Nope. I still could NOT accept the fact that my OTP got divorced. The characters may be a little too OC to suit the ending of this fiction. Barney may get a little too colorful in his choice of words and may act/speak uncharacteristically. I'm consoling myself with the fact that if it concerns Robin, Barney has every right to behave the way he is in this fiction. Anyways, please do read and review.
Disclaimer: How I Met Your Mother does not belong to me.
There was a Glitch
Days after his wedding, Barney Stinson is confronted by a bro of equal awesomeness—himself, five-years later.
Present Time
Married life has been surprisingly pleasant for the former commitment-phobe, playboy extraordinaire of New York City. All the worries and concerns regarding the couple's conflicting time schedules, the apartment's contrasting bed sheets and the dinner's clashing main dishes were quickly disregarded on their return from the wedding. Somehow, he and Robin just came to an unspoken agreement that nothing of it mattered anymore. They were in each other's arms now, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health with only death to tear them apart. Sure, a part of him was still scared about that, (especially at the last part) but if it was with Robin, things were just bound to get better, right?
The Barney from nine years ago would've cringe in disgust at the mere thought of monogamy but the Barney now—he was actually excited for his life together with Robin.
A smile unconsciously formed from his lips. He chuckled to himself. Ted's sentimentality was rubbing off him. He could only wonder what Robin would say if she were to read his mind right now. It was, of course, impossible since chicks could not read minds and his beautiful wife was still sleeping in his arms (and he meant this literally), fully unconscious of her surroundings. The original plan was to go straight to Belize after the wedding but by fate's intervention—they (yes, all five of them) still found themselves situated in the heart of America.
The big guy was really working his magic on them and though Robin was really looking forward to their honeymoon in Belize, one phone call from Lily prompted his wife to re-evaluate her priorities. He could briefly remember their conversation that day.
Four Days Ago. 9:00 AM
"Cancel the flight." Robin said right after the phone call.
"What?" He asked turning to face her with his hands still preoccupied with the task of getting his tie done. "Why?"
"We're not going—well not now to say the least." Absentmindedly, she took the work from his hands and did her way through the loops and tucks of the fabric. Her voice seemed a little pissed but if there was anything dominating her tone, it was concern. "Lily and Marshall saw Ted at MacLaren's. Apparently, his train to Chicago never came. And no, he's not leaving soon either. He met a girl at the station."
"What?" He croaked as Robin tightened it slightly over his line of comfort. "Wait—shouldn't we be happy for him? That means he'll be staying in New York."
"Trust me. That's my initial reaction. But then I remembered that this guy was Ted."
"He's being his usual Ted-self?"
"Worse, he's being extra Ted." Ouch. That would mean big grand gestures, fragrant red roses, soft brown teddy bears and everything romantic you could think of to be delivered on your doorstep after one dinner date—in other words, the perfect way to freak the girl out and ensure that there would be no dates to follow. "We're meeting the gang at six PM at MacLaren's. Ted's bringing the girl. Depending on the outcome of tonight, we reserve the right to hold an intervention."
"Are you sure about this?" His hands trailed to her waist as he pulled her closer. She had only adjusted the final touches of his tie and was now playing with the lapels of his suit. (Not that he was complaining) "You've been way too excited for Belize to put this down and not blame Ted." He laughed hoping to put some humor in their conversation. Robin smiled before pecking him lightly on the lips. (A little too lightly and sweet for his taste but as long it was her, hell could freeze over and he wouldn't mind.)
"Belize won't be going anywhere so what's the rush?" She smiled and though there was a tone of teasing in her voice, Barney knew she was serious. "Besides, we need to make sure that buddy of ours won't do anything stupid while we're gone." Barney couldn't help but chuckle at this. "And if it doesn't work it between Ted and his most recent 'The One', we might as well be here to make his life awesome again."
Present time
Apparently, it was possible to love a woman more after marriage. It didn't take him long to talk to find out from Marshall that they too, cancelled their flight. In any case, this relationship wouldn't work out the way destiny planner Teddy Westside planned it to be, it would probably be better for them to be within reach. It wasn't like they were putting their life on the hold forever, of course. They just needed to put some sense back to their ole love-stricken bro and make sure he wasn't going to commit one of the biggest mistakes of his life.
