A/N: Hey all! I know, I know. This story is finished. Well, the lovely Fuuka95 asked me a while back for an epilogue. For a while I contemplated how I would actually write one, but I'll be honest, I didn't expect it to come out quite... this way. Technically there are two endings, depending on where you stop in this chapter. If you want a happy, warm filled, fairy tale ending, stop when you see the warning. If you want the full, dark, twisted ending... well. You've been warned. My thanks again to Isame Kuroda, Jowliet, Baerbelhaddrell, Gleca, Jazzybella, Axelkin, LadyGinoza, RenkaSan, Anna, PJ, Zfrine, Adiella, all the other reviewers including you awesome Guests, and to everyone who made this story possible. This is my extra thanks. ~

"You're beautiful."

"You don't tell a guy they're beautiful." scoffed Uryuu, glancing down at Ichigo disapprovingly.

"But what if it's true?" he countered, reaching up to brush a strand of Uryuu's hair behind his ear, the fingers lingering on Uryuu's cheek.

It was a soft warmth and a welcome gesture, one that Uryuu had grown to love in the time he'd spent with Ichigo. It was after everything was said and done that he'd come to realize just how much he'd gone out of his way to avoid being touched by anyone; and just how much he missed the feeling. These past four years had been hell to live through, but somehow, Ichigo always seemed to have the patience to deal with his outbursts and panic attacks.

He couldn't understand why, but he loved it just the same. He couldn't complain.

"It's not."

He could, however, complain about being called beautiful. Ichigo laughed, the rumble in his chest sending small sparks along Uryuu's skin as he lifted and fell with Ichigo's laughter, not wanting to move from his relaxed spot, draped over Ichigo's chest. They were laying in Ichigo's room, the last light of the evening streaming through the window, bathing the both of them in a faint and gradually lessening golden glow. It was one of Ichigo's days off, so there had been no shock of him coming home, no panic of being suddenly met with the face that still haunted his dreams. It had been... relaxing.

So even when Ichigo made the first attempt to roll Uryuu off him, saying he needed to take care of himself, Uryuu refused to move. This earned him a strange look from Ichigo, but he didn't let himself think about it. It had been four years. Four years since anything bad had happened. Four years since they'd been living together, as tentative lovers. They'd done a few things, yes; in those four years, Uryuu was now at least semi-comfortable with touching Ichigo in that manner. He was also getting better with being touched himself, but he'd never been able to bring himself to go further than that.

The one time he had was about a year ago, and he still hadn't been ready then. He didn't even know if he was ready now, but... he wanted to try. Even if not for Ichigo, for himself. So he didn't bother to look at Ichigo's wondering gaze as he began unbuttoning Ichigo's trousers, ignoring the halfhearted 'No's and 'You don't have to's. When Ichigo's member finally popped free, it stood proudly before Uryuu, taunting him.

How often had he feared this sight? Yet, Ichigo laid there, barely breathing, as if any movement would break the spell that had fallen over the room. When Uryuu finally reached forward to touch him, Ichigo sucked in a breath seconds before a muffled, guttural moan rumbled through his entire body. The sound was unlike anything Ichigo had made the previous times Uryuu had touched him, and it intrigued him.

He wanted to hear it again.

Uryuu sat there, balanced over one of Ichigo's legs on both his knees and one arm, just... touching him, for what seemed like hours. The faces Ichigo made, the sounds he made... his moans had gotten louder, and were now broken between gasps and hissing noises depending on where he touched. Ichigo's hands were clenching onto the covers with white knuckles, but had never moved. By the time the light had completely faded from the room, with only the dull glow of the moonlight outside to illuminate shadows and outlines, Uryuu had found his own body responding to the sight before him.

Especially when the breathless, "Uryuu, please...!" was whispered with such emotion, it sent an electric shock through Uryuu's body.

It felt odd, offering himself up the way he did, but as they switched positions, Uryuu couldn't help but notice even despite the desperation he had heard in Ichigo's voice just moments before, his movements were slow. Everything he did, everywhere he touched Uryuu was delicate, as if Ichigo would break the body beneath him if he did something wrong. Their clothes were discarded and Uryuu was caught up in the sensual caresses and the gentle movements as Ichigo brought him to the point of need he was sure he had brought Ichigo to before.

