Disclaimer: I do NOT own Loveless or anything associated with it. It all belongs to Yun Kouga. I make NO money off of writing in this fandom.

000

Sitting on a rear seat of an afternoon train bound for Gora, Ritsuka Aoyagi used his headphones and the punk-rock ensemble that blasted from them to drown out the world as he watched it blur by. The bullet train was a more expensive, but quicker way to get to Gora then he had gone before; in a car with Soubi and Kio. He shook his black hair covered head to get rid of the memories that thoughts of that trip brought up; his brother's return, Soubi helping him flee and then going comatose, fighting Akame and then exchanging him for Kio, fighting Bloodless, etc., etc.

I've got my bags packed

My favorite pillow

Take my sleeping bag

Climb out the window

It was hard enough sneaking out of his parents' home when it was just himself. But couple that with a couple luggage bags that he had had to pack hurriedly and flee with? That had made it even harder. He wondered how Soubi had ever managed to get up to the balcony connected to him bedroom, let alone the few times he had come carrying a large canvas to do some painting while at Ritsuka's for a change of scenery. Ritsuka hadn't wanted to leave the way he ended up leaving, but he couldn't exactly walk out the front door without expecting a new injury to be given to him by his mother, or for his father to try and stop him; claiming that leaving would steal his mother's last bit of sanity (which Ritsuka was sure didn't exist in her anyway) and send her in a downward spiral. He didn't need another injury or a random guilt trip from his home-for-once father.

All the pictures of me

I've left behind

All the freedom and fame

I'm gonna find

He'd managed to pack most of his clothing, his cell phone and the charger to go with it, a handheld gaming device, his camera and the USB chord it came with, a blanket Yuiko had made for him, school stuff, and a few photo albums and frames that he didn't want to leave behind. His corkboard covered in photos of himself and his friends, but mostly of Soubi, was delicately placed in his largest piece of luggage and lovingly wrapped in leftover Christmas wrapping paper to protect it. The other frames had been wrapped in haste. It wasn't that they, or the photo albums, weren't as special, but they were easier to protect and he couldn't waste a ton of paper on them when he had the big corkboard to be wary of the possible destruction of. Everything had a place in his luggage and was selected and packed very carefully. He made sure to only take the important things.

And I wonder

How long it will take them

To notice that I'm gone

And I wonder how far it will take me

No doubt his father wouldn't come up to check on him while he was home, however long he was home, and his mother rarely spoke to him unless it was something important, like dinner. But even then, she sometimes ignored her youngest son; declaring that he wasn't hers simply because he suffered severe memory loss and a personality change as a result of said gap in his memory. It wasn't his fault, but she made sure to make him think and feel that it was. He knew this gave him until his prolonged absence from school made his Sensei worry that him being missing wouldn't be discovered. After a while, she'd call the police, or maybe even conduct a home visit, to find him. That would alert his mother, who would make a fuss and force the police to show up anyway, and thus get his father alerted by them and, hopefully, get his mother carted off somewhere that she wouldn't be a danger to him or anyone else. By the time this all happened, he'd have made a new name for himself in Gora and trained at Seven Voices Academy. He wouldn't be recognizable as Aoyagi Ritsuka anymore. Perhaps he'd adopt a brand new name. One given to him by Nagisa-sensei or something. Or maybe he'd just call himself 'Loveless'; as it was easy, required no thought to create, and was a name people knew him by already. He'd probably join Septimal Moon as Number Six by that point in time, and be known as the group's Tester; the one who was sent to test newly formed units and those who were deemed unfit for the Fighting world. Maybe everyone else would forget about him by that point in time, too. 'Aoyagi who?' they'd say. And 'whatever happened to that quiet kid that hung out with Hawatari?' But, no, that wouldn't be. Yuiko would remember. Yayoi would remember. They had photos of him, after all, and photos were memories that were kept with you forever. That was why he couldn't forgive or accept the destruction of a photo; no matter how old and seemingly worthless it was. It always had something to do with someone else or something else, and thus always had a worth, a purpose; to remind others of someone or something long since forgotten. So no matter how long it took for him to be reported as missing or as a runaway, no matter how long it took for anyone at all to notice his absence and think something was wrong, his friends could never forget. Not with photographs to remind them.

To run away

Life don't make any sense to me

Run away

He didn't understand it. Why, of all people, was he chosen to be burden with the loss of ten years of his life? Why was he fated to be the Sacrifice of the Loveless pair; a fighting team with no Fighter? Why was he the one chosen to have a psychotic, polar opposite, delusional brother, a schizophrenic, delusional, abusive mother, and an absent, uncaring, unsupportive father? Why him? Why was he meant to suffer in the ways that he was suffering? Why, why, why? It didn't make sense. Someone up there had to have it out for him, or something. Did his number get called in heaven to live and lead a horrifying, nightmarish existence? Did he do something evil in a past life and was thus being punished in this one? There had to be a reason. Everything had a…oh, great, now he was starting to think like Mikado; the Sacrifice of the Moonless' unit. He didn't have a problem with her or anything, and he in fact kind of liked her as a companion if no one else was around and he was that desperate, but he didn't need to sound like her. He knew his brother hated her train of thought, and he didn't want the psychotic Seimei to hate him as well. His brother was a killer, and Ritsuka definitely didn't want to be on his bad side. Though, from what everyone else had been saying, Seimei was too devoted to and obsessed with his brother for that to ever happen. Some said his affections towards the younger Aoyagi were border-lining on incestuous, and the mere thought of it disgusted the younger brother, but anything was possible with Seimei's warped mentality.