They did meet her that night. Apparently, she was the bass player. The girl who eased Lily's—perhaps—unhealthy obsession of her child, the woman who gave Marshall a lift back to Farhampton, the soul who calmed Robin's nerves before the wedding, and the chick who gave Barney the most helpful love advice he had ever received. (Not that he would ever admit that in front of anybody, of course)
Her name was Tracy McConell.
Four Days Ago, 8:00 PM
"Alright, Ted. Come on, bro. Look at me." Barney said as soon as Tracy excused herself to the restroom. His two fingers pointed to his eyes then to Ted then back to him.
"Barney, I'm already looking at you."
"If you screw this up with the girl who's probably the only person in the face of this planet who appreciates your dorkiest quirks, I will seriously un-bro, you."
"Wow, that's your idea of a threat?" Ted laughed before sipping his beer. All eyes were on him as he raised one brow in question. Lily slapped him, probably not as lightly as she thought, on the arm. "Ouch!"
"Dude!" Marshall exclaimed checking back to the direction of the restroom before returning to Ted. "She's perfect! You have to marry her! This is it. She is it. Dude, she's 'The One'."
"I thought you guys were here to convince me to reconsider things."
"That was before we heard you guys talk about the whole story about the yellow umbrella and saw all those notable mushy eye-contact in between." Robin said making all the necessary emphasis in her sentence. "Ted you do realize that you cannot mess this up right? Not her, Mosby. Not with her."
"I thought you didn't believe in destiny, Scherbatsky?" Ted could already tell that Tracy earned her affirmative with the group. Threats from Barney, check. Lily's slap of approval, check. Insistence to marry from Marshall, check. Robin's half approval and half warning, check. He couldn't help but laugh.
"She's a Stinson, now, Teddy Westside." Marshall and Lily discreetly flashed each other a smile. Barney didn't seem to notice—much too preoccupied with his scotch and his dominating fist on the table. "And if you ruin this relationship through your dramatic over-analyzing fate-believing emotionally-unstable Ted-ness, I shit you not, I will fly from Belize to New York just so I can kick your ass as painful as I am awesome." He took a large gulp from his golden drink. "Which is probably really painful knowing just how awesome I am."
"And once you're in America, you're going to fly all the way to San Francisco to make sure your friend gets the girl in the end, right Barn?" Lily smiled and raised her hand for a high-five which of course was given to her by her husband, and at that moment they could see Tracy walking towards them.
It was a grave misuse of a good high-five (apparently, his friends still had problems in filling the innuendo slot). But hey, he wasn't complaining. It was well played. He had done it for Marshall and he would do the same for Ted. He was a bro. He was their bro.
And yes, he's awesome just the way he is.
Present Time
He felt Robin's breath soft and warm against his neck. Who would've thought he—one of New York's best known womanizers, one of the world's leading advocates for one-night stands and cigar club Saturdays—would actually enjoy seeing a girl sleep? Months ago, he wouldn't even consider such behavior inside the Fortress of Barnitude. In order for a woman to be allowed access on his king-sized bed, she had to be naked and at least be an eight. Thankfully, he doesn't need to worry about that now. He has a perfect ten sleeping comfortably in his arms wearing one of his college shirts which is clearly too big for her without anything underneath. Yep, she's naked in all the right places.
He planted a small kiss on the top of her head. The task of disentangling himself from her was a chore he wasn't too willing to do.
Curse his thirst for forcing him to get up and leave his wife-chick unattended.
What was supposed to be a short trip to his false kitchen (christened by Lily for not having a real stove) turned into a mind-blowing trip of the lifetime. Eating cereal on one of the counters seated on a high stool was a person of equal awesomeness. There he was standing (he refused to admit that he was gaping) across a perfect reflection of himself.
What the—
"Morning bro."
"Morning." Barney said blankly.
"Hope you don't mind. I went over your food supplies."
"Uh…No. Help yourself."
"So, do you plan on moving from there? Or were you too dazzled by my awesomeness?" Barney shook himself from his morning stupor. This couldn't be real, right? He glanced at his clock. It's six forty-five. Yep, it's too early for his brain to process anything. That's why he's seeing another Barney near his kitchen counters. "Oh right, where are my manners? Barney Stinson five years later, awesomeness personified and best bro, it's nice to meet you, past me."
Alright, this would've been so cool had he not been disturbed by the fact that time travel was impossible. But then again, five years later Barney must've already mastered the art of possimpible. Oh, what the heck? If his mind was toying with him, he might as well enjoy the ride. He took the hand offered to him and shook it with his usual grip. "Barney Stinson of the present. Nice to meet you too, future me."