When Ichigo finally entered him, there was no fear of the Hollow; there was no panic, and there was no pain.

They didn't have sex. They made love.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~

Ichigo wrapped his arms around Uryuu, nuzzling into the back of the boy's neck as they lay spooning, blankets askew around their feet. Uryuu had to admit, he had never felt as relaxed in his life as he did in this very moment. For once, it seemed like everything was finally working out. He gave a contented sigh as his eyes slid closed briefly, and he listened to the sound of Ichigo's even breathing for a few minutes, his mind wandering back to the confession that was made to him while they were in the hospital, before the big battle.

Ichigo had said... he had said he loved Uryuu. It had also been said multiple times since then, but never once had Uryuu been able to say it back. It always amazed him, the patience Ichigo seemed to have with him, but he had always understood. It never felt like there was any pressure for Uryuu to do anything, let alone an expectation. Like Ichigo was just happy with the way things were currently; but Uryuu always felt horrible every single time. Every time Ichigo would say it, even in passing, it sparked a painful feeling that he was wrong for not returning that love.

Now... now he believed he was starting to understand exactly how that love felt. Lying there, with Ichigo's warmth around him and a happy, satisfied feeling thrumming through his veins... he felt the want to say it. He wanted Ichigo to know.

"... Ichigo," he whispered. "I... lov-"

A sharp snore startled him, and after his initial jump, he couldn't help but chuckle to himself. Ichigo was asleep.

Figures. With a serene smile, Uryuu closed his eyes, not bothering with his glasses. He was too tired, too warm, and too tangled up in the body beside him to care. He could tell Ichigo tomorrow. He could tell Ichigo tomorrow, and the next day, and every day after that from here on. Finally, everything was going to be okay.

When sleep finally came for Uryuu, he still wore that smile.

WARNING ~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ WARNING ~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ WARNING ~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ WARNING ~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ WARNING ~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~ WARNING

Uryuu slowly awoke to a strange, chilling feeling. There was a weight around him that was both familiar and foreboding, and that sent shivers up his spine. A dull pain in his lower back and hips, stiff joints, none of his muscles wanted to move... his breath caught in his throat and he knew that if he opened his eyes, he would be met with a sight he didn't want to see. Not now, not again... not ever again. Warm breath tickled at the back of his ear and he shivered again, trying to even out his breathing as his heart continued to speed up. Something felt wrong.

Carefully, Uryuu shifted his left arm toward the edge of the bed, hoping to slip away from Ichigo without waking him up, but Ichigo stretched his arm out over Uryuu in that moment, coming down around him and pulling Uryuu's body closer to his own. He could now feel that over heated breath on his neck, every single hair on his body standing on end in fear. Trapped.

No way out.

Ichigo was going to -

Uryuu bit his lip, forcing his eyes to stay shut as he lay there, still and silent, trying desperately to calm himself. He needed something to focus on, that was all. Right, just focus on something, anything... Opening his eyes, he waited for the room to come back into focus before he began the five steps again. He had only named three things he could see when Ichigo's leg slowly came up and over Uryuu's lower half, locking Uryuu the rest of the way in place at his side. Another, more violent shiver ran through his body as his mind halted the steps, freezing in place like it felt like his blood had done.

Ichigo never moved this much in his sleep. He swallowed heavily, breathing quickly while still trying to keep silent. It felt like his throat was constricting, making it harder to breathe normally, let alone with the way he was trying to control it. Just the idea of turning his head to see if his fears were reality or not was paralyzing him, his gaze caught along the corner edge of the ceiling and the wall on his side of the bed. A cold sweat was beginning to form on most of his body, leaving him to have to fight off shivers as well as the terror that was gripping him as tightly as Ichigo himself would.