This life makes no sense to me

Run away

Life don't make any sense to me

Run away

Life don't make any sense to me

Ritsuka supposed he'd never really, fully, truly understand his brother's strange mentality. The two brothers were the only true humans alive on this planet, and thus the only ones that would be allowed to live peacefully-or at all-in his perfect world when he finally, and his equally insane Fighter (or was he just blindly following orders? Sometimes it seemed he had a conscious and didn't want to do what Seimei wanted, but it could have been a ruse to gain trust and sympathy from people who otherwise distrusted and despised him; such as Soubi and Ritsuka, himself. His brother's other half he might be, but that didn't mean that Ritsuka had to like him in any way, shape, or form. And he didn't), took over the world and recreated it to fit the mold Seimei wanted it to fit. Ritsuka felt sorry for the world if Seimei ever did rule it. He couldn't bear to live in a world like that. All his friends, classmates, Sensei, his parents-though they didn't really matter all that much to the younger brother-would be killed so that only Seimei and those he saw fit for the world would survive. That left about a dozen people standing. Well, two people, and quite a few animals; Soubi the freedom-seeking bird, Nisei the loyal dog, Chouma the chattering mouse, Bloodless the hunting falcons, and of course King Seimei and Prince Ritsuka. While Seimei likened those around him to animals, Ritsuka liked to consider them more like chess pieces in some strange little game that Seimei was forcing the world to play with him. Soubi was like a valiant knight, charging into battle at a moment's notice. Nisei was like a rook; only able to go so far before his master tugged him back or let him be slaughtered by opposing forces. Chouma, and Bloodless were mere little pawns as far as he could tell. But that left Seimei as the fearless King that hid behind his pawns to save his own hide, and Ritsuka as the devoted Queen who would do anything and everything for his King, and had the most free-range to move. It was a disturbing mental image, but it was the easiest way to break down Seimei's strange ideals into rational form.

I was just trying to be myself

You go your way

I'll meet you in hell

No matter what he did, it seemed that Ritsuka wasn't good enough. He got great grades, had a few good, close friends, went to his therapy sessions and got home mostly, on time for his curfew. Sure he came home late-mostly because he and Soubi were caught up in a battle or each other-and he didn't eat the things he used to or do the things he used to. But wasn't it just good enough for him to be himself? His therapist, Katsuko-sensei said that it was okay to be his own person and live for himself. But was it? How could he be himself when everyone wanted and expected something from and of him in some way? Katsuko-sensei wanted him to be himself, his mother wanted him to be her Ritsuka, his father wanted him to just be gone-from what he could tell, the man didn't care for anyone, let alone his wife or kids-Yuiko wanted him to love her the way she loved him, Yayoi wanted him to let Yuiko down gently so that he could have her, Septimal Moon and the Zeroes wanted him to be the 'Sacrifice they knew he would become one day' and the new seat six for Septimal Moon, other units wanted him to fight them, Seimei wanted him to become his ever-faithful, soul-bound servant, Nisei wanted him to go away and stop stealing all of Seimei's attention away, Soubi wanted him to be a Master and give orders, Mikado and her Fighter wanted him to help them stop Seimei…there wasn't a single person he could think of that didn't want anything from him. Except, he supposed, the former older, female Zero unit. But they weren't a part of his world since he and Soubi defeated them, so they didn't really count. So how could he be himself when everyone else wanted him to be someone or something else? He supposed Soubi's need for him to give orders was the least demanding of them all. All the man was taught his entire life was that he was a tool to be used and ordered about and beaten and broken. Ritsu-sensei ingrained it into him during his training, and Seimei solidified it by being what he was best in being; a sadistic bastard with no remorse. Ritsuka wanted to change that, but it was hard to change something someone was conditioned to believe.

All these feelings that I shouldn't tell

I've got to run away

It's hypocritical of you

Do as you say

Not as you do

His heart was so confused by itself that the advice of 'follow your heart' that a school counselor had given him was impossible. How could he follow it when it was tugging itself in several different directions? On one hand, he wanted to please everyone. On the other hand, he wanted to tell them all to shove it and do whatever it was that made him happy. He did have a dream for his future, no matter how hard that was to believe. He wanted to go to art school like Soubi, but he wanted to go for photography. And if that didn't work out, he wanted to go into Psychology. If he did that, he could maybe not only find out the cause and the cure for his long-suffered amnesia, but he could help other people in similar situations as him. He could counsel people on what to do when they felt like they were at a loss in life, or help teenagers that felt like they didn't fit in realize the power inside of them. And perhaps he'd be a Sacrifice, maybe even Septimal Moon's number Six, on the side. Meetings once a month couldn't hurt his business too bad. To hell with it, maybe he could get into art therapy! He could use photography and memory-making to help others learn to express themselves and let go of things holding them back. He could introduce other people to something that helped him through the rough patches in hopes that, maybe, one day it could help him. Yeah…that sounded nice…using his hobby of photography and his interest in psychology and his own issues to help people, all the while being a Sacrifice on the side to be true to the other side of him.

I'll never be your perfect girl

I've got to run away

But in order for any of that, or anything good, to come true and come out of his life, he had to get away for a while. He couldn't stay in Tokyo with his abusive mother, absent father, attempting to understand friends and Sensei, taunting Zero boys, and annoying school bullies. Sure, he'd miss everyone, and try to stay in contact with them if he could, so long as they couldn't find him, but this was something he had to do. It was high time he stopped caring about others and started paying some attention to himself and his own needs. Maybe then he could unravel the mysteries behind his memory and set his heart on a clear path to find what he was meant to be. Maybe training at the Academy could awaken something in him. He hated being so hopeless, useless, and defenseless when it came to battles and the like. All he needed was the chance to do something great. After all, didn't Ritsu-sensei and his Fighter start off as complete failures, getting kicked out of the school, and almost separated from one another? Didn't they have one of the worst records of losing battles in the history of Spell Battles and Seven Voices Academy? And yet there he was, the head of Septimal Moon, and the greatest sensei and Sacrifice of his generation (his Fighter was Soubi's late mother, who died in an accident when Soubi was eight years old, leaving her son in the care of Ritsu). So maybe there was hope for him yet. But first, he had to get away.

I'm too young to be taken seriously

But I'm too old to believe

All this hypocrisy

He often felt like the world was crushing down on him; suffocating him so he couldn't breathe. Only to loosen the noose around his neck just enough to give him false hopes long enough for him to finally become happy. Then it would swipe out the chair from underneath him and let him hang by that noose again until he was drowning in his own despair, only to repeat the process. The idea of having someone out there controlling everything and weaving misfortune after misfortune, after loss after loss into his life made him feel slightly better about the bad turns his life had taken. After all, if someone else out there, some unknown being and entity, was controlling the strings, then he wasn't responsible. Just one more burden lifted off his shoulders. He knew that his memory loss was the result of a too-powerful spell being used by a, at the time, too-weak Akame Nisei, and that only Akame could reverse it, if it were possible. But something had to decide that that would happen to him. Whether it used Nisei or Seimei or Soubi or anyone else to carry it out, it would happen regardless and leave him standing on his toes on a cliff overlooking a pile of jagged rocks in the ocean below; just waiting for him to tumble to his death. The fact that he wasn't in control of his own misfortunes and bad luck was strangely comforting.

