Divine Silence

Silence doesn't have a sound. But that's not exactly true is it? When you're in total silence, you don't hear absolutely nothing. There's always something there. A slight ringing in your ears, but it's not precisely like a ring. It's more of a faint screeching sound like when after an explosion your ears start to throb and that horrible aftermath sound enters your ears. I've never been in an explosion…but that's assuming that's what the movies genuinely predict the sound to be like to someone's hearing. That noise is there, but you can't really hear it unless you are in complete silence. Like I am now. Other than the occasional noise of adjusting camera rolls and clipping smooth paper in half with a pair of scissors, that's all I hear in the quietness of the night. Of course there's the faint shifting of Harry and Kristina in the other room to get comfortable in their sleep too, but that's pretty much it.

I position the roll of film on a flat surface, scrolling with my eyes along film to find the mark I made earlier.

Not that there's something wrong with being in silence, listening to that near inaudible screeching… It's just…it's like you know you're not alone. When you get that feeling that you're being watched when you're awake, alone, in a dark house, positioned next to a room with a mysterious girl residing inside. The eerie night gives your mind the opportunity to wander…to travel to dark thoughts…to make you fall into a state of paranoia, believing that at any moment an inhuman creature will jump out at you. Creatures like the ones your parents tell you when you're a kid…that your mind practically creates. According to Professor Coupland, that's what is happening to Jane.

My fingers interweave with the scissor hoops and squeeze them together to slice the roll in half.

I can't be sure if what Professor Coupland says is true about Jane. He believes that she created that entity she calls, Evey, with her own mind…her imagination. Just like a child would have a hallucination about a monster hiding underneath their bed and then become convinced that they have genuinely seen the creature with their own eyes. It's true that everyone's minds venture wildly as a kid, it's just in their nature. I've done it. Who hasn't?

I trace my fingers along the film strip, only hovering slightly over it as to not smidge it with fingerprints.

But creating a true, living entity…? A supernatural being that can physically harm someone? That can cause odd disturbances in a house, like doors slamming and loud thumping in the attic? If that's so, then how does one be able to make something come to life like that? Is it that easy to develop your own imaginary friend? If that is true, then anyone can effortlessly create their own visionary companion. Then that would just cause a lot of mischief in the world, right? That's something that I can't seem to work my brain around.

I find the last point, a few centimeters from the first, and cut there. I discard the small piece into a nearby trash bin.

It's not imaginable that someone can construct something so violent with their mind. I'm not ashamed to say that, but I am ashamed to say that something much worse is going on here. The burning doll, the attack on Joseph when he was bitten, and everything else unreal that took place. At first, it was all scaring the hell out of me, and still is, but I've been trying to rationalize a logical explanation up to this point. Something tells me the Professor has got something to do with all of this. He could have planned everything that happened, all of those unnatural occurrences in such, with some kind of special equipment. Earlier in the day, I told Harry and Kristina of my assumptions but they thought that I was going crazy. I can't be sure what to think anymore. Maybe they're right. Maybe I am trying to hide behind the truth.

Whispers. I can hear whispering. The hairs on the back of my neck immediately stand on end when I hear the sound of a distant voice coming from the big speaker positioned on the desk beside me. My whole body is beginning to tingle with fear even though I know it's probably Jane. I can't help it. She scares the crap out of me sometimes. I lean closer toward the speaker to try and decipher what she's saying. All I hear is her mumbling quietly to herself, her exact words completely inaudible. She shouldn't be up at this hour of the night.

I force myself to stand up, my knees quivering slightly, and make my way over toward the door that leads to her room. I pull open the latch quietly and peer inside. Pitch darkness reaches my vision. I can see nothing but dark pools of shadows covering the space whole. I don't see her, but I can hear her. Somewhere in some far corner of the room, talking in a low voice. Words of assurance, I believe. I consider turning on the lights so that I could see what she's doing, but I think better of it. The bright lights might hurt her eyes, as well as mine.

I swallow silently. "…Jane?"

Her whispering stops abruptly and the whole room grows dangerously quiet. I can feel my heart beginning to thump in my chest, increasing in speed and volume. However, I stay frozen, staring through the small opening, peering into the darkness with narrowed eyes. I swallow again, harder this time. Then I begin to hear the sound of slow footsteps moving in my direction. I can make out the sound of her bare feet planting onto the wooden flooring, each step creating a small creek. My mind is telling to me to back off, move away, but I just stand there and wait, my body pulsating with anxiety. I shouldn't be scared of Jane…but this is the most usual times when she loses control of herself and does something rash.