He was back. Nothing lasts forever, and now HE was back to finish what had been started and that meant pain and agony and blood and-

The male - MONSTER - behind him pressed in closer, pinning Uryuu flush against his body and slightly beneath him as the breath on his neck became hotter, tickling the hairs on the back of his neck as they stood on edge like the rest of him. What little warmth the body above gave him was drained quickly as he felt Ichigo's hardened length pressing into his backside, a sharp reminder of everything that had happened in the past. He could never escape. His entire body was shaking now, his breath hard and fast against the pillow as his mind flashed back suddenly to that fateful day he had almost slipped into that blessed darkness that awaited him.

The day he had almost escaped HIM. Could he do it? Could he end it before...

"U-ry-uu..."

His entire body responded to the singsong, otherworldly tone by flailing and kicking with everything he had, long before he registered the only person - DEMON - it could possibly belong to. Hands balled into fists, he kicked and hit the flesh atop him, turning his body as much as he could to get a better angle to knock the body on top of him off the other side of the bed. He made the mistake of looking directly at the monster.

Orange filled his vision as his own shrieking scream filled his ears. He scrambled, pushing and hitting, unknowing if he was doing any damage to it but his body was quickly coming loose from the demon's grip. When he was mostly free he kicked off the body, falling off his own side of the bed even as he heard an echoing thump from the other side of the bed.

HE'S VULNERABLE.

Scrambling upward, Uryuu took the frame of the bed in his hands and lifted with all his strength, struggling with himself as he flipped the bed over onto Ichigo, mattresses and all. As the bed flipped and fell, it slammed into the dresser next to it, knocking off everything on top of it as the objects scattered with loud crashes and clangs onto the floor. Uryuu stood there, breathing heavily for a second before his head suddenly pounded with a pain that almost sent him to his knees.

No, no, this wasn't right! He was safe, he knew that for a fact! This shouldn't be happening; he just had to calm down, take a deep breath, and -

LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

A strangled yelp slipped past Uryuu's lips as his eyes opened to the destruction he'd caused. Ichigo's room was a mess now, and Ichigo himself was somewhere under the bed and dresser, cursing Uryuu for hitting and kicking him. He felt tears misting at his eyes, and despite his violently shaking body was about to try and help Ichigo lift the bed off him when HIS voice surrounded him again.

"Playing rough again?"

RUN.

His breathing hitched as he turned away from the mess, toward the window in the room, his legs carrying him as fast as they could manage until he slammed himself against the window, tugging and pulling at it only to remember he had locked it before they'd gone to bed. Unable to stop the loud whimper that escaped his lips, he struggled to get his fumbling hands around the locking mechanism as he heard the demon slip out of the bedding prison, and start walking toward him. What strength he'd found to flip the bed failed him now, his hands sweaty and slipping every time he tried to grip the tiny knobs that kept the window locked in place.

The world outside taunted him, beckoned him, and mocked him. Quiet, peaceful buildings along the streets lay dark and dormant against the night sky, a crescent, pale moon shining proudly over a town that would never know his true horror. In desperation, he slammed both his hands against the glass, smacking it loudly as he screamed again, the footsteps behind him quickening as the monster closed in. Hands fell roughly on Uryuu's shoulders, spinning him around to face a sight of pure orange that overpowered everything else.

KILL HIM. KILL THE DEMON. KILL IT!

He struck out with both his fists, struggling to get out of the demon's grasp and to push it back, away from him. That he had come back swinging must have caught the demon off guard, or he'd gotten a lucky hit in; either way there was distance between them now, and Uryuu did the only thing his panic would allow.

Flashes of blue and white lit up the room as sounds exploded around Uryuu. He watched the demon dodge out of the way of each volley of arrows, chunks of wall and pieces of furniture flying around the room in its wake. He couldn't hit it...! IT was too fast. His entire body felt cold and was overcome by uncontrollable shaking as his tried to steady his bow, searching through the dark and the dust for the demon when he was tackled from the side, a yelp of surprise turning into a scream of frustration and pain as he hit the ground. Pinned by the stronger body on top of him, he thrashed as hard as he could, trying to stop the inevitable death that awaited him.

"URYUU!"

