Author's Note:

I am going against my rule of author's notes to let you know that the story hasn't been abandoned, I have just had more real life things that have required my attention. I have had more work done to my pinkie finger, and its possible that I will have to have work done on it again before it is all said and done.

I've been working through plot points for months so I do know where this thing is headed and I know that its well into Season 3 now, but I am going to continue as if what has happened in Season 3 hasn't happened. Just hang in here with me. I do have a goal to reach.

Thank you for all the reviews, favorites, and follows.

Now on with the story...

Chapter 5

Years Earlier…

Oliver always loved coming to Queen Consolidated when his father had business meetings. It meant that he would get to spend time down in his grandfather's lab and he didn't have to pretend to be something he wasn't for a while. The ride on the elevator down was always stressful since he didn't really like to spend that much time with his father, but he could put up with a little discomfort for few moments. When he got behind closed doors, he didn't have to pretend, he could be himself.

As his father pushed open the door into the small room that was wall to wall with computers, he had do everything within his power to contain his excitement and not run across the room into his grandfather's waiting arms. Robert Queen wanted a son that was both proper and someone that would make a good image for the company, not your average child. That was difficult when you were a little boy, and all you wanted to be was a kid. Oliver knew that wasn't going to ever happen.

"I will be back in a few hours," called Robert to his father, who was sitting behind a monitor who was typing furiously at the keyboard, never looking up to meet his son's eyes. Richard Queen was never one to pay much attention to his son, not because he didn't care, he knew there was no point in trying to justify him with a response.

Oliver stood there until he heard the door click from behind him and it was then that his grandfather finally raised his eyes and smiled, and Oliver ran to the man and wrapped his arms around him. Oliver never had felt this kind of love when he was at home, but he knew that when he was wrapped up in his grandfather's arms, he was loved.

"I am so glad I am here, Papaw," he whimpered into his chest.

"You act like you have such a horrible life, Ollie. So many people would love to have what we have."

"But…" he tried to justify himself, but the older man cut him off as he wandered off to rummage through his grandfather's bin of miscellaneous parts and pieces.

"Oliver, your father is just doing what he thinks is right, and he wants you to succeed. You have some pretty big shoes to fill one day."

"But he wants me to be something I'm not."

"What are you then?" his grandfather asked as he stood and walked around to where Oliver was rummaging around, and smiled as he began to examine a piece of motherboard that he was considering to use on a new project..

"I like this," he gestured around the room, "He doesn't want this for me."

"Maybe you should just show him where your strength is then," he smiled down as he handed Oliver the tool that he could use to begin the minor repairs that needed to be done to the board.

"Why does he hate this so much?" Oliver asked in confusion as he to examine the piece in his hand.

"Maybe it's because I wanted this for him," he gestured around the room. "I wanted him to use something that wasn't his strength. Your dad is brilliant, but it's not at what we are brilliant at, Ollie."

"I don't understand, Papaw."

After walking back to his desk, Richard rolled his chair over to where Oliver was working, taking a seat he couldn't help but smile as he watched his grandson study and try to discover the reason the part wasn't working, and a smile stretched across his face.

"Oliver, I think it may have a lot to do with how I was with him when he was growing up. I wanted him to like all of this, but your dad had other interests. Girls and eventually he gained an interest in business and money, which worked out great since we own a multimillion dollar company."

"What if I have to become what he wants?" Oliver replied in a small voice.

"You never have to be something that you don't want to be, Oliver, you may have to do things that you may or may not want to do but never be something that you're not. Don't be the person that Robert and Moria Queen or even what I want you to be, just be the man that you want to be."

Oliver jerked awake and he tried his best to push the memories away that kept floating in and out of his dreams. He hated when his subconscious went places like that, it wasn't a place that could help his present self so he did what he had come to do best, he pushed the memories away and felt the ache in his heart when he did. He knew that the more he pushed them away, the more that the real Oliver Queen would disappear and would likely never be seen again.

