I love vacations, but like Sheldon once said, in order for one to go on a vacation, one must be working. Or something.

Disclaimer; I do not own the Big Bang Theory or it's characters and am just borrowing them cause why the heck not. This was only read through once, and may contain several spelling mistakes and grammatical errors that I fully take responsibility of. Also, somewhat mild sexual content. Yay.

subterfuge (noun) - deceit used in order to achieve one's goal;

Five days, sixteen hours, five minutes and twenty seconds. That was how much time passed since Sheldon ended his affair with Penny.

Four days, ten hours, eighteen minutes and forty-seven seconds. This was how much time passed since Sheldon received a text from Leonard saying that he was some sort of luck charm and that he and Penny had gotten back together.

He didn't intend to be counting, it just happened.

Sheldon had spent four days, seventeen hours, thirty-two minutes and two seconds, bottling up all the anger he had. Anger that Penny did go running back to Leonard. Anger at Leonard and Penny being all sweet and nauseating as they ate their takeout. Anger at Leonard getting all happy and disgustingly positive and bragging to them about how he and Penny would never break up again. Anger at Howard and Raj congratulating Leonard and even berating him for not being happy for his so-called best friend. Anger at Leonard for telling him one night that if it hadn't been for him and his encouragement the other night, things might not have happened. Anger at Penny who pretended as if everything was okay between them even though nothing was. Anger at him being within earshot of Leonard and Penny having coitus, and he swore that Penny raised her voice just to make sure that he would hear. And anger at himself for thinking that his actions would make everything better.

Leonard and Penny's rekindled relationship was toe curling, nauseating, infuriating, pathetically desperate and made him want to kill them both. Via nuclear laser, or radioactive waste hidden in their food, he didnt care as long as it did the job. He was not jealous—why would he be—he just wished that they would at least respect the fact that he was in the next room and that Penny's sickeningly loud voice was impossible to not hear! And, to make matters worse, his supposed noise canceling headphones broke. While Penny screamed Leonard's name at the top of her lungs. Even the people in New York would have heard her. Maybe even the people in India heard her. It might have echoed around the world, frightening innocent Chinese children and causing nuns in convents to pray for whoever's soul that was to be saved from eternal damnation. By the next scream Penny released, he made sure to leave as quietly as he could—his emergency overnight bag slung over his shoulder—and to find solace in a place where he was far from the infuriating cacophony that was two disgusting animals in heat.

His first stop of the night was Raj's. The cheerful astrophysicist didn't turn him down and was even happy to invite him in. Raj was in the middle of a 'Flying Nun' marathon and allowed him to sleep in his bed. Everything was okay; Raj kept the TV's volume low enough for him to ignore, his bed was good and everything was better than Leonard and Penny in the next room. Keyword; was. Right as he was about to fall asleep, he felt something making it's way under his blanket.

It was Raj's dog, Cinnamon.

Without a second thought, he left the room and asked Raj to drive him to a different house. He had originally intended to stop at Howard's house, but he remembered that Howard now lived with Bernadette, and that Mrs. Wolowitz (the first one) liked to barge into the bathroom unannounced. Then he thought of going to Bernadette's place, but he remembered that Howard was there. And that they would force him to sleep on an inflatable, or the couch. And that they might be engaging in an even more incredulously disgusting activity than Leonard and Penny. Scratch that, nothing was more incredulously disgusting than being within earshot of Leonard and Penny engaging in coitus. That, and the added theory that Penny was doing it on purpose. So, he was left with no other choice, and asked Raj to drop him at Amy's. Sadly, his former girlfriend wasn't as happy to see him as his friend did, and nearly forced him to sleep outside her apartment. Then, nearly half an hour later, after a lengthy explanation on why she should let him stay there—she agreed.

His and Amy's breakup happened two months before the disgusting couple's. It was a mutual decision, and they had agreed that they would remain as friends, confidants, and intellectual partners. They even agreed that if—by the time that he turns thirty-seven and she turns thirty-five—and they are still spouse-less, they will get a surrogate and have a child together. Not because they need to, but to make sure that their intelligence will be passed down and will not be wasted. It was what they planned since the start of their friendship, and he wondered if that was what they were really going to do. Regardless of their breakup, they still hung out together as often as they could, and he found that to his liking as Amy was also a treasured close friend that he sometimes wished he treated better.

The reason they broke up was—if you were wondering—because Amy had come to realize that she did not, in any way, have sexual attraction to him. This was explained via a handwritten log Amy sent Sheldon, a month after they first had coitus. Amy had been prodding him to 'take their relationship to the next level' and after much hesitation, pondering and convincing, he agreed. Their first time was not—as some would say—romantic, it was here in her apartment after a delectable meal she made, after an hour of 'foreplay' and started when Amy thought that she was ready. He thought coitus—at first—was messy, repulsive, unnecessary, tiring, and icky. Coitus with Amy, however, was surprisingly satisfactory and was not as unpleasant as he thought. It was okay, but there was nothing to compare it to. A month later, after six sessions of satisfactory coitus, Amy suggested to terminate the relationship agreement, and he agreed.

