I watch her get out of the car and walk towards the gate. My heart swells with pride. I know how hard this is for her, how much of her was shattered by that man. She broke my heart this morning when we were sitting in the squad car. Her voice still rings in my head. I've tried everything I can think of to get over it and I just can't. She had sounded more like a hurt kid than the tough as nails cop I was so used to seeing day after day. It's like I can't trust myself; like I can't trust anyone. I had just wanted to reach across and grab her, to hold her tight and convince her that there were people she could trust. That she could trust me. But I couldn't. Not after that night with Spencer. The kiss on the sidewalk… But I can't go there. It's not fair to either of us.

She pauses a ways from the gate and I watch her internal debate. I need to help, to say something to make it better. I get out of the car. I call out to her, "Eddie, you alright?" That's a stupid question. How could she be alright?

"Starting to think that maybe this wasn't such a hot idea." She turns and walks back towards me.

"Hey, it's gunna be okay" I hear myself say.

"Yeah, really? Well maybe you should go in, cause I'm going back to the car." Her tone is quick and she's using her hands to talk. Anxiety radiates off her in waves. She tries to walk past me but I grab her arm and stop her.

"Hey. Eddie. Eddie. Eddie." I have to call her several times to get her to focus on me. She's all over the place and I can't stand seeing her like this. "You're doing the right thing here." She finally stops in front of me and looks up. She's squinting against the sun and she looks so vulnerable again. I hate that look.

"It's just crazy. He's…He's my father and I have absolutely no idea what to say to him." Her voice has a different tone than it does at work. All traces of the beautiful, confident, fearless women I've been working beside for the past months are gone.

"I think he just want to see you." I think of how Dad and Danny had stood up for Erin today even when they didn't like how she was doing things. Family comes first. Danny had said it earlier and I can't imagine how terrible it must be to not have that in your life.

"No," she shakes her head. "I think he wants me to forgive him and I don't know if I can do that." That look. I need to make it go away. What do I say? Say something you Idiot! Now.

"You know, when we first started working together I gotta admit, I had my doubt about you. "

"Say what?" Confident tone bordering on anger or irritation. Good, progress. That's better than scared.

"Rich girl from the suburbs, fancy car, four feet tall, wise ass attitude." I smirk.

"Oh like you're God's gift to the NYPD." There's my Eddie.

"Then we got in a couple tough spots together and you know what? You really showed me something."

"Yeah, what?" She just sounds tired now.

"No matter what goes down you never take a step back." I shrug. "You're no afraid, Eddie" I was something that had amazed me from the very beginning.

"Well maybe I just do a good job of hiding it." The stop bullshitting me look. She uses that one a lot. She can't tell that I mean every word. God, she's amazing.

"Either way, you do what you gotta do, and you can do this." She finally looks like she believes me.

"What the hell. I left my gun back in my locker. It's not like I'm going to shoot the guy."

"That's the spirit," I joke. She smiles and it makes my heart leap. I need to get myself under control. She grabs my arm and even through my leather jacket it can feel her warmth.

"Thank you" Her tone is soft.

"Yeah" I whisper. She turns and walked back towards the gate. Her foot steps are steady and though I know she's not exactly excited, she knows what she has to do. And she always does what she has to do. I stand and watch her walk away from me. Just like that night on the sidewalk outside her place. And I kick myself again. 'Cause I always let her walk away.