It was when something moved beside him that startled him. He hadn't liked sleeping in the same bed as anyone else before the island, and hated it even more now. Moving slowly he raised up just enough to discover who was beside him, and it was when he saw the blonde hair fanned out beside him he released the breath that he had unintentionally been holding, and began to settle himself back onto the bed. It was then he realized that he was still partially dressed in his leathers, his hood discarded on the chair beside the bed that he didn't recognize and it was then that he came to the realization that this must be Felicity's apartment, and that was when his thoughts flooded with the events of the previous night. He could see Slade Wilson's sneer, Laurel's fear that she may or may not make it out of the events of last night alive, the life leaving Sara's eyes…

He had to get out of there, and so he ever so carefully moved Felicity's slumbering form away from him just enough that he could climb from the bed. He turned back for a moment to make sure that he hadn't woken her and when he was sure that she was still asleep he slipped out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

Walking from the room he quickly noticed that the all the curtains had been drawn, which he knew to be a good thing, especially since he was still dressed as his alter ego and it was likely the middle of the day by the way the light shined down on to the floor near the window, that was what he needed someone seeing the Arrow walking around in some woman's apartment.

Crossing the room he reached for Felicity's refrigerator door and he pulled a bottle of water out and took a long drink. On some level he really almost wished it was something stronger, and that was when Diggle came back through the door, garment bags in hand.

"You're up."

"What happened last night?" he asked, wondering how he ended up in Felicity's bed.

"I didn't think that blocking out traumatic events to be your style, Oliver?"

"I just…"

"I showed up probably a few minutes after everything went down. I helped Laurel to the van and that's when I went looking for Felicity. I knew she wouldn't be too far away from wherever you were and that was when I found you just outside of the construction site. I saw you and Felicity along with Slade and Sara, and you both were," he paused for a moment searching for the right words to say what he wanted. "You both were so distraught. I knew I needed to get Felicity out of there, but that's when you almost…"

"I'm sorry, John," he started as he rubbed his face trying to get his thoughts together; they were just a jumble of images that didn't make any sense.

"Oliver, you both had faced something that I can't even understand… You almost went wild man on me, but I was lucky that you finally registered who I was because I honestly think you would have tried to kill me. After you did come back to reality that was when you finally told me to call what was left of the Starling City PD. I offered to carry her to the van, but you just picked her up yourself and we headed toward the van which was parked probably four blocks from construction site."

That was the moment when it all started to piece itself back together, his emotions rolling like the waves of the oceans, feeling every possible emotion humanly possible in just seconds. He remembered the feeling of lifting the small woman into his arms and how tightly she wrapped her arms around him, the sounds of her sobs as she buried her face into his chest, the way his heart ached at the whimpers of her petite frame. The sounds of his footsteps as he walked to the van, the sight of Laurel wrapped in a blanket in the very back. He remembered trying to get Felicity into one of the seat and her cries of panic and how white her knuckles were as they grasped at the material of his hood.

"She wouldn't let you go, so that's when you got in the back with her and held her the entire way through the city, we delivered Laurel to Officer Lance and when we got back to Felicity's to drop her off, she was still so out of it you carried her upstairs and into her room," he pointed to the bedroom door, "and I just figured that you would get her settled and would be back out, but when you didn't come out within thirty minutes, I went back to check on you both and you were both asleep. I just left you there and crashed on the couch."

"Digg…"

"Oliver, I know nothing happened between you two, not that I haven't noticed how you look at her at times."

"This isn't the time, John." Oliver couldn't think about that kind of thing at the moment, too many things had happened, too much to do to make things right after Slade almost destroyed the city.

"Maybe not, but you might need to be aware that people notice stuff. Just keep that in mind," he replied as he handed Oliver the bag.

"Thanks John," he answered as he slipped back into Felicity's room and into her bathroom.

Pulling out the pair of jeans and t-shirt that Diggle had brought him, Oliver peeled the nightmare that he had slept in off and stepped into the shower and it was when the steaming stream of water began to beat down on his body that he began to realize how much pain he was truly in. The warm water slowly began to relax his aching muscles, calming him some, and for a few seconds almost let him forget for everything that had happened over the last few days, but then his mind swam with how much things had been forever changed and realized that a chapter of his life was done and now he had to move on from this point.