Actually, the real reason why Amy suggested such, was because he failed to tell her that he loved her. He would be lying if he did, and everyone knew that he couldn't lie. So, they broke up, took a month apart from each other, and after that returned to being the intellectual partners they were. The topic of coitus was never brought up again, and Amy had even dated a few men. His affair with Penny started four months after he and Amy broke up, when the blonde had somehow seduced him without him realizing it. That was when he finally found something to compare coitus with Amy to. Coitus with Amy was nothing compared to coitus with Penny, and that was the reason he constantly went back to her and why it had lasted so long. It made him regret not entertaining the idea of coitus earlier in his life, but then realized that it was coitus with Penny that was more than satisfactory. Until, of course, that fateful day—six days, ten hours, seven minutes and fifteen seconds—when his horrible incubus persuaded him (and Leonard being his pathetic self) to end it with Penny. All the sadness, and pain of seeing Penny heartbroken disappeared the moment he saw Penny flirting with Leonard as they flirted during dinner. She didn't look upset—no, she looked happy, as if she had hit gold. Though this was what he wanted to happen, the sight still upset him. The remaining sadness and pain of hurting Penny was replaced by hatred and repulsion when they carelessly had coitus to spite him, which brought him back to Amy.

Amy Farrah Fowler, his dear friend, confidant, and intellectual partner that he sometimes wished he had given the love she wanted. Though there was reluctance at first—mainly because her apartment was where they mostly had sexual intercourse—she had treated him kindly after a well rested sleep. Amy had even gone so far as to cook him breakfast, pancakes, drizzled with his favorite syrup, and well toasted bacon that almost reminded him of his mother's greasy, unhealthy yet devilishly delicious cooking. Amy wasn't the best cook, but she has gained his respect at the art. Like him, Amy strived to be great—if not excellent—at most skills which included cooking. It was one of his appreciated traits of Amy's and why he liked having her as his girlfriend.

"So," the neurobiologist started, taking a sip of coffee, "what exactly forced you to take refuge here in my apartment at such a questionable hour?"

Sheldon gazed up from his Mario shaped pancakes, giving her a small frown. "Though it pains me to recall and reiterate what caused me to flee from my own home, I shall do it for academic purposes, and as a gesture of gratitude for allowing me to stay here for the night. And for this wonderfully shaped and amazingly detailed pancakes." Amy nodded, clearly flattered at the compliment. "Well, when people enter a relationship as long as we did, it is imperative to memorize their favorites. Think of it as reciprocity for you always bringing me those cupcakes that is near the university. Please do continue what you have started."

"Very well," he placed his fork down, grabbing a tissue to wipe syrup that had stuck at the corner of his mouth. "I was in the middle of sleeping when Leonard and Penny had decided to ruin my pleasant slumber by engaging in coitus in the next room." He scowled at the memory, and Amy let out a small gasp. "That sounds inexplicably rude! Did you not make use of your noise canceling headphones?"

Sheldon sighed, trying to die his anger at the memory down. "Sadly it broke right as Penny woke up everyone from Pasadena to Asia and back. It has even made me sympathize with the poor innocent children from around the world who may or may not have heard the agony that was Penny supposedly getting pleased by Leonard." The brunette shook her head, feeling for sorry for her former boyfriend. She knew about Penny's sexual tendencies, and it wasn't impossible for what Sheldon said to be true. Though a bit over exaggerated, she couldn't blame him as there was nothing worse than a pleasant slumber being disrupted. "I shudder at the thought, yet also find it oddly interesting to hear that Leonard is great enough in bed to induce such an intense response."

"And what exactly makes it interesting?" The physicist curiously asked.

"Not interesting, per say," Amy said, looking a bit confused, "but bestie has mentioned several times that Leonard is 'okay' in the aspect of the bedroom. It somehow eludes me how it is possible for a reaction as intense—as you say—to be stimulated by someone who is supposedly okay." Sheldon nodded, completely agreeing with Amy. He knew that Penny was doing it on purpose, specifically for him to hear. The only time that Penny had been that... loud with Leonard was when she was drunk, and had destroyed the beloved catchphrase that is 'Yee-haw' for everyone in the building. And he was pretty sure that Penny did it because she was inebriated, and her brain had somehow shut down. To put it simply, both he and Amy refused to believe that Leonard excelled in sex.

"I understand your thoughts on the matter and agree whole heartedly. Though, may we cease this conversation of the very thing that makes me want to burn the specific part of my mind that deals with memory?"

"I apologize for dragging it further, it was pure curiosity and will not happen again. Please," she gestured to the food in front of them, "continue eating."

He didn't want to discuss it anymore—it was getting frustrating, and it was already infuriating on its own. He was pretty sure that things would get even more infuriating once he returned to his apartment, and that this was only the start of Penny terrorizing the peace. There was more to come, and he briefly wondered if it would be better to stay here at Amy's place. It was clean, spacious, comely and was far away from catastrophe. And, it was nice to be around Amy. She always understood him—well, except for his reluctance to intercourse. She always wanted that from him, and he always denied her of that, and when he did agree—it led to the end of their relationship.

"Amy," Sheldon started after a while of silence, "it embarrasses me to ask this of you, but I find it better to bring it up now, rather than later when I've forcefully endured another session of armageddon."