Uryuu gasped loudly at the sudden pain in his head even as his cheeks were taken hold of by two, strong hands and he was forced to meet a worried, chocolate gaze staring down at him. Still heaving and panting, shaking and shivering, he slowly focused on Ichigo's face through glasses that had gone askew when he'd hit the ground. Uryuu's muscles twitched, still trying to fight him off even as his brain started to register the scene around them.

Dust particles were everywhere, and what light was in the room was from the moon outside streaming through the window; and the large, gaping hole in the wall a few of the arrows had created. There were a couple other chunks missing from the walls; none of them were as bad as the first, but any holes were bad. Pictures and posters had been knocked off the walls or ripped to shreds, furniture and various items were strewn across the room, tables tipped over and broken in half, and the bottom mattress and the frame of the bed were split into three jagged parts.

Tearing his eyes away from the carnage, Uryuu chanced a glance back at Ichigo, who was heaving just as heavily as Uryuu was. Horror shook his entire body as he realized Ichigo was covered in blood; not all of his arrows had missed, it seemed, and he'd taken some serious injuries above his eye, on his shoulders, his chest, his arms...

He couldn't think. He couldn't understand. Uryuu felt tears slipping past his cheeks and dripping into his ears and hair as he laid there, watching a water-blurred Ichigo lift his head to look toward the window and the gaping hole in the wall. It was only then that he could hear the faint wail of sirens off in the distance, gradually becoming louder.

It was only then that his brain decided to start again.

He'd had another hallucination. After four years, all those therapy sessions with Keto, all the preventative measures he'd taken... he'd done it again. He'd destroyed his home. He'd injured Ichigo. ... and he'd gotten the cops called because of the screaming and the noise and the damage. It was all his fault. Yet, here Ichigo was, dropping his head onto Uryuu's shoulder and cradling him in a soft, warm embrace as he lay there silently, the realization of what he'd done weighing on him like a block of cement taking him down into the depths of a dark ocean.

He couldn't stop the tears, and he wasn't sure when his voice had started working again, but by the time Uryuu was able to cling onto the body above him, he could hear the choked and broken "I'm sorry," falling past his lips over and over again amid the sobs he produced. He could barely hear Ichigo 'shh'ing him over the approaching sirens, but he had no strength for anything anymore, except holding onto Ichigo as he cried.

~.X.~ ~.X.~ ~.X.~

Insanity. Is this what it feels like? Having to constantly look over your shoulder, wondering if the world you see is real... or fake? I hate it. I want to die. I can't think straight anymore. My thoughts aren't my own. Even when they are... they're not. One second everything is fine and the next, it all blows up in my face. I want to die. How do I know what I'm seeing? How can I trust it anymore? I can't. I can't trust reality. I can't trust my mind. I can't trust the people around me. I can't trust myself. I want to die.

They tell me true insanity doesn't exist. Or that everyone is a little insane. Can you really feel the way I feel? Can you look me in the eye and tell me what it's like to think you're going to die when you see a certain person's face? Can you tell me you know exactly how it feels to be alone in the world while everyone is out for your blood? I. Want. To. Die. Do you know how that feels?

I hurt everything around me. I fuck everything up. It's all my fault. I can't stop it, I can't control it; do you think I have that kind of power?! Can you tell me honestly that you know how I feel?! Or are you just a liar...? Someone who thinks they know what it's like because they've felt pain, or they've felt loss, or they didn't want to get out of bed in the morning. You don't know. You don't know what its like to be paralyzed by fear, or crippled by pain. You don't understand what it's like to WANT to die. It's not a decision. I didn't wake up one day and decide my life needed to end. I fought. I fought as hard as I could, dammit. ... I tried.

My life is over. I contribute nothing but suffering to myself and everyone around me. I live in fear of my next mistake every single day. I wake up and I can't bring myself to get out of bed anymore. I don't see the point. I don't understand. Why can't things just go back to the way they were before? Back when things were normal. Back when I was... normal. I hate this. I hate myself. I've become the monster I feared so much. I've become... insane.

I want to die.

- Ishida, Uryuu