grass, small sticks and manageable chunks of fallen branches and driftwood. It didn't take long before I had some impressive piles that would certainly last me through the night and well into tomorrow. I had a small container of matches that I was going to put to the test tonight. There were only thirty matches and I told myself that I could use three- if I couldn't start a fire tonight I could try again tomorrow. I wasn't desperately hungry or freezing yet so I needed to limit the use of my precious supplies. Once I got this fire going, my goal was to keep it constantly fed. That way, I wouldn't have to waste my time and more matches restarting a fire every day.

Making sure to clear out the dried plants and debris in front of my shelter, I settled some large stones in a semi-large circle for a pit and got to work building the starter. The dried grasses would ignite easily and I made sure to have some smaller sticks nearby, in order to feed the inevitable flames.

Thankfully, there was no wind. Ever so carefully I struck my fist match and set it in the kindling. Watching as the flame danced across the fibers of the grass and then dwindled out before truly catching- my confidence fizzled out along with the dying spark. Two more chances to do this right or I was going to be spending another cold night with an unsatisfied belly. The match cracked to life and again, I shoved it into the pile of dried tinder. This time I carefully leaned down and blew gently into the base of the fledgling flame. My hopes lifted as I watched the fire nearly consume the entire ball of grass. Restraining my excitement, I delicately added larger and larger sticks to the kindling. Before long I had a fire worthy of any boy scout. I whooped in exultation!

"YES! I did it. I did it!" I cried out. "I DID IT!" I pulled a Rocky Balboa and punched the air and raised my arms in victory. It was just a fire but in that moment I felt as if I could actually do this. I could survive. I had faith. I was on top of the world.

If only there was someone, nine someone's in particular, that I could share my triumph with.

Remembering something I read in a book once, I wanted to try my hand at fishing in the dark, with a light. The theory was that the fish would be attracted to the light and would be easily speared. I'd need to make both a harpoon and a torch. The beach was full of drift wood but the trick was finding a fairly straight piece that was long enough to spear with. It only took me a few minutes to find the perfect one. With bubbles of happiness warming my chest, I sat by my fire and sharpened the stick using my sheet metal knife. So as not to cut myself, I'd wrapped some strips of a t-shirt around the narrowest part of the blade and then I began to carve away. Now, I just needed a light- the only flashlight I'd found had been ruined in the salt water. Finagling some sort of torch shouldn't be too complicated. With some manipulating I could wrap some straps of fabric around a stick and light them on fire but I'd need something to slow down the burn of the fabric and I couldn't use old wood. The branch would still need to be green, fresh off a tree or bush and I didn't see any sap producing trees around for a fuel source. Suddenly, I remembered the bathroom kits I'd found. Maybe someone had packed something I could use in there.

After some digging, I found a couple small containers of Vaseline. I could slather the remaining strips of the shirt I'd shredded with the greasy jelly and then wrap them around the branch I'd chopped down. I giggled as I worked. I couldn't believe that things were starting to look up. I'd been able to find everything I needed, to a certain degree. I couldn't believe my luck! Oh, how I wished there was someone here with me to share this with. All my life I'd been told how useless and stupid I was, that I was a waste of space that wouldn't ever amount to anything. But look at me! Just look! For the first time since rising out of the tide I felt like things just might be ok.

In order to fish by torchlight, I had to wait for darkness to blanket my lonesome little island. While I waited, I checked my water stills and transferred the collected liquids into one bottle. There wasn't a lot and it didn't taste like a freshwater spring but I could have sworn it was the most refreshing water to ever pass between my lips. I made sure to conserve what I had and only took several sips. How badly I wanted to drain the entire bottle. It's a true testament to my self-control that I left any behind.

Later that night, back at my fire, I was on an emotional high. Happily munching away on piping hot, fresh caught fish I could almost believe I was on some get-away adventure. Of course, deep down, I was very much in touch with reality. Vast ocean. Tiny, remote island. Me, smack dab in the middle of it. Okay, it wasn't as deep down as I thought, but I was trying.

After adding a few chunks of driftwood to the fire, and with a pleasantly full belly, I decided to lay down for a few hours and see if I could get some rest. Unfortunately for me, my brain had other plans. As soon as my head hit my makeshift pillow, I was bombarded with thoughts. What would tomorrow look like? What did I need to do? I needed to gather food. I knew I didn't have enough water to survive long term, but did that matter? Would I even be here tomorrow? What about next week? If I made it that far, then what?

When the fire died down, several hours later, I added a few more logs before laying back down and decided I could have a few more sips of water. When I looked up to check the horizon, I noticed that the storm from earlier was a lot closer than before and now that I'd left the comfort of the fire, I noticed that it was a bit cooler than it should have been. It wasn't too much longer before the wind picked momentum and started to pull at my clothing and hair.

If I had been the swearing type, I would have let a few nasty words rip. There was a whole slew of vitriol waiting to come spearing from my mouth. I'd never been able to return to sleep. Not long after the wind had picked up, the rain began. Trying to maximize the opportunity and turn my lemons into lemonade, I'd set out some more bottles and plastic bags to catch some more water. Can't ever had too much of that, right? Unfortunately, this lemonade didn't have any sugar and was sour as heck. Because the wind was blowing so hard, I had to dig a bunch of holes. I put my bottles in the middle of the hole and then filled sand around the bottle to keep it secure. I also layered some holes with open bags to create plastic lined bowls. Hopefully, I would wake up to a bunch of fresh water pools in the morning. For now, though, I was freezing cold, wet, dirty and tired. My fingers were aching and I had to pee. I huffed out loud. The one bit of sweetness to the situation was that my shelter was still intact and my supplies hadn't blown away yet. Hallelujah for that. Not that my shelter was good for much at this point. The wind was coming in sideways and soaking everything under my sticks-and-leaves roof. Mentally, I rolled my eyes. So much for being on top of the world. I tightened into a smaller ball and prepared to endure the storm for the remainder of my night.