The brunette raised an eyebrow, swallowing before speaking. She knew that Sheldon hated people who talked with food in their mouth. "And that is?"

"I have a strong feeling that—with Leonard and Penny getting back together—there is a big possibility that this will happen, again. I, in no way, want to endure any more of that horrifying experience, and am wondering if it will be okay if I may stay here when it does happen." Amy just stared at him, and he decided that he'll just stay at Raj's and somehow convince him to cage his dog. "It is acceptable if you refuse, I just thought that this is the best choice of th—"

Amy held up a hand, silencing him as she cleared her throat. "I thought about it for a second, mostly due to personal reasons, but I have come to a conclusion. I will allow you to stay here whenever so you please." Sheldon blinked—unable to process what had happened—then Amy grinned widely. "Plus, I have learned a variety of new songs on the harp and am metaphorically dying to hear your opinion!" The brunette then turned her head to where her harp was, and quickly rushed over to it. "I have learned to play the Brady Bunch theme song, and I think this is the perfect time to show you!" She dragged the instrument towards the couch, running her fingers over the strings before staring at him with pure excitement. "Please refrain from falling asleep as this will be absolutely relaxing."

Sheldon slowly smiled, maybe staying with Amy would be okay.

Anything was better than Penny having coitus in the next room.

"—and you're saying that if I were to go to this lecture, it will change my view on how the brain works?"

Amy solemnly nodded, gripping the strap of her bag as they made their way up to the apartment. "One of my favorite neurobiologists will be talking, and I can safely say that her work will—as they say—blow you away. At first I thought that it would be pure hokum, but her book on why people tend to act a certain way allowed me to understand why most people have inferiority complex. It was truly an eye opener, and was very entertaining at the same time. I'll lend you the book once we get home."

"Maybe we can stop by the train store afterwards?" Sheldon suggested as they passed the third floor landing. They were currently going to the apartment to get his clothes and other belongings that he would be taking to Amy's apartment. Then, after they drop off his clothes at her place, they would be attending a conference in Burbank where one of Amy's respected neurobiologist would be speaking. He had decided that it would be better for him to stay at her apartment immediately, rather than wait for something atrocious to happen. He wasn't sure how long he was going to stay at Amy's, but he would stay as long as he could to stay away from Penny. Because he knew, that if he were to witness one more display of affection from Penny and Leonard where they would kiss, and Penny would be looking at him than at Leonard—he would surely find a way to destroy the apartment complex with the two trapped inside.

"If you agree to eat somewhere different than the usual, we might." Sheldon curled his lip at the brunette who was smirking up at him. Darn her and her full understanding of how his schedule and routine worked. Maybe the train store could wait. "You know that I only eat at—"

Amy shushed him by frantically waving a hand at him, quickly making her way to the fourth floor. He watched as she approached 4A's door, sticking her head beside it, then quietly walked back to him. "I heard bestie's giggle!" She whispered cautiously, pointing a finger towards the door. "Brace yourself, as my intuition and complete understanding of how my bestie's brain works are telling me that something much to your disapproval—and possibly, horror—is happening right at this moment!" Sheldon couldn't tell if Amy was excited, or was worried. The way her eyebrows furrowed told him the latter, but the way her eyes lit up told him that it was the former. "You don't mean...?" She nodded frantically, taking a deep breath before she spoke. "Yes, I think that they are either engaging in coitus, or are close to doing so."

Amy sighed wistfully, shaking her head in disapproval. "Bestie really needs to learn how to be discreet, and to be mindful of others. There might be a sex addict roaming around Pasadena who will be able to sense them engaging in coitus, and will waste no time in heading here to whisk Penny away for ravaging and Leonard for the mere pleasure of beating someone up." Sheldon gnashed his teeth together, his nails clawing at the straps of his messenger bag. That was what Amy was so worried about? "Are you sure you want to continue? We can get clothes after the conference if this bothers you." Oh, if only Amy knew how much it bothered him. He could finally hear what Amy was talking about. Penny was giggling idiotically, and he could hear Leonard saying something about keeping it down. But by the tone of Leonard's voice, he wasn't trying to quiet her for the sake of others, no he was saying it with so much liveliness that Sheldon decided that he would spare no thought in killing Leonard if he ever turned into a zombie.

"No," he said with a deep breath, "we're getting the clothes now. When dusk falls, I'm sure that they will be heading for something far more obscene than what we are currently hearing. Will you help me pack to further speed up our pace?" Amy nodded, an understanding look on her face. If only she did understand why he wanted to leave the apartment as quickly and as far away as he could. "Of course. The faster we leave, the faster we can get in line for the book signing. And we might even stop by the train store to ease your mind of this traumatizing event." When Amy held his hand, he didn't even flinch and found it somehow comforting. With a few seconds of dying his anger down, they proceeded towards the door.

"Oh god—Penny, that feels so good!"

"And you wanted me to keep my voice down."

"Someone might hear—oh—us!"

"Let them hear."