It was the sound of the door opening a little that startled him and brought his thoughts back to the present. He knew it wouldn't be Diggle, so only one other person wouldn't be coming in, especially with the sound of the water running in the shower.

"Oliver…"

Felicity's voice was weaker than what it normally was, but he knew that she hadn't opened the door much, just enough so she could speak.

"Yeah…"

"I am going to go make some breakfast; I didn't want you to be worried that I wasn't in the other room when you come out."

"Alright, I'll be out in a minute," his voice almost monotone in response.

He could hear the door click shut as she pushed it closed and for a moment he could swear he was just getting a glimpse of another side of this woman that had been nothing but a warrior through all of the nightmares of the past few days. After turning off the water, he dried off and pulled on the clothes and followed the sound of the voices that he knew were coming from the kitchen. Felicity stood at the stove and she turned to place a stack of pancakes on the table. Oliver joined John at the table and they stared at each other for a moment before Felicity joined them as well.

"We are going to have to talk about this," she replied before lifting her coffee cup to her lips.

"We don't have to do this now, Felicity," started Diggle.

"Yes, we do. We need to face this or we won't make it through."

"Sara is dead. What more can we say?" asked Oliver as he turned to her.

"She was more than just a person on the street, Oliver. She was a part of our team, our friend, and a lot more than that to you," she retorted. "You don't have to put up a front to hide something from us."

Her expression said a lot of things, but most of all, she hoped it didn't tell him that she was hiding her own secrets, and that was when someone knocked on the door and she jumped.

"I called some of Queen Consolidated security last night to stand by outside. No one is getting in here without us knowing," answered Diggle as he and Oliver stood. Diggle opened the door and was greeted by guy in a suit.

"Laurel Lance is downstairs. She wants to see, Mr. Queen."

Oliver gently touched Felicity's arm as he passed by. He knew that he was going to have to face the other Lance daughter, but he wasn't thinking that he was going to have to face her so soon.

"I'll be back up in a moment, okay?"

She nodded as she watched him go. She couldn't help but feel like a fraud, especially after she had pushed to try to get him to share his feelings about Sara when she keeps such secrets from them. Diggle had slipped back into one of the bedrooms to make a call to Lyla and it was then that someone knocked at the door again, this time she looked to find a delivery guy just on the other side beside the very scary looking security guy, a bouquet of beautiful multicolored roses in hands. Opening the door, she was greeted with a smile.

"Felicity Smoak?"

Nodding, the man handed her the flowers and she grabbed a few dollars from her tip money bowl, and smiled as she crossed the room and sat the vase down on the table. No one ever sent her flowers, especially nothing like this extravagant arrangement that was now sitting at her kitchen table… reaching for the tiny envelope she pulled the card from within out and it was when she saw the script and the words that were wrote, her heart stopped and the blood drained from her face.

You can't hide from me…

Oliver descended the steps of Felicity's apartment building to find Laurel sitting on a bench just across the street. The woman looked together after all the events from the previous night. He noticed a few bruises, a cut on her face, and she continued to stare at her lap.

"Hey…"

Looking up, Laurel finally met his eyes and that was when she noticed how tired he looked and she guessed that was to be expected with the things that she had learned and seen the night before. Seeing Oliver Queen now, she couldn't help but look at him differently, not for the reasons that some would think. She had always thought that she had known everything about this man, but in just a few short hours she realized that maybe she never really knew him at all. Maybe he was more of a mystery than she could have every thought or dreamed.

"Hey yourself. Sit. Please," she waved to the spot beside her, a genuine smile on her lips.

As he sat down beside her, Oliver began to wonder how this conversation would actually go. He had played it out in his head on the way down to see her, none of them ending well. The idea that Laurel knew the truth about him, knew his secret, knew too much, was just terrifying and the main reason being that his life had become a line of secrets with a select few being in on the ruse. He honestly went into his crusade thinking that this was going to be a one man show, then people slipped in and they stayed, and he was so glad they did, glancing up to the window where his friends were waiting on him. The part that he was truly coming to accept is that things were going to change, but the question was how it was going to change, for the better or worse. Would he and the people that are learning about his night time activities be able to keep some form of friendship or would they shatter? The world had become full of too many uncertainties.

