I never wanted to come back. The world is a shit hole and my life was nothing more than a nightmare on loop… That's why I killed myself; I had simply had enough of my pointless monotonous existence. Unfortunately, for me, I was too sinful for heaven and hell didn't want me so I was spat back into the land of the living. Goody. Then again, maybe this is hell, torturing me with life again. Could I just stay dead? Please?

'Fuck you universe!' is all that ran through my mind as I saw light. I can't still be alive, there's just no fuckin way! I MADE SURE THERE WAS NO COMING BACK! I could hear agonising screaming… A woman? What the hell makes a woman scream like that?! I've never screamed like that my entire life, she sounds like she's being ripped apart or somethin, hell she sounds like my mum in her home birthing videos… hold on a mo… this isn't~ no, I'm being silly…

…OH HELL! No…Please don't tell me what I think is happening is actually happening… I'm fuckin beggin you God, don't do this to me… please… If I'm being born again I swear to all the demons residing in the second ring of hell I'll kill myself again! I'LL DO IT BITCH!

It's only now that I'm freakin my ass off that I feel a tightness around me that I can only guess is muscle contracting, trying to force me out back into the shit hole of the world… AGAIN! The only way I can describe what is happening would be, ew, ew, ew, EWWWWW! I don't know whats worse, the idea of being inside some random womans body or being forced out of her love tunnel! I clamp my eyes tighter in horror at the idea, that and the tightness feels like it's trying to crush my head, fuckin OW!

The temperature change is massive… I hadn't noticed how bloody warm it was in there until I was out, it's fuckin freezing out here! CURSE BEING BORN NAKED! I start to curse about how god forsakenly cold it is but all that leaves my mouth is high pitched screams. I CAN'T EVEN SWEAR! This is definitely hell!

I'm handed around between a few people which are all dressed in what I can assume is nurse uniforms…Hold the phone… aren't babies meant to have crappy eye sight? As in blind as a bat kinda crappy? Huh? I guess I'm freakin lucky meaning mines as clear as clear can be! First and only bonus of this entire shit storm of a situation… I may have committed suicide to escape life only to be reborn, but at least my sight is awesome…YEAH BLOODY RIGHT! Situation still sucks cock.

There are lots of people, I'm assuming doctors and nurses, and I'm quickly wrapped up in a blue blanket… urr, correct me if I'm wrong but, don't doctors normally wrap BOYS in blue? I have a nasty bloody feeling that there's a high possibility I'm a boy this time. This is getting better and better… NOT! Not only am I reborn but I also get a friggin sex change… on the bright side never again will I have to suffer the monthly curse of periods … or cramps… fuck it, BRING ON THE PENIS!

The blankets around me are warm and tight as I am passed to a woman with messy pale purple hair and tired but happy electric green eyes. She's kinda pretty I guess, but what's with the weird ass purple hair? Does she dye it? Stupid question, of course she does, no one has naturally purple hair… She holds me close to her pale skin whispering softly in an unknown language. On top of it all I HAVE TO LEARN ANOTHER LANGUAGE!? This is definitely hell! All those years of hating French lessons have come to bite me in the ass by shoving me into foreign language central… would it have killed whoever is screwin me over to drop me back in England? Hell, I'll take America, just somewhere that speaks freakin English… Sadist universe…

A man leans over my apparent mothers shoulder; his hair almost back blue and his eyes a pinkish red while his face is lit up with a dopy grin. WHAT THE HELL IS IT WITH MY NEW ADULTS AND HAIR DYE!? Suddenly my eyes lock on somthin I missed the first look at the male with the dopy grin… I stare in horror. Not at the man exactly but at the thing around my apparent fathers forehead. Please, for the love of all things unholy, YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! A fucking forehead protector. Tell me he's just an obsessed cosplayer… please, please, please?… He isn't is he? … FUCK IT! MOTHER SHITTING ASS-HOLE OF A COCK SUCKIN WHORE UNIVERSE!

The symbol is one I know little about, three angled slashes… If my obsessive brain recalls correctly, I think it's the symbol of The Village Hidden in Hot Water or 'Yugakure' if you wanna get all technical about it. Yugakure, in the anime Naruto, was said to be the village that has forgotten war… or at least will soon. I'm not sure of this is a blessing or a curse…

My screams in frustration coming out as a shrill baby cry as I swear the colours of the rainbow until I am blue in the face.

So let me get this straight… I killed myself only to be reborn into the Naruto Universe into the SHITTEST NINJA VILLAGE EVER CREATED! This sucks cock. Why not a good village like Mist of Stone? This is truly hell.

What the fuck am I gunna do? THIS ISN'T SOME FREAKIN FANFICTION WHERE I CAN HELP THE BLONDE IDIOT SAVE THE WORLD, this is my new life and I'm being royally screwed over…this isn't even possible… I've been reborn as a figment of someone's imagination… Am I on some kinda drug? This is a total MIND FUCK!

Apparently, crying and hysteria takes it out of me, who'd a thunk it? My world blurs around the edges as I feel myself become exhausted and my eyes begin to droop. I try and fight the drowsiness but it's futile, my eyelids feel like led, STUPID BABY BODY!… I hear the jibberish cooing of the strangers that I'm going to have to call my parents. The world falls into darkness… Fuck me new life…