Amy placed a hand on his back, calming him down, when she felt him tighten his grasp on her hand. It was the last line that struck him the most, and it made his blood boil, his skin crawl and his vision to go dark. He was right—Penny did it on purpose, to annoy him, to frustrate him! Maybe Wil Wheaton was never his number one enemy, maybe it was Penny all along. Because now, when all of his guilt of hurting her had disappeared, all he could see was red when he thought of Penny. Dark, dark red when he thought of Penny and the wicked smile he sent her whenever she flirted with and kissed Leonard. An even darker shade of red when he thought of how Penny made sure that he would hear her having coitus with Leonard. And it turned black when he remembered how she looked so hurt when he ended their affair. But once it turned black, it didn't take a second for it turn red again.

"Let's go," he told Amy as he unlocked the door, and found himself so enraged that he would be capable of murder.

There, on his spot, was Leonard with his pants down to his knees. And on his lap, sat Penny—in her underwear—a hand gripping Leonard's... and another hand wrapped around Leonard's neck. Amy gasped, Leonard pushed Penny off him and quickly pulled his pants up, and Penny simply stared at him. Sheldon, on the other hand, restrained every murderous intent and anger he had—which took everything in his being to do—and simply scowled in distaste, like what the Sheldon before would do. The Sheldon that never got involved with Penny in the first place, and did not feel any ounce of compassion for Leonard. Although, now, he was sure that any ounce of respect and compassion for Leonard had died and had been replaced with something close to being neutral. He couldn't say the same for Penny, though.

"Sheldon—" Leonard cried, turning to Penny then at Sheldon, "I can explai—"

This was why he was staying at Amy's for the time being, he reminded himself. Sheldon raised a hand, shaking his head and softening his grasp on Amy's hand. He could tell that Penny noticed this. "No need for explanation. Please be in mind that I am awarding both of you ten strikes, and are both required to take the online classes." Sheldon calmly said, tugging at Amy's hand as he made his way to his desk to get his laptop. "However, the strikes will only suffice once I return here, so feel free to take the class while I'm gone. Any offense made while I am not here will not be regarded, don't worry."

Leonard furrowed his eyebrows, watching Sheldon stuff his laptop in his messenger bag. "Wait, what do you mean, while you're gone?"

The theoretical physicist glanced at them—ignoring the glare Penny sent him—before crouching down to collect a few DVDs and games. "I will be momentarily staying with Amy as we have collaborated on an experiment that will change humanity." By experiment that will change humanity, he meant him refraining from killing both Leonard and Penny, causing him to be sent to prison, which will prevent him from solving the questions of the universe that will lead to a Nobel as prison is not kind to brilliant minds.

"An experiment?" He heard Penny say, and was glad that Amy was the one to respond as he continued taking the CDs which he rightfully owned. "Yes, an experiment. We thought of a way of combining my work with monkeys and his work to analyze the theory of evolution and how it is connected to string theory over a wonderful meal I prepared this morning when he stayed over. After this, we are off to a conference where my favorite neuroscientist will be talking about her book. We will also be asking her if she could contribute to our study. Right, Sheldon?" Once he placed all the CDs in his bag, he stood and turned to Amy. "Yes, that's right. Now, Amy and I have some packing to do."

"Sheldon, come on," Leonard said as they head to his room, the short man behind them. "You don't have to do this! This won't happen again, I swear."

Sheldon pulled a duffel bag from his closet and handed it to Amy, who was already pulling out clothes that she knew was in cycle. "Oh, Leonard, please refrain from thinking that I'm doing this because of you." He gave his best—was he still his best friend?—a small smile and shoved the neatly folded clothes into the bag. "I'm doing this for the sake of science, and all of the future children who will be inspired by what I sacrificed in order to achieve such success. Don't worry, I'll thank you in my speech, and in the book that I will publish called, Science and Everything Around it."

"Is it because of last night?" Sheldon resisted looking up and telling him that it was, and instead focused on grabbing a few of his favorite comic books. "Sheldon, I swear, it won't happen again. It was just that Penny was so—" Sheldon cut him off by loudly zipping his bag, "I'm afraid I don't care much about your exploits with Penny. Though, I believe Howard might be interested." He slung the bag over his shoulder, and motioned to Amy. "Please cut to the chase, Leonard, as Amy and I have far more important things to do." Leonard gaped, and he took it as his cue to walk out of his room, Amy connecting her hand with his an Leonard still behind them.

"I promise that we'll never do it here, and we'll take it to Penny's!" 4B, Penny's apartment, where Sheldon had spent many days and nights engaging in various obscene activities with said woman? Was Leonard suggesting that instead of having Sheldon listen to Penny's foul mouth ruin his hearing in the next room, they'll make Sheldon listen to the same, in the place where he and Penny had coitus in so many times before? Well, that would certainly sever any connection he had with 4B, and might make him change his mind. But it won't, and Amy promised to make him spaghetti with little cut up hot dogs if he stayed awake while she played the harp. Unlike Penny's crispy, uncooked, sorry excuse for spaghetti, Amy's was delightful and slightly reminded him of home.

"Yes, you go do that." Sheldon huffed—clearly unimpressed—as he entered the living room, where Penny was still sitting on the couch, sharp green eyes staring pointedly at him. She looked mad. Why in the world would she be mad when it was her who had tarnished his spot and everything dear to him? "Well, have fun with Penny." With one last glance at the blonde who never took her eyes off of him, he exited the apartment. If he stayed any longer, nothing good would happen. Sheldon stood at the third floor landing, and waited for Amy to arrive.