And I wonder

How long it will take them

To see my bed is made

It had already been two hours. He'd been on that god-forsaken train for two whole hours with nothing but his music and his thoughts to keep him sane. Sometimes thinking was tiring and got him more depressed then he already was, but there wasn't really much that he could do. When the train finally stopped for a transfer in Kyoto, Ritsuka was happy to stretch his legs and gather his luggage to move onto the next train, and possibly grab a bite to eat on the way. He was down to his last few dollars, but it would have to do until he could get to the Academy and get some free food in his stomach (Nagisa-sensei had promised to treat him to dinner once he got there and got settled in a dorm). Setting his eyes on a vending machine, Ritsuka chose a selection of a couple treats and a drink to take with him. He had half an hour before the next train began loading passengers and luggage, so he had time to eat first. He hungrily ripped open a cherry Pop Tart package before diving into the snack and chasing it down with a sip of ice cold generic-brand soda. It was some kind of cola. It was the only normal flavored drink he found in there, so it was the only one he got. Unlike the Breathless Sacrifice, Midori, who bought strange drinks (according to his fighter, Ai, anyway); such as banana mango or pineapple grape. He had given one to Ritsuka once the last time he was at Seven Voices Academy. It had been strawberry with something unusual in it. It may have been strawberry cola, now that he thought of it more.

"You shouldn't be eating such junk food. A growing boy like you needs real food." A kind woman's voice spoke to him.

Ritsuka could almost hear Soubi telling him the same thing, but adding something about training the senses using his food intake. Ritsuka looked up to see a young woman, around Soubi's age, standing next to him.

"I'm sorry to bother you," she went on, "but there are no other open tables. Would you mind if I sat down?"

"Go ahead." Ritsuka shrugged. Some companionship wasn't a bad idea.

"Thanks." She sat and pulled out a bag lunch. "Where is a young boy like you heading in the middle of a school day with all that stuff?"

"I'm going to my new school. It's a boarding school."

"Switching in the middle of the semester? What a shame."

"Yeah." He shrugged. "Not the first time I did it." He ate some of his pop tart. "Where are you heading?"

"Back home for classes tomorrow. I'm a college student. I go to Ato in Tokyo, if you've heard of it?"

"I know some students there." Ritsuka smiled.

That was Soubi's college! Well, former college, since Soubi was off running to God knows where and doing God knows what under his brother's orders. Not that Ritsuka really believe in a 'God'. Would a supposedly benign God let him, and the rest of the world for that matter, live in such turmoil and pain?

"Oh, you do? But you're a little young…"

"They're my brother's friends."

"Ah, I understand." She pulled out a sandwich and offered him half. "I promise, it's not poisonous."

He laughed. "Thank you, but I couldn't take your lunch…"

"Nonsense, I have another in here." She replied. "You need to eat real food. Soubi-san once yelled at me for eating only junk food while I was working on my manga. I can't cook, so it's no surprise. He cooked for me that day." She laughed. "What a nice guy he is sometimes. Despite all the flack he gets from other students for being so cold and aloof."

"You know Soubi?"

"You do?"

Ritsuka nodded. "He was my brother's friend."

"Ah…wait a moment…" She put on a pair of glasses that had been clipped to her shirt and he immediately recognized her. "Ritsuka-kun?" She wondered.

"Hanabi-san?"

She laughed. "Wow, what a small world! I almost didn't recognize you! Your hair grew out…and you have your ear pierced…?"

"Yeah." Ritsuka flushed.

Though he had been the one to pierce Soubi's ears a while back, Soubi hadn't done the same for him. Ritsuka had had it professionally done and wore his hair long to hide it from his mother. It was nothing special. Just a tiny cobalt blue butterfly; the same color as Soubi's eyes.

"Well I'll be." She giggled. "How have you been all this time? Last I saw you was at Comiket!"

Ritsuka had gone with Soubi and Hanabi to help her sell her manga. Hanabi had been a manga artist since she was fourteen and was really good. She wrote mostly boy's-love manga, but that didn't bother Ritsuka, considering he was gay and starting to come to terms with it, though it was really only for Soubi.

"I've…um…I've been better." He admitted. "How have you been?"

"I've been great! I've just sold my 2000th copy of my manga, and volume 8 is going to be on shelves soon." She reached into her bag and pulled out a small box set of all her currently published manga. "Here." She handed it to him. "I have so many, I don't know what to do with them. Just don't let your new sensei catch you reading this kind of thing, okay?" She pointed up in the air and winked at him.

Ritsuka smiled softly. "I won't. Arigato, Hanabi-san."

"Please, Hanabi." She corrected.

He nodded.

"Now, what do you mean you've 'been better'? Ah, I get it. You miss Soubi-san, don't you?"

"What?" He blinked. "H-How did…?"

"Honey, I write BL." She laughed. "I know what it's like for a young man's boyfriend to go missing for no reason and…"

"Woah, Soubi isn't my boyfriend!" Ritsuka flushed as he protested.

Boyfriends didn't do what Soubi did. They didn't beg you to leave them, then turn around and leave you the moment your brother snaps his fingers and orders them to.

"He isn't?" She scratched the side of her head. "Then, boy, did I misread some signals. Ah, and I write this kind of thing. How embarrassing."

Ritsuka flushed. "Well…um…he's not my boyfriend, but I guess the term works…"

She giggled. "I knew it." She stated. "Any idea where he is?"

"No."

"Oh." She sighed, leaning back in her chair. "He's always been aloof, I admit, but not telling you where he is going off to? That's strange."

"…Did you pick up on it, too?"

"Of course." She replied. "He's crazy for you."

"Then why did he leave me?"

Silence fell over them both.

"Maybe he had no choice. Or left to protect you."

"Protect me?" From his obsessed, incestuous brother? "What do you mean?"

"I always got the feeling that Soubi-san was involved in something dangerous, and I guess, I don't know…I thought you might have gotten dragged into it. You're so close, after all."

"You're perceptive…just like Yuiko…" Ritsuka muttered.