"What do you want to know first?" he asked as he turned to her finally.

"You were never planning on telling me your secret, were you? If it hadn't been for Slade Wilson, you would have kept it from me forever."

"No, I probably wouldn't have told you. Its not that I didn't trust you to know, but the more people that know, the more danger it puts them in."

"What makes your driver and assistant so special then?"

"I can't really explain it. I never thought that I would involve anyone, I planned on doing this all alone, and they just came and I guess I just let them stay and help, and I'm glad they did. If it wasn't for John and Felicity I probably wouldn't be here today and probably would have been discovered by the police by now or worse."

"I guess I just don't understand, Ollie. I just don't know how so much could change about someone that I thought I knew so well or at least I thought I knew," she sighed as she fidgeted beside him.

He knew he couldn't keep it inside any longer; the truth about her sister was eating him alive. This wasn't the conversation that he thought he would be having with her at this moment; he thought this would be when she blamed him for taking her sister yet again…

"Laurel… I don't mean to interrupt this, but I need to tell you something. Honestly I thought you came here to talk to me about something else completely."

She was about to respond when her phone began to ring and she motioned for him to stop for a moment so she could answer the phone.

"Hey Dad…"

That was the words that made Oliver's heart drop. There was no doubt in his mind what Officer Lance would be telling his daughter, and the woman beside him would blame him for what happened.

"No!" she screamed, "No! She can't be!"

The wails from her small frame broke his will and he turned to her, pulling her to his chest as she began to sob, clutching the fabric of his shirt close. How do you comfort someone when you are the one to blame for their heartache and pain?

"I'm sorry, Laurel," he whispered as she cried into his chest.

"Why?" she finally looked up to meet his eyes.

"I… I was there," he almost stuttered. "I saw it happen."

Her eyes went wide, and Oliver knew her heart was breaking all over again.

"Ollie…"

"She was fighting Slade and they fell… I couldn't help her… I'm so sorry, Laurel." He finally muttered.

"That's what you were getting ready to tell me before my dad called."

"I didn't want you to get told like that. I should have…"

"Ollie, I might have blamed you for Sara before, but it was clear that Sara made her own choices since she came back from wherever she was. I know my sister, and nothing would have stopped her from helping you do whatever needed to be done to stop that mad man."

"It doesn't mean that I don't wish that I could have stopped it," he groaned as he dropped his face into his hands.

The touch of her hands on his shoulder surprise him, and he lifted his head to see her tear filled eyes. He studied her for a moment, and she pulled him into a hug, and they stayed like that for what seemed like forever, and when they finally pulled away, she reached up and placed her hand on his face.

"I don't blame you, don't blame yourself for this."

"How can I not?" he asked, his own heart breaking over the loss of yet another person he cared about.

"Because I know you would have done anything to save her if you could. You might not be who I thought you were, maybe you are someone more," she smiled slightly as she reached up to wipe away a stray tear that was streaming down her face.

"You really are too kind to me, Laurel."

"Maybe I have learned a few lessons in the last few months that has made me realize that we can't hold things against people because they do things that we wouldn't, but most of all that you have to let things go because they will make you bitter and hateful, and I don't want to be that. The people that care about me don't want that or deserve it either."

"He would be glad to see you now," Oliver almost chuckled as he thought of his best friend.

"Tommy would want me to be happy, not destroying myself and others. Sara would want the same thing for me, and they both would want that for you too."

"I need to go, my dad needs me, and I know that he will be calling my mom…" she began as she stood up beside him. "Doing this once was enough, burying my sister again is going to be harder than before."

"You won't go through this alone, Laurel."

"I know… I have friends and family that will be there."

She turned and walked down the street, around the corner, and out of sight within a few moments, leaving Oliver there alone with his thoughts. He wouldn't thought that it would have went that way with Laurel, maybe things were changing, maybe there were for the best.