Looking at his future self, Barney couldn't help himself from smiling. Yep, he still got it. Pressed suits and matching ties and all. Although there were dark circles beneath his eyes, present Barney attributed it to the fact that he was bouncing work life with sex life from day to night. Yep, the years were good to go.
"So...Uh, what brings you here? Not that I'm complaining of course, but it's not every day I'm given the chance to see myself face-to-face after five years."
"Just visiting. I kinda miss this place, you know." Future Barney said taking a spoon from his cereal bowl. "The smell, the colors," He looked up to him and his disheveled attire, Barney just stood there and let him stare. He was still in his pajama pants but wore nothing on top. Future Barney smiled. "The sex."
"That's what you get for marrying—monogamy." Present Barney chuckled and took a glass of water for himself. "I'm guessing Robin is still in some foreign country I know nothing about?"
"Yeah." Future Barney barely made it out. It seemed like a whisper even. "She is."
"Is she doing well? How is she?"
"She's fleeting in the skies. She can't go anywhere without getting recognized."
"That's awesome!" Barney exclaimed with a genuine smile across his face and yet, his future self didn't seem to share the same sentiments. "Hey, don't be so bummed out in the not-having sex part. I'm sure your Skype sessions must be hotter because of all the pent-up sexual tension. Self-five!" It sounded way more awesome in his mind because he was literally going to high-five himself but future Barney just stared at him. His future self shook his head and just smiled back morosely.
Wow, when did he suddenly become such an emotionally sentimental high-five-denying wet blanket?
"I heard that—Bro, don't give me that look—we share the same brain. I'm literally just a part of you, or you of me." Future Barney took another spoonful of cereal while present Barney leaned closer. "And I'm not that sentimental or a high-five-denying wet blanket."
"Strange, you behave like one." Future Barney didn't laugh which made the atmosphere awkward after present Barney did. "Seriously, though. I don't get this whole exhausted aura around you. Did something happen?" Present Barney drank from his glass. Future Barney couldn't help but smile as he took another spoonful.
"A lot has happened, bro. Apparently, when you're a father, a lot will happen."
Barney choked.
"Don't worry, bro. You'll be one too. Approximately, three years and seven months from now." Barney felt his palms sweating. Alright, this has got be a cruel joke because Robin can't be pregnant and truthfully, he isn't cut out to be a dad. "You'll be great, don't worry."
"But—Robin—How?—"
"Lemme get ahead of you. She's not the mom." Barney stared at him like he was speaking in a language unfamiliar to mankind. Future Barney was kidding right? Was he actually suggesting that they'd adopt—"And no, don't think about adoption either."
"Then—how?"
"Dude, you got a number thirty-one knocked up."
"Who's number thirty-one?"
"Just one of the random girls you unfortunately hooked up with after your divorce." Barney almost dropped his glass of water. Future Barney looked at him with a small lonely smirk. It made present Barney sick. "And no, bro. I'm not kidding."
"Well then you're lying."
"A bro does not lie to a fellow bro when it concerns the subject fatherhood." Future Barney found the rim of the cereal bowl more interesting to look at than the pair of sapphire eyes that held on the hope of any hint that could suggest he was deceiving him. "You'll be blessed with a beautiful daughter who'll take on both your eyes and your blond hair so don't worry about being constantly reminded of a night gone horribly wrong."
"I don't believe you." Barney was sure he was starting to lose his cool because his hands were shaking. His whole body even—he could feel himself trembling. "I think you got the wrong guy, bro. I'm not going to leave Robin."
"Give it a few years. I'm sure it'll come around." There was a noticeable bitterness in the way his future self spoke his words that made present Barney feel nauseous. "She'll be too busy with her travels and you'll be busy with that website of yours. Congratulations, by the way. In a few more years, you'll be a published author and a famous blogger for your lifestyle articles centered on the conducts and practices of a modern gentleman."
"I don't like where this is going." Barney said pressing two fingers on his right temple. This was one of those wake-up nightmares from the movies, right? He wakes up only to find out later that he didn't actually 'wake up' and realize it was all a dream? Heck, that clearly must be it because how the hell could there be two Barneys in a timeline? "I'm going back to sleep."
Actually, he was going to do more than sleep. He was going to bury himself in the vanilla scented curls of the woman who swore forever with him in the altar and kiss her to the point of no return. He wasn't buying any of future Barney's crap but the possibility of losing Robin was just too haunting to deal with.