Gentle hearts were always perceptive, it seemed. They were very in tune with others and their feelings. Ritsuka wondered if Yuiko ever felt hints of his, or Soubi's, powers.

She smiled. "Well just stay safe, okay?"

Ritsuka nodded. "Hey…could I ask you a question. You're detached enough from my situation that you could be objective."

"If you're going to ask if you should wait on Soubi, then yes. He's a good guy…"

"I know he is, and I plan on waiting for him for as long as it takes for him to get back to his senses and come back, but that's not it, no."

"Then what?"

"Do you think it's okay to live your life the way you want to, even when everyone wants something different from you?"

"What are you referring to?"

"Well…it just seems like everyone wants something from me, or wants me to be something. But I can't please them all, and I'm afraid that trying to please anyone could make me lose myself."

She frowned. "You're too young for a mid-life crisis, Ritsuka."

"I know. But that's the problem. I'm not a naïve little kid like everyone seems to think I am. Everyone hides stuff from me. My friends, my family, my brother, Soubi…no one can tell me the straight-up truth." He paused. "I know it's to protect me, but maybe I don't want to be protected. Maybe I just want to be me and everyone else can deal with it. Is that so bad? My therapist says that I should be true to myself and that it's alright to live for myself. But what if that costs me everything and everyone I've grown so close to since…well…since my memory loss…"

She tapped a finger on her chin. "Let me give you a little advice here. Being a Manga-ka, I understand the pressures of staying true to yourself despite what anyone else says." She started a generic speech that he was sure Katsuko-sensei could give or would at least approve of. "Everyone in my class looks down on me because I draw manga, and my parents just don't understand. My boyfriend does, but that's it. But not the point here." She shook her head and smile good-naturedly. "The point is if you spend your whole life trying to please everyone and trying to do what everyone else wants, then you're going to be wasting your life being nothing more than a puppet, a mindless slave. If that. You can't let the little light of you fade into the darkness with the shadows of 'them'." She paused. "You've got to live life and be true to yourself, because no one else can be you. There's only one you, right? And that's all there will ever be."

"This is the second me." He confessed. "My memory loss caused a shift in personality. I'm much different then I used to be."

"And some people change over time, that's just the natural flow of things."

"And my mother doesn't approve, father doesn't care…"

"To hell with what they think or know or understand." Hanabi smiled. "In the end, you're going to disappoint yourself if you don't be yourself. By not being yourself, you're robbing the world of the wonderful gift that is you. Whatever you are and whatever defines you is, it's you, and it's what you have to be true too."

"But what if I don't know what it is?"

"You're in sixth grade?" She waited until he nodded to confirm. "You have your whole life ahead of you. Some people find their calling when they're children, others as teens, and others as adults. Go at your own pace!" She leaned back in her chair and spread her arms out. "Take your time figuring out what it is that fits the best for you, and you'll find it at the right time. Don't rush it, don't try to stop it. Just take it as it comes."

"All my friends know what they want to do."

Yuiko wanted to teach Pre-K or elementary school, Yayoi wanted to write manga or beta test video games, Soubi and his friends were on the paths to being artists (though they were highly qualified as is), Shinonome-sensei was a teacher, Katsuko-sensei was a therapist, Osamu wanted to be a photographer, Seimei wanted to take over the world, Nisei was already a computer hacker…everyone had a plan, a direction, but him.

"Not everyone finds out what their calling is right away, you know." Hanabi smiled. "It may take time. Years, even."

"But what if I don't have years to wait to figure it out?"

"Parents' pressuring you to find a focus already?" She wondered innocently. "I don't understand that extra harsh push some parents give their children. I'm lucky my parents don't do that to me. They're pretty free spirited."

"That sounds nice."

"It can get irritating sometimes. No discipline, so drive…just nothingness and pure acceptance of anything and everything. I'd like to, just once, for a day, have parents that would push back against me. Stricter parents like the guy that raised Soubi-san. Soubi-san says he was raised by a teacher who was very cruel to him, but it drove him more into his passion so he could escape."

Ritsuka almost jokingly offered for them to switch parents, but he couldn't wish that on someone like Hanabi. No matter how erotic her work was, she was still an innocent, untainted soul in his opinion. He couldn't wreck her or wish a family like his upon her.

"Yeah, Sensei is a complicated case." Ritsuka replied. "I don't have much of a problem with him, but I don't like how he treated Soubi when he was growing up."

"Ah, so you met this man."

"Of course."

He hadn't had a choice. The man was part of the organization that allegedly 'killed' his brother, though they were just implicated in an encoded will that Seimei had left on the computer for him and only him to find, as he wasn't really dead and was the killer of the now-dead man thought to be his brother. Burnt to death in an elementary school classroom…the poor guy must've really suffered. Ritsuka wondered just who it was that Seimei had had Nisei kill. Was it his real Fighter? Or an enemy? Or maybe someone unconnected who unfortunately looked like his brother somehow? Whoever it was, Ritsuka made sure to pray for their soul every day, considering Seimei's was probably too far gone to be saved by now, anyway.

"Well, listen to me, rambling on when you just asked me for simple advice." She laughed. "I'm so scatterbrained sometimes, aren't I?"

Ritsuka smiled. "Not, really. It was on topic, after all."

"Yes, I suppose it was." She smiled. "Anyway, don't give into that kind of pressure, okay? You'll figure it out at your own pace, when the time is right. To hell with what anyone else wants or thinks. It's what you want and you need and you think that matter." She looked at her watch. "Oh, look at the time! I better get going towards my train back to Tokyo." She put away her not-finished sandwich. "It was great to see you again, Ritsuka-kun. Don't be a stranger around Ato, okay?"

"I'll try not to be." Ritsuka smiled softly. "I'll see you around, Hanabi-chan." He stood and bowed. "Nice seeing you again. Thank you for the food!"

"You're welcome, Ritsuka-kun." She zipped up her backpack and gave him a kiss on the top of his head, between his ears. "Stay safe and have a nice trip. Say hi to Soubi-san for me!" She ran off as the overhead speakers crackled to life and began rambling off information about an incoming train and boarding procedures.

Ritsuka sighed and took a bite out of the sandwich half she'd given him. Hanabi-chan didn't seem to know how good she had it. He'd kill to have parents that were as lenient and carefree as hers seemed to be.