"Amy, please make him change his mind," Leonard begged, causing Amy to frown.

"We both know that it is impossible to make Sheldon change his mind when it's set. It bothers me why you aren't happy with the arrangement where you and Penny will be able to freely do as you please. Why is that?" The brunette asked, only a few steps from the door. Leonard scratched the back of his neck, glancing at Penny who had a blank look on her face. "It was Sheldon who got Penny and I to get back together, and it guilts me to think that I drove him away. After the wonderful thing he did for me."

"That is wonderful, but I believe it is you who must tell Sheldon that." She opened the front door, and gave Penny a wide grin. "Bestie, I forgot to tell you that you look great and are sexier than ever! Please call me sometime for some girl talk or for girl's night, and have a fun day with Leonard." She waved to the blonde who sent her a small smile before she went to Sheldon.

Once Amy left, and Leonard went to his room to change, Penny uncurled her fingers and saw that her nails had scarred her palm. None of them saw how she glared at Sheldon and Amy holding hands, and none of them knew about the anger she was keeping inside. She was not—in any way—happy to see that Sheldon had gotten even more friendly with Amy, and she definitely was not happy to know that he would be staying over at Amy's. If he wasn't staying here, then he wouldn't be there to hear her have a "wonderful" time with Leonard. He wouldn't be there to experience the pain he gave her—and that made her angry. Because Dr. Sheldon—fucking—Cooper was not going to just pretend as if nothing happened between them, and move on to Amy, and that he didn't hurt her so much that she still cried until her body felt shallow.

Her plan wasn't working.

Surprisingly, the lie that they were doing an experiment became real, and soon, Sheldon and Amy were working on research that combined both of their works.

Sheldon had found life at Amy's serendipitous, and had enjoyed it far more than he expected. Though, it was mostly because they were busy with conducting experiments and research, it was a good change from Leonard's whining. He had visited the apartment three times within the week that he had stayed at Amy's. The first was when he had forgot his USB; the second time was when he had to do his laundry, and the third was to get additional books that supported string theory. Leonard kept his word, and during those three times, he never did see Leonard and Penny ravishing each other or together. Not even once. Leonard had said that it was because Penny had got a role playing a secondary character at a theatre in Los Angeles, and would be busy for a while. That, and that Penny had somehow asked Leonard that they take their relationship 'slow'—he snorted at that, but as long as they refrained from doing blasphemous things, he was okay with it. That information made Sheldon decide that maybe it was time to return to his apartment. As much as he enjoyed Amy's apartment, he missed his bed and the couch wasn't as comfortable as he originally thought.

Also, he had found his anger at Penny and Leonard slowly disappearing as the week went by. Amy had exerted a lot of effort to make sure of it, and he was thankful for that. Amy getting back into the picture had helped him, and he was glad that she was still his friend. The research they were conducting was also a good distraction, as it constantly made him busy with trying to connect their works together. Amy had thought that the reason why he was so infuriated and offended by Leonard and Penny's actions was because he had reverted back into hating anything connected to coitus.

So, when Amy texted him earlier, notifying him that girl's night would be held at her apartment, he was not at all worried at the thought of facing Penny, again.

Which was proven to be wrong; because everything seemed like a cruel joke played by his mother's god, when Penny appeared at Amy's doorstep. While Amy was still out at work. And he was all alone, watching the documentary about the history of vehicles while enjoying a pack of Red Vines. Amy had said that Penny and Bernadette would be arriving sometime between eight and eight thirty. It was seven, he supposedly had an hour before figuring out where he would go and what he would do while the women bonded. He still had an hour to enjoy his movie before he would be forced to skedaddle once Penny arrived. Because the moment he swung the door open to find the blonde grinning up at him, his composure had been shattered by something akin to Thor's hammer.

"Hey, Sheldon." She had greeted, grinning up at him as she held a grocery bag filled with bottles of alcohol. "Nice to see you again."

He narrowed his eyes at her, placing a hand on the doorframe to refrain her from entering the apartment. "What are you doing here?" Her smile bothered him. It wasn't one of a happy, innocent and friendly smile—no, it was scheming and manipulative and made him want to slam the door in her face. As much as he wanted to just let her in and just leave the apartment, he couldn't as he had nowhere to go. It was Anything Can Happen Thursday, and he had already received text messages from both Leonard and Raj asking if he wanted to join them out to a geologist's party. He didn't like that geologist, and had no respect for the field in general, so he refused. Then Amy texted him, and then Penny appeared, and now he was rethinking on whether or not to go to the party. However, if he would tell Amy that he would be going to the party, she would seem suspicious on why he left. She had already told him that he could just stay in her room and watch a movie, and that was what he was planning on doing—once Amy arrives.

"Didn't you hear? Girl's night is at Amy's." Her smile was unfaltering, and she sounded sarcastic. "This is Amy's place, is it not?"

