Note: This is my first fanfic ever, so reviews and all that is greatly appreciated. I have several chapters already written, and I have several more lined out. I just love faberry. :)

Quinn slipped the final, of about a hundred drafts, of her letter into the envelope she held tightly in her hands. She knew the envelope would be crinkled from her overly firm hold, but she couldn't help it. She knew she had to send it, both in her heart and in her head, for once. It seemed, however, that her body hadn't quite caught up yet. The last bit of herself still clutching desperately to the remainder of her crumbling, protective walls.

Quinn brought the now filled envelope to her lips to lick the seal, but stopped short. Should she read it again? One last time, just to be absolutely sure she hadn't missed any incorrect gramar or misspelling, and to double check she had said everything she needed to say. She only really had one shot at this. She began to lower her hands, but stopped again. No, she scolded herself. It had taken her too long just to get this far. She needed to do this now. Right now.

Quinn had written dozens of versions of the letter over the years. Never sending any of them, of course. She was always too afraid, of what she might lose, how it would look, of being vulnerable. She was afraid of a lot of things, truthfully. She put up this almost fearless front. She was an ice queen, always had been. On the outside she shifted and molded, changed as she needed to depending on what was necessary to stay on top. But in the the letters she wrote, she remained the same, her true self. With each version she argued with herself constantly over finally sending one out, she would bare a little bit more of herself.

In the beginning, she would write of the unusual attraction she felt, beyond the physical one. Though, that was undoubtedly there too, as much as it shamed and petrified her to admit, even to herself. It was like a pull, almost like gravity, pulling her in. As time went on, she wrote about intensified feelings, jealousy, and, when she was feeling particulary brave, the possibility of a life outside of Lima. For a short time before and during senior year, she wouldn't let herself write at all, and it nearly drove her crazy. In the end, it was exactly the person she was trying to forget to wake her from her stupor. So she bleached her hair back blonde, rejoined the glee club, and started writing her letters again. But she still couldn't send any of them.

Quinn placed a light kiss to the now sealed and stamped envelope. As she dropped it into the blue US Postal Service public mailbox two blocks from her LA loft, she said out loud to herself, "Until now". The fate of the rest of her life lay inside a small envelope on its way to New York City.

-Rachel

Rachel walked out the side door of the theater, immediately walking to the edge of the sidewalk and hailing a cab. She had went through this routine so many times, performing one or multiple shows that day, finally ending another day as Frannie, hailing a cab, and going back home to Bushwick. She found that many times she would be home and not really even remember the cab ride home. There were other simular instances, as well, like she was functioning on a sort of auto pilot. She tried to mix her days up from time to time, as much as she had time for, going to a small cafe or diner at the end of the day before going home, small things like that. But, the truth was, no matter how long she sat in her dressing room after her last performance of the day, removing her Frannie wig and makeup, she never really felt like Rachel Berry anymore.

When she had first began to try and figure out when this issue started, she assumed it came on with the death of Finn. It would make sense for her to sort of lose her identity after losing the person who had always believed in her the most. She hadn't seriously dated anyone since Finn's death, never really feeling comfortable with anyone else. She accepted the fact that she may very well never be with a man again. Who could compare to Finn and the love that they had shared? She could be single forever, in fact it was easier. Upon further reflection, though, Rachel realized she had stopped feeling like herself long before Finn died. She remembered, not very long after she had moved to New York, telling Kurt how the city felt wrong for her. It had all felt wrong. How long had she felt so... off?

The last time she could remember really feeling at home in herself, was senior year. Everything was so full of possibility then, and she was still with all of her friends. She was grateful that so many of them had come to New York and were still in her life, but she very much missed the ones that weren't there. Mike, Tina, Puck, Quinn... Rachel had felt glimpses of that happiness on the rare occasions when they were all able to get together again, and when Quinn had come to New York to talk her out of doing a nude scene for a student film. It brightened Rachel's heart to know Quinn cared that much for her, to come all the way into the city just to talk her out of a bad career choice. She had turned into a good friend, who Rachel really wished she got to see more of. They had both visited a couple times over the years, but at the most they saw one another two, three times a year.

She knew Quinn was busy with her own life too. Quinn was with Puck now, again. They'd been together for two years now, off and on, ever since the glee club was officially dismantled from McKinley. Puck was still in the air force, stationed at " " air force base in " ". Quinn had moved to Los Angeles after graduating early with honors from Yale. Rachel had went to the graduation with most of her fellow glee clubbers. It was the last time she had seen Quinn in person. They spoke through texts, and on the rare occasions when their schedules allowed, they would video chat to catch up. The last time they had spoken over Skype, Quinn had spoken, briefly, about her and Puck's troubles with their now longer distance relationship, and her adjustments to living in LA.

She knew Quinn was independantly strong. She always had been, despite her almost never being single. Still, Rachel worried about her being alone in such a large, unfamiliar city. She wished she could have been there in the beginning, to help Quinn get adjusted. But her performance schedule would have never allowed for it. They were long overdue for a visit, though, and Rachel had just finished her last performance for the next two weeks earlier today. She was getting her first vacation in the three years since she had started Funny Girl. She had originally planned to laze it up. Sit on the couch for the next two weeks and catch up on current pop culture. There were several new movies and albums she had been dying to check out, but hadn't had the time. Now, however, she had a better idea of how to spend her two weeks off. Rachel went to her laptop, and began looking up flight details for the soonest plane leaving New York City going to Los Angeles.