Disclaimer: I do not own anything you recognize.

No Mary Sue was harmed during the making of these stories. (You believed that?)

Chapter 1: Devoured by orcs

"Muller!", yelled the Maths teacher.

Startled, the addressed person looked up.

"How many times do I have to tell you NOT to use cell phones im my class?"

"Umm…"

"Yes, a very intelligent answer. Now hand that thing over." As she hesitated, Mr. Smith growled "Now."

Reluctantly, she handed it over to him. It was a sorry thing to happen, that too, just when she was looking at the picture of Legolas. Her beautiful Legolas. Her true love. What use was that stupid lecture when she could plan for the dress she was going to wear on their wedding? Sure Trigonometry could not help her reach the inviting arms of her lust, errr, love?

"now would you please wipe that stupid look off your face and concentrate on the darned thing I am teaching?"

He was so, so cruel, the unkindest person on the face of Earth.

Then she heard the whispers.

"Bet you all my possessions that she was thinking about that stupid elf boy", snickered Student A.

"Nope, no need for that. It is a universal truth. Like the sun goes round the Earth, oops, the opposite actually", finished Student B, with a smirk plastered to his face.

"Quiet!", shouted the already livid teacher once more.

"He is not stupid, THEY make him look stupid", mumbled student C.

"Whatever."

Josephine Andromeda Aranossë Aravellas Muller, in short, JAAAM was shocked. They said….. they said, Legolas was stupid! And she made him look stupid! Those heartless students, how could they? She bit her lips to stop herself from crying. But nothing could stop one perfect drop of tear from falling. They had slighted the name of the only one person she knew who would never treat her so badly. So typical of those monsters. She knew at that moment she was wrong about Mr. Smith. No, he wasn't the cruelest person in the world. They were.

And then again, how could she forget her family. Surreptitiously, she dabbed her eye (taking care not to remove the mascara) and glanced at the scar running along her dainty little finger.

Josephine Andromeda Aranossë Aravellas Muller, a.k.a, JAAAM had the toughest life one could ever imagine. Some of her woes were already listed above, to know more, read the next paragraph. You can skip it if you wish, you will miss nothing.

Where to start? Her family? Her father never, for once, cared about her. She remembered the time he had silenced her with a withering look (which, according to her sister was a weirded out look) when she had requested for a wedding dress made of mithril, surely it was not too much to ask for as a would-be princess, was it? Her mother was no less evil. Always, both of her parents went on and on about how good her sister aws, why she could not be more like her, etcetera etcetera. It was due to her mother that she has got the ugly scar on her fingers. It was from the time she had to pick up the shards of the broken vase. She tried to explain that it was an accident that she broke the vase, but no one seemed to listen to her. That witch sister of her even called her names (airhead). What was so great about her anyways, she was always jealous of her beauty and spent her time doing useless things. And the way she laughed when she talked about the love of her life.

Okay, sad story over. You can start reading now.

The class ended as she was revisiting those hurtful memories. She suddenly became aware of the fact that the whole class was staring at her. This happened often. Her beauty was a bane to her existence. Smiling shyly, she ducked her head.

She heard the tired voice of Mr. Smith. "Clearly, you didn't listen to a single word I said." Then he repeated slowly as she looked up, confused. "You will have to bring your parents to get your cell phone back. Understood?"

Horrorstruck, she could only nod mutely. No! Not her parents! She could already feel the students smiling behind her back. She knew they were going to abuse her, ridicule her as soon as the teacher left. She picked up her bag and dashed out of the room. She could feel tears prickling her eyes. She cannot go home. She will run away. Yes, she will run away. She has read enough fanfiction to know that if she entered the woods next to her school, she will reach Middle-Earth. Yes, that's what she would do.

Meanwhile, in Middle-Earth,

The orcs and the uruk-hais had just finished their mad race for the day and had dumped their prisoners on the ground carelessly.

One of the little creatures they had captured bit his lip to prevent the howl of pain from escaping his mouth. He knew all too well what would happen if those monsters heard it. But….

He looked around. His cousin was still unconscious.

"Merry?", he whispered. He was careful to keep his voice low. He would not risk the repetition of the event that had occurred earlier.

No response.

"Merry!", he tried a little bit louder.

This time, he opened his eyes.

"Uggh. Pip? I am awake."

Pippin sent a silent thanks to the forces that be. They had faced enough loss as it is. He could not bear the loss of his closest friend, too.

Merry did not fail to notice the relief flooding his younger cousin's feature.

He cracked a smile. He had only seen that look before when they used to escape Farmer Maggot's dog safely. How times change.

"No need to be so worried. I won't die so soon. I promised, remember?"

"Shut up, scumbags!" Two boots collided with each of their sides. As the pain subsided, Pippin could only think of one thing.

Promises won't keep them alive.

He tried to listen to the argument that had broken out between their captors. They argued a lot. But the ongoing one was… It was enough make him want to retch.

"Heard that? They want to eat us!" he whispered to Merry.

Merry nodded. "But the leader doesn't seem to agree."

"That could be our only hope."

"I think this is how the mushrooms feel when we attack them."

Pippin grimaced. Merry did have a sordid sense of humour.

Suddenly, a loud pop was heard. It even stopped the quarrel among the orcs.

A girl, hardly out of her teens, was standing near the fire lit by the uruks. The light of the fire amplified her perfect complexion. It shone on her hair like a thousand crystals. Her luminous eyes (under voluminous lashes) shone with different colour. Her figure….

Pippin paled. Merry gasped. Suddenly, they remembered, The Dark Lord was not the worst form of evil.

"Is that…"

"…..what I think that is?"

It was a beautiful starry night, just beside a magical forest, what was its name again? Hmm, Fangirl. That must be it.

That was what she first noticed when she came out of the portals. Not the threatening orcs, no. because noticing them was too mainstream.

But when she did, she almost fainted. There it was again. Everyone staring at her. She blushed scarlet. They didn't know that she has already given her heart to someone else.

She could predict what would happen next. Blinded by her beauty, and loveliness, the enemy would forget their malice against the world and fight to earn her hand. She paled at the thought of how many lives would be lost due to her loyalty to Legolas. She opened her mouth to speak, to prevent the impending disaster…

~One can plan for the change in
weather and time
But I never planned for the change in your mind…~

"It seems meat is back on menu, boys!"

"But I thought…"

"Don't think, Merry. They NEVER die." Pippin barely resisted the shudder.

"At least, it is not after us!"

"It seems meat is back on menu, boys!"

All of the blood-thirsty monsters rushed to the spot, captives forgotten for the moment.

They looked at each other. And both knew what was going on in the others mind.

Time to escape.

"Seems it will die this time."

He has never been so wrong.

For in their hurry to escape, they failed to notice the sparkling cloud of glitters that had suddenly appeared where the abomination stood.

Later, when the Éored of the Third Marshall slaughtered the uruks, none of them questioned why those beasts where in such a dazed state. Neither did they appear to notice the pink glitters that covered the abominations of Saruman.

After all, they all had dreadful memories regarding pink glitters.

Disclaimer 2: The song lyrics belong to Taylor Swift. Not me.

A/N: Well, it seems Pippin was right after all. They don't really die. :D What do you think? Read and review please!