The physicist scowled down at her and her suspicious positivity. How could she be so friendly, when just last week she was close to murdering him with her eyes? Maybe she finally moved on from him. That would be wonderful news, if that was true. It would mean that he would be able to return to his apartment to continue his peaceful life without her presence spiting him. "Yes, this is her apartment. Amy informed me that you and Bernadette would be arriving an hour from now. Why are you here?" Penny shook her head in amusement, as if he had said a funny joke. "I wasn't doing anything, so I thought that I'd get here a bit earlier. And look," she dragged the last word as she slightly lifted the bag in her arms, "I brought alcohol!"

"I fail to understand the reason as to why you think that that is relevant and am still skeptical of this uncharacteristic action. What are you planning on doing?"

Penny's smile slightly dropped, and for a second, he saw a glint of murderous intent in her eyes. "I'm planning on getting inside the damn apartment for girl's night, and if you don't let me in right now, I will make sure to smash all four of these wine bottles on your head." It was amazing how frightening Penny could be, even with a smile and a sugary sweet tone coating the threat. With a small sigh, he stepped back and allowed the blonde to enter, a triumphant smirk on her face as she made her way towards the kitchen. "See, that wasn't hard at all." He ignored her, and returned to his spot on the couch to watch the documentary. Maybe he could head out to the comic book store... but he didn't pack his bus pants, and the alcohol would surely impair Amy's senses enough to not be able to pick him up.

"What are you watching?" The blonde asked as she sat down beside him, forcing him to scoot over to the other end of the couch. Although he was trying to stay away from her, there was still a part of him that wished that they would at least be civil with each other and return to being friends. Because although he now had a strong dislike for her, he still had some friendly attachment to her. She had been his friend for years, and was even close to what one considers as a best friend. They had gone through a lot, and losing her friendship would have proven that all his years spent trying to accommodate her in his life were a complete utter waste of time. That, and that he would have to depend on Leonard again to sing soft kitty when he's sick.

"A documentary on the history of the evolution of vehicles." He hastily answered, keeping his attention on the tv and not on the blonde beside him. Even with his peripheral vision, he couldn't tell what Penny was doing, and decided that it was better to just act normally. He really had no reason to get nervous, they were just two friends conversing. "I see," she remarked, and he felt the couch shift. "So, what have you been up to lately? I haven't seen you in week." Two friends catching up, that's what they were, not awkward former paramours who ended things on a bad note. Secretly, Sheldon missed Penny and her mooching ways and horrible habits. He didn't miss the way she kissed him, or how she moaned his name. Or how her blasted nails always left him scars that stung. Or how she felt under him. Nope, not at all.

He gestured to the papers scattered on top of the coffee table. "I've been busy with trying to find a connection between my work and Amy's work. We're still trying to search through other books and published works, though, but I believe that this will be a fruitful collaboration between the two of us. And what have you been up to, Penny?"

"Well, I'm sure Leonard told you that I got a role in a local play, and I'm pretty much focused on doing that." Sheldon nodded absent-mindedly; Leonard told him all about it, and even showed him a video of one of Penny's rehearsals. Her acting had improved vastly, and he could say that he was somewhat awestruck at the performance. If Penny invites him, he might even agree to go. This was a fresh start at them being friends, and him being a better, supportive friend like Amy and Leonard always goaded him to be for Penny. A day ago—after Amy had returned from one of Penny's rehearsals—Amy had told him that she would be bringing him as her date on opening night. He was reluctant at first, then Amy had reminded him of all the 'good' things Penny had done for him over the years, and that this was his chance to show that he supported her career. So, due to Amy's prodding, he brought it to himself to at least try to be friends with Penny. As long as Penny wasn't intending on rubbing her newfound sexual relationship with Leonard in his face, he'd do all he could to mend their broken relationship.

"Hmm," Penny said in thought, tapping a finger on her chin. "Other than that, I've been trying to show this idiot what he lost by being—you know—an idiot. I'm not sure if you know him—though you might—he's tall and supposedly a genius, and is about to experience a world of hurt for ending things with me. Because he has to know that I'm not gonna let him rest easy until he realizes that it was wrong of him to not choose me, just because his best friend got dramatic. That's not a valid reason, and it will never be one." How did Penny find out that he did it for Leonard? He never mentioned Leonard when he ended things with her! How did Penny realize that he did it for Leonard?!

Sheldon warily turned to the blonde, who had returned the mischievous grin on her face. "What, why are you looking at me like that? Is it because you're shocked that I knew that you did it for Leonard's sake?" He chose to remain silent, and simply nodded. When did Penny turn into a mind reader? "Well, if you must know, after I spent a day crying over you, it just came to me—out of nowhere—that this was probably because of Leonard. Leonard had been trying to get back with me for months now, and the only reason I rejected him, was because I was with my beloved Sheldon." The way she said his name unnerved him to a great extent; it reminded him of how she moaned his name during coitus, and that he loved hearing her say it. The revelation that Leonard had been trying to get back with her for months had also irked him. All he knew was that Leonard tried to get back with her the night that he had his nightmare—since when had Leonard tried to regain Penny's affection?

And why did Penny never tell him this?