"She's going to trade all of it for fame you know." Future Barney said sternly never taking his eyes off his honey flakes. "She's going to disappear from the gang and forget the family that cared and loved her for the past decade. She's going to reconsider herself with Ted and obviously you'll be off pretending you don't fucking care."
"Robin will never do that."
"She already has." Future Barney narrowed his eyes on his precedent. "Do you know where she is right now? She's in Pakistan! Do you know where the hell that is? It's oceans away from New York! Tracy is in labor and Ted's panicking in the ER. We, six made a promise, Barney. We promised to be there for the big things in our life. You know what we got from Robin that day? A postcard addressed to Lily. She didn't even write anything. She just signed it as if it was only a confirmation that she was still alive."
"I'm not talking about this. Show yourself out, future Stinson."
"Barney, I just want to warn you." Barney had already retreated a full two steps away. He didn't want to hear any of it. "Don't attach yourself too much to her."
"We both know I'm not going to listen so what's the point?"
"The point is five years later you're going to miss her terribly regardless of all the disappointments on your marriage. You're going to be left alone and miserable with barely any idea on how to raise an infant. Don't invest so much time and effort on something that's bound to fall apart or else you'll end up torturing yourself with your visits to the past."
And at that Barney was silenced. Here he was, listening to the heartaches of his five years later self.
"Look, it just fucking hurts and I'm sick and tired from all of it." The cereal was briefly forgotten. Barney sighed.
"What's her name?" Future Barney lifted his eyes to his level. "Your daughter, I mean."
"Her name is Ellie and she's the most wonderful person you'll ever meet." Future Barney breathed before adjusting his tie. "I love her with all my being but sometimes, I feel like she deserves better than me. I mean it was all too fast. It's not like there's a pause button in being a dad. Not to mention, she'll have to grow up without a mom."
That was the salt in the wound, alright. He knew what it was like to live without a dad and it sucked. No one to teach you basketball, no one to bring you to baseball games, no one to teach you how to drive and stuff. He barely made it and a part of him, a very small part of him—whether he acknowledged it or not—swore that if he ever had a child of his own, he was going to make sure that kid would grow up with a complete family.
"You really messed up big time, future me."
"I did." There was that smirk again. That sad, lonesome, haunting smirk that somehow said it all. Disappointment. Anger. Distraught. And everything else left in between. "It started to fall apart in Argentina. Robin and I—we weren't seeing things eye to eye. The sex was still good but we were hardly ever sober. Whenever we talk, we always end up arguing about the most ridiculous things."
Present Barney, unsure of what to say, settled on drinking his water. For some reason though, no amount of liquid was able to help him ease the dryness in his throat.
"Looking back, it kinda sucks." Future Barney studied the tiled counters carefully. He had always been such a picky tenant. "I was complaining about the wi-fi and she was stressed out from work and every little thing we ever argued about just took us by memory."
"Wait—you divorced your wife because there was no internet connection?!"
"I wasn't the one who initiated the talk."
"But that wasn't the point, was it?"
"No…It wasn't." Future Barney clicked his tongue and shoved a spoonful of honey flakes, probably hoping the sweetness would get to him. "She was as miserable as I was. She offered me an out so I knew a part of her was willing to let go of me and frankly at that point of our lives I thought I was ready to lose her."
"You were willing to burn the playbook for this woman."
"She meant more to me than I ever really realized."
"What happened?"
"Life happened." Future Barney sighed. "She expected more from me and the same went for me. When she offered me an out, I thought I was doing the right thing in letting her freedom back."
"Why would you even think that?"
"Because right after we announced that fucking divorce to the gang, she flew off to some goddamn country in Africa and she didn't even say goodbye to me." He watched himself splatter the words so disgustingly. "I wasn't meant for romance. I was made for one-night stands, cigar, scotch, everything that reeked of singlehood. It was stupid of me to think a woman could change that. I slept with countless women every night after we separated—thinking it would somehow teach me to forget her voice, her smell, her face. Everything. I wanted to forget everything. Apparently, things didn't work that way."
"You, son of a bitch."
"Watch it, Stinson."
"Who are you?!"