And I wonder

If I was a mistake

I might have nowhere else to go

But I know that I cannot go home

Maybe he was stupid for running away. Maybe he should just go back home and deal with life like the man he wanted to be, not the boy that he was. Yes, it was true and he knew it was. He was a child, a preteen. And no matter how many adult books he read, or adults he hung out with, or what indifferent disposition he took, or what big words he used; Aoyagi Ritsuka was not an adult. He was a twelve year old boy that claimed to know more about the world then he really did. He was just a child who was forced to grow up before his time due to circumstances that he was stuck in and couldn't change, no matter how much he tried to. So maybe, like a child, he should run back home to his parents' house; where he had a warm bed to sleep in, hot food in his belly, clothes on his back, and a roof over his head. Yes, that same roof housed a psychotic woman that purposefully cooked foods that 'her' son would never eat, just so she could test him to see if he was really her son, and so she could lash out and injure him when he unknowingly ate something he shouldn't have. It wasn't the safest home in the universe, but it was a home, and it was his home. Maybe he should give up and go home. Seven Voices Academy wasn't somewhere he really wanted to go, anyway. He didn't want to be trained to be like his brother. He didn't want to join Septimal Moon and become corrupted like his brother did. He didn't want to be Loveless. He just wanted to be himself and live a normal life devoid of fighters, sacrifices, and word spell. He just wanted Soubi by his side where he belonged; whether that was as a friend, an ally, a sidekick, a fighter, a servant, a lover…he just wanted things to go back to normal. Well, normal being a relevant term. He wanted things to go back to the way they were when he still thought that Seimei was dead and he wanted revenge for his murder. Back to the way things were around the time that he met Soubi, but before that first fateful battle with Breathless; a battle which Soubi fought alone, though Ritsuka was at his side, because he was afraid to get the inexperienced boy hurt. Was that so much to ask…?

These words are strapped inside my head

Tell me to run before I'm dead

Chase the rainbows in my mind

And I will try to stay alive

But then again, if he went back to the way things were, back to that hellish nightmare house that he called his home, who knows how long he'd be able to survive there. Between his father's alcohol-induced blackouts, and his mother's psychosis-induced blackouts and beatings, there was only so long he could last. Sure, his father was harmless when inebriated, just like he was when sober, but there was still his mother to worry about. And whether he was drunk or sober, his father never interfered. Well, never was a bit of overkill. He had intervened a few times back in the months following Seimei's death, and a couple times since Ritsuka transferred into his own school. However, since he was absent more often than not, he was unable to protect his son from the most severe of beatings; the ones that would leave Ritsuka broken and hopeless and helpless. The ones that would leave wounds that took weeks to heal instead of mere days. The ones that would leave the biggest scars on his psyche and have him believing once again that he was a mistake and that he needed to go away and make way for the real, true Ritsuka to come back. The ones that would leave him sobbing uncontrollably in his room afterwards, unable to cheer himself up by staring at the photographs in his room of the people that made even his darkest days fill with sunshine and radiance. It was times like that when he needed his father the most, but he wasn't there. But maybe he deserved what happened to him. Maybe he'd done something in a past life that was so horrible that he was suffering in the worst possible way in this life. Maybe whatever cruel being had given him the name of Loveless had really been based on what certain outcomes and situations would happen in his life. Despite the many friends and people in his life that claimed to like, and even love him, he really wasn't loved by the people who should love him no matter what; his parents. Sure, he had Seimei's unconditional love, but Seimei was his psychotic brother, and Ritsuka didn't really think it was a good thing that his brother approved of him.

Maybe the world will know one day

Why won't you help me run away?

Maybe once they noticed he was gone, there would be an investigation into his life and his family and something could be done about his mother. Maybe she could get help somehow that would stop her from going into her psychotic rages and such. Maybe his leaving would do more good than it did harm. After all, though she didn't really want him around, she was still his mother and he did still want her to be safe, happy, and healthy; even if she didn't want the same for him.

Life don't make any sense to me

Run away

This life makes no sense to me

Run away

What was he going to do if he went back to Tokyo and his parents? Hang his head in shame of the fact that he couldn't bring himself to just get up and leave, like he knew was the only real move he should make? Go home and tell the Zeroes that he had failed because his conscience got in the way and told him that he couldn't abandon everything and everyone he knew back in Tokyo? Only to have them laugh mercilessly at him for hours on end? Then again, he didn't really have to tell them at all, but they were expecting him in Gora, after all. He had said he was only coming to visit and talk to Mikado about the recent information she'd gathered concerning his brother. He hadn't told them that he was planning on staying indefinitely. If they knew that that had been his intentions, they would definitely never let him live it down. So it was best that he hadn't told them. Maybe he could just say he had a quiz or a test in class that he couldn't miss and that was why he never showed up? No…he couldn't just not go. Maybe he could just go for the weekend like they planned and visit, and then decide later on if he was going to stay or not? Yeah, that would work…

I could sing for change on a Paris street

Be a red light dancer in New Orleans

I could start again

Choose a family

I can change my name

Come and go as I please

Sitting on the connecting train to Gora's train station, Ritsuka couldn't help but let his mind drift back to the idea of his new life in Gora, should he decide to stay. He could do pretty much whatever he wanted, that Nagisa-sensei would allow, as she was the one who would take care of him. She knew of his plans to move to Gora, but he had made her promise not to tell the Zeroes. Other than having to go to class and Septimal Moon meetings whenever the meetings occurred, he wouldn't have any responsibilities. His meals would be covered by Seven Voices Academy, there was a library in Septimal Moon's Old Schoolhouse that he could use, he had a badge to let him into anywhere and everywhere on the academy, and he got paid via Septimal Moon for whatever he needed. He could hang with his friends when he wasn't testing other units, since that would be his job within Septimal Moon once he got a Fighter, and even make new friends. Socializing with other Units might help him, actually. People more like him. Well, not exactly like him, but close enough. People that could understand the problems that came along with being a Sacrifice and being without a Fighter; since most of the students at the Academy had not been paired up yet. He'd also be safe. Even if his parents were able to find him, they couldn't get to him. All he had to do was stand behind the doors between the lobby and the entrance to Seven Voices Academy, and he'd be untouchable by them. Sure, he was a minor and thus his parents had complete control over him, but things were different at the Academy, and there were Fighters that could erase their memories of his location and send them on their way while he hid from view. The security guards there may be civilians, but they had been able to handle Akame pretty well after he fell in battle against Soubi and Ritsuka a while back, and he was the second best Fighter (as far as Ritsuka knew, second to Soubi himself) in the world. So surely they could handle a couple of civilian adults that wanted to catch, and possibly harm, their child. Then again, threatening them with the police or social services being there could make them leave. All he had to do was show papers saying he was a student there, and they couldn't go after Seven Voices or Septimal Moon for harboring a runaway. Could they even go after someone for that?