"I know that you're staying here because you hate seeing me with Leonard, and that you noticed every single display I did for you." The blonde chuckled, causing Sheldon to feel uncertain of what would happen next. It would be a lie to say that he did not fear what Penny was planning on doing, and that he regretted letting her inside. "I made sure that you'd hear every single moan I made—well, faked—and that you'd witness all of it. It took a lot to convince Leonard to have sex on your spot, but it's such a shame that you ruined the moment. But, no worries, what you saw was an even better revenge than sex on your spot. Tell me, Sheldon, did you enjoy what you saw? Cause I did it just for you."

Sheldon glared at her; he was fuming and was currently clenching his teeth. It was one thing to realize that Penny was showing off her sexual exploits with Leonard on purpose, and it was another to actually hear her admit that she did it. How was he supposed to be friends with her when she acted like this? Though it eluded him why Penny was doing all this (probably to spite him) he still intended on mending their friendship. For Amy; who wanted him to be nicer to Sheldon; for Leonard; whose wallowing had led him to this situation; and for himself, because Penny was a good friend to him through the years. But she was making it hard for him to be civil to her.

"If we are honestly speaking, your actions have repulsed me, and bear in mind that you have an outstanding number of strikes that you have yet to resolve. Have you checked online for the classes?" Sheldon turned his attention back to the now finished documentary, ignoring the way Penny was looking at him. "Banishment and corresponding punishment will be allotted once I return to the apartment."

Without any warning, Penny closed the distance between them and leaned over his shoulder, a hand on his knee. "If I recall correctly, there's a way to make some strikes disappear." Sheldon's eyes widened as Penny's fingers slowly crept up his leg. He tried to move—to leap up from the couch and make a run for it, but he was paralyzed. Well, that, and the fact that Penny's fingers were causing a reaction in him; one that he wasn't supposed to feel. "There is no way other than to take the online classes. You of all people should know that, Penny." He hissed, frustrated that his body was betraying him.

Penny smirked, moving closer to his face and whispering in his ear. "And you of all people should know that I can find other ways to remove those strikes," she gave his neck a small kiss while her hand rubbed the erection that was growing in his pants. Sheldon growled at her and she laughed. Sheldon's greatest weakness would always be her, and they both knew that. She wasn't going to let Sheldon just disregard her; and she definitely was not going to let him choose Amy over her. "What, got nothing else to say Sheldon? I thought that Homo Novus was better than his primitive urges? But by the rate things are going, it seems like Homo Novus is enjoying this." She brought her vacant hand up to his face, turning it to face her. "I think," she slowly said, dragging a finger down his lips, "you're enjoying this, Sheldon."

Sheldon glared at her, and all she could see was the desire in his eyes. "Woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken."

"Well, your ken can kiss my barbie."

She leaned upwards and was met with no resistance; he even bent his head down to meet her. A guttural groan escaped from the pit of his stomach and he felt his body pulsating with fire when her arms snaked from his chest to around his neck. Penny's tongue rammed itself against his, and he was quickly losing control of himself. She was the most delicious mix of sweetness and danger that he had ever had—and it was just so addicting that he couldn't have enough of her. He needed more of this—and he was starting to regret even caring for Leonard. She was like hallucinogen. His mind was spinning deeper and deeper into the insanity that was this alluring woman. His brain seemed to be short circuiting as she ravaged his mouth. Whenever he was with Penny, his mind always went to a complete stop. As if she was the only thing worth focusing on; and that frustrated him. He was Homo Novus, and Homo Novus did not give in to illicit activities—

—Penny was now on top of him. She had—without him noticing—swung her legs over his body, and planted each leg on either side of his hips. Her pelvis was now grinding into him as her hands grasped each side of his face. She was kissing him with so much fervor and heat that she was sure that Sheldon would regret ever thinking of pushing her towards Leonard. Because that was the only the reason she even got back together with Leonard—to get back at Sheldon. Well, she and Leonard hadn't really gotten back together; they were taking things slow. Oh, bullshit; she had no plans of doing that. There was no way in hell she was going to have sex with Leonard. Not when she knew how amazing sex was with Sheldon was. If she could, she wouldn't get back together with Leonard no matter how much Sheldon begged. The day that Sheldon ended things was the day that she realized that her relationship with Leonard was hopeless. It was, and everything with him was just for show.

For Sheldon.

She kept kissing him; pushing her heated center into his stiff-and-growing erection, running her fingernails down his chest—making his skin stand at attention and practically scream. Then his hands left her face and grasped her hips, when she came down he pulled her down—hard. Her mouth ripped from his and she gasped at the intense feeling. Sheldon almost whined at the loss of her mouth but instead turned to her neck and started nipping on her neck. Penny didn't stop moving against him and he didn't stop pulling her to him. In the back of his mind he realized that he was going back on his word by doing all these things to her. But it was impossible to stop, because it was tantalizing, terrifying, delicious and it was Penny. The woman who always found a way to draw him towards her, the woman who always challenged him, frustrated him, and got him to do and care about things he never did before.

Both of them kept going, the innocent couch shaking violently with their movements. The untouched couch which Amy had insisted on having coitus several times now had been b—

Leonard.

Without a second thought, Sheldon roughly pushed her off him to the side of the couch, causing Penny to seethe in anger. "What the hell Sheldon?!"