Barney was shouting. He didn't care if he was talking to himself or not—whether this was some bizarre twisted prank or not. Whether Future Barney was lying or not. It didn't matter. Somewhere in the infinite realities of this universe, there was a Robin who was trying her best to keep the façade of a strong independent woman, who was hurt and tired from all the crap of a certain Barney Stinson.
"This was the woman who cried time and time again because she was afraid of how much she liked you. This was the girl who made risking your friendship with Ted worth it. This was woman who accepted, appreciated and even loved the dirtiest, darkest and most unacceptable parts of you! How could you leave her alone like that?"
"She asked me what I wanted. I promised her that I would always be honest with her."
Barney looked at himself in disbelief. He didn't understand but then again, maybe he wasn't supposed to. Maybe this guy sitting in one of his high stools wasn't really himself five years later. May be he was just a really good copy—a perfect copy even, of a person he was entirely unrelated to.
"I didn't want her leave but I also didn't want to spend the rest of my life trying something that would never work." Future Barney refused to look at him in the eye. "I didn't want her to feel suffocated. I didn't want her to feel restricted. When she offered me an out and we settled things through booze and sex, I knew we were nearing our end there."
"You made one of the biggest decisions of your life after drinking alcohol and having sex?" Future Barney didn't answer. "How much of a goddamn idiot were you allowed to be?"
"Robin consented—"
"Robin was hurt!" Barney knew he was too angry to listen to further reasons. "You considered her offer when you should've sent it down the drain the moment it passed her lips."
"I was growing tired of it. She was too busy with work—"
"Hell, Stinson." Barney snapped. "You know what you were in for, the goddamn moment you bent one knee on the ground."
Future Barney looked up to him. Not with anger or disappointment as present Barney expected. He just stared at him like he was some foreign object. Just when Barney thought future Barney would reply, he bit his tongue and went back to his seemingly endless cereal bowl. Present Barney frowned.
"If she did drift away from the gang, you know better than act all guiltless. You knocked up a woman whom you couldn't even name and expected your former wife to put through every day acting like it wasn't a big deal? Hell no! She deserves better than that and you know it."
Future Barney didn't say anything and just continued scooping from the bowl of honey flakes.
"And the Robin you're telling me about who'll inconsiderately send greeting cards instead of actually showing up during the big moments? She doesn't exist. At least not in my end of the time line."
"Tch. You're so confident that it'll stay that way."
"Because I'm going to do something to keep it that way." Future Barney laughed bitterly. "I'm serious. And the Robin who's sleeping in my bed right now isn't going to make it hard either. She was the one who decided to cancel our flight for Belize to look out for a friend. Explain that."
Future Barney looked at him, perplexed. "No, you're here because you don't have choice. The flight was purposely cancelled due to the bad weather."
Present Barney shook his head.
"But...that's impossible...Robin would spend the whole time sulking because the flight got cancelled—you're standing here because you just woke up from make-up sex—"
Barney shook his head.
"But—"
Realization hit Future Barney like a baseball. Fast, hard and direct to the target.
"What did you do?"
"What do you mean, what did I do?" Barney really didn't need to put up with this. But something in future Barney's expression told him he couldn't get out this one that easily.
"What did you do?" This time it was said in all seriousness.
"I didn't do anything."
"What did you yesterday? Or the day before that? Go as far as the last hours of the wedding. Stinson. What. Did. You. Do?"
The desperation, worry and confusion in future Barney's voice sent shivers in his spine. He wasn't obligated to explain himself, especially not to the man who broke his promise of forever with Robin.
Hours After the Wedding. 7:00 PM
His friends were meddlers, carolers, comedians, troublemakers, gossips and the list could really go on throughout eternity. They were everything EXCEPT good liars and though Robin could—at least in times of need—lie herself out of a messy situation, Lily was just a dead giveaway. He eventually found out the truth about "Weekend at Barney's" and though he was touched by the sentiment, he knew he still needed to make it up with Mr. Scherbatsky.(Since calling him anything else wouldn't be proper considering it was still technically his daughter's wedding day)
He was going against the bro code. He was going to do something unBarney-like and could potentially affect the course of his lifetime and perhaps even the future. (Alright, maybe that's a little too much but hey, if a butterfly can send hurricanes to continents depending on what direction it chooses to flap its wings, Barney reserves the right to believe he can too)
Yep, Barney Stinson was going to be a mature adult and apologize for his behavior.
"Hey, Mr. Scherbatsky!"