When he stood and walked back toward the building, he never noticed the car that was sitting about a block away and on the opposite side of the street and the guy behind the wheel. The mystery man raised his phone to his ear and waited for the person on the other side of the line to pick up and when they did, he was short and to the point.

"He isn't doing anything but going back up to that girl's apartment… I understand… No, he didn't see me… No, he will be brought to you no matter the cost, even if it's in a body bag."

It had been weeks since the Slade Wilson's rampage, and Starling City was starting to recover in many ways, but most of Team Arrow as still reeling from its aftermath. Three days after the attack, they were all lined up yet again for another funeral, this time to say their final good byes to Sara Lance along with her very distraught family. They had just gotten her back, and now this time, there was no coming back. Oliver was sandwiched between Felicity and Laurel, both women with tears in their eyes. Looking down he saw the newly promoted Captain Lance stone faced, but it didn't fool him, the man was broken on the inside standing beside a wailing Dinah.

Within the week the team had scouted out a new liar and they were making the necessary adjustments from the old to the new, and during this time, Oliver had to contemplate a lot of the things that had happened and how he would be going forward from this. The fact was that he had not just lost people; he had watched them brutally murdered or killed before his eyes. He watched his father, Shado, Tommy, his mother, Slade, and now Sara. He was beginning to wonder what good he was doing especially when he couldn't protect the people that he cared about and looking out at the two people that were helping him now, he wondered if he could keep them safe or if he would be heartbroken yet again if something was to happen to either of them.

This day they were back in the foundry going through what they could salvage to take to their new location, one that was located more than a few minutes from the foundry so they could use the club as a cover if needed. They had also made the call to leave some things here so it could be a temporary base if needed if the new location was to ever become compromised. Felicity was sitting at the monitors attempting to make some copies of some of the programs that she had created for the new lair, while Diggle was working to pack up what weapons and supplies would need to be moved over.

Diggle had a lot on his plate and Oliver wondered how he was keeping it all together. The evening after Sara's funeral, he finally told him about Layla and the baby that was on the way. Oliver was happy for the man, if anyone deserved a child, it was John Diggle, but on a level it made Oliver's heartache. He knew that it wasn't possible for him, with the life that he had chosen for himself, that he couldn't put a woman that he cared about let alone an innocent child to be put in harm's way.

"Oliver…"

Turning his attention to the woman at the computer, he studied her a little more than normal. He couldn't help but feel like he was taking something away from her. The opportunity for her to be normal, to have normal things, not spending her nights with a broken man in a dank basement of some building when she should be out on dates, smiling, finding someone that would find her as amazing as he did at times.

"You alright?"

He nodded as he continued to gather things and load them in the crate beside him. It was when he noticed the clang of the door from above and the footsteps coming down the stairs. Everyone turned to see a guy dressed in a red hoodie coming down the stairs.

"Roy!" squealed Felicity as she ran over to him and wrapped him in a hug, one that he returned happily.

"I didn't know that you would miss me that much, Blondie?" he laughed as he turned to shake Diggle's hand.

"Where have you been?" Oliver asked as he sat down his bow on one of the med bay tables.

"Trying to figure out what I need to be doing with my life and I realized that I can't run away from things that I have no control over, that it's time to face the music."

"So, you're back, right?" Asked Felicity as she studied him. "You know we can deal with your, well your grrrr issues. Caitlin and Cisco called me and told me that they have one dose of the cure left, if you want it."

He just nodded and that was when she went across the room and picked up her phone to make the call. He walked over to the mess that was scattered around the room.

"So I guess operations are moving?"

"Yeah, this will be a backup, but we can't stay here. We don't know who Slade told about this location, but we can always come back if needed. We're just salvaging what we can now and trying to get things back online. The city needs help, with all the destruction; there has been a rise in crime."

"I want to help," Roy said picking up Oliver's bow and examining the weapon.

"Let's get the cure in you and we'll get you there," smiled Oliver as he began to pack again.

Roy joined Diggle across the room helping with the inventory of the weapons as the packing continued. Felicity was still on the phone with Cisco, it was when Oliver realized that maybe things were moving on, maybe not as he thought that they would, but maybe for the better.