Just something that won't leave my head. I might write more of this if I get the urge.

Title from 'O Captain! My Captain!' By Walt Whitman

The thing is, the Howard Stephanie knew and the Howard that Tony knew were two very different people. Everybody knows this, from SHIELD to the Avengers to Stephanie and Tony themselves.

The thing people don't know is that the Stephanie Tony knows and the Stephanie that Howard knew are two very different people as well. The Stephanie Tony knows has been to war, has lost everybody she ever cared about and woke up in a strange world where everything had changed.

She isn't Stephanie Rogers, the kid from Brooklyn. She is Captain America, super soldier and war hero. She is the first female Army officer, the first female Captain. She is the inspiration behind massive feminism movements, and she is the face of World War II. She is an icon, a fairy tale, a bedtime story. Captain America is a legacy. Stephanie Rogers just wanted to fight for her country.

The Stephanie Howard met was a skinny, average looking girl from Brooklyn who didn't like bullies. She volunteered for an experiment that they didn't want to risk able bodied men who could go to war on.

The Stephanie Howard knew was the one he flew into enemy airspace to save a friend. She was taller than him, all blonde hair and blue eyes and every inch of her body muscle. She could snap him in half. She was young and headstrong and didn't let the ideas of what women should be get in the way of her mission. Her team loved her and followed her wherever she led them. She was brave and beautiful and anyone who met her fell a little bit in love with her.

The Howard Stephanie knew asked her to marry him.

Years later, after the ice and the aliens, she gets to know her new team. It takes a while, but eventually she can joke and laugh again, and things start to get better. She's gotten good at deflection and avoidance, so it takes a while for Tony to realize she never looks him in the eyes. When he finally confronts her about it, she looks around and Tony realizes that they're in the middle of the living room and the other Avengers are there. It's not the best time or place for it, but Tony knows if he lets her get away it'll be a long time before he can ask again. He's never been good at waiting.

Eventually she sighs, and takes off her dog tags. They lay curled in her hand until she reaches out and puts them in his. He looks down at them, and his eyes are immediately drawn to the ring nestled between them on the chain. There's no mistaking it - it's an engagement ring. He stares, and then looks between it and her several times with dawning comprehension.

When he doesn't say anything, she lifts her hand to his face and rubs her thumb over his cheek, just under his eye. They stare at each other for a moment before she drops her hand again.

"You look just like him," she finally says, hands clenching. "And you should have been mine." With those words said, she leaves the room.

Stephanie Rogers has always left silence in her wake.