His father-in-law was sitting by himself by the lawn. It was only a few paces away from the wedding reception. It had this small glass table together with cushioned chairs which were great for outdoor-breakfast-enthusiasts.
"Barney." Because God forbid the groom be called anything else than his name on his wedding day. "What brings you here?"
"I...Uh..Just wanted to say sorry for the wedding photos." Barney was scratching the nape of his neck. Yep, it couldn't get more awkward than this. "I had no idea you had to cancel the whole thing because of me."
"Tch. You live, you drink, you get a good kick in the balls. Say no more about it, son."
"So we're good?"
"As always." Barney couldn't help the toothy grin that spread across his features. "The groom ought to always be at the bride's side in their wedding day. Go on, Barney. Go back to RJ." Barney chuckled. Old habits die hard.
"You aren't coming with me?"
"Nah." Robin Sr. made a gesture with his hand. "That place is too full of girly-stuff. I'll stay here."
"Mind if I join you, then?" Barney sat at vacant chair across him.
"If you must. Pour yourself a glass so you won't look like an idiot gazing at the stars above him." It was a star-studded night, alright. But then again, he wasn't a female or a Ted to actually appreciate the beauty of it all. After giving the skies a quick glance, he took the bottle of scotch in the table and filled the quarter of his glass with the rich brandy. He took a small sip and completely familiar with the taste of good scotch, he glanced back at the bottle's rustic design.
'Huh, Glenn Mckenna 35. I guess you really could judge a man's net worth through the scotch he drinks.'
After all the panic attacks and wardrobe malfunctions, after all the endless cake-tasting, meaningless worries, life-changing revelations, heart-wrenching confessions and everything else that happened but he couldn't find a name for, he, Barney Stinson was finally married. Life was really taking its toll on them. Ted Mosby, his best friend, best man and best bro had left almost an hour ago for Chicago. In a week's time, Marshall and Lily would finally be on the air for Italy. And he and Robin? Well, in a few hours' time they would be off to Belize, of course.
"She's a real beauty isn't she?"
"Your daughter is a really beautiful woman, yes."
"I was talking about the scotch." Robin Sr. said before following his son-in-law's gaze on the dancing body clad in white. Robin was dancing with Lily, both of whom seemed to have forgotten the difficulty of dancing in tight-fitting dresses. "Well, she is too, I guess."
Barney could see her clearly from where he sat. Robin cared for no one as long she was enjoying herself. As long she's happy, he thought before taking a sip from his drink.
"Wow," Mr. Scherbatsky murmured. Barney turned only to see that his in-law was still staring. "She looks so much like—"
"Cobie Smulders? Agent Hill? Y'know from the Avengers? The gang always teased her about that."
"I was going to say like her mother on our wedding day."
Barney gulped. He didn't know the story between Mr. Robin and Robin's mom. He didn't have the right to ask. He didn't know where things stood between them and guessing from Robin's own accounts, she didn't too either. But if there was anything Barney was sure of, was that once upon time, there was a woman who caught the lion's heart and actually bore his cubs. (Nope, not the best analogy in his dictionary) And that, that was the former Mrs. Scherbatsky.
"You already won the lottery, Barney. You have a family who cares for you, you have great friends who regardless of how crappy they were at lying still attempted to cover for you and to top it all of you have a beautiful wife—" His father-in-law turned to him, grinning. "Who loves you more than she will ever care to admit."
So this was how it felt like. For years, he laughed at his college buddies who settled down a little too early to his liking and who by the consequences of their actions, earned them 'the talk' from their in-laws. He expected it to be awkward and uncomfortable but it wasn't like that at all. The weight of Mr. Scherbatsky's words felt heavy on his shoulders. Apparently, some things weren't needed to be said for people to understand what you meant. He met Mr. Scherbatsky's eye and noticed the slight menacing but still supportive grin on his slightly wrinkled face. His father-in-law was giving him his final and most important blessing of all, to cherish and to maintain Robin's happiness.
"You need to do better me. You need to make a way to keep things the way they are, with your friends and your wife." Barney couldn't shake the feeling that he, without a doubt, had the most awesome father-in-law in existence. "You hear me, son?"
"Challenge accepted." Barney smiled and carefully sipped on his scotch.
"She does look like Cobie Smulders."
Barney felt a light kiss near his cheek. Surprised, he saw the bride herself beaming widely at him. His father-in-law chuckled and Barney took the moment to make his wife more comfortable by seating her on his lap. "How long have you been there?"