In the dead of night

They'll wonder where I've gone

Wasn't it you?

Wasn't it you?

Wasn't it you that made me run away?

No matter how much his parents would or could fuss and fight about it, and he was pretty sure they wouldn't really do much at all, it wouldn't make him, or anyone else, forget the fact that they were the reason he had run in the first place. His dad's absenteeism, his mother's psychosis and abuse had finally driven him over the edge. He wished he had agreed to let Soubi do something about his mother, or let Shinonome-sensei call CPS on them when she once offered after seeing a bruise on his cheek when his bandage had fallen off. He supposed that, other than that, they weren't really the worst parents in the world…but they were pretty damn close if he did say so himself. While intoxicated, his father once had lamented to him about how he wished he could've done more to protect him from his mother's abuse and how he wished he wasn't such a weak person. He supposed it was a start that his father at least realized he was wrong when he was out of his mind. Ritsuka wondered if his mother ever felt bad for what she's done to him.

I was just trying to be myself

You go your way

I'll meet you in hell

All these secrets that I shouldn't tell

I've got to run away

There were a lot of things he was involved in that Ritsuka would never tell anyone, especially his friends back home. Now that he thought more about everything and had the time to actually sit down and do so, he really did have more secrets then anyone his age should have ever had. Being a Sacrifice and that world was one of them, his parents were another, his brother being alive was a third, his relationship with Soubi was another, and he was pretty sure there was much more. Hanabi, Soubi, his family, Katsuko-sensei, the Zeroes, Akame, and Septimal Moon were the only ones that knew about his memory loss and personality change. Kio and his boyfriend Akira knew some things about him having no memory, but that was it. He wondered what Yuiko and Yayoi would do if they knew even one of the secrets he was keeping. And what about Osamu, his best friend from his old school that came to visit once but never again? Yuiko would worry her head off, Yayoi would probably tell someone and get his secret life exposed, and Osamu would probably just laugh at him and think he was joking with her. Alright, so maybe telling her was okay, but not the others. It was strange how she was still the only person he could really talk to without worrying about the reaction. Even Katsuko-sensei would react in a way he wouldn't want her to if she knew about certain other things. She knew relatively about Soubi, but Ritsuka didn't give her the information that Soubi was technically his boyfriend as well as his Fighter, and he hadn't called him a Fighter either. He couldn't tell her about Seimei being alive, because she might go to the police about it to get the body exhumed and cause more headaches in the real world then he, or Seimei, was prepared to deal with.

Life don't make any sense to me

Run away

This life makes no sense to me

Run away

Life don't make any sense to me

Run away

Life don't make any sense to me

He wasn't really surprised to see that the Zeroes were waiting for him with Nagisa-sensei and Ritsu-sensei when Ritsuka arrived at the train station in Gora. But he was relatively surprised when they bolted to him and knocked him to the ground the moment they saw him. His luggage went flying from his hands as he fell.

"Ow!" Ritsuka complained. "Yoji, Natsuo, what the hell!?"

"Can't we be happy to see you?" Yoji asked, as both boys sat back on their heels.

"Yeah, but you don't have to knock me over." Ritsuka laughed.

"Then what were we supposed to do? Stand there with our tails wagging like Yuiko does?" Natsuo giggled.

Ritsuka rolled his eyes. "Shut up."

The three of them helped one another up as Ritsuka grabbed his suitcase. Nagisa-sensei quickly walked over on high heels and slapped both of the boys upside the head.

"Welcome to Gora, Aoyagi-kun." She greeted.

"Yeah, thanks, Sensei." Ritsuka replied.

Ritsu-sensei wasn't far behind, adjusting his glasses over the bridge of his nose. Though Seimei had gouged out his eyes a few months before, he had managed to get surgery to replace the injured body parts. His eyes weren't blue anymore, but rather a dull green-grey. While his vision wasn't back to 100 percent yet, he could still see enough to survive. Luckily for him, considering Yoji and Natsuo had spent a lot of time leading him places and purposefully making him walk into walls. Ritsuka spotted a bandage on the bridge of his nose that suggested their last attempt to make him injure himself had succeeded and not yet healed.

"Good to see you again, Aoyagi-kun." He offered a hand.

Ritsuka gently and gingerly shook it before taking his hand back. He didn't trust the man who raised his Fighter all that much. Beforehand, he would have said it was because he was an enemy of Seimei and thus was an enemy of him, but now it was more that he knew what Seimei did to him and felt badly, as well as knew what had happened between him and Soubi years prior.

"You too, Ritsu-sensei." Ritsuka replied.

It wasn't exactly the truth, but he didn't mind lying once again.

"Well, shall we?" The eldest wondered. "Being here brings back some memories I'd rather forget."

"If you want to talk about losing memories, then Ritsuka's your man." Yoji threw an arm around his neck.

Ritsuka shoved him off and away from him. "Not funny, Yoji."

"I thought it was."

"You're the only one who did." Nagisa slapped him again.

"Ow, child abuse!" Yoji complained, rubbing his head where she had hit him.

"Another topic Ritsuka knows a lot about." Natsuo elbowed him good naturedly.

Nagisa slapped him too.

Now that he thought about it, maybe running away wasn't a great idea, after all.