The footsteps stop. Her face appears at the entrance of the opening. Her round, hollow eyes are bloodshot red as they meet mine. There are dark circles around her eyes, showing the lack of stress from everything that's occurred and possibly even sleep. She stares at me with unblinking eyes for a long moment before I finally decide to say something. "Um…were you talking to Evey?" I ask quietly.

I expected her to respond. She doesn't though. I should know by now that she tends to ignore me when I question her. She keeps her gaze firmly on mine, never blinking, never looking away. We're so close…our faces inches apart. Her sweet aroma enters my nostrils. I can smell the faint scent from raspberry soap from that bath she took earlier today, not even the perspiration masking her forehead can overcome her nice scent. Feeling uncomfortable and flustered, I attempt to move my face away from the opening to gain distance between us but I don't have time do anything when her hand shoots out toward my face. I nearly jump in surprise, thinking she is trying to hit me for some reason. I remain frozen in place as her fingertips caress my left cheek.

I don't even know what she's doing or why, but I can't bring the nerve to move away or tell her to stop. It's like…her fingertips are electrifying my skin, causing my skin to tingle at all different levels, and it's strange that I'm starting to enjoy it. Her eyes follow her own hand as she traces her fingers along my cheekbone, down to my chin, across my lips…then to my throat. I swallow when she pauses there. Before I can react, her hand wraps around my throat so strongly that I start gagging instantly. She pulls me toward her, trying to squeeze my head through the small opening as I struggle to breathe.

I bolt awake from my nightmare the instant I started to pass out from Jane's death grip. My hands quickly reach up to my neck, still fazed by the twisted nightmare. My breath comes out in a sigh of relief as I realize that I am safe. I passed out on the desk before I even finished cutting my film. Its morning already, light fills the hall, the dark shadows that were once there are now gone. The door to Jane's room is open and when I look inside, I see that she isn't in there. I rub a hand over my face and go to finish fixing the film roll before I eat breakfast.

Joseph decided to let Jane outside this afternoon, in order to let her get a little time of peace before tonight when we will perform another test on her. I'm not comfortable with all of these tests that we're doing to her. It's stressing her out and Joseph seems to try and force answers out of her, not seeming to care much about her well-being. And it's even more frustrating that Jane tries so hard to please him. It's like she's a daughter of his, doing her very best to make him proud of her. I don't understand why she's bent on pushing so hard.

Harry and Kristina extensively chat over lunch at the table outside the front. I'm sitting with them, listening, but not genuinely focusing on what they're saying. They do more talking than me and I don't have much to talk about other than our situation. So I don't say anything as I eat my last bite of a turkey sandwich. From the corner of my eye, I notice Jane making her way into the house, walking slowly barefoot. I'm reminded of my dream for a moment, and almost hesitate on deciding to follow her. I eventually push away my anxiety as best I can and pick up my camera and go after her.

I position the big technical device over my shoulder and peer through the hole with one eye, closing the other. I flicker the record button on as I make my way through the front door. The camera is used as my guide instead of my eyes alone. Warm sunlight pours through into the house from every window near me and I am comforted by the brightness the day brings. I don't feel as scared during the day as I do in the night. I angle the camera around in search of Jane. She's nowhere to be seen.

Where could she have gone that fast?

Slowly, I move toward the stairs, assuming she retreated back into her room. When I reach the fifth step, I suddenly feel a presence behind me that causes me to turn around. Jane stands directly behind me, halfway below, staring up at me with her hollow, curious eyes. I pause, pointing the camera down at her. That same white dress is covering her body, perhaps another pair of the same because this one is cleaner than it was yesterday. Her dark hair is combed down, perfectly straight, with a thin, white hair clip keeping part of her hair from her face. You'd think it'd be odd for someone to wear the same clothing nearly each day. But I don't care what she wears. I like her dress.

A raspberry scent fills the air. My nightmare comes rushing back. I push it away before it can fully take form in my mind again.

Jane gazes into the camera lens for a moment with unblinking eyes and then her eyes flicker to my face. The corner of her lips twitch slightly, into what I think is a small smile. Then it's gone before I can fully determine it.

"Why do you do that?" she asks.

"I...I'm not sure what you mean."

"You enjoy to film."

"Yes, of course I do," I say. "It's what I'm here for, isn't it? I have to document you, the occurrences."

"No," she says. "Yes, it is true that you document, but you are forcing yourself to believe that, that is the only reason."

I pull the camera away from my face slightly to stare at her in perplexity.

"Do you think that I am pretty, Brian?" she asks me. I hesitate, feeling the blood in my cheeks turn warm. She goes on before I can respond, "Not pretty, but beautiful, like what any man sees in a girl…in a woman?"