Sheldon leapt from the couch, standing across from her. "That was wrong. That was a mistake. You're dating Leonard, Penny. Did you somehow hit your head and forget that vital piece of information?" The blonde huffed, an affronted look on her face. "I don't want to be with Leonard! I'm only pretending to like him for you! So that you'd open your eyes and see that I'm not meant for Leonard!" He frowned as Penny animatedly pointed a finger at him, then at herself. If she was to cry, he would not be moved. "Why can't you understand that I love you?" She dragged each word out, pronouncing it clearly as she stood up. "It took less time for me to realize it with you than I did with Leonard, and I'd leave him in a heartbeat if you tell me to. I'd do it because I love you."

"I ended our liaison to ensure Leonard's happiness, Penny. He is a good friend to me, and the only thing that could make him happy is if you reciprocate his feelings!" he seethed, crossing his arms over his chest. "That means that you are to refrain from only using him to get back at me! I truly want to continue our friendship, Penny, but you are making it arduous for me to do so. Please gather all of this—love you say you have for me and redirect it to Leonard; he will surely appreciate your affection more than I will."

The blonde rounded the coffee table and Sheldon quickly bolted to the other side of the couch, sending her a cautious look. "You don't understand me, Sheldon—I love you! I can't just love him cause you said so—I can't just love him when I love you!"

Sheldon snorted, ignoring the hurt and desperation that was evident in Penny's eyes. He had always liked the shade of green her eyes were, and the way it got lighter when she was happy. Now it had darkened, and he wanted to end the conversation. "Yes, well, it won't be too hard. This might even be a wonderful way to practice your acting skills for that play you're preparing for. You might even be able to incorporate this in that play you were writing when we first met you," he made his way to the kitchen—Penny was still in her spot, frozen and glaring at him—and grabbed a bottle of water to calm his senses. He saw the task of maintaining his former relationship with Penny as a challenge, and losing his temper would only prevent him from doing so. It might even lead him to do things he might regret. "Though, I'd prefer that you not mention my name in your play. I wouldn't want my name tarnished because of something so... tawdry."

"You bastard." That was the last thing he heard Penny say (growl) before the front door flew open; Amy had returned.

The brunette was smiling when she entered, but it disappeared when she saw how indignant Penny looked. She glanced at Sheldon, who was calmly drinking water, then back at her best friend. "Did you two fight?" Amy had a troubled expression as she asked this. She didn't want her bestie and her male best friend-slash-ex fighting. "I did nothing wrong," Sheldon remarked, returning the bottle in the fridge and moving to the living room to grab his coat. "I will be following the guys to that party they spoke of. Please notify me once your girl's night is over. Have fun." He gave Amy a small smile, and his eyes lingered momentarily on Penny, before exiting the apartment.

"What did Sheldon do? You look upset, bestie." Amy said in concern as she walked up to the blonde. "Sheldon... was just being Sheldon. I think he's still mad at what he saw the other day." Penny mindlessly answered, deeply breathing in and out to tone her anger out. But god, she was so infuriated. "I'll talk to him," the brunette said as Penny marched to the kitchen to open a bottle of wine; she was going to need it. "It's bothersome for me to know that the two of my closest friends are in conflict. But no worries bestie, whatever the problem is, I'll get Sheldon to apologize so that we can all be happy together." The blonde blinked at Amy's sudden positivity, and quickly opened the bottle and chugged it down.

Whether Sheldon liked it, or not, he was going to see that what he did was a big mistake. Huge. She wasn't going to let him go, just like that. Not when she knew how she felt about him. If Sheldon still reacted towards her, it meant that regardless of how much pep talk he gave himself to stay away form her, he was still attracted to her. Cause he wouldn't have kissed her back if he wasn't. She had a mission, and she wasn't going to stop until she got what she wanted; and that was Sheldon. Desperately obsessive or not, she will get him, no matter what it takes.

So for now, she'll play along with this game. She'll act like she actually likes Leonard more than a friend, and that she and Sheldon are all buddy-buddy. That everything was back to they way it was before she felt something for that asshole physicist.

But, she won't play it for long, because she will get Sheldon, and not even Leonard or Sheldon himself was going to stop her.

If you were wondering, the new idea I was talking about is another M fic that features Corporate!Shenny (yet again) and will be very different from the somewhat rushed TBUM. But I'm still not writing it until I've completely given up with this one. *drinks energy drink for energy* MOTIVATION PLEASE VISIT ME ALONG WITH YOUR FRIEND INSPIRATION!

Up next; Penny has started to act normal around Sheldon, again. But Sheldon knows that somethings up.

Preview:

"See? We're just two friends hanging out, Sheldon." Penny mused, adjusting her hamper on her hip as she and Sheldon made their way down the stairs.

Sheldon eyed the grinning blonde, and held on to the edge of his hamper. Something was off. "Friends... right. Don't you do your laundry on Fridays?"

"Unlike you, I'm not a creature of habit." The blonde answered once the reached the lobby, a casual tone accompanying her words. He had to watch out for that, sometimes her words and her intentions meant something entirely different from each other. "I don't really care much about schedules and where. Although, sometimes, I just do something when I feel like it." She pushed the laundry room door open with her free hand, allowing him to enter. "And there are times that are just pure random."

It wasn't loud, but Sheldon was sure that he heard the door's lock click.