This life makes no sense to me

It don't make no sense to me

Lying awake in a bed that Nagisa-sensei had set up for him in her guest bedroom, that he locked the door to so he couldn't be bothered by the Zero boys, Ritsuka let his thoughts drift back to his idea of running away. He had spoken to Nagisa-sensei and Ritsu-sensei about it on his own. They had assured him that whatever decision he made would be accepted and supported fully by Septimal Moon, and they would even pay for his trip back Sunday evening if he so wished. On one hand, he did feel safer and have fun while he was at the Academy. But on the other hand, Yoji and Natsuo's characteristically insensitive remarks earlier reminded him of a few reasons why staying was a bad idea. One, the Zero boys and their off-color humor. Two, having to be a member of Septimal Moon. Three, being a student at Seven Voices; where it was well known that he was the brother to the crazed Aoyagi Seimei. Four, he didn't trust Ritsu-sensei as far as he could throw him; neither with his education, wellbeing, safety, or ears. Five, Seimei could come back at any time and had a grudge against Septimal Moon. Six, he was pretty damn sure Seimei would come back to exact his revenge, and not care that his own brother could be caught in the crossfire. But then again, he had reasons to stay as well. He was safer, he couldn't be found by his parents, he could be trained as a Sacrifice and not be useless anymore, he might find Soubi if Seimei came back, Soubi might come to the Academy and see him if he learned that he was there, he had free food, transportation, and he had a group of surprisingly supportive people that he was sure only supported him because they thought that not doing so would send him running in the opposite direction and cost them their leverage over Seimei. Why in the world did everything come back to Seimei and, or Soubi? Ritsuka dug his palms into his shut plum colored eyes. He had to do what his therapist and what Hanabi told him to do. He had to do what was best for him and forget about everyone else and their desires for him and his life. But it wasn't easy to do, considering that Nagisa-sensei and Ritsu-sensei wanted him to stay, but his friends back home would want him to come back. So no matter what, he'd be giving in and doing what someone else wanted. He could take a higher road for it, and just run off somewhere else. That way he'd be doing something for him (running away to safety) and not doing what anyone else wanted (returning home or staying in Gora). But if he did that, he'd have to fend for himself and would probably be found and returned home to his parents against his will. Ritsuka sighed and rolled over to face the window. Just what was he going to do? As he let his eyes begin to drift closed, he spotted someone on the balcony. Thinking his eyes deceived him, he shut them to sleep. But a moment later, a knock on the balcony door startled him awake. He sat up quickly and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Surely he had to be seeing and hearing things. Or maybe this was a dream? Why else would he be seeing Soubi standing on the balcony, waiting to be invited in? Wait…Soubi?! Ritsuka threw off the covers and scrambled out of bed. Wordlessly, he unlocked and ripped open the sliding glass door to let in the night air and step onto the balcony. Soubi was leaning up against the railing, smoking a cigarette. His legs were luxuriously stretched out in front of him and crossed. The light wind tousled his shoulder length platinum blonde hair. Though he looked and was acting like nothing had changed, Ritsuka couldn't help but see something in his cobalt eyes and his face that startled him. He wasn't sure what, but within moments he was leaning on the railing next to him. His pajamas were cotton and kept him warm enough, but something was sending a chill down his spine anyway. Neither of them said a word as Ritsuka tucked a stray black bang behind his ear. Soubi took a puff off the cigarette and his large hand slowly covered Ritsuka's smaller one. Ritsuka almost jumped at how cold and clammy the blonde's hand felt, but he fought it back and relished in the warmth created between the two of them.

"Why are you here?" Soubi wondered peering down at him from the corner of his eye.

"I'm here to visit." Ritsuka swallowed the lump in his throat. "And the Sensei wanted to talk to me about something. They want me to join Septimal Moon and move here."

"And…?"

"I'm considering it, but I'm not sure." Ritsuka shrugged one shoulder. "I don't want to do it just because the others want me to."

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to escape."

"Escape what?" Soubi turned his head finally to look at him, using his other hand to hold the cigarette away from his young Sacrifice. "What are you running from, Ritsuka?"

How did Soubi's words always clear his head and cut right through him?

"I'm not running." Ritsuka replied. "I'm looking for a way out. The right door that will open up the world for me." He looked away. "It sounds foolish when I say it aloud, doesn't it?"

"Not at all." Soubi replied. "Everyone looks for something like that at one point in their life or another. For me, that escape is art. For you, it's…?"

"My photography, mostly." Ritsuka shrugged. He pulled his hand from Soubi's and stuck his hands in his pajama bottoms' pockets instead. "I just don't want to…"

"To what?"

"What if I make the wrong decision?" Ritsuka looked up at his Fighter, his ears flattening. "What if I decide on something that comes back to bite me and makes everything worse than it was before?"

"Making a mistake is natural, Ritsuka." Soubi corrected, taking another drag from his cigarette and blowing out the smoke. "You shouldn't let fear of mistakes hold you back."

"I guess." He sighed. "But what is the right choice? I want to make the right choice."

"And if your choice turns out to be the wrong one, you go back to the beginning and start anew."

"I don't have the money to keep doing that…"

"I do."

Ritsuka's eyes widened. "What are you saying, Soubi?"

"Have you considered all your options?" Soubi put out his cigarette and flicked it over the edge of the balcony. "Or only a few? What have you thought about? It seemed the idea was troubling you earlier."

Ritsuka flushed. Soubi definitely knew all the right words to say.

"Well…I…um….my choices are to stay here, to go back home to Tokyo, or go off somewhere else on my own."

"And what do you think of those options?"

"Here I'm safe and will have all my needs met, but I'll bring out Seimei's wrath and I'll have to join Septimal Moon. If I go home, I'm in familiar territory and with my friends but I'm with my mother. And if I go somewhere on my own, I'll be rounded up by CPS or something and have no way to take care of myself, but I'll be doing something for me and not something that someone else wants."

"So you've realized there are positives and negatives. The first step to making a good decision." Soubi pulled him close. "You've grown in the time we've been apart, Ritsuka."

Ritsuka nuzzled into the blonde's warmth. He was wearing the trademark purple trench coat with black fur that he was wearing the day they first met. Then again, they'd met before but Ritsuka's memory had been wiped of those times. All in all, it was fitting for their reunion.

"Things have changed…" Ritsuka paused. "I'm not the same person I was before and…and it scares me…"

"Why does it scare you?"

"The first time I changed in personality…"

"Your personality is the same." Soubi kissed the top of his head. "It's your ideals and thought process that have changed. You're getting older, Ritsuka, that's all."

Ritsuka nodded. "I guess. But Soubi…what's the right decision to make…?"

"Why don't you tell me, Ritsuka? I can't decide what's best for you."

"But first…how are you here? Why are you here?"

"I knew you were coming." Soubi confessed. "I spoke to Ritsu a few days ago and he told me."

"So you knew I was coming here to stay?"