"Oh, long enough to hear the good stuff."
"Oh, then you heard about the Avengers' part?"
"Barney! You told my dad about that?" She slapped him lightly by the shoulder. He laughed heartily. She took the glass of brandy from him and stuck out her tongue in mock.
"Real mature, Stinson."
Wide-eyed, Robin stared at him. In the same sort of shock, he stared back. He didn't know what came over himself. He actually called her Stinson! They averted their eyes away from each other. Robin to the nearby woods and Barney to the wooden floors, regardless of how awesome it was to call his wife in her brand new surname, their timing could use a little more work.
"You found yourself a decent husband, RJ." Mr. Scherbatsky said as he dusted his coat of the mildly visible dust. He set his glass of scotch safely on the table, fully emptied. He straightened his collar and flashed a small smile to the couple. "I couldn't be prouder of you, Robin."
That night Barney could pretend he didn't call Robin a Stinson in front of her father but then again, Robin could also pretend she didn't cry after her dad left them to themselves.
Present Time
"Earth to Barnman, do you copy?"
"Whaaa?"
Barney shook his head from his stupor. What happened? He asked himself. Wasn't he just talking to his self a few minutes ago? He felt something cold and metallic brush against his thumb, taken aback, he saw it was a spoon. The cereal bowl was obviously used, though there were a few more honey flakes left swimming in the thickness of the milk. His mouth, his tongue…He tasted something sweet.
But how?
"Why are you up so early?"
And true enough, it was only six forty-five on the clock. Not a minute or second was taken from him. It didn't make sense. There was a FULL glass of water placed in front of him. Didn't he take a few sips earlier while he was talking to—
"Barney!"
"Ah!"
"You were dozing off on me. What gives?" Robin was smiling at him still barely clothed and still painfully beautiful. Was he really going to lose her after a mere three years into the marriage? Barney couldn't help but shudder at the thought. "Hey, are you alright?" She asked with genuine concern in her voice before placing a gentle hand on his forehead. Oddly, he felt a little more at ease on her touch. "You're sweating."
And before he even thought about it, he pulled her close to him, losing himself in her vanilla-scented curls with no thoughts of ever letting go. He didn't do Ted-ness. He couldn't. He was too awesome for it. What he was doing right now was a Barney Stinson which involved being selfish, thoughtless, immature and afraid of losing the woman who made him believe in love again.
"What's gotten into you?" she said in between her giggles. She hugged him back and feeling her hands brush against the bare of his back was enough to end his miseries, his worries and his fears. "This isn't a way for you to get laid, is it? Because frankly, you gotta try a little harder. This one's kinda effortless though I do enjoy feeling the abs."
Barney couldn't help but laugh. A laugh so sonorous and sincere, genuine and real that he couldn't even remember when was the last time he laughed like that. He swayed her gently. She followed his lead quietly while drawing circles on his back.
"Hey." He started.
"Hmm."
"I'm serious about all the things I said in the altar." He kissed the exposed flesh near her collarbone and continued to whisper. "I meant everything. I'm not going to let anything ruin us. I don't want this to be three-year thing. You and I—I want this to last forever."
She was silent for a while. And Barney felt everything his future self warned him about came crashing on him all at once. The worries, the arguments, their flawed way of dealing with things. It suddenly felt all real. That if he wasn't careful, things would go the way, future Barney told him it would.
"Me too."
And at that, at the sweet sound of her voice—Barney knew he found heaven here on earth.
Suddenly, all the things he was afraid of seemed ridiculous to think about. He didn't understand the concept of time-travel. Did Future Barney really come from the future? Did he really exist? Did they really have that conversation? It seemed so real but looking back, he was the one with the spoon. He was the one on the counters. And there wasn't even the faintest hint of another person in their apartment.
Maybe, Future Barney came from an alternate dimension, from a universe entirely different to the one they had. A parallel universe where things would go really, really wrong. A place where he'd revert back to his old womanizing ways. A place where Robin would leave the gang for the sake of her career, where Tracy would tragically end up dead after a few years and Ted would go after Robin again with the blue French horn.
Or maybe, Barney just imagined the whole thing in his mind.
"You're an idiot, Barney. Y'know that?"
"I really am, aren't I?"
It was six fifty. Barney Stinson didn't have to worry anymore.
I really do love and respect the writers of this show. But come on, don't you think they deserve a happier ending?
Lovingly yours,
Ms. Reen