I shift uncomfortably. "I…you're..." I hesitate again, not sure how to answer her question. Giving her a straight answer would suffice but it's overwhelming just saying that.

She only grins at me. Something tells me she likes putting me in awkward situations. Her grin fades away the second it came, and she's making her way up the stairs. She didn't brush pass me, but I can feel the tingling in my arm as if she did. I position the camera more securely on my shoulder again and start to follow her up. She doesn't look back when she reaches the top of the stairs, walking slowly toward her room. I keep the camera on her the whole way, watching her every move. She halts at the room door and turns to stare at me.

I stand there for a moment in confusion. She watches me, possibly waiting. I don't know why she wants me to go first. I don't think much of it anyway as I step into the room backwards, keeping the camera pointed at her. Jane closes the door behind her and leans her back against it. I swallow realizing what's going on. I should have stayed outside the room, or stayed outside even. Why did I have to follow her in here like a lost puppy? I cut off the camera and turn my gaze toward the window, seeing that the others are still out there. Harry is carrying Kristina on his back, running across the grass as she lets out loud giggles. Joseph stands watching them from a nearby tree, with narrowed eyes, holding a book in his hands, pretending to read it.

They won't be much of help to me anyway, I think. When I turn back around, Jane is standing directly behind me. She somehow crossed the room without even make a sound, and it's funny because in my dream, every step she took made a sound in the wooden flooring. I'm tempted to take a step back but the look on her face and the heat radiating from her body keeps me in place. I can feel her warmth as if it were my own and she's not even touching me yet.

"Jane…" I say quietly, warningly. "You're not well…"

She gazes up at me with an unfazed look. "I know I'm not well," she says. "But that doesn't make me unfeeling."

I take a step away from her as she reaches toward me. "I should go." I clutch the camera tightly at my side as if it's the only thing that'll keep me from losing my senses. As much as I want to kiss her, I can't. Not when she's like this. I remember when Joseph told me that it'll be dangerous for me if I give in to her. I could possibly get hurt. And I genuinely value my life right now. I move to step around her but she moves at the same time.

"You're running away because you're afraid of what's true," she says. I tense up when her hand wraps around my wrist. Her grip isn't tight or forceful, but I know that if I tried to pull free she'll start to squeeze. "You can't keep hiding from your feelings."

"I'm not…trying to hide," I say silently, gazing down at her hand clasped around my wrist. "I'm trying to save you…and this will only hinder me."

I don't fight her as she guides my hand up toward her chest and presses my palm there. She leans toward me, planting her lips directly on mine. My other hand is squeezing the camera even tighter than ever now, that I feel like it would break. My mind is telling me to stop, telling me to stop her and move away before things turn out the way I don't want them to. And for a moment, I ignore my mind and let myself fall into a trance. Maybe this is harmless, because it's slow. She tastes sweet and I like that this kiss is only passionate, which allows us to really feel our deepest feelings. But it doesn't last for long when Jane decides she's lost her patience.

The camera clutters to the floor loudly. It sounded like something broke.

I'm almost falling deeper and deeper under the spell, and it takes me too long to decide to stop us. It's only when we're on the floor, ruffling each other's clothes, that I realize I have to end this now.

I'm surprised when she's the first to pull away. She squeezes my waist for dear life, pushing her face into the crook of my neck. I sit there for a long minute or two, trying to figure out what just happened. Then, eventually, I let my arms circle around her small form and hold her close to me. I can feel something wet on my neck. I pull her face from hiding and make her look at me. Her eyes are redder than ever, tears cascading down her cheeks.

"What…is it?" I ask her gently.

More tears seem to pour down her cheeks as she responds, "Am I really going to get well…?"

Even I don't know the answer to that question. I can't be sure about it. All of these methods that Joseph's been doing doesn't seem to be working as of yet. Maybe I can get her out of here and try to find some kind of professional help somewhere. Maybe… With a low sigh, I say, "Where do you want to go?"

Jane looks baffled.

"I'll take you anywhere you want to go…right now. Just tell me where and we'll go."

She blinks at me thoughtfully for a moment, her tears finally slowing down. She seems to be thinking deeply about this. I think that she might say something about Joseph not letting her go but she doesn't. "Anyplace that I haven't seen…" she says.

I nod slowly. I don't know a place she hasn't seen but I know it's better than being here. But I'd rather her be out of here if she doesn't get better at all. Whatever happens, I'm going to do my best to make everything alright because I hold nothing but love for her.

THE END