"He said you would be here, not that you were staying. It would appear they are keeping certain information under wraps."

"Don't want Seimei to know, I guess." Ritsuka's ears flattened. "Does he know I'm here? Does he know you're here?"

"No, he is unaware. I snuck off once he was asleep."

Ritsuka nodded. In a way, Soubi coming to the Academy was him running away too; running away from an oppressive master that could and would injure him at the slightest mistake or hint that he was about to disobey…or anything else that he found a threat to his power. He was taking a great risk I coming here, but Ritsuka was glad to see him.

"You have a fourth option, you know."

"I do?" Ritsuka wondered. He hadn't thought of another. "What is it?"

Soubi grabbed his upper arm and gently pulled his hand out of his pocket. He grabbed Ritsuka's now free hand and brought it to his lips to give it a kiss.

"Run away with me." The words ghosted along Ritsuka's skin as if they were barely being spoken.

"Leave with you?" Ritsuka wondered, eyes wide. "But what about Seimei? Won't he come after us?"

"Seimei won't hurt you."

"It's not me that I'm worried about."

Soubi didn't speak for a few moments. "We can handle Seimei."

"Soubi…what are you saying?" Ritsuka pushed off of the balcony and stood in front of the Fighter, taking his hand back. "You…want to run away with me? And you're willing to go against Seimei…for me…?"

Soubi nodded once. "Of course, my Master." He smirked. "If you'll have me, that is. I know my actions are less than satisfactory for you, however, I am deeply apologetic. Know that I only left with Seimei to protect you from his wrath should I disobey him for you…and because of the control Seimei has over me. The Fighter-Sacrifice bond is strong, and ours has yet to be severed."

"So that means that we can't be bonded…doesn't it…?"

"I can sever my bond with Seimei. Just say the word, and I will give it up for a bond with you."

Ritsuka paused. "You…you would?"

Soubi nodded. "Of course." He took both of Ritsuka's hands in his own and got down on one knee, making the preteen take a step back in surprise. He looked like he was ready to propose to him. "I may be the Fighter of Aoyagi Seimei, Beloved, right now, but I can't deny fate. I am a blank Fighter. I can be given to any Sacrifice chosen for me by Septimal Moon. Seimei tricked his way into getting me, but my name can be rewritten. All I have to do is break the bond we have."

"Isn't it painful…?" Ritsuka looked away. "That's what they told me anyway."

"It's very painful, but for you, I can endure." Soubi smiled gently. "I can endure any pain or injury if it occurs for the sake of you."

Ritsuka flushed and looked away. "It's the most painful feeling in the world…"

"Like having your soul ripped in two and then ripped out of your chest."

"And you're willing to go through it…"

"To be with you."

"Seimei will be pissed…"

"I don't care."

Ritsuka finally looked back at the blonde and saw determination in his eyes. "You're sure about this?"

Soubi nodded. "Say the word, and I will sever the bond with Seimei in order to form new bonds with you." He smiled gently. "I'll take you somewhere safe. Somewhere that you won't have to join Septimal Moon in order to stay, and where your parents can not reach you."

Well, he was enrolled at the Academy already, so he could say he was on a field trip if anyone found him. That way the school's files would have him as a boarding student and thus not a runaway that they were harboring. And he'd have Soubi at his side, too; protecting, loving, and taking care of him. He missed the Fighter's gentle kisses and warm arms wrapped around him. Ritsuka got down onto his knees as well and hugged Soubi around the neck. Hesitating, the blonde ended up wrapping his arms around the neko and holding him close.

"Sukidayo, Ritsuka." He placed a kiss underneath the neko's left human ear. "Run away with me." He whispered into the fleshy appendage.

Ritsuka shivered as warmth seeped into his body. The eerie, uncomfortable feeling from earlier was fading away and all he felt was comfort, warmth, and a hint of love. Pulling back and looking into Soubi's eyes, he knew what he had to do.

It don't make any sense to me

Life don't make any sense to me

It wasn't until the next morning when Nagisa-sensei would enter the room to wake Ritsuka up, that she wound find a note laying on his pillow.

Nagisa-sensei,

I'm sorry. I've thought long and hard about this, and I just can't give in and give myself over to Septimal Moon for the rest of my life. I thought I only had three choices; stay in Gora, go back to Tokyo, or go off on my own and try to survive on my own merit. But I hadn't realized that I had a fourth option. People keep telling me that I need to live my life for me and be myself and take care of myself. I always thought that they were expecting and asking too much of me. But now I realize that it's not that they're asking too much of me, but that they're just giving me advice for what I should do. Going home is not an option. But staying here isn't an option either. Don't worry about where I'm going, since even I'm not very certain myself. Just know that I'm safe and I'm in safe, protective, capable hands. I will contact you when I am able to, so don't bother trying to get a hold of me. My phone will be off until I'm ready. I appreciate everything you and Ritsu-sensei have done for me and have offered to do for me, but I just can't accept that offer in good conscience. Is this the right choice, what I've chosen to do? Who's to say? But if it turns out to be the wrong choice, like someone very dear to me once said, all I have to do is go back to the beginning and start again.

Also, Sensei, just so you guys know, Seimei is about to lose a very powerful ally soon. I just thought you should know.

Aoyagi Ritsuka

Ritsu read over the note that Nagisa-sensei had carelessly dropped onto his desk. It took him a few minutes to read over with his new eyes, but he smirked at the final part of it.

"A 'very powerful ally', hm?" He wondered.

"So Seimei's defenses are going to be crippled." Nagisa said, slamming a ten dollar bill onto Ritsu's desk. "You were right. Jerk." She left the office with a turn of her hell and a flip of her hair over her shoulder.

Ritsu smirked after her before sitting back in his chair. He looked at a photo of himself and a very young blonde male, taken several years ago. It was one of the first photos that had been taken of the two of them.

"It would appear that you've chosen your own master, Soubi-kun." He spoke to the photograph. "You're still mine, make no mistake…but the younger Aoyagi will be good to you, I know that without a doubt. Just…take care of him. He's a very special, very important person in our world." He closed his eyes and smirked.

It looked like everything would go according to plan, regardless of the actions Septimal Moon took. Aoyagi Ritsuka and Agatsuma Soubi may have thought that running away together was their idea. And Ritsu would let them go to their graves not knowing that there were people pulling the strings behind that train of thought all along.